The Bad Girl and the Baby (Cutting Loose)

by Nina Croft

  “I was at the wedding,” he said. “They seemed so happy.”

  She shrugged. “I’m sure your brother could be very charming when he wanted to be. Plus, it gave him access to Emma’s money—we both had an inheritance from our parents—so of course, he was happy. I wasn’t invited. Maybe they thought I’d be some sort of specter at the feast.”

  “There was no feast.”

  “No.” That’s how Emma had excused not inviting her. She’d said it had just been a small affair at the local registry office.

  “So how did you end up in prison?”

  “A few months after the wedding, Emma called me, telling me she was pregnant. She was so goddamn happy. And she said Steven was happy. A ‘changed man,’ she said. Hah.” The familiar hatred flooded her system, tying her insides in knots. “A week later, she phoned me in a panic. Steven was drunk. She’d locked herself in the bathroom, but he was banging on the door. By the time I got there, he’d broken it down. He was beating the crap out of her and she was three months pregnant. I totally lost it. He ended up with four cracked ribs, a broken arm, and two black eyes. But he was drunk out of his head and just wouldn’t stop coming.” She took a sip of her coffee. “I think it was the humiliation that hit him the hardest—that a woman had beaten him up. Among his other attributes, your brother was a misogynistic pig. He swore he would make me pay, and he did.”

  “Didn’t your sister stand up for you? Say it was self-defense?”

  “She came to see me. But she told me she had to stand by him. He was her husband, the father of her baby. He’d lose his job, and he’d sworn he wouldn’t drink again. He promised he would change.”

  “So she let you go to prison for protecting her?”

  Darcy looked away for a minute. At the time, she’d believed she would never forgive Emma. She’d been so furious. Through the whole court case, she’d been completely disbelieving, then afterward, she’d wrapped herself in a blanket of bitterness at the system that had protected Steven because he was one of them. She’d even started to hate her sister for being so goddamn stupid. In the end, Regan and Summer had pulled her out of it. At first, she’d tried to ignore them, especially Summer, who she’d believed was like Emma. A victim. And at that point, she wanted nothing more to do with saving anyone. But Summer was no victim. She was just about the nicest person Darcy had ever met—someone whose life had taken a wrong turn, but had a core of pure steel. With their help, Darcy had realized she had to forgive her sister, or she’d never be able to forgive herself. She’d written to Emma, told her she loved her and was there for her.

  She’d received one letter of reply with a photo of Lulu and a plea that if anything should happen to her, she would make sure Lulu was safe and happy. Then a week later, she’d gotten the news that Emma was dead.

  “Darcy?”

  She realized she’d been silent for a long time. Lost in her thoughts. “Yes. She let me go to prison. But I did a lot of reading while I was inside. About abusive relationships. I couldn’t understand it, but I did forgive her. Then she died.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “So am I.” She turned her gaze to him, studied him. “You look so much like Steven.”

  “That’s why you were staring at me the other night.” He shook his head. “I thought you fancied me. Instead you hate me.”

  Did she? “I don’t hate you,” she said. Though she wasn’t totally sure that was the truth. “I don’t know you. You remind me of Steven and that makes me…uneasy.”

  His eyes narrowed and something flashed across his face. “You think I’m like that”—he waved a hand at the beige file lying between them—“you think I’m like my brother? That I would hit a woman?” She could almost see the heat rising inside him as he gritted his teeth. Was he going to lose his temper? Maybe he was like his brother, after all. She prayed not. But what did she know? And perhaps she needed to—needed to know what he would do when he was pushed.

  “Why not?” She gave a shrug. “How do I know any different? You seem to spend a lot of time…angry.”

  He studied her for a moment, his gaze flicking from the file to her face. She raised a brow, let her skepticism show in her eyes, as well as a little of the hatred she’d felt for his brother. She could almost sense his inner battle. Maybe he still hadn’t come to terms with what his brother had been and was fighting the need to defend him. In the end, all he said was, “I’m not like my brother.”

  “How the hell do you know that? From what I can tell, you know nothing about the man he really was.”

  He shifted on the seat. “We weren’t close.”

  “Really?” She filled her voice with scorn. “Yet he left his only child in your care.”

  “There was no one else. He knew I’d do the right thing.”

  She gave him a long cool look. “And do you always do the right thing, Captain Peterson?”

  He ran a hand through his short hair, frustration hardening his features. But as she watched, he regained control of himself and the tension left him, his shoulders relaxing. “I try. And it’s been hard. I never wanted a family. Never expected one. But I’ve done my best—and it’s difficult with my job—but I think Lulu’s doing okay. And she’s not…the easiest child.”

  She forced away her own tension. Because if she used her logical side, she believed him. There was something so controlled about Captain Mathew Peterson. With his perfectly smart clothes, his short, neat hair; she couldn’t imagine him losing control, letting go. It was her illogical side that couldn’t accept the similarities to a man she’d hated with every inch of her soul. And if she was honest, there was something else—because he hadn’t been totally off the mark with his comment about her fancying him. Beneath the surface, a very unwelcome attraction lurked, knocking her off balance. She couldn’t rid herself of the memory of how his hard body had felt against hers. It had just been too long. That was all. She was desperate.

