Denial

by R. M. Walker

  “What?”

  “Anyone can do magic, Lily. Anyone. Street entertainers make a fortune from sleight of hand. That’s magic.”

  It clicked what he was saying, and she rolled her eyes at him, folding her arms. “That’s semantics!” she snapped.

  “That’s the difference between getting an accurate response with no confusion or a vague response that won’t tell you what you want to know,” he corrected her.

  “Okay, are you a witch?”

  “Better.” He nodded his head and folded his arms on the table. “And yes, I am a witch.”

  The biscuit she’d put down suddenly lifted into the air and drifted towards her, stopping right in front of her nose. She crossed her eyes looking at it, snatched it out of the air, and put it down.

  “They’re your favourites, Lily. Eat up,” he said, a smug smile on his lips.

  “You’re not worried about revealing it to me?” she asked. Her heart was beating double time. He wasn’t just a researcher. He was magic. He was a witch.

  “Why should I when you’re magic yourself,” he said, lifting an eyebrow at her intake of breath. “Don’t deny it, Lily. Most people wouldn’t have been so casual about plucking a biscuit from the air. You’ve seen magic before. You’re a witch too.”

  “How do you know what I am?” Questions filled her mind, but she wasn’t ready for the sadness that shadowed his eyes.

  “Do you really want to know?” he asked, and it wasn’t just sadness she saw there, but hesitancy. “Make absolutely certain, because once this is out, there is no going back. As it stands, you can take these books, get up, and walk out of here. We can both pretend we haven’t had this conversation. Once we open this door though, we can never shut it.”

  She wiped her clammy hands down her jeans. The tension in the room was almost tangible. He looked nervous now, and she knew what he was going to tell her was huge. Something bigger than being able to do magic. She could get up and walk away, he was offering that to her, but she’d spent long enough in denial. She wouldn’t be able to rest.

  “I need to know,” she whispered. One hand pressed into her stomach where a hundred butterflies had taken up residence.

  “Yes, you do. To be honest, Lily, I need you to know. The reason I don’t have the interest in you that the boys are so worried about is because I could never feel for you that way.”

  “I don’t understand.” She was confused and a little bit frightened. The sadness was consuming his eyes, and it made her sit up, shifting to the edge of the chair.

  “I know what you are. I know you’re a witch because, in my line, it’s always passed down. Always parent to child, no skipping of generations. Ever.”

  The bottom fell out of Lily’s stomach. Blood rushed to her head as his words slammed into her. He was saying... what was he saying? He was her father? Her father!

  She gripped the edge of the table as the room tipped and swayed around her.

  He kept eye contact with her. “It’s a shock, I’m sorry, Lily. You really had no idea I’m your father, did you?”

  No, it couldn’t be right. Her father was dead. And she wasn’t a witch, she was a Seer. He had it wrong, he had to have it wrong, because anything else was not possible.

  “I’m not a witch. You’re not my father,” she whispered.

  He closed his eyes, but not before she saw the flash of pain in them. “You are a witch, and I am your dad.” He opened his eyes, the pain erased from them.

  “But he’s... But I’m a...” She was starting to feel numb, as if she was floating above herself, looking down watching a play.

  “A what?” he prompted her.

  “A Seer. I’m supposed to be a Seer.”

  “Who told you that?” he asked. His eyes narrowed.

  She broke eye contact and stared unseeing at the table. “You can’t be my father; he died when Mum was pregnant with me.”

  “No, I most certainly didn’t die. There’s an awful lot that you don’t know which is your right to know. But it’s too much for one evening. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how to tell you.”

  “No! You can’t be!” She shook her head. “He was called William Adair, and I...”

  “William Adair? Adair was your mother’s surname. I don’t know who William was, but he wasn’t your father. I am.”

  “No! I don’t know what you’re doing, or why. You’ve had nearly eighteen years to find me. If you were my father, where were you up till now?” He had to be lying, because if he wasn’t, that meant her mother had been lying instead, and that was something she refused to accept.

