To Live Again

by Melody Dawn

  Well, if I want to get Jayson away from me, no makeup is the way to go because I look like the walking dead. I hurry to get ready since I took forever to get out of bed and once I’m done, I run out the door with little hope of being on time to school. Of course, little Miss M yells at me that she knows I’m avoiding her and that she will see me tonight. Guess it’s a good thing that I got the extra food because she can eat like two grown men.

  At the thought of tonight, my heart rate accelerates and I don’t know whether its nerves or seeing Jayson. God, please let tonight go well. I need this more than anything. Whether anything happens between us or not, I just need a normal night. And maybe to forget the past, just for a bit.

  I find a parking place and walk quickly to my class wondering if I will see Jayson today. Today, it’s Trigonometry, another class of torture, since I have the intelligence of an amoeba when it comes to higher forms of Math.

  Thankfully, the professor is late so I go outside to get a water when I hear, “Hey little bit, what’s going on?”

  I immediately know it is #2 aka Connor. I don’t care if he was born first; in my book he is #2…for more reasons than one. OK, maybe I need to lay off the guy. He IS funny and he seems to like Madison; maybe he is different than he seems. I know all about presenting a fake side to the world rather than my true self.

  With that thought in mind, I smile at him and ask, “Hey Connor, what are you doing here?”

  He looks confused and asks how I knew he wasn’t Jayson. I start laughing because there is no way I would confuse the two, but I’m not telling him that.

  “He doesn’t call me ‘little bit,’ only you do.”

  Giving me an arrogant grin, he says, “Yeah, I know. I heard him call you princess.” I just roll my eyes at him and punch his arm. “Geez, you’re strong for someone so little!” he says in a strained voice, like I really hurt him. I mean, he has arms the size of a tree trunk; I know I didn’t hurt him.

  Trying to act like I’m mad, I say, “Oh shut up, Connor, I didn’t hurt you!”

  He gives up trying to look wounded and finally gets to the point…where is Maddie? Oh, Ok, Now, I see why he is talking to me so much...he likes her. This should be interesting; she is going to give him a run for his money.

  I know she likes him too because again, there was no sex talk from her about him. So, I decide to play Cupid and invite him to our study date/dinner tonight. When he hears Maddie will be there along with ribeye steaks, I get a big hug out of him.

  “Get off of me, you freak!” I wheeze because he is crushing me, but I’m smiling, too.

  He is sort of hard not to laugh or smile around. Just in case he has any player ideas, I glare at him and tell him that he can come to dinner, but if he messes with Maddie, I will hurt him when he least expects it. He assures me that he won’t do that to her and for some reason I believe him. I don’t think Connor is as bad as he tries to make everyone believe. Or maybe that’s what I want to believe for Maddie’s sake. I know she can handle him so I tell him to be there at 6:00 p.m. Then I tell him goodbye because I need to get back to my paid for educational torture…you know, because I’m crazy like that.

  As I am trying to figure out sine and cosine, my phone vibrates. Hoping the professor doesn’t see me, I sneak a peek because I have a feeling I know who it is. I feel my cheeks start burning from smiling so hard because I was right, it is him.

  Jayson: Hey princess, I hear we are having company for studying and dinner.

  Chloe: Are you ok with that? Maddie wanted to eat with us and then I saw Connor in the hallway. I felt bad.

  Jayson: That’s cool. Just wanted to make sure Connor didn’t invite

  himself.

  Chloe: No, he didn’t, but Maddie did. I’m used to it.

  Jayson: So you have company on all your dates?

  Chloe: No! I’ve never been on a real date, so not what I usually do.

  Jayson: Then I’m glad I’m the first, but this won’t be our first date. I can do better than studying

  Crap, shit, crap! I didn’t mean to text that. My thumb hit send before I realized what I just said. I am so lame; he is going to think I’m a loser. Who is a sophomore in college and has never been on a real date? For the longest time, my phone sat quiet and I thought that maybe he was writing me off. But, after that conversation, now I am really smiling…I think I may have hit the hot and sweet guy jackpot!

