Denial

by R. M. Walker

  “It’s a good plan,” Matt agreed as they moved away from her.

  Lily nodded, relieved at not having to face her mother. Except it wasn’t her mother. She knuckled her eyes and Josh brought his knees up, cradling her close to him. His arms wrapped tightly around her now the others weren’t so close.

  “I don’t know what’s going on with this Council business. I swear to you that Jonas has never mentioned it before. I don’t know what is going on here at all.” Nate pushed his glasses up his nose. “I know this is huge for you, not knowing who to trust, but please believe that you can trust us. We will not let you down, Lily. We swear it.”

  “Aye.” Their whispered agreement made her melt into Josh, her eyes closing as she rested her head on his shoulder.

  She had no idea what was going to happen or what would be left of her. There were so many questions that had no answers, and she wouldn’t get any until she gathered the strength to face her mother—aunt. All she knew for sure was that she couldn’t do it tonight. She had nothing left inside her; she was hollow.

  Nate stood up, his bossy voice back. “C’mon, we need to get back to Matt’s.”

  For once, she didn’t even raise an eyebrow. She let Jake pull her to her feet, and then help her down the ladder and onto the steps that wound around the tree trunk. She slumped back against the tree as exhaustion washed over. She rubbed her hands down her face in an effort to get herself moving.

  Nate stepped towards her and cradled her cheeks in his hands. “I wish I could make things better for you.” His breath washed over her face, and she leant towards him. He took her into his arms, holding her tightly to him.

  “You do make things better, Nate,” she whispered. “You all do. I don’t know what I’d do without you all.”

  “You’ll never need to find out. Let me carry you back, you’re exhausted.”

  She started to object, but her words were cut off when Nate pressed his lips to hers and kissed her gently. “Stop arguing, Lily May, at least for tonight.”

  He turned away from her, and Josh lifted her onto Nate’s back. Nate hooked his hands under her thighs, and she wound her arms around his neck, resting her cheek on his shoulder.

  “I can’t get a signal yet,” Matt said coming back towards them. “We need to get to the edge, but I think we need to go together.”

  Josh and Jake moved ahead to catch up with Matt. “We’ll call in on Mum, let her know we’ve found Lily and that we’re heading to your place, Matt.”

  “I’ll ring Lynda,” Nate added.

  Lily tucked her head into Nate’s neck and closed her eyes. She could still see the anguish on her mother’s—Lynda’s face. That had been real. Her pain had been real; her tears had been real. Lily could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times she’d seen her mother cry. Except she wasn’t her mother.

  Lily knew in her heart that she’d done all the things a mother would do. The word ‘mother’ was just a title. But the betrayal was real. Why had she never told her before? Why lie about her father? Why lie about her epilepsy? It all swirled around in her mind: confusion, betrayal, and pain.

  “Lily, stop thinking,” Nate said. “It’s too late. Let Matt help you sleep.”

  Matt stroked his fingers up her back and into her hair as he whispered for her to go to sleep. The exhaustion caught up with her, it consumed her and took her under into oblivion.

  ~*~*~*~

  “She’s asleep,” Matt said, staying beside Nate in case she started to slip.

  “What the fuck are we going to do about this?” Josh asked as they made their way through the woods.

  “It’s a mess, a tangled mess.” Jake groaned. “I don’t get why Lynda hid it from her. I mean, I get why she kept Lily from Drew, he’s a bastard. But why hide her magic?”

  “Let’s shelve it for a moment,” Nate said. “We need to keep this low key for Aunt April. If she thinks Lily should go home, she’ll make it hard.”

  “Should we wake her up?” Jake asked doubtfully. “Mum might panic if she thinks she’s comatose.”

  “No, let her sleep,” Nate said.

  They left the woods and made their way across the car park.

  April opened the french doors as they crossed the lawn. “You found her? Thank goodness. Is she all right?”

  “Yeah, she’s fast asleep,” Nate told her.

  “I’ll let Lynda know you’re bringing her home.”

