Copyright © 2017 S.L. Romines
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The author makes no claims to, but instead acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following marks mentioned in this work of fiction.
Copyright © 2017 by S.L. Romines.
Sperm Donor Wanted by S.L. Romines
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without written permission of above copyright owner of this book, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Cover Design: Dark Water Covers
Cover Art License Deposit Photo
Printed in the United States of America
First Edition: August 2017
Library of Congress Cataloging-In-Publication Data has been applied for Romines S.L.
Sperm Donor Wanted – 1st Edition
ISBN-13: 978-1974590834
ISBN-10: 1974590836
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Acknowledgments
Author Bio
Ridin’ Nerdy
POP!
Lost In Silence
Brooklyn Blues
Tiny Threads: A Snapdragon Novel
My Mr. Manny
The Unbreakable Contract
DAMAGED
Dedication
This story has meant so much to me since I started writing it five years ago. What was supposed to be a silly fan fiction story turned into so much more. It gained readers near and far who loved this story so much. Your reviews made me laugh with each and every one that came through. You are dedicated, loyal, and downright amazing, and I cannot thank you all enough for loving my words.
So, TwiFic fandom, this one’s for you!
Chapter 1
The Biological Clock
-Gia-
When I was younger, I’d always said that I would never have children. Why? Well, that’s an even longer story we can save for a rainy day but for now, let me tell you about this one.
About a week ago, I was at the park minding my own business, enjoying a Dirty Chai with a double shot of espresso, one of my guilty pleasures that I look forward to everyday on my lunch break. Anyhow, while I was sitting on my favorite bench under what I would say is the oldest willow tree at our local park, this tiny human with chestnut-colored pigtails, a pair of furry pink winter boots, and a T-shirt that read, ‘Gimme All Your Lollipops and No One Gets Hurt’, had me smiling from ear to ear. The chubby-cheeked little girl couldn’t have been more than four years old and cute as all get out. Once our stare-off commenced the weirdest damn thing happened to me. Visions of screaming babies, dirty diapers, and breast pumps started zipping through my head. I immediately began getting the sweats, nearly having a panic attack, when I realized that I was on the verge of turning thirty and the chances that my baby maker was more than likely going to crap out on me when I least expected it, hit me right in the feels.
When I looked down at the little girl I smiled again as she glanced over at me with a mischievous expression on her face, narrowing her eyes at me.
“Hi, Lady.”
Her sweet voice caused my stomach to turn and a plethora of emotions to break free. I immediately found myself on the edge of tears.
“Milly!” A woman’s terrified voice pulled me out of my mini meltdown as she barreled toward me and the little girl. “What’s Mama told you about running off? Someone could snatch you up.”
I quickly wiped the tears from under my eyes and sat there trying not to interfere but something inside me snapped as the woman scolded the child when she should’ve been watching her in the first place. Finally noticing me, a full-on scowl smacked the woman in her ugly face. She looked as though she’d just stepped in a hot pile of dog shit.
“Excuse me?”
I tossed my head back and looked at her with a wide-eyed expression. “What’s up?”
The woman was clearly pissed, and I was on my way to joining her. “Um, why were you talking to my daughter? You know, I have a right mind to call the police on you, you damn creeper. What kind of weirdo sits in a park and watches small children play?”
I released a breath through my nose and counted to ten.
First of all, I’m all for mama bears being protective of their children but the moment you let your little one run amuck and then accuse me of being a park bench weirdo, I will come unhinged and punch you right in your dew flaps.
Every time I come to this park it's always filled with small children. They laugh, they play, and they run to their mothers. What I wouldn't give to know what that’s like and here this asshat is somebody’s mother and jumping my shit because she couldn’t keep a better eye on her kid. And now that my biological clock’s clearly ticking away-and, believe me, you can sense that kind of shit–I was seriously feeling the funk and I didn’t need that asshole giving me any grief.
“Do you have any kids?”
Against my better judgment, I decided to humor Super Psycho Mommy. I released a calming breath, looked at the little girl, smiled, and then looked up at her mother. “As a matter of fact, I do not.”
“Doesn’t surprise me,” she quickly scoffed. “You know, you’d do good to stay away from other people’s babies. As a matter of fact, you’d do even better to stay away from this park altogether because if I see you here again lurking around like a…”
“Like a what?” My blood boiled throughout my veins when I stood up with my Chai still in my hand. As I thought about beating the bitch down, I noticed the little girl’s eyes wide with fear replacing that sweet smile. I quickly changed my mind about beating her sloppy mother to a purple pulp. Instead, I smiled, letting her know exactly what I thought about her. “You know what? If I didn’t care about scaring the crap out of your sweet, little girl I’d have already punched you in your lady business. Furthermore, you’d do good by stepping the hell away from me and at least try to be a better parent to your kid by keeping a better eye on her next time. Got me?”
