Denial

by R. M. Walker

  Nate nodded and sank onto the bed. He gripped her wrist and tugged her towards him. She went willingly onto his lap then sat up when she remembered what else had happened.

  “There is something else,” she said and slid from his lap to stand up. She moved to the bookcase, keeping her back to them. “Please promise you won’t be angry with me.”

  “We won’t be angry,” said Nate, confusion in his voice.

  She picked up a candle, cleared her mind of everything except the wick, and concentrated.

  The wick burst into flames then remained steady.

  It seemed to be getting easier each time she did it. She couldn’t help the grin that tugged at her lips as she turned slowly towards them.

  A loud thud followed by swearing greeted her. Jake’s mug lay on the floor, coffee spilling onto the wooden floorboards. “Fuck me. Tell me you used a lighter,” he breathed out.

  She looked at all of them, the smile dropping from her lips. They didn’t look impressed or pleased. They just looked shocked. She stepped backwards, uncertain of their response.

  “Show me how you did it!” Nate demanded, and she took another step back.

  Matt kicked his leg and got up, his hands out in front of him. “Wow, Lily, did you do that with a match?”

  “Er, no, look.” She licked her fingers, snubbed out the flame, and then willed it to burn. It spluttered into life, flickering and dancing a golden-orange colour.

  “Bugger me,” Josh muttered and sank onto the bed. He looked at Nate and back at Lily. “He told you the name of fire?”

  “The what?” She frowned at Josh.

  “Don’t you use the secret name of fire to get it to work?” Nate asked.

  She shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean. What secret name?”

  “Fire, Isatum,” Nate said faintly. “I call up fire using its name. Fae use the names of all the elements if we call them up. You’re a witch.” He looked up at her, a frown puckered between his eyebrows. “Lily, you’re a witch!”

  “That’s what Drew said.” She licked her fingers again to put out the flame. She put the candle back on the bookcase, keeping her back to them. She had a feeling she’d let them down and disappointed them. “Would you prefer me to be a Seer?” she asked, running her fingers down the candle.

  “I think you’re both,” Nate said, and this time, there was a note of awe in his voice that made her turn her head to look at him. He was looking at Matt, shaking his head slightly, a smile tugging his lips.

  “Because of the visions at the waterwheel?” She turned to face them. Josh and Jake were cleaning up the spilt coffee with tissues.

  “Well, yes, your seizures,” Nate replied.

  “Drew said that you can’t tell by that.”

  Nate’s head snapped around to her so fast she heard his neck crack. “You’ve told him you think you’re a Seer?”

  “I just said that it was something like that because I got all the jumbled images like a vision. I didn’t say where I was. I think he knows that I’m talking to someone though. He keeps asking who it is, and a couple of times he’s said that what I’m being told is wrong. I keep fobbing him off by telling him I’m reading it, not being told. He has no idea about you four, or Jonas. I’ve never even mentioned his name or yours when I’ve been there.”

  “He may have already worked out it’s us,” Matt said. “But don’t worry about it.”

  “No, don’t worry,” Nate agreed. “What did he say was happening if it’s not visions?”

  “He said it was impossible to say. Because the tablets have been blocking me for so long, he didn’t know how my magic would reveal itself. He said it could just be seeping through that way. I’ve never seen anything yet to happen, only what has happened.”

  “That’s not true,” Josh pointed out and stood up, putting the soggy tissues into his bin. “You saw the waterwheel before we took you there.”

  He had a point. She’d seen the waterwheel when Matt touched her, and that was before she’d gone out to see it with them.

  “Maybe I picked that up from Matt,” she said. “I mean, until I moved here it was just a jumble of colours, like a kaleidoscope being turned. Maybe I wasn’t seeing a vision, just what I picked up from you, Matt.”

  He shrugged, looking at Nate. “Maybe, it’s possible. It felt like she got into my head, I told you that. Maybe they aren’t visions.”

  “Jonas gave her the vision of us in the playground though,” Josh said, straightening up now that the floor was clean.

