by Anthology
I told myself it was too soon. We’d only been hanging out for an hour, I couldn’t possibly have feelings for her yet. But I couldn’t deny the way my heart skipped a beat when she touched me or her hair brushed against my chin. Holding her body tightly against my own just felt right.
Honestly, I hadn’t just noticed her today. Jax had a picture in his living room of him, Will, Ry, and Courtney sitting on the edge of a pool. As soon as I saw that picture, something about her tanned skin and short brown hair intrigued me. I almost hadn’t recognized her with longer hair, but her eyes were the same. I’d heard stories about Courtney from both Jax and Ry, and even a few from Will. In a way, I felt I knew her. But now that I was able to put a voice to the beautiful face…I was hooked. It was more than a physical attraction; I was intrigued by her. There was something soft and delicate to her. Also something strong.
I wanted to know more.
She gazed up at me, uncertainty in the thin line of her mouth.
"I’m not sure why you’re interested in me," she said, though it was quiet, almost a whisper.
"Why wouldn’t I be?"
"Because I’m kind of a mess." Her eyes moved over to the side and I turned my head to see what she was looking at. Jax.
"Hey, I’m not asking anything of you, Courtney. Just some time together tonight. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you."
She smiled, though she still seemed a bit unsure. "I’ve enjoyed getting to know you too."
We swayed to the music and I tried to think up something to say. "All I’m asking for is tonight. Dance with me. Talk with me. Maybe even laugh." I smiled, though my heart felt crushed.
The corner of her mouth twitched up. "You’ve been impossibly nice, Chase. I’m not sure I like it."
"Why wouldn’t you like me being nice?"
"Because it’ll suck when tonight is over."
Maybe that’s not a bad thing, I wanted to say, but instead I just nodded. If it sucked when the night was over, maybe I had somehow gotten through to her. Maybe she could be interested in me instead of Jax.
I was the king of wishful thinking.
Chapter Three
Courtney
I liked the way Chase looked at me. Like I mattered. It’d been a long time since anyone thought I was worth anything. There was something sad in his eyes and I wanted to know more. I wanted to know more about him.
Was this blossoming interest? But it couldn’t last longer than tonight. Once the clock struck midnight, it would all be over. Just like Cinderella. Except no Prince Charming would find my glass slipper and save me from myself.
I used to be confident, but the last relationship I was in destroyed me. It was abusive in every way that a relationship could be. That was another reason I couldn’t see Ry anymore. I was afraid she’d notice the bruises. It would have been nice to call her the day after a bad night. It would have been nice to have someone there for me. Then when the relationship ended, I felt it’d been too long. All of my effort went into putting my life back in order.
The volume was turned down during a commercial break and Chase held my hand and led me back to the love seat. I picked up my wine glass and took a large gulp. Chase finished his water bottle.
"Thank you for the dance," he said.
"Just one? We danced for over a half hour."
"It’s been a long time since I’ve had this much fun."
His words melted my heart. There was an underlying sadness in his eyes and words. I wondered if he had something in his past the way I did. Something that tainted him, that made happiness seem fake and foreign. I wanted to touch him. I reached up and ran my finger down his cheek. It caused my stomach to twirl. "I’m sorry. You don’t deserve anything that makes you sad."
"Aren’t we a bunch of buzzkills? Here we are at a party and we’re down in the dumps."
"It didn’t start that way," I said. We’d started out laughing and joking around. Our moods shifted as we danced, made us introspective and melancholy. "Have I told you yet that I have a thing for puns?"
"Puns?" he asked, his eyebrows raised.
"Yeah, puns."
"Hit me with one."
"Why didn’t the melons get married?" I waited a few seconds for effect. "Because they cantaloupe." He smiled, but I wanted to hear his laughter. "A person says, ‘I would like to rent some stripper equipment!’" Again, I paused. Chase’s eyebrows dipped as he considered where this was headed. "Her friend responds, ‘Just call the pole lease!’" He chuckled a little. I wanted more from him, so I decided to go for it. "Have you ever had sex while camping?"
His eyebrows flew up and his eyes widened. "What?"
I smiled, trying really hard to contain myself. "It’s fucking in tents."
At that he laughed, hard. Bad puns for the win. "You threw me off for a minute."
"I wanted to see you laugh." I shrugged as though it wasn’t a big deal. His laughter faded to a smile and I felt it course through my body, a zing racing through my veins.
"Thank you for that."
We spent some more time chatting, talking about work, favorite movies, and what music we liked. The more we talked, the more I wanted to talk to him. We had a similar taste in movies (comedies) and music (acoustic). He was cute. He was nice. He clearly was smart. I liked being around him.
"Fifteen minutes, people! Find your kissing partner!" Jax yelled. He hooked his arm around Cassie’s waist and pulled her close. He buried his face in her neck and she threw her head back and laughed. I wondered if she tilted it to give him better access or because he tickled her.
Bitterness coursed through my veins. I wanted to not feel anything for Jax. Hopefully, someday I would be able to pull that off.
"I guess I better go in search of a kissing partner," Chase said. Disappointment and something that felt like jealousy stabbed me in the stomach.