  Of course, reality breaks in when my educational torturer tells me to put the phone up. What a buzz kill! Still, I can’t quit smiling. If anyone looks over at me, they are going to think I am either in love with Trig or a freak. Ha, if they only knew. Time drags on until I am ready to scream and finally, it’s time to go. I run out of the classroom to the car and speed home because I need to prep for dinner and do something about my scary appearance before tonight.

  When I get home, I rush to the closet and try to find something that is pretty, but doesn’t look like I am trying too hard. After a dozen outfits, I feel defeated, when suddenly my fashion guru bursts through the door. She never knocks, which is annoying, but I don’t say anything because I need some help right now.

  Feeling desperate, I say, “Hey, I need some help picking out something to wear.”

  She is already going through my closet so I hear her muffled voice. “Sure, I’ll help.”

  While she is looking through my closet, I tell her that both Jayson and Connor are going to be here tonight, but she just says ok like she doesn’t really care. I smile inwardly because she couldn’t be more transparent. If this was one of her regulars, she would have been talking my ear off. I try to be sly and ask, “What do you think of him?”

  She looks over at me with a blank look on her face and says, “He’s gorgeous, but nothing is going to happen.” Suddenly she says, “I don’t care if he comes tonight. At least I will have some company while you bat your eyelashes at Jayson.”

  I bite my lip to keep from smiling when I say, “I didn’t know you felt that way; I guess you won’t care that he asked about you in Trig today.”

  Her mouth drops open, but she quickly shuts it and shrugs her shoulders. I can tell she is affected even though she doesn’t turn around because I hear her take a deep breath. She doesn’t ask what he said, but I know she is dying to know. I put her out of her misery and tell her everything he said. In my bedroom mirror, I see a little smile on her face. I knew she liked him. She thinks she is so slick, but I know her game. I hope it works out for them.

  Suddenly, she is like a woman possessed and flips through my clothes at the speed of light. Like a drill sergeant, she barks at me, “Ok, here you go. Wear your short black denim skirt because it shows off your legs and pair it with your purple spaghetti strapped top since it shows off the girls and it will make him think of sex”

  I roll my eyes, but I know she’s right; I know I’m already thinking of it.

  She throws my black wedges at me and says, “Be sure to wear your hair down, but make sure to curl it. I’m going to pull up the sides with these butterfly clips and I’ll do your makeup because you look like death warmed over.”

  At this point, I know she is in the zone and I just wait for her to finish because even if I talk to her, she won’t hear me.

  When she notices I am quiet, she says, “Come on, slut, I have to get ready, too!” I bring my stuff to the bathroom and start the shower when she opens the door and says, “Shave everywhere, I mean everywhere, got it?” “You don’t want to scare him off with a Bigfoot impression.” I am officially mortified, but that’s my best friend, so I just laugh and nod.

  Right before she closes the door, I yell at her to do the same because sexy #2 is going to be in her panties the first chance he gets. She yells back that he is #1 and that she is going to get in his pants first. I laugh some more and finish getting ready and what do you know, I look in the mirror without realizing it. I look happy and if that’s all I get out of this evening with Jayson, it will mean the world.

&nbs
p; With a spring in my step, I go to the kitchen to get our dinner ready. I’ve got the radio blaring and I’m singing at the top of my lungs. Madison says she can always tell I’m happy when she hears me singing. I have to say my bestie looks smoking. She has on low rise jeans with a black tank showcasing a sparkly fleur-de-lis and strappy black heels. In addition, she has her blonde hair in a ponytail and smoky eyes with lip gloss. I can’t wait for Connor to see her. I tell her that if they start up that she better go back to his house because I don’t want to hear that. Of course, I don’t get any respect from her and she flips me off. I can tell she is happy, too, so I don’t give her any grief for it.