  “Because he gave them to her,” Matt said and then looked back at Lily. “Maybe you saw it because he gave you that vision. Not because you can see visions yourself.”

  “I think we need to talk to Jonas, and I think we need to wait until these tablets are out of your system. Nothing’s going to be clear until that happens. Can you show us again what you can do?”

  “I can’t do much. My nose started to bleed when he tried to get me to light lots of candles. He said to not do too much until the tablets were out of my system.”

  “He’s got a point,” Matt said. “Is that how you burnt your palm? Did the fire get out of control?”

  “No. I was stupid enough to think that it wasn’t real fire, but fire like yours.” She looked at Nate. “I put my palm over the flame and burnt myself.”

  “Shit.” Nate shook his head.

  “Yeah, I know, stupid, huh?” She put her hands into her jeans pockets and rocked on her heels.

  “No, it was a logical conclusion for you to make.” Nate pushed his glasses up his nose. “Did he ask why you didn’t think it would burn?”

  “I think he thought I was still in denial that it was real. I don’t think he suspects you at all. He’s warned me away from you, or at least to be careful because he thinks you’ve got one thing on your mind.”

  “What we thought he had on his.” Josh snorted. “Oh, the irony.”

  “He also thinks you’re quite possessive and that you boss me about. He thinks that’s a forerunner to being abusive.”

  “Bloody hell,” Jake said. “I don’t suppose we helped in registration, not letting you stay there on your own with him.”

  “I guess I do tell you what to do a bit,” Nate muttered.

  The others snorted, and Nate’s cheeks tinted with red. “I don’t mean to be bossy.”

  “I don’t care what he thinks,” Lily said clearly, looking at each of them in turn. “You’ve done nothing to make me think he’s even close to the mark. You’ve looked after me, and you’ve tried to help me. And Nate, you may be bossy, but as long as you don’t expect me to blindly follow everything you demand, I can live with it.”

  “I’m still waiting for the day where you’ll actually do as I ask. It hasn’t happened yet.” He smiled at her. “I’ll try not to boss you about though.”

  “Well, fuck me. How come you can try not to boss her about, but not us?” Josh objected and winked at Lily, humour in his eyes.

  “Because you, my brother, need me to keep you in line,” Nate replied. “So does Lily May; she just hasn’t realised it yet. But she will.” He looked at her, his eyes shining with humour.

  “Is that so?” She arched an eyebrow, unable to keep the smile off her lips. He took her into his arms, and she wound her arms around his waist resting her head on his shoulder.

  “This is me not bossing you about, this is me asking: will you see Jonas with us? Tell him everything you’ve told us. Show him what you can do with fire.”

  She was giving Drew a chance, she could give Jonas a chance too. Especially as it would appear he hadn’t actively lied, he just hadn’t known. “Yeah, I’ll talk to him. When?”

  “This evening?” Matt suggested, and bending forward, he laid a kiss on her temple.

  “Mum is going to think I’m avoiding her if I desert her after tea. Is there any rush between today and tomorrow evening?” She stepped back from Nate, and he let her go rel
uctantly, keeping his hands on her waist.

  Someone rapped on the door loudly, then it was opened suddenly. Lily jumped, letting out a squeak.

  “There had better be a really good explanation as to why you are not at college, boys!” April spotted Lily. “Scrub that, a good explanation as to why none of you are in college. What’s going on?”

  Lily’s cheeks burned as she moved closer to Matt. April was looking straight at her, the same look in her eyes that June had earlier that morning. They both thought she was a bad influence on the boys. They were right as well; the boys had lived quiet lives until she came along and left chaos and mayhem in her wake.

  “Mum, what’s going on? Why are you back early? Is everything ok?” Jake stepped forwards with Josh, effectively blocking April’s view of Lily.

  “Mr Larson had to shut early. Now tell me why you’re all home, and don’t even think of lying to me!”

  “Can we ask you to just trust us on this? It’s not our secret to tell,” Jake said.

