No Turning Back

by Susan Lewis

  ‘You never would,’ he assured her. ‘It isn’t in you to do something like that.’

  ‘But at the time I did have it in me to hurt her …’

  ‘And she felt it too, which is why she lashed out at you. That’s what happens when sisters fight. You know that better than I do.’

  ‘But knowing what I do, what I’m …’

  ‘Stop,’ he cut in gently. ‘It’s over. You’ll make up the way you always do, and by tomorrow it’ll all be forgotten.’

  Because she knew it was what he needed to believe, she didn’t ask what would happen after tomorrow, she only turned her head away so that he wouldn’t see the tears that were filling her eyes. ‘So you didn’t know about the application either,’ she said after a while.

  ‘’No,’ he replied.

  ‘Why didn’t she tell us?’

  ‘Because she knew we’d try to talk her out of it, and we would have.’

  Patty nodded abstractedly. ‘I should call her,’ she said.

  Putting his hand over her phone as she picked it up, he said, ‘I’m still prepared to leave here and never come back. I only have to sign …’

  ‘Stop, please,’ she begged. ‘I can’t … It’s not …’ Unable to go any further with that, she said, ‘I should go back to the shop to see her.’

  ‘We both love her,’ he whispered.

  ‘Don’t you think I know that?’

  His head fell back as he closed his eyes.

  In the end she pulled down the visor to check her appearance. ‘I don’t think I should let Livvy see me like this.’

  ‘You look fine.’

  A hint of irony showed in her eyes as she turned to him. ‘Spoken like a true man,’ she said. Then, reaching for his hand, she held it with both of hers as she said, ‘Thank you for coming.’

  ‘I’m glad you rang,’ he told her, and putting a hand to her face he brushed a thumb tenderly over her lips as he gazed into her eyes.

  ‘No, no,’ Eva insisted, tears blurring her eyes as she and Patty hugged. ‘I’m the one who should be sorry.’

  ‘Not true,’ Patty protested. ‘I should have been more sensitive …’

  ‘Will you just stop!’ Livvy cried. ‘You’re like a pair of teenagers going on and on. Or idiots, more like.’

  ‘What I’m curious to know is what they fell out about,’ Coral commented smoothly.

  Eva looked at Patty as Patty said, ‘It was my fault for not realising certain things …’

  ‘It wasn’t your fault,’ Eva told her, trying to communicate even more with her eyes. ‘I’ve been uptight since that article was published last Saturday, and as usual I ended up taking my frustrations out on my sister.’

  ‘I see,’ Coral responded, in a tone that was blatantly sceptical. To Livvy she said, ‘That still doesn’t tell us anything, but I guess it’s good that it’s all repaired now.’

  ‘Absolutely,’ Patty agreed, still looking at Eva. ‘We need to talk some more about … Shelley,’ she said quietly.

  ‘There’s no more to be said,’ Eva replied.

  Because this wasn’t the time, Patty didn’t press it. ‘I ought to be going,’ she said, glancing at the time. ‘I’m supposed to be in Weymouth by midday.’

  ‘You’ll never make it now,’ Livvy told her, starting back up to the workroom.

  Giving Eva another hug, Patty said, ‘Why don’t you come for dinner tonight? I know it’s short notice, but if you’re not doing anything else …’

  ‘We’d love to,’ Eva assured her, promptly abandoning her plan to have a quiet evening at home with Don.

  In the background Coral was making a pretence of idly browsing, while watching them closely.

  ‘Are you coming?’ Livvy asked her. ‘We still haven’t finished measuring up.’

  ‘I’ll be right there,’ Coral responded, her eyes following Patty as she started to leave. ‘I’m just going to have a quick word with your mum.’

  Outside in the lane, with the door closed so they couldn’t be heard, Coral looked Patty in the eye as she said, ‘You didn’t tell her, did you?’

  Patty flushed with annoyance. ‘Of course not,’ she retorted. ‘Do you think we’d be standing here now if I had?’

  Coral’s eyes stayed narrowed. ‘No, I guess not,’ she conceded. ‘So what was it about?’

