Denial

by R. M. Walker

  “No, I’m fine, thank you.”

  “Well, excuse me, won’t you? I’m in the middle of something I can’t leave.” She smiled at Lily. “If you get thirsty or want something to eat, ask Ignatius to get you something.” She went back into the kitchen.

  “I will, thank you, Mrs Cohen,” Lily called.

  “May! Call me May!” She closed the door behind her.

  Lily looked around. An upright piano stood beside the bay window, and she crossed over to it. Pictures lined the top. They were all of Nate at different ages. In one, he looked about twelve with braces and painful looking spots decorating his cheeks. There were more recent ones, including his end of year photo from the previous academic year. A couple had Matt and the twins in them, and some were family portraits of Nate and his parents.

  “Do you play?” she asked him, indicating the piano and looking over her shoulder at him. He was taking off his jacket, but when she spoke, he looked up, shaking his head.

  “Not well. It’s Dad who plays. He’s out today. It’s the monthly round of golf that Uncle Harold takes him and Uncle Steve on; that’s the twins’ dad.”

  “It’s nice they get on.” She looked at a picture of Nate as a chubby toddler, sitting in a sandpit with a digger in one hand and spade in the other.

  “They have a mutual moaning subject: our mums.” He came up behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders.

  “Do you want to try?” he asked and reached forwards with one hand to lift the lid.

  “I’ve never touched a piano in my life,” she said. Her fingers reached out to stroke a key.

  “Sit down. I’ll teach you a duet.” It wasn’t a suggestion but an order, and she eyeballed him as he came around to pull the stool out. He tugged her to sit on one end, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

  “You are incredibly bossy,” she told him.

  He pushed up his glasses then smirked as he sat down beside her. “You need bossing around,” he said and ran his fingers down the keys in a scale.

  “I do?” She arched an eyebrow at him.

  “Yes. Well, maybe not bossing around.” He played out the first few notes. “But you need looking after.”

  She tilted her head. Warmth spread through her at his words. “I’ve been looking after myself for a long time. I’m quite capable.”

  “Copy me,” he commanded and played a couple of bars. “I know, but there’s a difference.”

  “What difference?” she asked as she copied him. She hit a wrong key, and he gently lifted her finger and placed it on the right one.

  “Again from the first note,” he murmured. “The difference is you were looking after yourself in a world you were familiar with. Now you’re in our world, and nothing is the same. And it’s never going to be.”

  She played the correct notes then listened as he showed her the next section.

  “And is your world dangerous?” she asked, playing back the whole section slowly. She could almost hear the tune.

  “It can be.” He shifted closer and reached across her. “Put your fingers over mine.”

  She did, and he played through the whole section with the correct rhythm.

  “You do it,” he told her and slid his hands free. He tucked an arm around her waist and leant into her. She rested her head against his as she tried to mimic his playing. “Again. Keep doing it till you’re smooth, and then we’ll do the next part.”

  “How do you know Jonas is right?” she asked as she played the first few notes again. She felt him stiffen, and her fingers stilled on the keys as she turned her head to look at him.

  “Because I’ve never known him to be wrong. He’s seen us right. He’s helped us, taught us, and never once hurt us or put us in danger.”

  “But are you sure that what he tells you about”—she looked over her shoulder to check if the door was still closed—“magic is right?”

  “Why wouldn’t it be?” He shrugged. “Don’t worry about it so much. You’re going to be ok. He won’t ever hurt you again.”

  “Have you ever spoken to anyone else that’s... like you?”

  “No, only him. There’s only a few of us around now,” he replied and turned back to the keys, his fingers playing out a tune she didn’t recognise.

  “How do you know that? How do you know there aren’t more out there than you think? How do you know he’s telling you the truth?”

  “I’ve no reason to think otherwise,” he replied. “I know you’ve grown up differently than me. You’re warier of people than I am. But he’s never given me any reason to think he’s lying. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t know what would have happened to us. He’s taught us how to control our magic. You can trust him.”