  Lily touched his back gently and moved to stand between them. “It’s my fault, Mrs Nethercott. They came back from college because I asked them to.”

  “You don’t have to.” Josh turned to her, shaking his head.

  “No, she’s your mother. She has a right to know why I’m leading you all astray.”

  “You’re hardly leading us astray, Lily May.” Nate snorted. “And it’s not just your secret. It’s Lynda’s as well.”

  Lily sighed when she realised he was right. It wasn’t just her secret, and her mother was a strong believer in not airing your dirty laundry in public.

  “Okay, I’ll trust that you all know what you’re doing. Just...” April hesitated and studied Lily before looking at Josh and Jake. “You know where we are if you need us.” She looked back at Lily then went out shutting the door behind her.

  “I’m making such a mess of your lives,” Lily mumbled and sank onto the bed. The twins dropped down on either side of her.

  “That has to be the dumbest thing I’ve heard you say yet,” Nate replied.

  “How are you making our lives a mess?” Jake asked.

  “Well, before me, you didn’t need to worry about sharing your girlfriend with each other, teachers that stripped souls, councils that may or may not exist, not to mention said girlfriend fitting at the drop of a hat and lighting candles with her mind.”

  “I think you’ve forgotten something,” Matt said and sank onto the bed opposite her. “You’ve forgotten you’re talking to four fairies. We don’t do normal.”

  She heard Nate draw in his breath, and she looked up in time to see him rolling his eyes.

  “He’s right, except for the fairy bit. I’m fae,” Nate told her.

  “You’re a fairy, Nate. When are you going to accept it?” Matt asked him, rolling his own eyes.

  “When they stop drawing fairies to look like girls with glitter!” he replied and sat down next to Matt. “We’re going on a tangent as usual, but Matt, despite being an utter moron, has a point. We don’t do normal. You are our normal. You aren’t making a mess of anything. Not even when you were neck deep in denial were you making our lives a mess.”

  “I’m not sure your mothers agree.”

  “Honestly, Lily?” Nate waited till she was looking at him. “Last night they thought you were pregnant and that was why you ran out on your mum.”

  “Pregnant?” Shock made her recoil. “They thought I was pregnant?” Embarrassment warred with indignation.

  “Yes, and to be exact, that one of us was responsible,” Josh added. “You haven’t made a mess of things, we have. We didn’t do a very good job in protecting you.”

  “What? Protecting me? What are you on about? We haven’t had sex. I’m not pregnant, Josh.”

  “Not that kind of protection.” Red appeared on his cheeks.

  She couldn’t help the laugh that left her lips. “Thank god, I was thinking we’d need to add sex ed to our discussions,” she teased him.

  He narrowed his eyes at her, a smirk tugging at his lips. “We don’t need lessons, but we’re up for giving you any lessons you think you might need. Just say the word, Lily.”

  Her cheeks heated, and his smirked turned into a smile.

  “What we meant,” Nate began loudly. “Is that we haven’t been able to convince the parents that it’s just Matt that’s dating you. In fact, it would appear we’ve fucked up the whole thing, both at college and home. We think our mothers, and that means our fathers by sheer default, realise that we’re all dating you. It’s an issue at college too.”

  “College? Oh, the fight yesterday.”

  “Yeah, the kid that started it isn’t going to be a problem,” Jake said. “He was found behind the cookery block by a first year. Poor kid thought he was dead, but he was just off his head high and passed out cold. He’d pissed himself; served him right.”

  “Jake!” Lily frowned at him. “He could be really ill.”

  “I don’t care if he’s half fucking dead. He was bad mouthing you, and the guy is a troll anyway. First-class asshole since he was six. It’s karma, baby, believe me. He had it coming to him.”

  “Anyway, the point is people are talking about you because we weren’t careful,” Josh said.