  With a sigh, Patty said, ‘I don’t have time to go into it now …’

  ‘Hey, Patty! You’ll never guess,’ a voice interrupted from the end of the lane.

  They both turned and Patty broke into a smile of relief as Dave, Livvy’s boyfriend, came romping towards them.

  ‘I’ve only got a second interview with the Cherries,’ he cried with a triumphant grin. ‘How amazing is that?’

  ‘The who?’ Coral wanted to know, treating him to her usual appreciative once-over.

  ‘Bournemouth FC,’ he laughed. ‘I just got a text asking me to go in again the week after next. Where’s Livvy? Please tell me she’s inside.’

  ‘I think you’ll find her in the workroom,’ Patty told him as he pushed open the door. ‘And congratulations on getting this far. It’s excellent news.’

  ‘I didn’t know he played football,’ Coral remarked, as she watched him loping across to the stairs.

  ‘He’s a sports physio,’ Patty informed her, ‘and as far as I’m concerned the best part of his news is that Bournemouth is commutable, so he and Livvy might not be leaving Dorset any time soon.’

  Coral’s eyes went to hers, but before she could comment, Patty said, ‘I have to go,’ and after pressing a kiss to Coral’s cheek she hurried off down the lane, feeling as relieved to get away from Coral as she was to have made up with Eva. The fact that it was all temporary wasn’t something she was even going to try and deal with now.

  Chapter Seven

  Eva was running from the bridge, shouting for Elvis and Rosie to follow, but they’d disappeared from sight. She called again and again, but there was no sign of them and the intruder was coming closer. She raced into the house, slammed a hand against the emergency button and every window and door started to lock – except the one in front of her! It wouldn’t close. The window wouldn’t close.

  ‘Don!’ she yelled.

  The stranger was in the garden. She tried to move but her feet were like lead.

  ‘Don!’ she screamed again, but no sound came out.

  Sweat was burning like ice on her skin. His glassy eyes were staring straight at her. Terror tore a piercing shriek from her throat.

  ‘Wake up, wake up,’ Don was urging. ‘It’s all right. It’s just a dream.’

  ‘Oh my God, oh my God,’ she gasped, still trying to fight. ‘No, no, no!’

  ‘Eva, it’s a dream.’

  She could hear Don’s voice. He was nearby. She turned her head and there he was, looking worried, but calm, and then she began to register what he’d said. ‘It’s just a dream.’

  She was safe. No one else was here. She was with Don and the house was all locked up.

  ‘Oh my God,’ she murmured as he drew her into his arms. Her heart was thundering in her ears and the nightmare still felt so real that she couldn’t stop shaking. ‘Rosie and Elvis wouldn’t come,’ she mumbled. ‘And then the window wouldn’t shut.’

  ‘Sssh, ssh,’ he soothed, stroking her hair. ‘They’re fine and so are you.’

  It was several minutes before the powerful force of tension began to ease its grip, allowing her to breathe more evenly. ‘It was horrible,’ she breathed. ‘I could see him. It was like he was right there.’

  ‘But he’s not. No one is.’

  She nodded and kept on nodding, as though trying to persuade herself it was true. Eventually the cloying fear started to fade, and as she drew back to look at Don, still pale-faced and trembling, she attempted a smile. ‘I’m sorry, I woke you,’ she whispered.

  ‘It’s OK,’ he replied, pulling her to him again. ‘Would you like a hot drink?’

  She wasn’t sure. She didn’t wa
nt to stay here alone. ‘I’ll come down with you,’ she said.

  Though she knew she’d find Rosie and Elvis snuggled up in their den, it was still a relief to see them when she got there – and their pleasure at this unscheduled visit was so boisterous and touching that it helped her to laugh.

  ‘Silly me,’ she murmured as she fussed them. ‘Of course you’re all right.’

  As though agreeing, Rosie nuzzled her fondly, while Elvis about-turned and started to nudge his bowl towards her.

  ‘You’re such a pig,’ she told him, and after treating them both to a midnight snack she went back into the kitchen to find Don standing over the hob, staring blankly into space as he waited for the milk to warm.

  ‘What are you thinking?’ she asked, coming to circle her arms round his waist.