  She chops the asparagus while I season the meat and put the potatoes in the oven. Lastly, we set the table and I run back to my room to get my books and laptop. She tells me I’m a moron and says to leave the books and computer in my room so I can take him in there for us to have some alone time. I tell her that I can see right through her and that she is after alone time for her and Connor. She doesn’t deny it, so I know that I am right. I turn on some country music since that’s what the twins like and go back in the kitchen to check everything out. I hear the doorbell ring and I instantly feel sick and happy at the same time.

  I hear them all talking in the living room and I know it’s time to go in there. I square my shoulders, push the door open, and walk in just in time to see the father of my future children. Sorry, Bruno, you’re out because Jayson is definitely in. We stand there staring at each other and smiling like two idiots. He looks absolutely scrumptious. If the black hair and green eyes aren’t a showstopper, the body sure is. He has on blue hospital scrubs and all I can think is, I’m in lust!

  They all laugh and then I realize that I SAID THAT OUT LOUD! It’s official, I’m going to die of embarrassment. I will be the first case of death by blushing. I don’t know how to get out of this. I think he knows I can’t speak because he comes over and hugs me while whispering in my ear that he’s right there with me. I feel a little better and we stand there hugging. I’m not letting go…no way. He will just have to walk around with me attached to him.

  Realizing that I am being beyond weird, I pull back, say hello, and give Connor a quick pat on the back. He looks good, too, in jeans and a t-shirt, but I’m not worried about him. Madison looks like she is about to hump him so I’ll leave him to her. Granted, he looks like he might do the honors first, so I guess it’s ok.

  They go off into the living room while Jayson comes into the kitchen with me. I’m not really sure what to say so I start filling the glasses with ice and ask about his day. I know he knows I’m embarrassed, but he doesn’t say anything, instead he just asks if he can help, and I fall just a little bit harder.

  Chapter Twelve

  Jayson

  My alarm goes off and I wake up with one thought. I am going to see my girl tonight. Yeah, I’ve decided she is mine and now I have to work on getting her to come around to my way of thinking. I don’t think it will take too much convincing, but women are confusing so I’m not going to assume it’s a done deal. As I get up and get my clothes together for the day, I decide to put the clothes on that I’m going to wear tonight.

  Not only do I have school today, but I have to go to my job in the Medical Center. I work part time as an ER tech in the emergency room of Methodist Hospital. I usually enjoy it, but when my classes end at 10:45 this morning, I have to hurry to clock in at noon so I can be out by 5:00 PM. Normally, I work 2nd shift three nights a week, but I traded with my buddy so I could make it to Chloe’s for dinner. I’m probably going to stink like the hospital when I get done, but maybe I can get a quick shower when my shift ends. If not, I will just wear my scrubs to Chloe’s and see if she will let me shower there. I hope this will be an easy school day as well as no crazies at the hospital, but that’s probably wishful thinking.

  I’m standing in my closet looking at my clothes and I realize that I'm trying to find something that will impress Chloe. I laugh to myself and thank any deity that’s listening for keeping my brother out of my room while I’m doing this. If he were to see me, I would never hear the end of it and then I would have to take him out, which would upset my mom. So I get a move on and find some jeans, and Old Navy t-shirt, and my Harley boots. I don’t know why I am stressing out over my clothes because she has seen me in something similar and she wasn’t repulsed, so I’m sticking with it.

  Right on schedule, Connor bangs on my door and does his tired routine about getting up. I can’t help but laugh; I know I give him a hard time any chance I get, but he really is a good guy. He’s just challenged when it comes to maturity, which makes me think that I was actually born first and that some idiot got us mixed up in the delivery room. That’s a really good one! I have to remember to tell him that when he’s spouting his shit about being the older brother; I know that will get him going.

  When I walk into the kitchen, Connor is standing at the bar eating breakfast. Neither of us is Bobby Flay in the kitchen, so he is scarfing down Lucky Charms and burnt toast. “

  Hey, you want some?” he asks with his mouth full.

  “Dude, swallow your food first before you choke. And don’t talk with your mouth full…I don’t want to see that this early in the morning,” I tell him.