The woman’s eyes rounded out and shock riddled her features.
“Well, I never!”
“And you probably never will again with that nasty, little attitude.” I gave the woman a once over and cocked a menacing brow at her. “Some women would give their right tit to have such a sweet child like the one you have calling them ‘mommy’. Take care of her because not everyone is as lucky as you.”
With those parting words, I winked at the little girl and gave her a tiny wave before turning on my heel and making my way to my car. As the thought of having my own child raced through my mind, one thing was for certain. I was ready to take the bull by the balls and make myself a baby.
Drastic t
imes absolutely call for drastic measures.
Chapter 2
Pancaking the Barbie
-Gia-
"Why do you look like someone just stole your Rabbit?"
Sadie. She knows me so well. And someone did steal my Rabbit vibrator. Too bad they don't make GPS for vibes because if I ever find out who took it someone’s definitely going get slapped upside the head.
"Screw you. That was my favorite vibrator. It hit all the right spots and then some.”
"Oh, Gia," she coos. "You really need to get over it. I told you I’d buy you another buzzing bunny."
And she did. My bestie is the greatest. Through thick and thin she's been there ready to tackle the dildo buying task at hand if ever the situation called for it. It makes me want to roll up my sleeves, do a fist pump and yell, "Vaginas Unite!"
Walking into her house, the sound of little feet racing down the hall makes me smile. My goddaughter, Daisy, is the sweetest little thing ever. From the moment she was born I have never loved anything more than I have that little girl and it makes my heart swell every time I’m around her.
“Auntie, Gia!”
“Whoa!” She nearly knocks the wind out of me when she runs full force into my stomach. “Dang it, kid, did you grow overnight or what?”
“Uh huh!” she says, squeezing me around my waist. “I’m gonna be just like Super Girl and Wonder Woman and G.I. Joe!”
“Baby, G.I. Joe is a boy, and you clearly aren’t a boy.” I smile down at my niece and I’m greeted with an arched brow and some serious duck lips. “What?”
The urge to laugh teeters the line when Daisy slowly crosses her arms, closes her eyes and blows out a low, hard breath. I swear this little girl is going to be a force to be reckoned with when she gets older.
“Listen, Auntie Gia. I know you know stuff about stuff but you don’t know about being a girl and stuff.”
Sadie suppresses a laugh when my eyes go wide at my niece's assessment of me.
Listen, folks. I’d like to think that I have a world of knowledge about being a female but when a little girl with fire in her eyes and the will of eighty men successfully knocks you off your soapbox, curiosity gets the best of you, causing you to listen to kid reason.
“My Daddy says that I’m gonna grow up to be a strong, independence woman.”
“I think you mean independent, baby,” Sadie corrects her daughter, earning her a deadpan expression.
“Yeah. That. And he also says that I can be anything I want to be, and I want to be Super Girl, Wonder Woman, and G.I. Joe.” Daisy’s wheels start to turn as she pauses to think things over. When the next words spill out of the child’s mouth, it takes everything I have not to lose my shit. “I just need to find out how to grow a penis but Daddy says that might be hard to do, so I think I’ll just borrow Mikey Jacobs’ penis. He’ll let me use it.”
“I like your life goals, kid, but if Mikey Jacobs lets you anywhere near his berries and bits, you better sock him in the jaw,” I tell her with a big kiss on the top of her head. “Here’s a twenty. Don’t spend it all in one place.”
As soon as I plop the money in my niece’s hand her smile reaches from ear to ear. “Thank you, Auntie Gia! I’m gonna go stuff this up my elephant's butt! Or maybe I’ll give it to Mikey Jacobs to borrow his penis!”
I shake my head as Daisy hauls ass down the hallway and heads toward her bedroom.
“I don’t know why David got her that damn piggy bank,” Sadie says as I follow her into the kitchen. “Every time she gets money, she shoves it up that damn thing’s ass. Do you want to know the worst part? The worst part is when the money goes in its ass, the trunk goes up. Poor thing looks like it just received a really horrible enema.”
“Well, I’d be more worried about Mikey Jacobs’ franks and beans rather than an elephant’s butthole eating twenty dollar bills.”
“That too. I should probably call Mikey’s mother and tell her to watch out for a pecker pay off.” Sadie chuckles as she reaches in the cabinet for a couple of coffee mugs. “So, what’s the deal? You’re supposed to be at work.”
“I called in,” I reply, parking my butt on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. “I needed to talk to you about something and I have a feeling it’s going to take a while.”
Sadie hands me a cup of coffee and narrows her eyes. “Good. It’ll give me some time to fix your ass up. You look like shit. Let’s go.”
Whenever I come over here my best friend always turns me into her walking, talking fashion doll. By the time I leave her house I look like a two dollar hooker on half price night.
