Liquid & Ash

by E. M. Abel

  Derek and I were walking through campus after he’d taken me to dinner at my favorite restaurant. I loved how his hands were so much stronger than mine. I loved the feel of his warm fingers laced between my cold ones.

  Brisk winter air blew against our faces, and his hand tightened as he pulled me closer to his side to keep me warm. I loved that, too.

  “Come here,” he said, pulling me toward an empty bench along the edge of the trail.

  I followed him, laughing, as he wiped the seat for me.

  “Sit down for a second.”

  “Okay,” I drawled, curious about why we were stopping.

  I sat down, and Derek knelt on the ground in front of me.

  “What are you—”

  Before I could finish my question, Derek pulled a small black box from his jacket pocket. I gasped, tears instantly filling my eyes. He smiled, and my heart melted.

  I didn’t care how stupid or irrational people might think we were being. I knew I wanted this to be it. I wanted Derek to be the one for me.

  “I love you, Penny. From the moment I first saw you, I knew you were it for me. I knew I had to have you, and now, I know I want to keep you with me. I want to grow old with you. I want us to be happy together. Forever. Will you marry me?”

  I would always remember the look on his face when I told him yes and how proud I was that my love had made him happy.

  I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting there, staring at that fountain, when Brandon came to find me.

  “Hey. You okay?”

  Blinking, I broke my gaze and tilted my head up to look at him. “Yeah.”

  “You sure? You’ve been out here for a while,” he said, coming to sit next to me.

  He was dressed in his clothes again and reached into his pocket for a cigarette. “You want one?”

  I shook my head. “No, thanks.”

  Brandon put it between his teeth and lit the end before leaning back and blowing out the smoke. We sat silently for a minute, and I appreciated that he wasn’t trying to make me talk.

  “How did the shoot go?” I asked, peering at him over my shoulder.

  “Good. Oily but good.”

  I grinned and leaned back against the bench, too. “So, now what?”

  “Well, I’m starving. You want to grab some dinner? We’re supposed to meet up with everyone later, but we don’t have to go if you don’t feel up to it.”

  “No, it’s okay. We can go.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah, it’ll be fun.”

  Brandon and I were sitting in Carlisle’s Steak House, eating dinner after his photo shoot. I knew he could sense that my thoughts were distracted, but he didn’t mention it.

  I asked him questions about modeling, and he told me how he’d met Liam and about the first time he’d been asked to model. He said the idea had never crossed his mind before, but he figured it would be an easy way to make some extra cash, so he’d agreed to try it. Apparently, some of his early photos had gone viral, and before long, he had started getting offers to model all over the world. He’d been to Italy, Japan, Germany, and Britain since then. I was so enthralled by his story that I had forgotten the hurt.

  “I’m sure I’m not the first person to ask you this, but why do you live in Jacksonville? Why do you work at Induce? Wouldn’t it be easier to find work if you lived in a bigger city? You could even live here in Raleigh.”

  “I grew up here,” he said before taking a sip from his water.

  “You did?”

  “Yeah. Well, I went to high school here. I moved a lot when I was a kid.”

  “So, why didn’t you come back?”

  Brandon tapped his fingers on the table a few times before looking at me again. “I dated this girl in high school—Samantha. We were actually engaged.”

  My eyes widened as I chewed on my piece of steak. Swallowing, I said, “I thought you said you’d never been in love.”

  “I thought I was at the time, but now, I realize I was just hoping she’d save me.” He paused and ran his hand through his hair, obviously uncomfortable with the direction our conversation had taken. “I went through some rough shit. I was a foster kid. She was the first person to treat me like a normal guy. She didn’t judge me. But I don’t think we were in love.”

  I nodded and continued to eat, so I could avoid staring at him.

  “Well, anyway, I joined the Corps and got shipped out to Afghanistan shortly after boot camp. When I got back, she’d moved on.”