  Rather than getting a jab in, he stands there silently. “Jayson, you need to lighten up. What’s with you lately? You’re always on my case about something."

  He looks uncharacteristically hurt and I feel like shit. He is right; I have been nitpicking him lately. I try to stumble through an apology until he laughs at me and says, “Jase, I’m yanking your chain. This is just us.”

  I feel relief, but I tell myself I am going to lay off because he’s my brother, not my son. I know he is teasing me, but I think there might be some truth to his words. He isn’t the type to come out and say exactly what he is thinking. Instead he teases to hide his real feelings.

  While I’m contemplating this, he moves on and asks, “Are you ready to see your princess tonight?”

  I laugh and say, “Hell yeah! What about you? Are you going to quit being a male slut and take on Madison?”

  Expecting him to make a dirty comment, he looks away and doesn’t answer me. Now, that is really strange because Connor always has a dirty comment and I saw him with her at Chipotle’s so I know he’s into her. “Connor, what about Madison?” I get the surprise of my life when he looks at me seriously and says that she’s hot, but he isn’t for her.

  I don’t even know what to say to that; why wouldn’t he be good for her? So, I tell him that if he quits being a man whore and gives her a chance, he might be surprised. But, he shakes his head and says she isn’t into that and he’s not going there with her. Before I can comment, he winks and says he wouldn’t mind getting busy with her. Well, I’m leaving this alone; I know he likes her. For some reason, I can tell he doesn’t think he is good enough for her. As much as I hate to leave it, I will have to talk to him about it later; I’ve got to get to school on time.

  I grab a power bar and Gatorade and make my way to my truck. Before I know it, I’m at school. My thoughts are so consumed with seeing Chloe tonight that I am going on autopilot. As I head to my Calculus class, I see Alyssa Johnson heading my way.

  I try to walk past her as fast as I can, but she grabs my arm and asks in her very annoying voice, “Hey Jase, where have you been? I’ve been missing you.”

  Then she slides her hand down my chest towards my junk and I know it’s time to put a stop to her mauling me. I’m ashamed to say it, but she has been my hookup since last semester. She assured me that we were only fuck buddies, but as much as she texts me and is constantly grabbing me, I have a feeling its more than that. I grab her hand before she can make it too far and tell her we need to talk.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Connor heading my way. We don’t usually have classes together since he is an engineering major, but we both have Calc at the same time. Great, maybe he can help me out if she get
s crazy, which I know she is going to. She might get on my nerves, but I don’t want to be a dick to her. It’s not her fault that I don’t see her in the way she wants or that I met someone.

  So, I try to let her down easy. “Hey, Alyssa. It’s good to see you.”

  She beams at me like I just proposed and I realize that was the wrong way to go. Connor stands a little bit away from us, but I know he is listening to our conversation.

  She leans into me and says, “I want to see you tonight. My pussy misses you making me come over and over.”

  I know she is trying to be seductive, but I feel sick to my stomach. What have I been thinking? I hear Connor laughing and I flip him off behind my back. Taking a deep breath, I say, “Alyssa, I met someone so that’s not going to be happening anymore.”

  Her mouth falls open and for the first time since I’ve known her, she is speechless. I see her eyes narrow and she asks, “What bitch are you cheating on me with?”

  Cheating on her? Is she nuts? Cheating on her would mean we had a relationship and that is far from the truth. I don’t have time for this shit; I need to get to class so I tell her, “First, she isn’t a bitch and second, I’m not cheating on you. We aren’t in a relationship.”

  She looks like she is about to cry and for a second I feel sorry for her.

  But that goes away quickly when she yells, “I’ll find out who she is and when I do, she better hide. You’re mine and only mine. You better remember that!”

  I’m so startled that I don’t say anything and that’s when my big bro steps in.

  Looking down at her, he says, “Hey skank, you need to back off of Jayson. He just told you that you’re over so that’s it. Get on some meds because y’all were never in a relationship and you know it.”

  She sees the look on his face and realizes he means business so she backs up and says, “You’ll be back. There’s no way you will be able to stay away.”