  “It’s because you’re nearly eighteen that I can finally contact you. I’ve followed you, Lily. Every time you moved, I knew exactly where you were. I’ve kept tabs on you since you were born, always watching from the outside. I couldn’t bring you up. I wasn’t allowed anywhere near you, and that has killed me every day for eighteen years.” His voice cracked, the raw emotion clear. He drew in a deep breath, his hands white from clenching them together. “You’re an adult, not a child anymore. You can make your own decisions, Lily, and I can’t live another day so close to you and yet so bloody far.”

  “You weren’t allowed near me?” It was too much, too confusing, and she was floundering.

  “I made some stupid mistakes when I was younger, and I wasn’t allowed near you. There were consequences if I tried to contact you before now.”

  “You’re dangerous?” She shot to her feet. The chair scraped across the flagstone flooring.

  “No!” He didn’t get up, just lifted his hands in submission. “No, not dangerous, Lily. Just stupid with my magic. The Council kept me away from you because of what I’d done.”

  “The Council?” Her heart went cold.

  “That’s for another day,” he said, getting up slowly, as if she was a skittish animal.

  “Council of One Purpose?” She saw by the surprise on his face that he didn’t think she’d know about it. He nodded, and all the air left her lungs.

  “I could never get close to you, but I was always there, Lily. I’ve watched you grow up. I’ve watched her shunt you from city to city. Watched as each year you had to try and make new friends, try and settle, but I could never get close. Never help you, or be there for you!” His anguish was clear, but Lily was too overwhelmed.

  “I don’t...” She fisted her hair and tugged trying to ground herself with the pain. She didn’t know how it could possibly be true. But if it was, then her mother had lied. She’d lied about him being dead, but it meant so much more than that. It meant she’d known about magic all along. She would have known that it wasn’t epilepsy. Why? Why lie to her? None of it made any sense.

  “Lily, please...” He lifted a hand to her, but she shook her head and backed away towards the back door.

  “I’ve done this all wrong.” He thrust his hands into his hair, anguish still on his face as he watched her. “I wanted to make friends with you, Lily. I wanted to spend time with you: my daughter. I should have waited, but you’re so clever, so smart!”

  “I can’t...” She backed up again, colliding with the door. “I don’t know what to think.” She fumbled for the handle and opened the door. He lowered his hands, a look of defeat on his face.

  “Ask Lynda. Ask her to tell you the truth. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave you again. Ask her.”

  She stumbled out into the night air and ran home, her thoughts in a tangled mess. She rushed up the path to her front door and let herself in.

  Warmth hit her face, the smell of food still in the air, the sound of the TV in the background. It was so familiar. This had to be real. He had to be wrong.

  “Lily? Is that you?” Her mother’s voice sounded from the living room, and she knew she would be by the fire. Her feet would be drawn under her, her glasses on her nose and a book in her lap. It was all so normal, just like a million times before. He was wrong!

  She shut t
he door behind her, not trusting her voice as she moved into the living room.

  “Did you get the history books?” Her mother slid her glasses down, a smile on her face that dropped as she jumped to her feet. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” She moved towards her, throwing her book onto the sofa. “Lily? What’s wrong?”

  “How did my father die?” She saw the worry drop and the shutters come down.

  “What?”

  “How did he die? You’ve never told me. You’ve never told me much about him at all.” Lily watched as her mother turned to pick her book back up.

  “You know it pains me to talk about him.” She made her way back to her chair. “He died, and I’ve looked after you ever since.” She settled into her chair.

  “That’s funny.” Lily moved forwards, her legs were heavy as if she was underwater and it was creeping higher, threatening to drown her. “I’ve just been speaking to someone who says he’s my father.”

  “What?” Her mother was back out of her chair and staring at her. The book fell to the floor. The bookmark slid from between the pages; she was going to lose her place.