  My eyebrows furrowed, and I put my arms down on the table. Leaning forward, I whispered, “She cheated on you while you were off, fighting a war?” There was no mistaking the disgust in my voice.

  Brandon’s eyes danced with amusement before he sat back and rubbed his hand over his beard. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t the best fiancé either. I had some serious anger issues back then. Anyway…I found them together, and I nearly beat the guy to death. I got arrested for assault, and the night I got out of jail, I almost died in a car accident. By the time I finally healed, the Marine Corps had discharged me, I was no longer engaged, and I had a record. I decided it was time for a change.”

  “Jesus.”

  Brandon shrugged his shoulders before taking a bite from his dinner.

  “That still doesn’t explain Jacksonville though. I mean, you could have gone anywhere.”

  “Jacksonville is full of Marines, and the Corps is the closest thing I’ve ever had to a family. No one else really understands what it’s like over there. I still have moments when I question why I survived it all.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve just always expected to die young. I was always reckless. I went looking for dangerous shit to do, which is why I joined the infantry. I’m sort of an adrenaline junkie. I can’t picture myself growing old and settling down somewhere.”

  “What? Do you have some sort of death wish?”

  Brandon chuckled. “Maybe at one time. Not so much anymore.”

  “Well, that’s good,” I said, grinning at him. “’Cause I really need this job at Induce.”

  We both laughed when Brandon tossed his napkin at my face, and it bounced off my forehead.

  Brandon and I were lying in the hotel bed together after experiencing another round of explosive orgasms.

  We’d gone out for drinks with his friends, but Brandon had seemed too distracted to pay them much attention. We’d spent most of the night looking at each other. I could see the hunger in his stare, and I’d wanted nothing more than to satisfy it for him.

  “That was definitely worth ditching my friends over.”

  I laughed, and he smiled as he watched me.

  “You probably think I’m just feeding you lines, but I’m not. I’ve never had sex like this before.”

  When I peered up at him, my smile faded as I recognized the fascination in his gaze. I’d seen something like it once before.

  “Are you okay?” He bent his arm and rested his head on it, his eyes studying my face.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I murmured as I turned to face the ceiling again.

  “Don’t worry, I didn’t mean anything by it. We’re just friends.”

  Somehow, that only made me feel worse. You’re a fucking mess.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered. We lay there in silence for a while before I confessed, “He got her pregnant.”

  “Who?”

  “Derek. He got his…mistress, or whatever she is, pregnant. The fucked-up thing is, I couldn’t…” I let out a self-deprecating laugh. “I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn’t. I don’t even think I want kids, and I definitely don’t want Derek. It still sucks though. It still hurts.”

  Brandon didn’t say anything. Instead, he wrapped his warm hand around mine. That touch did way more than his words ever could.

  “Are you scared of anything?” I asked.

  I felt Brandon turn his head to look at me before staring at the ceiling again. �
�Never having someone I’m afraid to lose.”

  “You don’t have anyone you’re scared of losing now?”

  Our eyes met when he replied, “I’ve never had anyone.”

  As Brandon and I packed up the next morning, I got the feeling he was being careful to keep some distance between us. I just didn’t know if it was for my sake or his.

  We were quiet for most of the ride home, but the silence wasn’t awkward. It was peaceful.

  Brandon dropped me off at my apartment around two on Sunday afternoon and said he’d call me later with details about my new job at Induce. I was nervous, but knowing Brandon would be there helped me feel a little more confident. When I got home, I called Nancy and told her I’d be willing to keep working days until Rick found a replacement, but she said not to worry about it. Apparently, the owners weren’t looking to hire anyone else since the summer was almost over, and they expected business to be slower in the fall.

  I called Tiffany to check on her and see if she might want to grab some dinner, but she said she had been sick and still wasn’t feeling well. She promised to meet with me later in the week.

