I tried to creep closer, unable to escape my curiosity, and a heavy twig snapped beneath my front paw.
His shining green eyes glanced up, and I let out an internal sigh. I took my human form again and stepped into the firelight.
"Lyssa," he said, surprised, "I didn't expect you."
"I'll bet." I stepped over to the fire. Well, I was here now. I might as well satisfy my curiosity. "What's all this?" I gestured at his makeshift camp.
"You mean why am I out here and not cosying up in my own tent?" His tone was cool, but it wasn't hostile. I took that to mean I hadn't interrupted some deeply personal ritual of his. "Mostly because I'd prefer not to listen to Cyan doing what he does to you all night. But if you're here, I suppose it's safe to go back now."
"At least you're not the one he's doing it to," I growled a little more defensively than I'd intended. I thought I saw a hint of a smile appear on Hawthorne's lips.
"I suppose not. He isn't the most inspiring leader, is he?" he said.
"I hate him." I glowered and sat down on the other side of the fire, wincing as the tenderness between my legs flared up again. I needed to vent. Maybe venting to Hawthorne was a stupid idea, but I knew speaking my mind to anyone else would work its way back to Cyan eventually. Then I could look forward to another humiliating evening in his tent as punishment.
"Are you alright?" my new companion asked when he saw me wince.
"Fine. It's just..." I looked away, shaking my head. "He goes hard on me."
Hawthorne nodded and dipped a hand into his bedroll, taking out a handful of dried herbs and crumbling them into the kettle.
"What're those?" I asked.
"Just something I picked up in the woods. It'll make you feel better. Sorry I don't have any aspirin, normal painkillers don't work so well on werewolves."
"Is that what Cyan has you do? Find plants that work on us?"
"One of the things." He left it at that.
I chewed my lip waiting for the tea to boil, fiddling with my pendant as the nighttime chill crept across my back. I missed my coat of fur.
When the kettle started to bubble Hawthorne hooked it off the heat and filled two plain wooden cups, passing one over to me. I nodded my thanks and took a careful sip. After burning my tongue, I decided to leave the cup warming my hands for the time being.
"Why were you arguing with him anyway?" Hawthorne said.
I shrugged. "I asked to go visit my family for a few days, he said no. They still think I'm living on the other side of the country."
"You know he never lets anyone disappear for long without a good reason."
"I know," I huffed, "I just can't stand him being in charge all the time, dictating everything for us, making us do whatever he wants. No one ever stands up to him. Other alphas protect their packs, he just uses us."
Hawthorne waited patiently for me to finish. I had a lot more I could say about Cyan, but I held it in for now. I knew most of my frustration was directed at myself for being unable to resist our alpha in the first place. I took a deep breath.
"So you don't like Cyan either, Thorne?"
"Does anyone really like him?" He sighed. "He's our leader, he doesn't have to be liked. And unless someone feels like challenging him, I don't think we'll be getting a new alpha any time soon."
I scowled, knowing he was right. The only way Cyan would step down was if someone made him. His instinct wouldn't let him otherwise. "So you came all the way out here just to avoid... us?"
"I don't like what he does with you."
I suddenly realised that Thorne was one of the few males who'd never made a move on me. In fact, he was the only one without a mate who hadn't. Did he find me offensive somehow? I felt flames of anger licking up inside me.
"Someone has to do it," I said pointedly.
"Alright then, not what he does, but the way he does it."
The flames flickered out. "You and me both."
We sat quietly for a while sipping our tea. The soreness between my legs was already starting to fade as the special herbs took effect. Hawthorne seemed happy to indulge my company, but he didn't seem any more talkative than usual.
"So why aren't you in your wolf form?" I asked to break the silence. "You wouldn't need a fire or a campsite then. You'd be safer, too."
When Thorne's eyes flicked up to meet mine I realised I already knew the reason why. There was only one reason you went out alone in the woods at night without a coat of fur and a set of sharp teeth.