  “Wait, Mum! We’re going to stay with her at Matt’s tonight,” Josh called as she started to go in.

  “I’m not sure Lynda is going to want that.” April came out, wrapping her cardigan around her. “She was distraught. She’s going to want her home.”

  “We’ll call her, let her know Lily is fine,” Jake said. “But she’s not going back there tonight.”

  April frowned. “What’s going on?”

  “We’re not completely sure yet, but taking her there tonight is not what she needs right now,” Nate said.

  April looked at Lily on Nate’s back. Matt had his hand on her, but her face was buried in Nate’s neck. “You’ve always been a team, always kept things between the four of you,” she said. “We’ve always let you. Right or wrong, I don’t know. But if she’s in trouble, you can’t face this alone.”

  “What do you mean?” Josh asked.

  “If one of you has got her pregnant,” April said.

  “Pregnant?” Nate spluttered, glad Matt had his hand on her because he nearly dropped her in shock. “She’s not pregnant! We haven’t got her pregnant!”

  “She’s Matt’s girlfriend, Mum,” Josh said weakly.

  “And I’m not sleeping with her!”

  “Sleeping wouldn’t be the problem, Matt,” April said dryly.

  “She’s not pregnant,” Matt said. “I haven’t had sex with her.”

  “None of us have. She’s Matt’s girlfriend, Mum!” Jake insisted.

  “Okay, if you say she’s not pregnant, then I believe you. I don’t know what the issue is, but I still think she needs to go back to Lynda tonight.”

  Matt shook his head at her. “Aunt April, she’s not pregnant, but there is stuff going on that has shocked her. We can’t say anymore without either of them saying it’s okay. She isn’t going to cope with anymore tonight, not even seeing Lynda. We’re doing this for Lily, Aunt April. Trust us, please.”

  April studied his face then looked at the twins before looking at Nate. “Okay. I’ll call June and let her know you’re on your way over. Do you want me to call Lynda as well?”

  “No, I’m going to do that,” Nate said. “I’ll let her know Lily is safe with us.”

  “All right, I trust you,” she said, nodding her head. “I think we’ve let you go it alone for too long though. You don’t have to fight things single-handedly. I know you’re a unit, and I know you think we’re oblivious, but we’re not.” She went back in and shut the french doors behind her.

  “What the fuck was that?” Josh looked at Jake with confusion on his face.

  “She knows. She knows we share Lily,” Jake replied and looked back at Matt. “We’ve done a crap job of protecting her. Seems everyone knows.”

  “We’re going to have to shelve that as well,” Nate muttered. “But you’re right, we’ve fucked up big time over hiding it.”

  “It’s hard to hide how you feel about someone,” Matt said, his hand on her back still.

  Nate blew out his breath and waited for Josh to open the gate for him. They all went out into the lane where Matt’s Land Rover was parked. He got Lily into the back seat, then he walked a few steps away, taking out his phone and calling Lynda’s number. The others gathered around him as it was answered on the second ring.

  “Hello?” Lynda’s voice was thick with tears, and it made Nate sigh.

  “Mrs Adair? It’s Nate. We’ve found her. She’s perfectly all right but very upset.”

  “Oh, thank god.” It went silen
t on the end of the phone, and then there was a rustling. “Where are you? I’ll come straight down. Put her on the phone, please.”

  “Lily is too upset for anything. We’re going to take her to Matt’s tonight and let her sleep.”

  “No!” Her voice rose in panic. “No, I need to see her. I need to make sure she’s okay. I have so much to apologise for, to tell her. What did she tell you?” Her voice lowered, and Nate heard the edge of fear.

  “Just that Drew’s her father and you’re her aunt. It was all confusing to be honest,” he said. He made no mention of the magic. He looked at Matt, catching his eyes as they listened.

  “That was all? She told you that? Nothing more?”

  “She was very confused,” Nate repeated. “She was struggling to understand it, I think.”

  “Was? Why do you keep saying was? Where is she? Why can’t I talk to her?”