  “I’m afraid Lulu’s more like me than Emma.”

  “She’s a fighter, all right.” He sighed. “So where do we go from here? What is it you want? I won’t give up custody. And to be honest”—he allowed his gaze to wander over her, and she held herself still—“you don’t come across as the maternal type.”

  She didn’t like that. But she wasn’t sure why, because she’d never thought of herself as maternal, either. She’d never considered children before. And now, she’d built up walls around herself that she wasn’t willing to breach. No way would she let herself care for someone else. She was obviously crap at the relationship thing. She’d lost everyone she’d ever cared about. But never again.

  “I’m not. I don’t want custody. At first, all I wanted to do was check that she was okay. Make sure that you weren’t like Steven and she was safe.”

  “And you do believe that?”

  “Yes,” she said grudgingly. “But everything changed when I saw her. I think I’d been in some sort of denial. She’s my only family, and I’d like to be part of her life.” She held her breath. She was quite aware she wasn’t anyone’s idea of a good influence. “Look, Captain—”

  “Call me Matt,” he interrupted.

  “Matt—I know I might not look like the perfect aunt, but give me a chance. I’ll never do anything to hurt her.”

  “You own the gym?” He nodded across the street.

  The question took her by surprise. “Yes. I told you, both Emma and I were left money by our parents. The gym was owned by a friend, and he wanted to retire. And it’s been successful. I’m solvent, if that’s what you’re trying to ask. The money’s been coming in over the last few years, and I haven’t had the chance to spend anything. I can help with Lulu, if you need it.”

  “I don’t need help.”

  Had she offended him? Hard luck. She told it the way it was; she wasn’t going to pussyfoot around him.

  “Are you going back in the ring?” he asked.

  It wasn’t something she knew the answer to. Sam was pushing her to go
back. But she’d changed. Somehow, she’d lost her competitive edge. Lost her faith in herself. She’d failed Emma. She knew that. “I don’t know. Does it make a difference?”

  “I don’t know.” He echoed her words. “I have no right to keep you from Lulu. She deserves all the family she can get. But…I don’t know you. So we need to take things slowly.”

  “I can do slow.”

  “Can you?” He sounded skeptical. “I’ll talk to my lawyer, get something drawn up.”

  “Do we need that? Can’t we just sort it out between us?”

  “I prefer to do things properly. I’ll try and get us a meeting for tomorrow. I won’t keep you waiting too long.”

  “Okay.” She could feel a smile tugging at her lips. For the first time in an age, she felt optimistic. This was all she had wanted ever since she’d gotten out. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me. Morally, I don’t have a choice in this. But don’t get me wrong—if I decide you’re a bad influence, you’ll be out of her life.”

  She gritted her teeth, hating that he believed he had the right to judge her. Why did she think that if he had a choice, she would never see him again?

  “You’re not my perfect choice, either. But it looks like we’re stuck with each other.”

  He placed some money on the table and pushed himself to his feet. “Until you mess up.”

  Chapter Six

  The lawyer was a woman around Matt’s age, in her early thirties. Darcy was predisposed to dislike her. She’d been the one standing between her and Matt all these weeks, refusing to even see Darcy. Matt was already there when she was shown into the office. Why wasn’t she surprised? The man’s middle name was probably “punctual.” Matt Punctual Peterson. It wasn’t as though she was late. She was right on time.

  They both glanced up as Darcy entered, similar expressions of disapproval passing over their faces. She told herself she didn’t care. She was perfectly respectable, in black jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt, and her Doc Martens.

  Matt was in uniform today, and he looked good. If she were the sort of girl to swoon over soldiers, she’d probably be swooning. Luckily, she wasn’t. At least, she didn’t think so. She’d never had much to do with them. He stood—perfect manners—and came toward her. “Darcy, good morning. Let me introduce you. This is Elinor Saunders, my lawyer.”

  The woman rose to her feet. She wore a dark gray suit and a white silk shirt. Her blond hair was long and pulled back from her face, and her makeup was discreet. She was the total opposite of Darcy. And no doubt, the sort of woman Matt usually associated with. Darcy had never cared what she looked like in the past, what impression she made or what people thought about her. It was part of her new insecurities that she even noticed their disapproval.

  She came to a halt in front of the desk and held out her hand. For a second, she thought the lawyer wasn’t going to take it, but after a moment’s hesitation, the woman gave her a limp handshake.

  “Please take a seat.”

  She sat down in one of the upright chairs in front of the desk. Matt waited until she was seated and took the chair beside her. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He was watching her but looked away as he caught her gaze.

  “Right, let’s get started,” the lawyer said. “I’ve told Matt that I think he’s making a mistake.”

  Bitch.

  “Elinor…” Matt’s tone held a rebuke.

  The woman gave a shrug. “I just think you’re making a mistake. With Ms. Butler’s record, it would be perfectly reasonable to deny access. I told you that.”

  “And I told you there are extenuating circumstances.”

  “Which you’ve refused to disclose to me.”