  “What did you just say? Your father is dead, Lily. Nothing can change that. Who were you talking to? I thought you went over to the old man across the street, your history professor.”

  “Old man? Drew’s not old.”

  “He’s not old? Drew? Drew!” She saw something shift in her mother’s face as realisation sank in. She sat down heavily in the chair, her face chalk white. “He fooled me. He fooled me.”

  “You saw him as old?” Lily’s mind was whirling. Drew must have changed his appearance whenever her mother saw him. It cemented it all in her mind; he had been telling her the truth. He was her father, and her mother had lied. For eighteen years, she had lied. The world tilted underneath her, crashed around her. Her mind reeled in devastation.

  “You knew he wasn’t dead. All this time! All this time, and you knew.” Lily’s voice cracked. “You lied to me. Why?”

  “No!” Tears brimmed in her mother’s eyes. “I did this for you, Lily. This was all done for you! All of it!” She lifted her hands to Lily. “He’s a dangerous man. He’s not what you think he is.”

  There was a light knock at the front door, and then it was opening. They both turned at the intrusion as Drew walked in, shutting the door behind him.

  “You! Get out! Get out!” Lynda tried to grab Lily’s arm and pull her back, but Lily resisted.

  “I couldn’t let you face this alone, Lily. I take it you’ve asked her.” He didn’t move from the door. “Have you told her, Lynda? Have you told her I’m her father?”

  “I don’t understand.” Lily looked back at her mother, desperate to understand why she’d lied for so long to her. “You knew? You knew he was alive. You knew what he is, you knew about the magic. You knew I don’t have epilepsy. I don’t understand why you lied to me!” she cried out, tears making her vision misty.

  Drew stepped forwards and put his hand on Lily’s shoulder, his thumb stroked back and forth lightly. His touch seeped warmth into her shivering body.

  “Have you told her all of it, Lynda?” he asked quietly.

  “No!” Lynda shook her head, wringing her hands together. “No, don’t do this! Don’t!”

  “Do what?” Lily looked between them. Her heart was pounding, her breathing restricted. There couldn’t be more. It couldn’t be worse.

  “Tell her who you are, Lynda.” Drew said, his voice was a low command.

  “No!” Lynda shrieked at him and turned to Lily desperately. “Lily, I love you. I love you, you know I do. I’ve loved you all these years, treated you as my own! You are mine, Lily!”

  “Treated me...” Lily’s head went back, and she looked at her in abject horror. What was she saying?

  “She’s not your mother, Lily. She’s your aunt.”

  “What?” His words processed like sharp needles being pressed into her heart. “Mum?” She turned to look at her, her vision hazy with unshed tears. There had to be a mistake! She was her mother!

  Lynda stood with her eyes closed, and her shoulders slumped in defeat.

  “No.” Lily’s legs gave out, and she sank down onto the bottom step of the spiral staircase. Lynda started to shout at Drew angrily, yelling words that were muffled to Lily over the roaring in her head. Steel bands encircled her chest. She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. The air was too thick; she couldn’t drag enough air into her lungs. She was dying.

  “I need to get out of here,” she choked.

  “No!”

  “No!”

  Confusion and disbelief warring with betrayal clouded her vision. Nothing made sense. She stumbled to her feet. She had to get out of there to breathe. She just needed to breathe.

  “Lily, please. I can explain it all.”

  She didn’t know who had spoken, and it made no difference anyway. She didn’t know who either of them were anymore.

  “I just need a drink.” She stumbled into the kitchen, shutting the door behind her. She heard them shouting at each other again, and it all collided together. She crossed to the back door and went out, leaving it open behind her. She ran down the lawn to the stile, not thinking beyond the crashing betrayal surging through her. Her foot caught on the top, and she fell, landing heavily on her hands and knees. She got to her feet and made her way into the woods. It was too dark to see where she was going, and she tripped over an exposed root just managing to keep her feet. Bending at the waist she put her hands on her knees as she dragged air into her lungs. With each breath, she could feel herself slowly calming down.