"The same reason you avoid your wolf around other people."
I swallowed and looked down into my tea. In your wolf form your instinct was much more intense than usual. More difficult to fight. I didn't like to risk it around the other males, so I kept to the woods as much as I could. I didn't know what Thorne's instinct was, but if he was out here by himself, he was trying to quiet it.
I suddenly felt like an intruder, waltzing in on my fellow pack member's quiet time. How would I feel if another male approached me in the woods when I was trying to avoid thinking about my instinct?
"Sorry," I said lamely.
"Don't be. It's not like you're going to pounce on me, are you?"
"I'm fine for a while after... mating." I felt myself flush. It was common knowledge to the pack, but I felt uncomfortable talking about it with Hawthorne. Part of me craved to know what his instinct was, but I knew how I'd feel if our positions were reversed. If there was one topic I didn't like to discuss in depth with strangers, it was my uncontrollable desires.
"Go on, ask," he said wearily, draining his cup.
"What?"
"Ask me about my instinct. I can tell you're dying to."
I was put out for a moment, unsure of how to respond. "Well... fine! What is it then?"
Hawthorne closed his eyes and laid back on the bedroll, running a hand through his chestnut hair. It was the same colour as mine.
"You know how you were when the pack first found you?" he said.
"Yes," I nodded, "I was completely wild, looking for a male. I can't remember much of it, but they said I'd been half-crazy until they... they calmed me down." I didn't want to say until Cyan dragged me back to his tent.
Hawthorne nodded. "Once upon a time I got it into my head to try and be with someone as well. A girl who didn't know how bad my instinct was. She wasn't lucky enough to have her pack around to help her." He paused. "I ended up hurting her very badly." He waited, letting me absorb it.
I knew I could get aggressive at times when my instinct was flaring up, but from the gravity in Hawthorne's voice this sounded even worse.
"Is it that bad?" I asked.
"Why do you think I'm so low down in the hierarchy?"
I hadn't thought about that before. Hawthorne was almost as big as Cyan, large and muscular, an excellent hunter, and handy with plants as well, it seemed. A wolf like him should have been his alpha's number one, but instead Thorne was relegated to somewhere near the bottom of the hierarchy, like me. Neither of us got the pick of the food, our belongings were old and poorly made, and our voices counted for less amongst the pack.
"So I go crazy without a mate, and you go crazy with one?" I said.
"That's why I don't like to hang around while you're in Cyan's tent."
"And it's why you've never asked to come into mine." I sipped my tea, feeling a strange bond of companionship with my quiet partner. All this time I'd never realised there was someone else in the pack so similar to me. Why hadn't he confided in me before? Or maybe that would only have made things worse. The best way to avoid your instinct was often to try and ignore it. "Let me know the next time you're coming out here, okay?"
"Okay," Thorne said.
"It sounds like we both need a place we can get away from the pack for a while, away from those kinds of distractions."
He gave me a murmur of agreement, and I started to get up to leave.
"Stay tonight." He sat up suddenly. "We don't have to be back till morning."
"
Won't I distract you?"
"Not if you promise not to." He smiled.
I returned the grin and sat back down. "I promise. Toss me a blanket?"
Thorne extracted a blanket from his bedroll and sent it my way, and I curled up between the roots of a tree across from him. It would be nice to sleep in the company of someone else for once, without the rest of the pack and Cyan nearby.
"Sweet dreams, Wolfie," Thorne said, and I let my eyes droop shut in the comfort of his presence.