"Why do you always insist on plastering my face with this crap?" I complain, sitting on the toilet seat lid, as Sadie starts to smear crap all over my face. "What’s this shit called? Plaster?"
Sadie laughs. "It's not plaster. It's Pancake."
I throw my arms up. "Oh, is that all?"
After thirty minutes and a can of hairspray later, my skin feels like a slab of concrete. I take a look in the mirror. I don't look that bad but I really hope it doesn't take a putty knife or a jackhammer to get this shit off my skin.
"All done!" Sadie does a little happy dance.
"It's alright," I say, glancing at my friend, looking incredibly proud of herself.
I have to be honest. I’ve never liked the feel of makeup on my skin. Something about all that shit embedded in my pores feels funky. But Sadie? Oh, when we were kids she had one of those multi-compartment makeup cases filled to the brim. From lipsticks to lip gloss and eye shadow to face pancake, Sadie had the most colorful face in our high school. To this day I’m still wondering how in the hell her pores survived that shit.
Standing in front of the mirror, I hear a certain little girl giggle behind me.
"You look hot, tutz."
“How do you even know what a tutz is?” I ask Daisy as she swipes one of Sadie’s hooker red lipsticks and runs it wildly across her mouth.
“Oh, Daddy calls Mama that every time he smacks her booty and then she screams like a hernia.”
“It’s hyena, baby,” Sadie replies, smiling down at her daughter. “Why don’t you head to the kitchen and I’ll get you a snack. Mama needs to talk to Auntie Gia for a minute.”
As quickly as Daisy skips out of the bathroom and down the hallway, Sadie’s eyes widen and her expression looks creepy as she stares at me with a wide, toothy grin. I look to either side of me afraid to ask, but the silence is deafening.
“Okay, I give,” I finally cave out of sheer curiosity and look up at her. “What?”
Sadie and her mouth proceed to move a mile a minute. "Okay. Here’s the deal. I know I told you I’d never, ever set you up again but David has this friend at work and I thought we all could…"
And this is where I tune her out. Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate the effort she puts into her search of finding me a boyfriend but there's just one problem. The last time Sadie set me up on a blind date the guy turned out to be funky as hell. Let’s just say that you could smell the dude from a mile away and that’s me being incredibly nice about it. I swear to whoever will listen, the guy smelled like onions and armpits.
"Please, Gia," Sadie begs. "This one will be perfect. His name’s Carl. He's really funny and…"
My hand shoots up in front of me. "Stop, dude. Just no."
Before she can oppose I bite the bullet and take the leap. Now’s about a good a time as any, and if I know Sadie she’ll just keep going and going.
"When’s the last time you heard from Roman?"
Sadie narrows her eyes. "Why?"
"No reason." I shrug, trying to feign innocence. "Just curious."
"You have something up your sleeve," she replies, waving her brush at me. "Let's have it."
I stand up and walk out of the bathroom. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I was just wondering what he’s been up to."
"Gia, you can't stand my cousin.” I can feel her hot on my heels as I walk into the kitchen. “Remem
ber that incident with your diary?"
Yeah, I may have forgotten about that bit of information.
“That was a long time ago, Sadie.”
“That’s not what you said a couple months ago. You're up to something, Gia. What is it?"
Before I give any thought to my next words, I spin around and blurt out, "I want Roman’s baby."
I think that big vein in Sadie’s neck, the one that sticks out about a good quarter of an inch when she’s nearing a panic attack, might’ve just exploded.
"What did you just say?"
I huff out another breath. "I said I want Roman’s baby."
Sadie’s eyes currently resemble those of a fly; big, fat and bulging. Her arms dart out to her side before she hollers, "Are you insane? Have you lost your damn mind, Gia? What the hell are you even saying?"
"Look," I start to reply and then decide to give her the short, sweet version. "It's just a little jizz."
"Just a little jizz?" There's that hollering again. "Just a little jizz, she says!"
I roll my eyes because what's the big friggin’ deal? People do it all the time. I mean, you have test tube babies, Petrie dish babies, and surrogate babies. There are all kinds of ways people have babies so why does this have to be such a big deal?
I watch Sadie pace throughout the kitchen, looking very similar to an expectant father with her fingernails jabbed between her teeth and sweat pellets formed across her forehead. I don't have time to think of something clever to say as she smacks both of her palms on the table.
"Look, Gia," she says, while closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I understand your desire to have a baby. Believe me, I do. I was there, remember? All fucked up and hormonal and shit. You think the cave is going to collapse or that the well is going to run dry. Well, guess what? It probably will. But right now? I just really wish that you would consider going about this the conventional way. You know, meet a man, get married and then make a baby because having a child with my cousin, or even collecting his jizz, is not a healthy situation for anyone involved."
I try to open my mouth to speak but Sadie stops me with her hand in mid-air.
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