Privileged

by Stevens, Madison

  I sucked in a few breaths. He was capable of it. I had seen him in action through my father. Having a controlling interesting in a number of hospitals meant he looked at the bottom line, even if that meant screwing other people. It was what sparked the feud between Henry Locke and my father.

  “So what about now? You stay away from me, or he has you on the next plane out?” I looked between the two of them.

  “Not at the moment,” Gavin said, smiling. He threw a warm arm on the back of the seat. “He and I had a talk. Threatened him with the media, and he decided it was best to just let us be. They take us down, and I’m taking them with us. Some things are worth fighting for.”

  My ears rung from the news. This was almost too much.

  “I need to use the restroom,” I said, wobbly.

  * * *

  I placed the damp paper towel on my neck and tried to slow my heart. Everything they said made sense, but I didn’t know if my heart could take the risk on them. It certainly ached to take on the task, but my brain was leery of the plan. It just seemed like everyone that I chose to trust found a way to crush it.

  I sighed and shook my head. Why did I have to decide all this right now? Couldn’t I just see how things went? I looked in the mirror and realized I wasn’t much different from Grace. Lack of sleep was catching up with me and sinking myself into the work around the house had been good as a distraction but didn’t really deal with anything.

  I made the choice. Sometimes life was about taking risks.

  I walked through the door and about fell backwards when a small woman collided with me.

  “Sorry,” I said and reached out to help steady her.

  Glaring at me, she snatched her hand back.

  Dumbfounded, I watched her walk into the bathroom. I guess just because it’s a local bar didn’t mean everyone was friendly.

  I made my way to the table and tried not to stare. Being with Gavin really shouldn’t even be on my radar, and yet I couldn’t think of not being with him. A small voice in the back of my head reminded me that he’d spent most of the week with Julia. Not only that but he’s confessed and then ran. Like what he said didn’t really mean anything.

  And that’s when it hit me. It didn’t mean anything. That’s not what love was about. It wasn’t that I had the best examples in life, but if books had taught me anything, it wasn’t the words but the actions that meant something.

  I stopped at the table.

  “I’d…” I started and looked around. A lump formed in my throat as I tried to figure out what to say. “I’d like to dance,” I said finally.

  Heather’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. I know it wasn’t what they had all thought I would say, but I just didn’t want to talk anymore.

  “Okay,” Grace said.

  The look in her eye said she understood. We might have things to work out, but we could get there. Maybe even have a stronger friendship.

  Grace slipped out of the booth and linked arms with me. I smiled.

  “Looks like you’re stuck with me, lover boy,” I heard Heather say and couldn’t help but snicker.

  “I like her,” Grace said in my ear, and I couldn’t help but nod.

  I think Heather was the dose of reality that we all needed. I only wished that Dean could have made it out with us. Peeking at Grace, I wondered what had happened between them Halloween night. Dean had been tight lipped, but it was clear that he was in as much pain as I was.

  As we made our way to the dance floor, I cleared out those thoughts. Some things just weren’t for me to fix.

  I loved dancing with Grace. It was one of the few moments where you could really see her let go of everything. With her graceful form, it was really a shame she had rebelled when her mother tried to get her into ballet. She really would have been an excellent dancer. Not that it would have mattered in the end. The arts weren’t a proper living.

  The light above was reflected by the large sequins in my top, illuminating our faces in speckled light. I laughed at how magical it all seemed.

  There weren’t a ton of people dancing, but eventually a cute guy enticed away my dancing partner, and I was left to sparkle alone.

  I jumped when a pair of hands gripped my hips and rubbed up against me.

  “You know you’re just about killing him with all this gyrating,” Heather said in my ear.

  I laughed at her words but stopped when she spun me around. Gavin stood to the side of the room, his eyes dark and unreadable. Desire clenched deep inside. He might have been the worst thing in the world for me but regardless, I wanted him.

  Heather slipped off to sandwich herself between an unsuspecting couple, and I laughed. She certainly had a way with people.

  I turned back to Gavin and walked slowly toward him. The closer I got, the easier it was to see the panic in his eyes.

  I held out my hand. “Dance with me.”

  Gavin looked to my hand and then back to my face. The mask of indifference slipped and I stared at the face of a man who wanted me. No question. No hint of uncertainty. Just a man who wanted a woman.

  I stepped forward and placed my hand on his chest. His heart beat erratically under my palm. I moved slightly closer, our thighs nearly touching we were so close. His head moved in and froze partway.

  “What the fuck?” he growled.

  My half-closed eyes shot open. His jaw ticked in agitation as he stared over my shoulder.

  I turned to see the small woman from the bathroom glaring at the two of us. Gavin put his hand on my shoulders and pushed back, creating space between us. When I turned to look in his eyes, I could see the pain.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve got to deal with this.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “With her you mean.”

  Gavin glanced over my shoulder. “Please.” His voice cracked. “I just have to.”

  I stepped back. If actions spoke louder than words, then this one was rock concert volume.