I felt his hands tracing the curves of my body. His soft green eyes glowed in the dark, his warm mouth inviting me in as I kissed it. The weight of Hawthorne's body pressed down on mine, holding me helpless with my wrists pinned against the carpet of dead leaves. There was no reluctance like there was with Cyan, I was giving myself up to him eagerly. Even as I saw the dangerous glint in his eyes I found myself pressing my hips up against him, whimpering as I begged him to take me. My body heaved against his bare chest, feeling the contours of his muscular form caress me. His knees trapped my legs against the ground, dominating me, claiming me. I could hear the uncompromising growl of desire deep in his throat, reverberating through his chest and making me quiver in anticipation. I longed to feel him inside me. I wanted him to take me over and over again. I would be his mate, his submissive wolfess. There was no anger or shame, only passionate desire, and even as his lips drew back from the fangs sprouting from his wolf's muzzle I couldn't muster the strength to resist. Not until the fangs latched on to my neck and sank into my skin.
I awoke with a start, a strangled gasp caught in my throat as I glanced around the unfamiliar campsite. Hawthorne was still asleep on the other side of the fire.
I raised a trembling hand to my neck, tracing the spot where he'd bitten me at the climax of my passionate dream. For a moment I began to panic, images of Thorne's handsome body flashing through my head. I was alone with him out here, if I couldn't get a grip on myself—
The dull embers of the fire snapped me back to reality. How long had we slept? The pale light of dawn was already filtering through the trees. We were long overdue to be back.
"Thorne!" I hissed, shaking him by the shoulder, "Thorne, wake up, it's morning already!"
He murmured and opened his eyes, blinking in confusion.
"We need to get back right now! You know what he'll do to us if he finds out we're missing!"
"Okay, okay, I'm awake." He clutched my hand and let me pull him to his feet, stumbling around unsteadily for a moment as he got his bearings. Then he was in control again, his voice taking on the same cool, confident tone from the night before. "Leave the camp things here, it can't be too long past dawn. If we hurry he might not even be awake yet."
I nodded in agreement, and the pair of us shifted into our wolves without another word, bounding back in the direction of the main camp as fast as our legs could carry us.
Thorne's hope was a thin one. Cyan was always up at the crack of dawn. No matter how quickly we made it back to the pack, I had a sinking feeling that it wouldn't be quick enough. I doubted I'd get away with just having to spend the night in my alpha's tent this time. Disagreements were one thing, but we had strict rules about our movements and behaviour outside of the camp.
I followed the dappled brown of Hawthorne's fur ahead of me, but before long I'd fallen back to put some distance between us. Thorne's scent, one that I'd barely recognised the night before, stirred unwelcome thoughts in the back of my mind now. I kept thinking back to the dream.
I knew it was because I'd asked him about his instinct. The wolf in me craved dominance and power, and he'd put an image in my mind of the most wild, dominant male I could ever imagine. So dominant that he avoided females for fear of what he might end up doing to them.
Thinking about him in that way was wrong for both of us. I felt like I'd made a new friend in him the night before, and the last thing either of us needed was to be tempted by our animal instincts.
I pushed the memory of the dream to the back of my mind and held it there, but I knew the wolf in me had caught the scent of something she craved. Whatever Cyan had in store for us when we got back, I had a feeling it would soon be the least of my problems.
—2—
Passions
By the time Hawthorne and I got back to camp we were well overdue. Nobody was allowed to go far once the sun was up without Cyan's permission. It was safer that way, he said. Werewolves were naturally night creatures; it was when we hunted best, and it made avoiding regular humans much easier if we kept to the seclusion of our camp during the daylight hours. I didn't know whether it was genuinely necessary or just another of Cyan's rules, but I missed the freedom of being able to come and go while the sun was up. He'd told me a dozen times that I should forget those old human habits of mine, which only made me all the more determined to cling on to them.
We slipped back into our human forms once we caught the scent of woodsmoke on the wind, and approached the rest of the way on foot. We walked in silence for a while before I decided to speak.
"How do you handle your instinct?" I asked cautiously. We weren't as cosy as we'd been the night before, and I was apprehensive about broaching the sensitive subject with Hawthorne again. But he turned and smiled, the sun shining through his chestnut hair as it peeked out through a gap in the clouds.