"Go in search?" I asked, my voice small.
"Yeah. You haven’t given me an answer yet." His cheek twitched.
"You can kiss me if you want."
His lips spread in a huge smile and he pulled me closer to him until I was almost sitting in his lap. He leaned down, his lips brushing against my ear. "There is not another soul in this house I’d rather kiss at midnight than you, Courtney." He kissed my cheek, his lips lingering there. Butterflies took flight and dove around my stomach.
I wondered why I felt this way for Chase already. True, the last couple of years had been really hard for me, but Chase made everything feel easy. I liked the way he looked at me. I had no problem looking at him, either. I smiled, at a loss for words.
Chase took my hand and led me over to the throng of people in front of the TV. We watched the celebration gear up for the ball dropping. Chase squeezed my hand and I gazed up at him. He smiled down at me. Then he slid his arm around my waist. My stomach flipped as though I was riding a roller coaster.
Why did he have this effect on me?
The countdown started. I turned toward Chase and wrapped my arms around his neck. My fingers toyed with the hair at the base of his skull. He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, then buried his fingers in my hair. I got lost in his eyes as everyone around us yelled the countdown to midnight.
"Five… Four… Three… Two… One! Happy New Year!"
Slowly, so slowly, he brought his face closer to mine and gently pressed his lips to mine. They were were warm and soft. We kissed slowly, gently. There was no rush or any pressure to make this more than a kiss, but it was still intense. I pressed my body close to his, erasing any distance between us. I felt his heart beating against mine. His hand slid up my back and held me. I felt safe and cared for.
It was the single best kiss I had ever experienced.
As slowly as the kiss began, Chase ended it. His eyes were hooded and a smile ghosted his lips. "Happy New Year," he whispered.
"Happy New Year." My voice seemed to be lost with my breath.
Jax came up and slapped Chase on the back, which pulled Chase completely away from me. Th
ey shared a one armed hug and wished each other a happy new year. Ry and Cassie descended on me and hugged me.
Everyone was full of joy and excitement for the coming year.
For the first time in many years, I was, too. My mind was back with Chase and the kiss we shared.
Before long, the party was winding down. Chase found me and hugged me, holding on just a little longer than necessary. I soaked in the warmth in his arms. "Let me give you my number," he said. "You can call or text me if you want."
"Sure." He gave me his number and another hug, then disappeared out the door.
I felt more deflated than I should.
Chapter Four
Chase
I knew where Courtney stood. She had to get over Jax and find a way to be okay with that. I enjoyed spending time with her and I’d love to see her again, but I knew where she stood. I gave her my number in hopes she’d want to build a friendship. For the last few months, I frequently remembered the kiss we shared. There was something that passed between us, something more.
I wanted to talk to her again. I’d been waiting for my phone to chime with a text or ring with a call, but nothing came through.
It was hard not to feel deflated.
I was at work, in a meeting. It was droning on and on, never seeming to end. My thoughts centered around Courtney. I wondered how she was doing.
"Chase, when will the project be ready?" my boss asked me.
"At most, two weeks."
"Is there any way you can speed up the process?"
If you stopped putting me on other projects and let me have some time to actually work, I thought, though that wouldn’t fly well. "I’ll work on it."
"See that you do," my boss responded. He was a no nonsense kind of guy. He expected the best from his employees and didn’t accept anything less.
Even if they were overworked.
The meeting finally wrapped up and I went back to my desk. I was deep in code, trying to figure out why it wasn’t working, when my phone chimed. It was a number I didn’t recognize.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
My brows furrowed as I tried to understand who was texting me and why they asked me such a weird question. Before I could reply, another text came through.
It’s very time consuming.
I smiled. Now I knew exactly who it was. I quickly programmed her number into my phone.
Me: Why did the pig stop sunbathing?
She responded quickly. Why?
Me: Because it was bacon in the heat.
Courtney: That’s a good one!
Me: I wasn’t sure if you’d heard it yet.
Courtney: No, I haven’t heard that one. How have you been?
Me: Working, mostly. How are you?
Courtney: Good. I’m really good.
Throughout the day, we texted back and forth, sharing what was going on in our lives and more puns. I spent the majority of my day with a huge smile on my face, enjoying reconnecting with her.
* * *
That’s how it started. Courtney and I texted back and forth throughout the day. Some days, we’d exchange a few puns back and forth and that’d be it. Other days, we’d talk about work and our lives. I looked forward to our conversations each day. My feelings for her grew the longer we talked. Until one day, she called me, crying.
"Courtney, what’s wrong?" I asked. I stood from my desk and made my way to the back door of the building. I didn’t want to console her while sitting in my cubicle with my coworkers around and able to listen.
She sniffled loudly. "I didn’t know who else to call, Chase. I’m scared."
My heart rate kicked up ten notches. "What’s wrong? Are you okay?"
"I’m okay right now. It’s…It’s complicated. I know we haven’t really talked about our lives in the past…but I needed to talk to someone. I wanted that someone to be you."