  “She’s asleep, and I’m not waking her up. She was exhausted and going around in circles in her mind. She can’t take any more tonight. We’ll call again tomorrow when she’s slept and decided what she wants to do.”

  “I need to see her. I can’t let her stay with you boys. There are things she doesn’t understand; things you can’t know.”

  Nate held Matt’s eyes. He debated whether to tell her that he knew, but he saw Matt shake his head, mouthing the word ‘no’.

  “I understand that. This is between the two of you. But I honestly think if you try and talk to her tonight, it’s going to be so much worse. My mum says things are always worse at night, and Lily is completely exhausted. I don’t think I’ll be able to wake her even if I wanted to. She’ll talk to you tomorrow. We’ll bring her over if she wants us to.”

  He heard a muffled sob, and then she was speaking again. “Okay, but I want to hear from her tomorrow. First thing, I want to hear from her!”

  “I understand,” Nate said. “We’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He ended the call and blew his breath out, shaking his head. “Who the hell would think having a girlfriend would be so bloody complicated?”

  “Do you know what I think?” Matt folded his arms. “Lily said Drew was kept from her. Her mum has clearly been keeping magic from her, trying to suppress it. I think Lily is more than even we think she is.”

  “More?” Jake looked at him.

  “Yeah, I think there’s a whole lot we don’t know. This spreads further than just Lily. Everything has changed for her, but there’s a possibility that things are going to change for us as well. There’s stuff here that could mean everything we’ve ever believed or trusted in could be false.”

  “‘Cause of this Council thing?” Josh asked, and Matt nodded.

  “We need to talk to Jonas. He thinks we’re bringing her to him. Let’s see how he reacts when he hears we’re not,” Nate said. “I refuse to think that he’s—” He stopped, having no words. Jonas had never done anything to hurt them. He’d always been there when they needed him: helping them, guiding them, grounding them. He’d given them answers when there had been none they could find. He’d given them the security that they weren’t insane freaks, but that they were just different. He refused to think that somehow Jonas had been lying to either them or Lily.

  “There has to be a reason, a good reason,” Matt agreed. “Jonas would only keep things from us because he either thinks it’s for our good, or it never crossed his mind to tell us.”

  “Agreed,” Joshua said around his thumbnail, his other arm was around Jake’s neck. The look of worry in their eyes was reflected in Nate’s heart.

  “Let’s go home, Nate.” Matt put his hand on Nate’s shoulder. “Whatever happens, we’ve got each other and that will never change.”

  Nate drew in a deep breath and let it go, blowing his fringe out of his eyes. Matt was right. The five of them would get through whatever lay ahead because they had each other. And that would never change.

  Chalk Circles

  “Don’t wake her up,” Nate ordered as he got out of the car. “It should be Matt that carries her in.”

  “Aren’t we shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted?” Jake said as he extricated himself gently from where Lily had leant into him.

  “Probably,” Nate admitted and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He was dead beat, they all were, but they couldn’t rest yet. There were questions that he wanted answers to, and he knew Jonas was waiting to hear from them.

  Josh helped Matt get her into his arms. She tucked her head into Matt’s neck, still asleep. The front door opened and June came out, Harold close behind her.

  “She’s asleep,” Matt told them.

  “April said you were coming over. I rang Lynda to let her know that it was fine. She’s very upset. Don’t you think it’s best if Lily goes back there tonight? I know how I’d feel if it was one of you.”

  “Mum, just trust us, please,” Matt said.

  He carried her into the manor and up the stairs to his room, the rest of them on his heels, including Harold and June.

  “She can stay on the understanding that you tell us the truth,” Harold said. He stayed in the hallway with June as Matt carried her into his room. He settled her in the middle of the bed and drew off her shoes. She didn’t wake, just curled into a ball on her side and sighed heavily.

  “They’re going to ask the same thing as Aunt April. They think she’s pregnant,” Matt whispered, his eyes on the open door.

  “We stick together.” Josh touched his shoulder, and they back out, shutting the door behind them.