  So, there I was, sitting in my apartment, alone, with nothing to do. I searched the Internet for local nursing programs when I came across an organization that offered medical internships abroad. They had programs where undergraduate students could shadow nurses and doctors in places all over Europe, Africa, and Asia. I spent the next few hours researching other programs like it, filling out applications, and emailing the organizations to see if I would be eligible to join. I wasn’t currently enrolled in classes, so I wasn’t sure if they’d even consider me. Just the thought of going overseas to learn more about nursing and possibly even help people had me really excited. I also liked the idea of getting away from North Carolina and Derek’s pregnant mistress.

  By the time I’d finished, it was almost seven, and I was getting hungry. I decided to drive to the grocery store and get a few things to restock my fridge. Grabbing my keys and purse, I closed my laptop and headed to the parking lot behind my building. I checked my phone as I walked to my car to make sure I hadn’t missed a call from Brandon, but I hadn’t.

  Just as I was dropping my phone back into my purse, it started to ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey.”

  It was Brandon.

  “Oh, hey.”

  “So, can you work tomorrow and Tuesday night? We’ll work on training you since those nights are usually pretty slow, and if you do well, we’ll put you on this weekend, too.”

  “Yeah, sure. That sounds great. Thanks again for doing this.”

  “It’s no problem. You’ll have to wear all black. They don’t really care what you wear as long as it’s tight and sexy.”

  “Is that the official uniform description? Black, tight, and sexy?” I asked, smiling, as I climbed into my hot car.

  “Yep.”

  “Okay, well, I think I can handle that.”

  “And no open-toed shoes. Some of the girls wear heels, but I wouldn’t recommend it, especially on your first night.”

  “Yeah, I’m not that brave,” I told him as I cranked up my AC.

  “What are you doing right now?” he asked, his voice lowering.

  I grinned. “Driving to the grocery store. Why? What are you doing?”

  “Sitting on my bed, remembering how good it feels to be inside you.”

  My entire body began to tingle as I recalled the way Brandon had looked in the hotel shower, stroking himself. It was the hottest thing I’d ever seen.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked.

  “How sexy you looked in the shower.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Mmhmm.”

  “If you were with me right now, what would you do?”

  I could feel my cheeks growing warm as I drove down the street and held the phone to my ear. Phone sex scared me. I’d only done it once or twice with Derek and it was awkward.

  “I’d kiss you.”

  “Where?”

  “Hmm. On your lips, your neck, your chest. I want to lick that snake tattooed on your side, too. I’d start at the top and then work my way down to your cock.”

  I could hear Brandon breathing harder into the phone, and it made me wet, just imagining him touching himself. Maybe I wasn’t as bad at this as I’d thought.

  “Fuck, I’d love to see your beautiful lips wrapped around my dick. I’d want you on top of me, so I could lick your pussy at the same time. I’d love to feel you come with my cock in your mouth.”

  Oh God. He’s going to make me come without even touching me.

  “Where are you?”

  “Um…” I looked around for a street sign. “Westin Drive. Next to the Walgreens.”

  “Take your next right.”

  I smiled as I looked for the right turn. “Okay.”

  “When you get to the next light, take a left.”

  I followed his directions, and in a few minutes, I was pulling up in front of his building.

  “Now, get your ass upstairs,” he said before hanging up the phone.

  I parked my car and checked my face in the mirror. My heart was pounding in my chest, and anticipation fluttered through my stomach like butterflies.

  As I made my way up the stairs, I licked my lips and tried to imagine what Brandon would be doing right now in his apartment. I wondered if he was touching himself, if he was naked, if he was still on his bed. By the time I got to his door, I was so worked up, and my inhibitions were dissipating with each breath.

  That was what Brandon did to me. He stripped me bare, leaving nowhere for me to hide.

  I knocked on the door and waited a few seconds, but he didn’t answer. Taking a deep breath, I put my hand on the knob and turned it. It was unlocked. Pushing it open, I took a step inside. Music was playing through his speakers, but I didn’t see Brandon.