"The same way you handle yours. I just avoid temptation as often as I can."
"But you can't just ignore your instinct," I said, "it's got to flare up eventually."
Thorne nodded. "Some nights are worse than others, but I handle it. Don't get me wrong, there are times I worry I won't be able to. Maybe one day it'll get the better of me, but if I focus I've always been able to keep a grip on what matters."
"And what's that?"
He paused. "The thought of what I might do if I lose control." He turned back towards camp and we carried on in silence until we were almost in sight of the tents. At the last moment I caught his arm.
"Can you teach me how to do that? Control my instinct, I mean?" I said.
"I don't know." Thorne looked surprised by the question. "I don't think it's an exact science. It's just something I've always managed by myself. Your instinct might be much stronger."
My heart sank a little.
"But we can definitely try." Thorne smiled. "If anything, it'll give us something to do while we're hiding from Cyan."
Most of the pack were asleep when we arrived back at camp, but Cyan was up bright and early as always, perched on the edge of a log feeding fresh wood into the coals of last night's fire. He looked up as we approached, and suddenly I was apprehensive again.
"You're well overdue," he growled as we slunk in past the perimeter of tents.
"We overslept," Thorne said stiffly. "Lyssa needed something to help her relax after last night. I must've brewed our tea a bit too strong."
"So why did both of you need to relax? I'd expect this from Lyssa, but not you, Thorne. There are other wolf packs out there in the woods, what if they'd found you?"
"They're not the boogeymen you make them out to be, Cyan," Hawthorne sighed, but his tone wasn't looking for an argument. That was where he and I differed. I was already prickling at the comment Cyan had made about me.
Our alpha snorted and stood up, looming over me, but barely standing an inch taller than Thorne. "I'll decide what is and isn't a threat to our pack. Consider this a warning—the next time Lyssa gets you into trouble, it'll be on your own head."
Thorne folded his arms, refusing to wilt under Cyan's stare. It was as much defiance as he could get away with without provoking our alpha any further. Without a word Thorne turned and retreated to his tent, sending a brief glance in my direction before the flap fell closed behind him.
Now it was my turn.
"Disobeying your alpha twice in one night," Cyan murmured, pacing around me in a circle. "Do you enjoy making me angry, Lyssa?"
"We just overslept a couple of hours," I said, trying as hard as I could to ho
ld my tongue. Thorne had been smart to back down when he did. If I wanted to avoid getting myself into any more trouble, I'd follow his example.
"Oh, I suppose that's fine then. What's a couple of hours here, a couple of hours there?" He lunged forward suddenly, grabbing me by the neck. I clutched at his arm, but Cyan's fingers held tight as he brought his face close to mine and snarled. "One of these days you're going to slip. You'll push it too far. You'll be in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"I'm not an idiot!" I gasped, snarling back at him.
"Maybe not, but you're a liability. You're a danger to yourself and the rest of the pack." He let go, leaving me stooped over and gasping as I glared up at him. "Come with me. I'm going hunting."
"Why?" I coughed.
"Because I'm telling you to." Without another word he turned and strode towards the edge of the camp. I tried to resist the urge to follow, but there was no point. I had to endure whatever punishment he had in mind for me. He was my alpha, and he always had the final say. I slunk after him as he shifted into his wolf form, a shaggy, hulking animal with dangerous yellow eyes and a coat of coal-black fur. I followed suit and gave my head a quick shake as my senses took on their canine characteristics and his powerful scent flooded my muzzle. The lingering touch of his hand around my neck was already stirring an unwelcome tingle inside me.
Cyan led me out a long way. We usually avoided hunting close to camp, but after running for the better part of two hours I could tell we'd gone much farther than usual. The forest was huge, sprawling hundreds of miles, and despite having lived here for a year I'd still barely explored a fraction of it.
Wild Instincts - Complete Edition (Werewolf Erotic Romance) Page 2