  I turned and walked toward the dance floor.

  “Em,” he called from behind, but I was done.

  The small woman watched me with open contempt, but I ignored her.

  “He’s mine,” she hissed as I walked by.

  “Good luck,” I said without stopping.

  She wanted him. She could have him.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I sighed and leaned against the car. The last piece for donation had been loaded in the garage. The crew would be by to pick them up later that week, and a number of old ladies would have a very merry Christmas.

  I smiled. It felt good to know that Gran would be helping so many.

  “How you doing?” Heather slipped into the garage and leaned next to her.

  “Good.” I smiled at her. “Thanks again for everything.”

  I threw my arms around her and squeezed hard. It was amazing to me that someone I had known for such a short time could become so important. Letting people in might be painful at times, but the reward was worth it.

  She leaned back and squeezed my shoulders. “Grace is going to ride back with you. Maybe you two can iron things out. All we’ve done is put a Band-Aid on it, and I’m afraid that’s going to have to come off at some point.”

  I nodded she was right. We were going to have to talk, and now was as good a time as any.

  “See you in class tomorrow.” She smiled and walked to her car.

  Grace popped around the corner as Heather pulled away. We waved and climbed into my car.

  After the incident at the bar, we had all come back and went to bed. I was grateful no one tried to talk to me about it, and by the next day I had shoved it into the part of my mind I didn’t want to think about. There was no way this car ride wouldn’t bring it back to the surface again.

  As we pulled away from the house I could see Grace fidget with the hem of her shirt. It was odd to see her like this. Typically Grace was a woman who knew herself and the world around her. But here, like this, she seemed like a scared little girl, and I wondered w
hat demons she faced back at school.

  I opened my mouth but stopped when she spoke first.

  “You are a good friend, and I don’t deserve your friendship,” she said quietly.

  “I’ve been thinking about this,” I said. I could see her flinch at my words from the corner of my eye. “I think maybe neither of us have been the best we could have been.”

  I stared quietly out at the road for a moment.

  “Gavin told me about your deal with Chase,” I said. She sat upright as if I’d just slapped her. “You should have told me.”

  She laughed. “Why? So you could tell me it was wrong?”

  I turned to look at her. “Yes.” I looked back at the road. “Friends don’t make sure everything is perfect all the time between them. They don’t hold things back and keep all the important stuff locked in all the time. We should be able to tell each other everything.”

  I took a deep breath and let it all set in.

  “I want to tell you to be with who makes you happy because I care,” I said.

  “I could say the same for you,” she said quietly.

  I sighed. I knew it would come up.

  “I gave him a chance, and he blew it,” I said.

  “It’s not what you think,” she said. Her hand touched my arm and I glanced over. “He’s in love with you.”

  “I’m not so sure of that.” I sighed. “I think he just loves the idea of who he thinks I am.”

  “Please,” she laughed. “You aren’t that mysterious. I’m pretty sure he knows who you are.”

  Anger sparked through me. “Oh? And who is that?”

  I could see her study me from the side. She turned with her back to the door.

  “You like books and use them as a map for relationships. You look down on those with money but fail to see your own. You want to be a free spirit as long as you can plan how it happens.” She smiled widely at my growing agitation. “You have a big heart and give freely to others. You’re never afraid to speak your mind or go against the grain.”

  I huffed, still stinging from her rather accurate look at me.

  “You forgot great hair,” I mumbled.

  Her laughter filled the car. “Yes and great hair.”

  Grace pulled my hand into her own and squeezed. “I’ll work on being more open, but you need to work on letting more people in.” She smiled at me. “Go easy on him. You had books to turn to. He had a broken world with broken people. Our childhood was very different from yours and where money might be a factor, the root is really greed.”

  I nodded after some time. As I thought on her words, I remembered my time with her family. We had always spent most of our time at my house, aside from holidays. It always seemed so wonderful and magical, but then maybe that was just the illusion I was meant to see. If she had escaped to my house, where had Gavin gone to escape? I filled with sorrow for the little boy that had no one and nowhere. It just seemed so sad.

  As we reached the dorm, I looked over to Grace.

  “I’m glad to have you back,” I said.

  “Me too,” she smiled.

  * * *

  The morning came quickly. I woke up sore from the past week and tired. Grace and I had spent the evening being normal college girls. Eating ice-cream, watching movies and bitching about men. It felt good to have a normal moment with her.

  I stopped at the stand outside class to grab a cup of coffee.

  “Can I talk with you?” Gavin asked from my right, nearly making me drop my cup.

  Not waiting for an answer, Gavin pulled me down the hall into an empty room near our lecture hall. He steered me into an open seat and paced in front of me.

  Several times he seemed ready to say something but stopped himself. It was odd to see him like this. Nervous and unsure. I looked at my phone. We still had about fifteen minutes before class started.

  “Gavin, we should really…” He held up a hand for me to stay seated.