  She said nothing, just turned back to the keys and played the section of notes again. She couldn’t call Jonas out on anything until she’d found a way to tell them what she’d talked about with Drew. She wasn’t going to do that until they were all together. Nate was firm in his belief about Jonas, that much was clear. She just didn’t know if it was misplaced.

  She played the last note then started again, and he joined in with the accompanying tune. She was slow and hesitant, but it was fun. He kept pace with her, and they repeated it over and over until she smoothly played her keys at the correct speed and rhythm. She hit a wrong note and groaned.

  “Not bad, Lily May, not bad,” he told her with a smirk, and she grinned at him.

  He traced the dimple in her cheek with his fingertip. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.

  She sucked her breath in. Her stomach flipped at his words and his touch. “I’m just...”

  “Don’t. If I tell you you’re beautiful, it’s because you are.” His fingers slid over her lips, stopping her from talking. His eyes were intense behind his glasses as he held her gaze. “I’ve never been so drawn to someone the way I am you,” he whispered. He tilted his head and closed the distance slowly, until his lips brushed against hers. He slid his lips back and forth over hers, a whisper of skin that sent shivers racing through her.

  He pulled back a little to see her. “You’re the first girl I’ve kissed properly.” A red blush covered his cheeks, but he didn’t wait for a reply. He pressed his lips against hers, moving gently again, tiny pecks and presses that made her breathing slow right down, in direct contrast to the speed of her pounding heart.

  His fingers splayed over her jawline as he kissed her gently. She lifted her hand and curled her fingers over his shoulder as she tried to ground herself against the feelings he sparked to life in her. He lifted his other hand and caught her face. He pushed his fingers into her hair, and he deepened the kiss. His tongue nudged her lips. Her mouth opened, and his tongue stroked gently over hers, making her head spin. She tangled her hand into his hair, clutching at him as he drew her up. He was sweeping fire through her, and it slid into every vein, drawing her into him.

  A loud clanging from the kitchen had her pulling back from him in alarm. She looked over fearfully. The door was still closed. Nate glanced over briefly, before focusing back on her. His thumbs smoothed over her cheeks, and then he was resting his forehead against hers. His breathing as unsteady as hers.

  “We aren’t doing anything wrong. You’re not cheating on Matt or the twins.”

  “She won’t think that,” she whispered.

  “We will tell them, just not yet.” He kissed her briefly before sitting back from her. “You need to see this is going to work.”

  “Doesn’t it worry you at all?”

  “I never thought we’d all like the same girl. We’ve never fancied the same girls before. You’re different, and I don’t want to lose you. You can’t choose between us, and I don’t want you to, because you may not choose me.”

  “I don’t want to choose,” she whispered. “You’ve all grown on me, but I don’t see how it can be fair on you.”

  “Can’t you trust us to decide that? Why don’t we see where it takes
us? Take each day as it comes and see what happens. I think you have enough on your plate without worrying about us. Just trust us, Lily May. That’s all we want.”

  She did have a lot on her plate, he was right about that. Her unique and weird relationship with four fairies. Finding out her epilepsy wasn’t epilepsy at all. Add on not knowing who was telling her the truth, and it was like careening down a ski slope with no skis and nothing to brace her fall at the bottom. And reach the bottom she would, she just wasn’t sure what would happen when she got there or what she would find.

  The Council of One Purpose

  “Lily, clear your mind. I’m going to give you an image. It’s going to be an orange ball. You’re going to take that ball and put it in a box in your mind.”

  “Box? What box?” Nate was sitting beside her on the edge of the sofa.

  “He said in her mind, Nate,” Matt hissed from her other side. “It’s a mental box!”

  “I got that! But where does she get the box from?”

  “Boys, please.” Jonas shook his head at Nate. “Lily, grab the image of the ball, take an imaginary box, and put it inside. Understand?”