  His eyes remained on the distant glow of moonlight as he said, ‘That it’s been a year or more since your last nightmare, so I’m wondering what might have happened to provoke one now.’

  With her cheek resting against his back, she said, ‘It’s the article bringing everything back the way it did. It’s been on my mind a lot since, so the only surprise really is that it hasn’t happened before.’

  Removing the pan from the heat, he turned to take her gently by the shoulders and gazed into her eyes. ‘Patty told me about the ruling,’ he said tenderly.

  Eva swallowed and turned her head aside. ‘I don’t think it has anything to do with the nightmare,’ she responded.

  Not arguing with that, he said, ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘You know why.’

  He nodded. ‘I’m guessing this is why you’re suddenly thinking about having another baby.’

  ‘Maybe,’ she admitted. ‘Yes, I suppose it is.’

  ‘Do you really believe that’s the answer?’

  She shook her head. ‘Not the answer, no, because it wouldn’t be him, but …’ She took a breath. ‘I’m not really sure what I want, unless you say you’d like to start trying.’ Her eyes came to his. ‘Would you?’ she asked.

  His expression was inscrutable as he held her gaze, then pulling her to him, he said, ‘I don’t know. There’s so much … I’ll have to think about it some more.’

  ‘We both should,’ she agreed, and looking up at him she put her hands either side of his face as she kissed him. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,’ she whispered.

  ‘Like you said, I know why you didn’t. I just wish you’d had a different outcome.’

  Feeling the harshness of the judge’s words devastating her all over again, she said, ‘Me too. It didn’t seem so much to ask, just his name and a photo, but it’s turned out that they think I’ll use it to try to find him through the Internet.’

  Sighing wearily, he stroked the hair from her face as he said, ‘It’s been a tough week for you, what with that and the article last Saturday.’

  ‘I’ve survived worse,’ she reminded him wryly.

  His smile was flat. ‘Did you find out any more about that apology letter?’ he asked, turning to replace the pan on the heat.

  She shook her head. ‘I haven’t even tried,’ she confessed.

  ‘I’m with Livvy that it was an outraged fan,’ he declared, starting to spoon cocoa powder into the milk.

  ‘Who’s a lawyer,’ she added. ‘You’re probably right,’ and going to fetch two mugs from a cupboard she said, ‘Are you hungry?’

  He almost laughed. ‘After the enormous meal Patty served up tonight? I don’t think so.’

  ‘It was delicious, wasn’t it? She’s such a great cook.’

  ‘Indeed she is. And it’s good that you two have made up.’

  ‘She still doesn’t want to do the fashion show,’ Eva grumbled. ‘Incidentally, I meant to ask on the way home, but it went out of my mind – what were you two arguing about earlier?’

  Turning off the heat, he began to pour the cocoa into the mugs.

  ‘Hello?’ she said, leaning in to try and catch his eye.

  ‘Were we arguing?’ he asked, appearing confused.

  ‘Well it certainly seemed that way when I found you in the study. You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife.’

  His eyebrows rose. ‘A bit of an exaggeration,’ he said drily. ‘I remember now. She was insisting that I invoice her for the time I’ve spent at Horizon View since the break-in, and I was saying that she only needs to be billed for the original call-out.’

  ‘Because she’s family? Or because that’s how it works for everyone?’

  ‘The former. I was trying to point out that it’s the same as you giving her a discount at the shop, and as she doesn’t seem to have a problem with that I can’t understand why she has one with me.’

  Eva smiled fondly. ‘She has too much pride, my sister.’

  He smiled too. Then handing her a mug, he went to turn out the lights. ‘Do you think you’ll be able to sleep again tonight?’ he asked, as they started up the stairs.

  ‘I’m sure I will,’ she replied confidently.

  But she didn’t, because there was so much going round in her mind: her son, Patty, Don, Jasmine, and always back to her son. She didn’t want to revisit how shattered she’d been by the ruling, but it was hard not to when she couldn’t stop thinking about how different both their lives might have been if they were together now. She would no longer suffer the ache of emptiness that never went away, and he would have his real mother. What would she tell him about his father if he asked? Her heart churned with unease at the thought.

  The natural mother, as a matter of law, is no longer the parent and should therefore not consider herself to be so.

