by Ariel Tachna
“Work the bottle out of her mouth and lift her to your shoulder,” the nurse directed. “Pat her back firmly until she burps. If you get the air bubbles out a little at a time, she can keep on drinking. If they build up, she’ll end up spitting up half of what she ate.”
Srikkanth patted Sophie’s back tentatively.
“Not like that,” the nurse laughed, giving the baby a firm thump on the back. “As long as you support her head, you won’t hurt her. Go ahead; you can pat her harder than that.”
Hesitantly, Srikkanth did as the nurse directed, patting a little more firmly until Sophie let out a satisfied belch.
“Now give her another third, burp her again, and let her finish the bottle,” the nurse said. “You’re doing fine. You’re a natural as a father.”
The tears sprang to Srikkanth’s eyes as the nurse walked away again. He offered the bottle to Sophie again and stared down at her crinkled face, trying to reconcile his feelings with his intentions. It was an effort doomed to failure. Ms. Holmes had been right, he supposed, but he found he didn’t regret asking to see Sophie.
“I can’t do it,” he said, looking up at the social worker who hovered nearby. “I can’t sign the papers. I’m sorry.”
Ms. Holmes nodded. “That’s your choice. You’ll need a car seat to take her home in.”
Srikkanth felt his eyes grow wide, but he’d made his decision. Now he had to follow through. “I’ll need a day or two to make the arrangements. Obviously I wasn’t planning on this.”
“She can stay here for a few more days until you can get what you need,” Ms. Holmes assured him. “I’ll leave you to bond with your daughter. Congratulations, Mr. Bhattacharya. She’s a beautiful little girl.”
Srikkanth stared down at the baby.
His daughter.
Oh, God, what had he done?
Chapter 3
Srikkanth had no sense of the passage of time as he sat there and rocked Sophie, crooning the same lullabies his mother had sung to him. He gave her a second bottle and watched in bemusement as the nurse changed her diaper. He reached for her again, but his stomach rumbled so loudly the nurse frowned at him. “Go get something to eat and get your car seat for her. She’s ready to go home as soon as you’re ready to take her.”
“I… it’ll be a day or two,” Srikkanth apologized. “I wasn’t planning on her being mine, so I don’t have anything ready for her.”
The nurse smiled. “A quick trip to Babies / Us will take care of that. Get a good car seat and stroller, a selection of bottles, formula, diapers, a couple of blankets, a few pairs of pajamas, and somewhere for her to sleep. Everything else can wait until later.”
Everything else. Srikkanth had a sinking feeling he was in over his head, but he’d made his decision now, and he intended to stick to it.
He just had to tell Jaime and Nathaniel.
“How did it go?” Jaime asked sympathetically when Srikkanth got home.
“Um,” Srikkanth hesitated, “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give her up.”
“You’re crazy, man,” Nathaniel declared, turning back toward his room. “Good luck. You’re gonna need it.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Jaime insisted with a scowl for Nathaniel. “Yes, it’ll be some work, but I’ll help even if Nathaniel won’t. I helped my mama with my little brother and sister. I know a little bit about babies.”
“They want me to bring her home as soon as possible, and I don’t have the first idea what she needs.”
“I don’t know all that much beyond the obvious, but I know where we can figure it out. There’s a Babies / Us in the mall. We’ll find what we need there, and hopefully people who can tell us what we’ve forgotten.”
Srikkanth looked at Jaime in abject gratitude. “I don’t know how to thank you.”
Jaime grinned. “By letting me spoil her. Have you decided on a name?”
“Jill wanted to call her Sophie,” Srikkanth confided.
“That’s a lovely name. Get your keys. We’ll take your car so maybe they can help us install the car seat.”
Srikkanth got his keys and wallet and followed Jaime out the door. “Do you think it would be selfish of me to give her an Indian name as well? It might make it easier for my parents to accept.”
“I don’t think it’s selfish at all,” Jaime exclaimed. “Whatever your original arrangement with Jill, you’re in the picture now. You’re her father and you’re the one raising her. I don’t think anyone would even question it if you used Sophie as her middle name and an Indian name first.”
Srikkanth shook his head. “Indian names are hard for people to say and spell. It’s enough for it to be her middle name.”
“Do you have something in mind?” Jaime asked.
“I was thinking about Thanaa. It means thankfulness,” Srikkanth mused.
“I think that’s a very appropriate name,” Jaime agreed as they drove toward the mall. He pulled out his PDA and started typing. “We’ll need bottles,” he said aloud as he made a list. “We’ll also need a bassinet and a rocking chair, a car seat, diapers, blankets, clothes, formula. What kind of formula did they give her at the hospital?”
“I have no idea,” Srikkanth replied helplessly. “They just gave me the bottle.”
“Call the social worker back,” Jaime proposed. “She can tell you, or she can find out if she doesn’t already know.”