  Stillness wrapped around her, like a thick, black cloak. The trees reached out to her, and she let them, grateful for the solace they offered. They were inside her mind, inside her heart, soothing her. She let them wind through her, edging through the confusion and covering her with peace. She closed her eyes and let them guide her, knowing she was safe. Amongst the trees, she would always be safe.

  Lost

  Nate checked his watch again. It was nine thirty, and there was still no sign of Lily. He looked over to where the others were playing cards in the conservatory of the twins’ place. Something was up, he was sure of it, and he wouldn’t settle until she was with him.

  “I think we should go and get her,” he said, checking his watch again.

  “She said she’d be down when she was ready,” Matt reminded him. “She had something to do. Maybe it’s taken her longer than she thought.”

  “She’d have called if she was going to be late,” Nate said, getting up from the recliner he was sitting in. He crossed to the windows. An uneasy feeling crept into his stomach. “It’s dark. I’m not happy with her walking down on her own.”

  “This is Trenance, not the city.” Josh threw down his cards in disgust. “I’m sure you cheat, Matt!”

  “Being good is not cheating.”

  Nate shifted, checking his watch again then drawing out his phone. “I’m going to ring her.”

  The french doors opened, and April came out, looking concerned.

  “Boys, I’ve just had Aunt June on the phone. Lynda rang her asking if Lily was with you, Matt.”

  “She was supposed to be coming here.” Nate pushed away from the window, the uneasy feeling changed to worry.

  “Aunt June said Lynda sounded worried. She didn’t tell her she was leaving the house or where she was going.”

  Nate pressed the connect button on his phone and put it to his ear, nodding to where Matt and the twins had got up and were putting on their jackets and boots.

  “It’s going straight to answerphone.” He put his phone away and stepped into his trainers, picking up his jacket. “We’ll meet her halfway and get her to tell Lynda she’s okay.”

  The house phone rang again, and they listened as the twins’ dad answered it.

  “April, it’s Lynda.”

  They followed her into the living room and watched
as she took the phone from him.

  “Hello, Lynda. No, she’s not here. The boys are going to see if she’s on her way here. Yes, Matt is here, he—okay, hang on.” She held the phone out to Matt. “She wants to speak to you. She sounds dreadfully upset.”

  Matt took the phone. Nate tried hard to hear, but it was muffled and garbled. He clicked his tongue in annoyance, went to the window and pulled the curtain aside. There was no sign of her, and considering it was less than a five-minute walk, she’d be in view by now. Worry changed into dread.

  “She didn’t say why, just that Lily was really upset. She’s worried.” Matt put the phone down and rubbed a hand down his face.

  “Has she called the police?” Steve, the twins' dad, got to his feet.

  “I don’t think so,” Matt said. “Lily won’t have gone far. She’s probably kicking around in the woods behind the cottage. We’ve got our torches. We’ll go and find her.”

  “All right.” April followed them to the front door. “Let us know when you find her.”

  “Yeah, we will do,” Josh called back.

  Nate waited until the door shut before he spoke. “Drew’s house first.”

  “Why would she go there if she’s upset?” Josh asked. “Surely she’d come to us.” They began to jog down the lane.

  “What did Lynda say?” Nate asked as they rounded the corner.

  “Just that she was upset about something. Lynda thought she was getting a drink, but when she went into the kitchen, the back door was open, and Lily was gone.”

  “She’s in the woods then,” Josh said.

  “We need to split up. I’m not taking the chance.” Nate stopped by the entrance to the off-road car park. “Josh, Jake, head into the woods. Matt, you come with me to Drew’s.”

  “Why would she go there?” Josh repeated himself.

  “I don’t know!” Nate snapped out. “It’s a feeling I’ve got. She’s in trouble, I can feel it.”

  “All right. If we find her, shall we take her home?” Jake asked.

  “Depends on what’s upset her,” Nate replied. “Call us as soon as you can get a signal if you find her in the woods.”