  “April rang us before you got here, and I know what she said, but this is me asking you.” Harold’s face was stern as he looked at Matt. “I want the truth. Panic and fear can make you defensive, and denial is a knee jerk reaction. Just remember that no matter what, you won’t have to face this alone. Is she pregnant, Matthew?”

  Matt blew out his breath and shook his head. “Thanks, Dad, for saying you’d stand by me, but no, I haven’t got her pregnant. That’s not what this is about.”

  “Of course we’d stand by you, Matthew,” June said, her hands clasped together in front of her. Worry clear in her face.

  “Well, in that case, it’s nothing really to do with us, June,” Harold said. “I didn’t think it was the case; you’re not stupid, son, but sometimes accidents do happen even in the best of regulated circles. Keep it wrapped, like we discussed, and we won’t be needing to worry again.” He nodded at them and walked back down the corridor. “Come on, June, you’ll need to get back to those sisters of yours and put May’s mind at rest.”

  “I’ll be right down!” she called and held up a hand when they turned to go back into the room. “You can’t wake her, so you’ll take the back room tonight.”

  “No, Mum, we’ll be with Lily. We’re not leaving her alone,” Matt spoke firmly and saw her eyes narrow.

  “I hope we’re not playing with semantics here,” she said and looked at Nate. “It would be stupid and foolish to hide it.”

  “I know what you’re thinking,” Nate said. “You’re thinking that it might not be Matt. That it might be one of us.”

  June folded her arms and lifted an eyebrow. “Would I be correct?”

  “No, you wouldn’t. Lily isn’t pregnant by anyone,” Nate said. “She’s Matt’s girlfriend.”

  “Oh, please! You boys think you do subterfuge so well, and we’ve always let you think it. But you don’t. I’m not blind. Neither are your mothers!” She looked between Nate and the twins. “If she’s not pregnant, has Lynda found out she’s seeing you all? Is that what has caused the issue between them?”

  “What?” Jake stepped closer to Josh.

  “Lynda. Has she found out that it’s not just Matthew who Lily’s seeing?”

  “Mum, she’s my girlfriend,” Matt said lamely and glanced at Nate.

  She rubbed her forehead then folded her arms again, looking between them. “You all like her. She likes all of you. Look, you’re o
nly young and nothing is serious, but you can’t all date her, boys, no matter how casual you all are. You can’t all have sex with her. It’s just not decent. And sex for a girl almost always means more than just sex, believe me.”

  “Mum, none of us are having sex with her,” Matt said. “She’s our friend. She’s one of us. We’d never do anything to hurt her.”

  “No, but she could hurt you,” June said. “Don’t you realise that we’ve noticed how no one has ever been accepted into your group before? Not boy or girl?”

  “I’ve had girlfriends, Mum,” Matt said. “I dated Connie for ages.”

  “You dated her at school. She was never included in anything else. You never brought her home to meet us, you never took her to the mill, you never even talked about her much. It was the twins who told us about her. You’re always around Lily. You can’t stay away from her. You can’t stop talking about her when she isn’t around. May and April say the same about you boys.” She looked at the others. “I like Lily. I like her a lot. I don’t want to see you hurt, any of you.”

  “Mum.” Matt caught her shoulders in his hands. “I love you, we all do, but it’s our lives, and as it stands, Lily is very much a part of it. She’ll be part of our lives for as long as she wants to be.” He kissed her forehead.

  June sighed heavily and smiled at him sadly. “I really hope you know what you’re doing.”

  She looked at the others. “I think we made a mistake letting you go alone for so long. You’re not alone, not in anything. Just remember that.” She sighed again and walked away. They waited until she was out of sight around the corner before speaking.

  “What did she mean by that last part?” Matt asked. “Aunt April said something similar.”

  Josh pulled a face and shrugged. “So much for protecting Lily. Maybe we don’t have to hide it from them anymore.”

  “Bugger that!” Nate snapped. “None of that matters. We need to talk to Jonas.” He drew his phone from his pocket as he turned to open the bedroom door. “Nothing matters until we can sort this out and find out what the fuck is going on.”