  Darcy glanced at him. So he hadn’t told her about his brother. What did she think about that? To be honest, she had no clue. He returned her gaze. “I’ll tell her if you insist.”

  Obviously, he didn’t want people knowing what a bastard his brother was. Better they thought she was some sort of violent criminal. She told herself she didn’t care. But inside, a little niggle of hurt nudged at her. She shrugged. “As long as I have access to Lulu, I really don’t give a toss what your bitch of a lawyer thinks about me.”

  Did his lips twitch at that?

  Elinor’s mouth tightened into a thin red line. She wasn’t happy. Oh dear.

  “I’ve suggested that Matt get you to sign a release form stating that you have no intention of trying for custody.”

  “I don’t want custody.”

  No one took any notice of her comment.

  “Lulu has no money,” Elinor said. “You would get nothing if you did gain custody.”

  “What about the house?” Emma had bought the marital home with what was left of her inheritance. She’d presumed it would be in trust for Lulu. Maybe not.

  “Your sister signed the house over to Steven when they married.”

  “What a surprise.”

  “And it was mortgaged when they died.”

  “Again—what a surprise.”

  “So you see, there would be no financial gain to your pursuing a custody battle.”

  Was the woman deaf? “I told you I don’t want custody.”

  “I’m just making the facts clear.”

  “Draw up your goddamn form. I’ll sign it. Is that it?” She hoped so, because all sorts of feelings were churning up inside her. Feelings she didn’t want to put a name to.

  “No. We need to discuss the terms of access. I’m recommending supervised visits only.”

  “Supervised by who?”

  “Me,” Matt said. “At first anyway. Later maybe with the nanny.”

  She bit her lip, fighting her rising temper. “What the hell do you think I’m going to do?”

  “That’s what we don’t know. But you have a record of violence.” The lawyer gave a little smile and another shrug. “I’ve discussed it with Matt, and what I’m suggesting is a one hour supervised visit per week. The most suitable time is between nine and ten o’clock on a Saturday morning. The visit will take place at Matt’s home, and you will not take the child from the house.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “On the contrary, I assure you I’m very serious.”

  Darcy turned to Matt. “This is bullshit.” She got to her feet. “You know what? I don’t think I’m needed here. Why don’t you and your girlfriend just draw up your papers and bring them around for me to sign. But I want an afternoon a week. And we’ll be going out.”

  She turned and headed for the door.

  “Darcy,” Matt called, but she didn’t turn around until she reached the door. She felt about to explode, and that would not make a good impression. No doubt his stuck-up lawyer would see it as reason to deny her rights.

  She took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face before she turned to face them. “Yes.”

  He gave a shrug. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go this way.”

  “What way did you mean for it to go?”

  “I just wanted everything straight between us. So we both know where we stand.”

  “Well, now we know. Just draw up the goddamn papers, and I’ll sign them. And it might be a good idea if we kept contact to a minimum. Because you’re starting to piss me off.”

  And she slammed the door behind her.

  Though the truth was, she wasn’t pissed off. She was hurt. And she hated that.

  …

  “You still want to go ahead with this?” Elinor asked. “The woman is clearly unstable. Why don’t you let me draw up an injunction instead? I don’t think the courts will argue it. And she hasn’t a leg to stand on. I can make it so that if she comes near either you or Lulu she’ll be in violation of her parole and back in prison, out of your hair for good.”

  Matt rubbed the spot between his eyes. He had a headache. And he suspected the feeling nagging at his mind was guilt. He knew the scorn in Darcy’s eyes as she’d left had been totally justified.

 
; He hadn’t revealed the truth about Steven to Elinor.

  He’d told himself that it was for Lulu’s sake. He didn’t want it generally known what an asshole his brother had been. It was better for Lulu if she could believe her father had been a good man.

  But in reality, he was ashamed of Steven. And ashamed that he hadn’t known more about his brother. Maybe he could have gotten help for his problems. Instead Matt had kept his distance. Not gotten involved. “Draw up the papers giving her what she wants.”

  “What?”

  “Steven was an abusive bastard who regularly beat up his wife. Darcy went to prison for trying to protect her sister. She doesn’t deserve this.”

  “You know that for a fact?”

  “Yes. She might not be the sort of role model I want for Lulu, but she has a right to see her niece, and I won’t stand in her way. Now draw up the papers. I want to take them with me. I’ll wait outside.”

  Chapter Seven

  The man Darcy had been sparring with—Sam, she had called him—was at the reception desk when Matt pushed through the door into Butler’s gym nearly two hours later. He suspected Elinor had kept him waiting on purpose. She hated to be in the wrong. He’d dated her for a while a couple of years back, but she’d ended up wanting more than he was willing to give. Maybe he should ask her out again. She’d been on Angie and Gary’s list of suitable wives. Someone who would help look after Lulu, and at the same time, be an asset to his career. But somehow, he couldn’t see Elinor as the maternal type. He had a brief image of Elinor in her immaculate suit, feeding breakfast to Lulu. Though he had no doubt she would be a great boost for his career. Everything an up and coming officer needed in a wife. Smart, beautiful…