  Taking another step, I quietly closed the door behind me and made my way down the short hallway and toward his bedroom. The door was open, and when I got closer, I saw Brandon sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard. His shirt was off, and his jeans were unzipped, but he wasn’t touching himself. His disarming eyes were on me as soon as I approached the threshold to his room.

  “Take your clothes off,” he commanded.

  My initial instinct was to laugh because I was nervous, but I didn’t want to be. I wanted to be free…with him.

  I brought my hands to the front of my jeans and unbuttoned them, and then I pulled down the zipper, keeping my eyes on Brandon. He was watching as I slowly revealed my body to him an inch at a time. After stepping out of my jeans, I took the hem of my shirt in my hands and pulled it up and over my head. I slipped the hair tie out of my hair and shook my head, pieces of hair falling over my shoulders and chest.

  Brandon licked his lips. The sexual energy expanded and pulsed between us as I reached behind me to unclasp my bra before dropping it to the floor. The hunger in his eyes fueled my confidence. I cupped my breasts in my hands and kneaded them, letting out a ragged breath, as I pinched my nipples between my fingers. My hands ran down my ribs and over my hips where I pulled my panties down to the floor and stepped out of them.

  “Come here,” Brandon said, reaching his hand out to me.

  I walked toward him and slid my hand into his, feeling the calluses as they scraped against my skin. I sucked in a breath, anticipation overwhelming me, as Brandon sat up and moved to the edge of his bed. His legs widened and he pulled me between them as he leaned forward and flicked his tongue over one of my nipples. The warmth of his mouth ignited my desire, awakening every nerve. I ran my fingers through his hair while he wrapped his lips around my nipple and sucked it into his mouth.

  Brandon’s warm, rough hands moved to my thighs, and he slid them up to my hips, holding me there, as he moved to my other breast. He swirled his tongue around the hard tip before lightly nipping it between his teeth.

  Curling my fingers tight, I pul
led his hair at the roots as his grip on my hips tightened, and a groan vibrated against my skin. I felt the thrill of control rush through me, and he liked my newfound confidence. I might have liked it more. Tugging harder, I forced Brandon’s head back, and I looked down at him as his liquid eyes threatened to drown me.

  “Lie back,” I said, watching as he followed my demand.

  He leaned back onto his elbows, his abs flexing, as I reached down toward his waist. He lifted his hips as I pulled down his pants, releasing his hard dick from the confines of his jeans. Bending forward, I put my hands on either side of him and did exactly what I’d said I’d do on the phone. I kissed his lips, slowly and softly, lightly tracing them with my tongue. Then, I moved to the side of his neck, kissing and licking the tattoos on his skin. Making a trail down to his chest that was moving faster with his ragged breaths, I went to each of his nipples, taking turns licking and sucking each one into my mouth. His head fell back, and I looked at the corded muscles in his neck as I worked my way down his stomach.

  Brandon lifted his head again as I moved to my knees. My breasts pressed against his length as I continued. Finally, I took his dick in my hand and stroked it. My fingers curled around the top when my grip made its way back up. He intently watched me as I leaned forward and flattened my tongue against the tip. I peered up and met his eyes just as I wrapped my lips around the head. He bit his bottom lip, and I lowered my head, taking him deeper into my mouth and throat.

  “Fuck,” he whispered, his head falling back again, as I worked my way back up his length.

  I flicked my tongue against the tip before taking him back in my mouth again. Brandon was panting now. He lifted his head and slid his LOVE into the roots of my hair. I wrapped my lips tighter around him and moaned as I worked him all the way into my mouth, his hand curling into a fist.

  “Get up here,” he said, his voice thick with need.

  Releasing him from my mouth, I slowly crawled onto the bed and on top of him, his grip never leaving my hair. Brandon pulled me to him, taking my mouth with his, his aggressive and confident tongue finding mine. My hips rolled on top of his, seeking friction, and he broke the kiss, his attention moving to my breasts, as his hands palmed my ass. It was wild, forceful, frantic, and it felt so fucking good.