“I’ll call her when we get to the store,” Srikkanth agreed, the sense of unreality surging again at the thought of two gay men shopping for baby essentials.
“She’ll need a rattle or two, oh, and a teddy bear. She has to have a stuffed animal,” Jaime exclaimed.
Srikkanth whimpered, totally ill at ease.
“It’s all right, Sri,” Jaime said soothingly. “Just trust me.”
“I’m trying,” Srikkanth said, “but I keep wondering if I’ve made a mistake.”
“What does your heart tell you?” Jaime asked seriously.
“That she’s my daughter and I love her already.”
“Then you aren’t making a mistake,” Jaime assured him. “I mean, I’m sure you’ll make plenty—all parents do—but you’re not making a mistake in keeping her.”
Srikkanth let that sink in the rest of the way to the store. When he’d parked and they went inside, Srikkanth felt all his panic return at the sight of the incredible variety of paraphernalia to choose from.
“Relax,” Jaime said before Srikkanth could flee. “One thing at a time. Let’s start with the feeding supplies. You won’t want to wash her bottle every time she uses it, so you’ll want to get ten or twelve, probably.”
Srikkanth looked at the wall of bottles and nipples and brushes and shuddered. “How am I supposed to choose?”
Jaime didn’t have an immediate answer, but a woman with an infant in a sling arrived at that moment, picking out a couple of packages of nipples. “Excuse me,” he said, drawing her attention. “Could you take pity on a couple of bachelors and tell us what kind of bottle you use?”
The woman looked surprised, but she picked up a package and handed it to them. “These are the ones I use, the AVENT ones,” she said. “They’re BPA-free, so you don’t have to worry about anything getting in the milk from them, and supposedly they help reduce colic. I tried a different brand at first, but my son had terrible colic. Switching to the AVENT bottles definitely helped, although he still gets it sometimes.”
“Thanks,” Srikkanth said, looking at the package.
“How old is the baby?” the mother asked.
“She’s two days old,” Srikkanth replied.
“Then you’ll want the newborn nipples,” she told them. “Anything else will choke her because the milk comes out too fast.”
“Thank you again,” Jaime said, grabbing several sets of the nipples that matched the bottles and a bottle warmer from the bottom shelf.
“She won’t need plates or cups or anything for a few months,” Jaime told Srikkanth. “We can come ba
ck for those when she’s older. Let’s see.” He led Srikkanth past the rest of the feeding supplies to the bathtubs. “Do you want to get a tub for her? Or just bathe her in the sink? That’s what my mama did until we were old enough to sit up on our own, but I don’t know what Nathaniel would say.”
“I’d better get a bathtub,” Srikkanth sighed. “I can keep it in the upstairs bathroom so it won’t be in Nathaniel’s way.”
Jaime nodded. “Here, see the Safety 1st one? It even tells you if the water’s too hot. You don’t want to scald her accidentally.”
Srikkanth put the tub Jaime indicated in the cart and started down the aisle.
“Do you need any help finding anything?” an employee asked, coming up to where they stood.
Finding things? Srikkanth thought. How about knowing what to look for? Fortunately, Jaime answered for him. “Honestly, we need help with everything. Srikkanth found out today he’s a father and so we need to set up the basics of a nursery immediately.”
“And we’re kind of limited on space,” Srikkanth added.
To her credit, the employee—her nametag read Tricia—didn’t blink. “Let’s try this,” she suggested. “Let’s get a registry and we can use that as a way to make sure we don’t miss anything. There might be things you decide not to buy or to get later, but that way you’ll have made a choice rather than forgetting something.”
“Thank you,” Srikkanth said, his voice conveying his relief.
“It’s not a problem at all,” she assured them. “That’s why I’m here.” She disappeared for a minute, coming back with a sheaf of papers. “Okay, I see you’ve gotten the bottles taken care of. How old is the baby?”
“She’s two days old,” Srikkanth replied.
“Then you probably don’t need a high chair yet,” Tricia mused, “especially if space is a concern. Unless you want one that reclines to have a place to put her while you’re cooking?”
“I think we’d better wait on that,” Srikkanth demurred.
“I’ll watch her if it’s your night to cook,” Jaime offered.
Srikkanth shot him a grateful smile.
“Okay, on to safety gear then,” Tricia proposed. “Car seat?”
Srikkanth shook his head. “All I have is what’s already in the cart. She was supposed to live with her mother, but Jill died.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Tricia sympathized. “Your best bet is probably a car seat stroller combination. The car seat is good for a year or so, and you can continue to use the stroller even after that. The other option is a convertible car seat and then a separate stroller. You just have to make sure you choose a stroller that’s safe for a small infant without the car seat.”
“Which one is better?” Srikkanth asked.
“It’s really six of one, half dozen of the other,” Tricia replied. “The convertible ones are more expensive up front, but you only have to buy one rather than two or even three, including a booster seat for when she’s four and older, but the sets are nice because the car seat lifts out of the base and goes into the stroller so you’re not constantly having to take her in and out.”