  “I just need to explain about the other night,” he said stiffly. “I really didn’t expect that Lori would show up there.” He ran a hand through his hair when I stiffened. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Well why don’t you tell me what you meant?” I snipped at him.

  Gavin stopped pacing and sank into the chair next to mine.

  “The last two years have been hell for me.” His words were so simple but struck something inside me. “After the party at Chet’s house, my father had to step in. He pushed me to go farther away. Said it would be good for me. He said you made me weak, but that’s so far from the truth.” He reached out and brought the palm of my hand to his lips. It was sweet and made me ache to sooth his pain. “You make me a better person.”

  My heart caught in my throat, and I struggled to regain my breathing.

  “When I got to the college I just didn’t care,” he continued, bringing my hand down and cocooned between his palms. “What did it matter if I couldn’t have the one thing I wanted. I was cold and didn’t care who got hurt along the way. This worked for my father.” His laugh was hollow. “Well until it ended up being a problem.”

  He looked out the door away from me.

  “Lori was collateral damage. We had a night together, and I moved on.” He looked back at me. “She didn’t. In her head we were in some fantastic relationship. This all came to a head at a party. I was with another girl, and she accused me of cheating. I tore her down in front of everyone. And walked away.”

  The muscle in his jaw ticked as he continued on. “I assumed she just went home. Sometime later that night she found me in the kitchen, blood streaming from the open gashes on her arms.” His hands shook, and I squeezed them for comfort. “She tried to come at me, but I knocked the razor away. After it had all died down, her parents came to talk to my father. They threatened him with the media.” Gavin sneered. “My father did what he always does, offered money and removed the problem. Me.”

  “Oh, Gavin,” I said finally. My arms snaked around his shoulders as I sank to the floor on my knees.

  He tried to move, but I held firm.

  “I’m a monster,” he said. “I nearly killed her.”

  “No,” I whispered. “She’s messed up.” The identity of my mysterious caller had at least finally become clear.

  “But I drove…” My fingers covered his lips.

  I shook my head. “You made a mistake.”

  I stared down at my fingers on his lips and felt my breathing pick up slightly. They were soft and smooth under my touch and caused a delicious ache between my legs.

  The bell cut though my thoughts, and I jumped back in alarm.

  “Shit,” I said and grabbed my bag. “We’re late.”

  We gathered our things and raced to the lecture hall. When I opened the door, James shot us both a disgruntled look.

  “Please take a seat,” he said sternly.

  I hurried to slide in next to Heather, with Gavin close behind.

  “Now,” James said. “Maybe Gavin would like to lead us with his line on love.”

  I watched, curious as he slid his notebook out and read, “‘I love you because I know no other way than this.’” He looked at me with such conviction, I had to look away. “Pablo Neruda, ‘Sonnet Seventeen.’”

  The class sat quietly, stunned by the blatant confession.

  James cleared his throat, discomfort and surprise evident. “Emma?”

  I swallowed. Now it almost seemed like a rebuttal. “‘They do not love that do not show their love.’” I glanced over at Gavin. His eyes burned into me. “William Shakespeare, The Two Gentlemen of Verona.”

  I looked away from his heated gaze and turned to Heather. Like everything else she did, Heather jumped in without a thought.

  “‘The spaces between your fingers were made so that another’s could fill them.’ Unknown.” She smiled sweetly at us.

  I turned back to Gavin who was grinning at her, the shadow of the past swept away.

  James smiled tightly at the c
lass. “It would seem that your pessimistic views on love are not shared by your classmates, Emma.”

  Irritation flared up. Love. Love wasn’t some flowery poem. Sure the words were lovely, but love is so many things mixed into one.

  “‘You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope…I have loved none but you.’ Jane Austen, Persuasion.”

  My face burned as I stared down. I hadn’t meant to read aloud the other quote I had put down. It was really for my own benefit, and yet the words poured out. The truth in them was felt around the room and the quiet that follow spoke loudly to me. They knew. He knew.

  I sank further into my seat and ignored the hole being burned into me by Gavin.

  Despite my revelation, class went on. Albeit a bit rocky at first, but after some time, my blunder was nearly forgotten. Well at least by most.

  More than once I would catch him staring at me with a look that I couldn’t quite place. It made my stomach bottom out and palms sweat.

  The ball had been tossed in his court.

  When class finished, I was surprised to find he rushed out ahead of the class. People whispered as I walked by, and I wondered if they felt pity or understanding. Likely a little of both I decided.

  “Well,” Heather said as we made our way into the hall. “That was interesting.”

  “You have no idea,” I said with a sigh.

  She followed me through the old arches to my tree. My heart sank a little as a neared the spot. Was it silly to think he might be there waiting for me?

  I laughed a little. I really had read too many books if I thought it would turn into some great romance scene at ‘our spot.’

  “So,” Heather said from behind me. “What do you do now?”

  I shrugged. What was there left to do? We had all but confessed in class.

  “I study for finals,” I said.

  Heather huffed. “That is so unromantic.”

  “No, but romance isn’t going to take my finals for me.”