If she weren’t sobbing and scared, I would be elated at that confession, but I couldn’t feel anything but worry. "Where are you?"
"I just got home."
I went back into the office and packed up my stuff. The tone in her voice was scaring me. There was no way I could sit at my desk, knowing she was scared and alone. "What’s your address?"
"I can’t ask you to leave work early. Not for me, Chase. I just needed someone to talk to."
There she was again, pulling me in and pushing me away at the same time. It felt like I was playing tug of war with her always. "Courtney, I cannot sit at my desk and know that you’re scared at your house. I can’t do it," I said quietly. I didn’t want to be overheard.
"Okay." She rattled off her address.
I went into my boss’s office, covering the mouthpiece of the phone. "A personal emergency just came up. I have to leave early."
"I hope everything is okay."
"Thank you." I walked out of work and resumed speaking to Courtney. "So, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong."
"This isn’t something I want to talk about over the phone, Chase. It’s messed up." She cried a little bit. "God, I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess. I just can’t stop fucking up."
"You’re not fucking up. I care about you." I sighed. "I’ll be at your place in fifteen minutes. I’ll see you then, okay?"
"Okay." She sniffled, then whispered, "Thank you, Chase."
"Of course."
We hung up and I raced to her place. The entire time, my thoughts raced. I kept imagining all the things that could be wrong and my heart pounded in my chest. I hated that she felt this way.
I pulled into the driveway of her house. It was small, but looked inviting. There were rose bushes alongside the front porch and an apple tree centered in the yard. I rang the doorbell and she opened it almost immediately.
She threw her arms around me and sobbed, holding my shirt in her fists. She blubbered, but I couldn’t understand what she was saying. I closed the door behind me, then guided her back toward the couch. She continued crying and I held her. As soon as we were seated, she crawled into my lap, her face pressed into my neck. I rubbed my hand over her back. Her tears caused a lump to rise in my throat. I had no idea what was wrong or what was upsetting her so much, but it was killing me.
After what felt like forever, she calmed down until she was merely hiccuping softly. Her breath warmed my skin. Part of me wanted to relish her skin on mine, her arms around me, and her body pressed against me. The rest of me realized she was seriously upset and I couldn’t fully enjoy her closeness under these circumstances. I fought these competing emotions inside myself. She inhaled and pulled her face off my neck. She wiped her eyes; they were red and puffy from crying so hard. I rubbed my thumb over her cheek. She smiled weakly.
"I’m sorry for being such a wreck."
"Please tell me what’s wrong. Please."
"I just left court. I had a restraining order against my ex-boyfriend because—" She swallowed hard. "He was abusive. Like, really abusive. He hurt me in ways that I never want to experience again." Her eyes closed and I could feel the pain radiating from her.
"How’d he hurt you?"
Her eyes opened and pinned me to the spot. "Every way. He demeaned me. He beat me. I had to get away or he was going to kill me." She shook her head as though to clear her head. "When I left him, they granted me a restraining order. Since it’s been two years, I requested a renewal. It was denied." Her voice hitched as though the words didn’t want to leave her mouth.
I held her tighter. "Why was it denied?"
"I heard the word denied and totally panicked. I didn’t hear anything after that. I’m so scared, Chase. I don’t want him to come after me again."
"Do you think he might?"
"I have no idea. It’s been two years. Maybe he moved on. God, I’d hate for him to do this to someone else."
I took her face in both hands. "You’ll be safe. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise."
She smiled, her eyes watering. Then she pressed her lips firmly to mine. Her tongu
e sneaked out and ran along my bottom lip.
Chapter Five
Courtney
I kissed Chase the way I’d been wanting to. I kissed him for dropping everything to be here for me when I so desperately needed someone. I kissed him for helping me to move forward with my life. I kissed him because, God, I liked him. A lot. He was all I thought about. I’d craved his taste since New Year’s Eve almost six months ago. I wanted to feel his arms around me and the hard lines of his body against mine. I just wanted him.
Without breaking our kiss, I shifted until I straddled his legs, buried one hand in his hair and the other under his shirt. My fingers danced along his chest, and skated through the thin dusting of hair on his chest. My stomach squeezed and a low moan escaped me. At that, Chase threw his head back on the couch and squeezed his eyes closed.
"What’s wrong?" Had I read the situation wrong? Was he really not into me? I was so confused and afraid of the incoming rejection. I pulled my hands off his body and moved to get off his lap. He anchored his hands on my hips, holding me in place.
He leveled me with his eyes. "I care about you, Courtney. A lot. I want nothing more than to kiss you, touch you, hold you, but I can’t do that if I feel I’m taking advantage of you. I want you to want me too. I don’t want you to be here, kissing me, because you’re upset about court today. I need to know you’re here with me."
My heart jump started. "I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, Chase. I’ve wanted this with you. I’ve just wanted you. I promise you, there’s nothing else here. No one but you and me."
He responded by grabbing the back of my neck and crashing our lips together. Our tongues danced and our hands touched every available inch of skin we could. I yanked his shirt over his head, then ran my fingers over his skin. He felt so good. All of him. This was where I was supposed to be. Here, with him.