  “I haven’t heard anything,” Lily said. “I don’t really mix with people much anyway. Why would I care what they say about me? We talked about this yesterday, and I told you then I don’t care. It’s a change from being called a freak for moving so frequently or having my seizures poked fun at. Some kids are cruel; they aren’t happy unless they’re spreading rumours about someone.”

  “If people know that we’re all dating you, you’re going to be called a whore, easy. Idiots like Johnston are going to think you’re fair game for them. That they can try it on with you and get somewhere,” Matt pointed out. “And the girls are going to think you’re a slut.”

  “Do you think that? I mean, I’m not sleeping with any of you, but if I continue to date you all, will you think I’m a whore, that I’m easy?”

  “No fucking way,” Josh insisted instantly. “It was our idea in the first place, but we didn’t suggest it because we figured you were easy.”

  “We suggested it because we weren’t stepping back for them, and they weren’t stepping back for us,” Jake added. “It was that or pistols at dawn and whoever was left standing got a shot at you.”

  She chewed her lip, looking between them all. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks, or says. But do you? This is your parents.”

  “We were going to tell them eventually anyway,” Matt reminded her. “We’d already decided that. We just wanted to make sure we were solid before we did. It’s happened a little early, but it’s not the end of the world.”

  “What about when they don’t like it? When they try to tell you it’s not normal, that we shouldn’t do it? Each of them is going to think I’m cheating you out of a monogamous relationship, and they’d be right. You deserve girlfriends who would concentrate on just you.”

  “You’re cheating us out of nothing,” Nate replied. “You’re giving us what we want. You and each other. We don’t care what’s said about us either. We’ve always been outsiders. We’ve always stuck to each other, never made close friendships outside the four of us. We couldn’t take the risk of someone getting too close and finding out our secret. That doesn’t matter, but it does matter what people say about you. We do care about that.”

  “So, what do you want to do?” Lily asked. She didn’t know what they were saying. They seemed to want to keep dating her, but at the same time they were saying they didn’t want her to be talked about.

  “That’s up to you,” Matt said. “If you want to date just one of us at college to keep the heat off you, we get that. If you want people to think you aren’t dating any of us, we’d get that too. It’s up to you.”

  “The way I see it, the two are always going to go hand in hand. If we
all date, we’re always going to be talked about, or pointed at, because that sort of relationship just isn’t conventional. People will never just accept it, no matter how old we get or where we go,” she said.

  “Is that going to be a problem?” Jake asked. His thumbnail went into his mouth, and his eyes crinkled up as he squinted at her. He was nervous about her response. A quick look at his twin showed a mirrored response. She looked at Matt and Nate, but neither of them were giving much away. There was something else, something that they’d either not thought about or weren’t mentioning.

  “For me or you?” she asked. “I’m kind of used to being talked about. I don’t think that will be any different. But this is going to throw you into a spotlight you might not want.”

  “What?” Josh asked.

  “You’ve kept quiet. Kept your heads down because of what you are. If we don’t hide the fact I’m dating all of you, people are going to be looking at you as well as me. Do you really want people to look at you? Maybe it’d be prudent to keep our heads down completely, go unnoticed as much as possible.”

  “And how do you suggest we keep our heads down?” Nate demanded. “Because if you’re going to suggest you date someone else instead of us, you can think again! In fact, you can just fucking kill that dead in the water!”

  “I didn’t mean that.”

  “What do you mean then?” he demanded. “None of us date you at college?”

  “Just throwing this out there,” Josh said. “But it isn’t going to solve anything if we date you here but not at college. We live in Trenance, not London. Ten to one when we take you out, even in town, someone will see us that knows us from college. It would just be odd and draw even more attention to us.”

  “And we want to date you individually, not as a fivesome all the time,” Matt said. “So, he has a point.”

  “Exactly, so let’s just ignore everyone else and all date you. And as for our parents, they haven’t said anything yet. They were more worried one of us had knocked you up.”

  Lily scrubbed at her forehead where a headache was starting to brew again. “So we what? Continue as we are? I got a bit lost there. What about bringing attention on you?”