“What do you think?” Srikkanth asked Jaime.
Jaime grinned at him. “I don’t know any better than you do.”
“I think I’d be worried about dropping her or not protecting her head enough if I was always having to get her in and out. I guess I should go with a set.”
“They’re over here,” Tricia said, leading them over to a wall full of options.
“Oh, God,” Srikkanth groaned.
“Don’t panic,” Tricia and Jaime said at the same time, the ensuing laughter breaking the tension that had grown steadily in Srikkanth’s belly.
“The strollers come in two basic kinds,” Tricia explained. “Regular and sport. If you like to run and want to take the baby with you, the sport model is more practical. Otherwise, it’s a question of fabric and price. We can’t sell them if they don’t meet safety standards.”
“I don’t want anything too frilly,” Srikkanth said immediately.
“What about this one?” Jaime proposed. “The green and polka dots aren’t too princessy.”
“That one’s very popular,” Tricia agreed, “and it’s got some little extras, like a place to keep wipes build right into the handle, that a lot of parents find very useful. Evenflo is a very reliable brand.”
“I guess I’ll get one of those, then,” Srikkanth said.
“Get the one you want,” Jaime insisted. “Sophie’s your daughter. I’m just here for moral support.”
“No, I like it,” Srikkanth insisted. “I’m back to feeling overwhelmed again. That’s all.”
Jaime patted Srikkanth’s shoulder encouragingly. “Let’s get this done so you can go back to the hospital and cuddle your daughter. It’ll all make sense again when you have her back in your arms.”
Srikkanth nodded. “What next?” he asked Tricia.
“You’ll want something to carry all her supplies in when you take her out,” Tricia said. “We have a whole line of diaper bags for dads that aren’t feminine, including some from various universities if you want to tout your alma mater.”
“I’m not that big a fan of University of Houston,” Srikkanth said with a shake of his head. “Something simple and easy to keep clean is all I need.”
“Okay,” Tricia agreed. “Would you rather a backpack style or a gym bag style?”
“Backpack, I think,” Srikkanth decided.
“Great,” Tricia said, showing them a wall of bags. “There’s the Daddys Matter sling bags or the Timberland ones. Timberland is a little less expensive, but other than that, they’re pretty comparable. You’re welcome to take them down and look at them, try them on, whatever.”
Srikkanth tried them both on, deciding he liked the ability to swing the sling bag to the front so he could get to the contents without taking it off. He added that to the growing pile in the cart. He could keep the stroller and car seat in his car and the bathtub in the upstairs bathroom he and Jaime shared so Nathaniel wouldn’t be bothered by it. “She needs somewhere to sleep, and space is an issue. Her bed has to fit in my room.”
“You can go with a bassinet or a cradle,” Tricia told Srikkanth, “which definitely takes up less space than a full-sized crib, but she’s going to outgrow it by six or seven months when she starts rolling over and pulling up, because the mattress height isn’t adjustable on most of them, and even on the ones that are, the sides aren’t as high.”
Srikkanth sighed. “So I can either buy something small now and replace it in six months or get the bigger crib and deal with being crowded.”
“Pretty much,” Tricia agreed with a wry smile. “Unless you wanted to go with something like a playpen. A lot of them have two levels so you could adjust it, and they fold up and are easy to move around the house. It’s not quite as nice as a bed, but it definitely takes up less space, and if you reach the point where you want to get her a crib or a toddler bed, you can still use the playpen to keep her confined, say, in the kitchen or out in the yard. In fact, we just got a new one in by Graco that might be perfect for you.”
She led them toward the play yards and showed them a playpen with an adjustable bottom, a removable changing table, and a small bassinet that attached to the sides. “She can use the bassinet right now, and then when she gets a little bigger, she can sleep on the floor of the playpen, either at this height or at the lower one. The floor is nicely padded, so it’s firm but not hard.”
“And it isn’t frou frou,” Jaime teased.
Srikkanth flushed slightly. “You know how Jill was. She wouldn’t want me to raise a prissy girl.”
“No,” Jaime agreed, sobering, “she wouldn’t. She’d approve of what you’re choosing.”
“Okay, blankets, a couple of outfits, diapers, and formula, and I think you’ll have enough to get started,” Tricia declared.
“And a teddy bear,” Srikkanth teased Jaime in turn. “This pushover
insists she needs a stuffed animal.”
Tricia laughed. “She probably won’t even notice it until she’s a couple of months old. Lights and music are much more likely to draw her attention, but I’ll show you where the toys are and you can pick what you want.”
“I forgot to ask what kind of formula she was getting at the hospital,” Srikkanth remembered.
“Which hospital?” Tricia asked.
“Good Sam.”
“Probably Enfamil, then,” Tricia said. “That’s what they use unless there’s an allergy, but you’ll want to make sure. Formula is one of the few things you can’t exchange—for safety reasons, obviously.”