  ‘You’re not asleep are you?’ Don said quietly.

  ‘No,’ she replied, wondering, pointlessly, she knew, if she could ever hire someone to find him.

  ‘Come here,’ Don said, pulling her to him. ‘It’ll pass soon, the way it always does.’

  Except it doesn’t, she was thinking, or never to the extent Don liked to think.

  By lunchtime the next day Eva had finished most of her charity paperwork and was getting ready to go to the shop to say goodbye to Zoe, with a thank-you bonus for how loyal and helpful she’d been. Don had taken off about half an hour ago to meet some clients at the golf club, though not before convincing himself that she was OK about being left at home alone after her troubled night. Even if she hadn’t been she’d have told him she was, since she hated being a nuisance with her nightmares and paranoia and all the other issues she seemed to land on him all the time. However, she’d spoken the truth when she’d assured him she was fine this morning, because she had been – until a moment ago when she’d happened to look up at the CCTV monitor to find a car stopped outside at the gates.

  She had no idea how long it had been there, or what the driver might be waiting for, because no one had rung the bell, nor were there any signs of someone getting out of the car. The image was too grainy for her to make out a number plate, she couldn’t even be sure of the make, though it didn’t appear particularly new, or large. For one heart-stopping moment she wondered if it was the stranger she’d seen in the garden last night, until she reminded herself that he was a dream. This, on the other hand, was unquestionably reality, and she must try to keep it in perspective, because people often pulled into the layby in front of their gates either to consult a map or turn round, or wait for someone to catch up. Almost certainly that was happening now, even so, unease was starting to gather in her chest as the car remained where it was and no one got in or out.

  When a few more minutes ticked by and there was still no sign of movement, the only reason she didn’t call Don was because he’d have started his game by now, and it wouldn’t be fair to bring him back over something that was almost certainly nothing. He had people on twenty-four-hour duty at the office, so she could always ask one of them to come over. She would if whoever it was didn’t leave in the next sixty seconds. Unless the vehicle had been abandoned, of course.

  She thought about Dave then, L
ivvy’s boyfriend, who’d come to the rescue a few months ago when a car had rolled into the layby with a flat tyre. She’d been able to see the driver doing his best to change it, but, worried that it might be a ruse to make her come out, with Don away at a conference, she’d rung Dave to ask him to pop up and check it out.

  Maybe this person also had a flat and had called for roadside assistance rather than attempting to deal with it on their own. In fact, she was sure it must be some sort of issue like that. Or perhaps they’d pulled in to use the phone and it was turning into a particularly long call. There was absolutely nothing to get worked up over when it was the middle of the day, the car was in full view of the passing traffic and surely the driver had spotted the surveillance cameras training down on the gates by now. However, she wasn’t going to leave the house until she was certain they’d gone, and then she’d be sure to keep an eye on her rear-view mirror to check no one was following her.

  Suddenly her blood turned cold. The gates were starting to swing open. Only close family and Don’s most trusted staff members had a remote control. She was already starting to dial Don’s number when she noticed that the car was pulling away, and a moment later Jasmine’s Mini turned into the drive.

  Though her breath expelled in a rush of relief, Eva still didn’t take her eyes from the monitor, needing to be sure that no one attempted to slip in behind the Mini, and that they really did leave. When they did, and the gates were fully closed again, she heaved another sigh of relief and put the phone down.

  A few minutes later she was watching Rosie and Elvis barrelling off to the conservatory to greet whoever was coming in, and in their usual comic way they ended up jammed in the doorway.

  ‘Hello you fools,’ Jasmine laughed as they popped out at her like a couple of corks, and dropping to her knees she began fussing them affectionately – not that she was ever unkind to the odds, on the contrary, she seemed genuinely to love them. However, she’d be fully aware that being mean to them was a sure-fire way of hurting her stepmother, so there was always the possibility she might turn on them, particularly if she knew Eva was watching.

  ‘No, Elvis, my bag is not a sandwich,’ she cried, swinging it out of the way, ‘so please stop trying to eat it. Rosie, you’re going to knock me over in a minute … OK, OK, I’ll shake hands if I must.’