  “Not really,” she admitted.

  “Imagine a box—a cardboard box. Yes?”

  She nodded with her lip firmly between her teeth and her hands gripping Nate and Matt’s tightly. The twins hovered behind her with their hands on her shoulders.

  “I’m going to give you the ball,” Jonas said.

  She had a clear image of the packing case that held her clothes. “Wait!”

  Nate jumped at the urgency in her tone. “What is it?” he demanded.

  “Does it have to be an empty box?”

  Jonas stared at her, and then he smiled. “I suppose so. Just a box, Lily. Any box.”

  “I’ve got a packing case in my mind,” she said and closed her eyes. “One I unpacked at home.”

  “On three: one, two, three.”

  Lily waited, but all she could see was the packing case. She opened one eye to peer at him.

  “Nothing?” Jonas asked, his head tilted slightly to the side.

  She opened her other eye and shook her head, seeing the confusion on his face.

  “Okay, again. Now!”

  Nothing came into her mind, and she didn’t even remotely feel like a seizure was coming.

  “What’s going on?” Nate demanded.

  “I don’t know. Boys, let go of her; you may be blocking it.”

  They let go of her, and he tried again. Nothing came into her mind. He reached out and gripped her hand. Still nothing happened, and he sat back looking flummoxed.

  “I have no idea what’s going on,” he said, staring at her. “Nothing at all?”

  She straightened up. “You were wrong about me. I don’t have any powers, do I?”

  “Lily Pad, you lit up like fireworks in the circle,” Jake said.

  “And it wasn’t us that made the flowers grow,” Josh added.

  She shrugged, keeping her attention on Jonas. Relief and an edge of disappointment that she wasn’t this weird Seer thing after all filled her. A tinge of worry crept in: maybe they would lose interest in her if she was normal. She knew what they’d told her at Porthaven, but they’d been humouring her when they’d agreed she didn’t have any magic.

  “Has anything different happened to you since you were here last week? Anything at all?” Jonas asked her.

  She shook her head. Nothing had been different at all.

  “Is this because her birthday is coming up?” Matt asked. “Maybe it’s gone dormant for a bit.”

  “It won’t do that. Besides, if you were seeing visions regularly, it was pretty much up to strength already.” Jonas rubbed a hand down his face. “No, something is blocking it. I don’t know what or why.”

  “Lily May, think.” Nate turned to her. “Something must have changed.”

  “No. Maybe you’re wrong,” she said. “Maybe I was picking up on your magic, like some sort of conduit, but not actually having any myself.”

  “That was one of my guesses when I first met you,” Jonas said. “If that was true though, when I gave you that vision, nothing would have happened. No. You, or someone else, has directly done something to switch it off.”

  “Someone?” Matt exclaimed. “Someone’s done something to her?”

  “No one has done anything to me.”

  “Did you eat or drink anything with Drew?” Josh asked.

  Lily shook her head. “It’s not him! Why do you keep blaming him?”

  “Because there’s something not right there!” Nate rounded on her. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

  “Okay, before you spend time behind bars for murder, who are we talking about here?” Jonas drawled.

  “My history teacher; they’ve got it into their heads that he’s interested in me.”

  “Did he give you anything?” Matt demanded.

  “Yes. No. I mean yes. No!” She’d drunk his tea, eaten his biscuits, but he’d had the same. Had he put something in her tea? Why? For what purpose? Did he know what they thought she was? That was ridiculous, surely.

  “Well, it’s either yes or no! It’s really not that hard!” Nate snapped.

  “Nate! Enough!” Jonas clapped his hands together once to get their attention. “There is nothing that you could eat or drink that would do this, unless it was today. When did you see him?”

  “I returned a book to him last night.”

  “You went in again? I thought you took them back the night before? What the hell, Lily?” Nate rounded on her.

  “I still had one that I had to get back to him. I ended up staying for a bit talking. We had tea and biscuits. That’s all!”

  “Lily...”

  Jonas cut Nate off. “That would have passed through by now. What’s your main beef with him, boys?”

  “We don’t like the way he looks at her,” Josh said.

  “You don’t like the...” Jonas sighed heavily. “Anything more concrete? Has he touched you in an inappropriate manner, Lily?”

  “No!” she denied. “He lent me some history books, that’s all. He’s never done, or said, anything remotely unprofessional.”

  “So, this is just jealousy talking?” He directed that to the boys.

  “I don’t trust him!” Nate stated. “None of us do. He turns up here out of the blue and manages to get a position in the college after Peters’ accident. Just happens to rent the cottage opposite Lily. Just happens to be wherever she was before college started again.”

  Lily pulled a face. “Well not quite everywhere—”

  “He was in the opticians, up on the cliff path, down in the caves. It was him banging on that gave you a seizure! Every time we turned around, he was there!” he snapped.

  “Not at college,” she pointed out.

  “Stop! Give me his name, and I’ll check him out.” Jonas put a halt to anything Nate was going to say.

  “Professor Drew Wenlock, from Oxford. He’s on a sabbatical, down here to write a book on smuggling, or so he says,” Matt said, and Nate snorted in derision.

  “Well, the name rings no bells. And to be honest, boys, the only danger from a cup of tea would be if he spiked it with anything to make her lose consciousness.” He focused on Lily. “Do you have any patches in your memory?”

  “No! I can remember every second of it. We drank tea, talked about the books, and I went home. That’s all it was.”

  “Okay, well, like I said, I’ll check him out anyway, but it wouldn’t be tea or biscuits. Something that was ingested would have to be built up over a period of time anyway.” Jonas rubbed his chin. “Lily, don’t take this the wrong way. I can see you get enough flak from this lot. But you need to think very carefully about going into his house alone.”

  “It’s not like that!”

  “I’m not saying it is.” He held up his hands quickly. “I’m merely speaking as a teacher
myself. It’s not wise for either of you to be alone together and most certainly not in his house. People see, people talk, reputations and careers are put on the line, even if nothing is happening.”

  “He said in uni he’s used to his students dropping in to see him. He said he was going to miss it and that I could bring the boys.”

  “He’ll have office hours.” Jonas nodded. “But this isn’t uni, this is college. I doubt they dropped into his house anyway. He’s your teacher, Lily. Keep your distance if you’re on your own. If the boys go in with you, no problem. Just watch when you’re on your own.”

  What he was saying made sense, but Drew was going to lend her some more books. She would just be careful not to go into his house when anyone could see her.

  “What about whatever is blocking the visions?” Matt asked.

  “Let me think about it. Boys, put the kettle on, please.” He got up and went across to his chair by the fire to sit down.

  “C’mon, Lily Pad, give us a hand?”

  She got to her feet, leaving the room with him and Jake.

  The corridor that led into the kitchen was dark and narrow, distinctly Victorian, like the rest of the house. The kitchen was down three steps, which reminded her strongly of a ground floor flat they’d rented in London. The kitchen was modernised, but all the original Victorian aspects had been kept, including the light switches and the gas lamps. The sill under the sash window was covered in potted herbs.

  There was a back door that led outside and another glass door that led out into a conservatory that seemed to hold every plant known to man. A table ran down the middle of the conservatory, holding glass vials, containers, and a Bunsen burner. Jonas was obviously a practitioner of plant potions. She caught sight of a book on the table and instantly knew what it was. She didn’t stop to think if it would be rude. She just opened the door and stepped into the room.

  Steamy heat and a heavy smell of soil, water, and plants assailed her. She drew her breath in deeply. A tingling raced through her veins, and she shivered. She stepped forwards and let her fingers drift over the cover of the book. It wasn’t as old as the one Drew lent her, but clearly the same kind of book.