To Live Again

by Melody Dawn

  At this point, she is crying and laughing while shaking her head yes and I feel like I was just handed the fucking sun, moon, stars, and any other shit that is supposed to be romantic. I frame her face with my hands and this time when we start to kiss, it feels right. I slide my tongue over her lips and into her sweet mouth. I think I could stay here for days, but again my cock is begging to be let free of my jeans.

  As I run my hands up her legs, I realize she is naked under her robe. She blushes and tells me she was getting ready to soak in the bathtub while she thought about what to do with our situation. I suddenly have a great idea and tell her I will be right back. I go into her bathroom and let out the water that has grown cold and put in new hot water along with the Velvet Sugar bubble bath she has sitting on the side of the tub. Her candles are already lit and I see her tablet with her Spotify pulled up. I grin to myself because she has separate playlists for various things in her life. First, I click on the bath list, but decide to play the love list instead. After I get everything ready, I take off my boots, socks, and shirt; then I go off to get the most important thing in the world to me.

  Chloe looks up when I walk into the living room and when she sees how I’m dressed, she looks excited, but afraid. I don’t say anything yet, but I will once I get her into the bath. I want her to know how important she is to me and that this will never be just about sex; especially since I know she’s a virgin and doesn’t seem to trust easily. I pick her up bridal style and carry her into the bathroom. When she sees what I’ve done, she has a big smile and thanks me because she loves a great bath. She is going to love them even more after this one is done with.

  I set her down on her feet and start to untie her robe. She immediately grabs my hands so I just lean forward and begin kissing her neck and ears. I whisper to her that this is only going to be a bath and that I want to take care of her. If I do anything she doesn’t like, all she has to do is say no. She seems to relax at that and once again I untie the robe. I let the robe drop to the floor and when I look down at her, I’m in awe at how beautiful she is. I know she is embarrassed because I can see her face and neck flushing so I just pull her to me.

  We stand there hugging with our naked chests touching and I know I am on really thin ice. I step back and help her into the tub, turn on the play list which starts with Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me” and she leans back in the bath, I kneel down next to her. I see there is one of those loofah things my mom buys and grab that with the bath gel. Chloe lays there as I first use my hands to soap up her arms, legs, and stomach. For now, I stay in the PG areas until she is comfortable and relaxed.

  At this point, all I can do is pray I don’t come in my damn pants because things are about to get hotter. She is lying there with her head on this bath pillow thingy and her arms resting on the side of the tub. Her eyes are closed and I’m glad because I want this first touch to be a surprise. I soap my hands up again and begin caressing her upper chest, she keeps her eyes closed, but as I get nearer to her breasts, she starts to thrust her chest up towards me. I go around in a circle touching every part but her nipple. Then I do the same to the other breast. She is breathing heavily, but still has her eyes closed. I take my thumbs and brush the soap over and around each nipple and her back arches out of the tub with a moan. After doing this a few times, I take the loofah and put soap on it and then do the same pass over and around each nipple. By this time, she is moaning so loudly, it’s all I can do not to pull her out of the tub and thrust into her. I take the hot water and rinse off her chest and dry it off somewhat. I tell her to close her eyes and keep her hands on the side of the tub. Somehow, I don’t think she is going to follow my directions.

  I soap her stomach up again as well as her legs and then before she knows where I’m going, I stroke the lips of her bare pussy. I don’t know if she waxes or shaves, but she is completely bare and so soft to my touch. I stay on the outside until she starts to thrust her hips up at me. Making sure she is wet, I move two fingers along her slit from the opening to her clit. When I reach her clit, she moans and starts to plead with me. I’m trying to make this as good for her as possible and I repeat the same passes, but this time when I get to her clit, I begin stroking it while moving my mouth to her nipple and licking it. Her moans are getting louder and I can feel the walls of her pussy starting to flutter when I make another pass up through her slit.

  “Are you getting close, princess,”

  She moans and shakes her head yes and this time I gather her juices around her clit and stroke over it. I know she is expecting me to keep doing that, but I do something I have never done before. I don’t know what makes me do it, but all of a sudden while stroking her clit, I gently pinch while scoring my teeth on her nipple. Chloe screams loudly and thrashes about and I immediately push two fingers into her vagina. I don't go in to far since she is still innocent, but I can still feel her walls clenching over and over while she moans and screams my name. I stay with her and stroke her gently until the clenching stops and she begins pushing my hand away. I lean forward and kiss her because I have to do something. I am in legitimate pain, but I don’t care…this was for her…I’ll just have to take care of myself later.

  After making sure she is clean and then rinsed off, I lift her out of the tub and begin drying her off. She asks what about me and I tell her there will be plenty of time for me later…this was only meant to be for her. I go in her room and get a sleep shirt for her. She raises her eyebrows when she sees no panties, but I just laugh. While she is brushing her teeth and doing whatever girls do before bed, I go outside to my truck. Right now, I’m glad that I always keep an extra bag of clothes, toothbrush, etc. in there in case I have to go somewhere straight from the hospital.

  When I get back to her apartment, she tells me that the bathroom is free. She has already cleaned up the water from the bathtub and put away the towels. I brush my teeth and take my socks, boots, and t-shirt back off. I wish I had something besides jeans to lay down in, but it’s better than nothing.

  She knocks on the bathroom door and asks with a blush, “Are you commando under those jeans?”

  Winking at her, I say, “No, pervert, I’m not.”

  Her blush really reddens and she says that if I was planning on staying the night, I could just sleep in my underwear. I was not planning to stay, but hell will freeze over before I leave now.

  It’s only 8:00 PM, but we pile up in her bed anyway and she says to let her know when I get hungry and she will either call out or make something. I roll her over and start kissing her neck and say I’m already hungry. Looking into her beautiful face, she grins at my innuendo. I know she isn’t ready for anything else so we pull up some movies on Netflix. She takes pity on me and lets me pick. I try not to be a jerk and only pick out guy movies so we compromise. We decide on Rush Hour 3 because she loves the scene where the nun translates for the assassin and the outtakes with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker at the end of the movie.

  We watch movies, order Chinese take-out, and then do a little making out before finally just holding each other. I lay there and hold her and think of what I have found and how special she is. I know it’s way too soon to say things like I love you, but I have never felt like this before. Even with my dick aching, I’m happy because I have my girl in my arms. Hugging her tighter, my last thoughts before I fade off to sleep is that I’m the luckiest asshole on the planet.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chloe

  I wake up sometime around 2:00 a.m.…well, that’s new; it isn’t 5:48 so I will gladly take it. I suddenly feel that I’m not alone and now I know why I’m so warm and comfortable. Jayson is wrapped around me in his sleep like he is afraid I will try to escape. There is no way I am leaving this bed willingly with him in it.

  I try to scoot around to get more comfortable and he just moves with me. My head is on his shoulder and my legs are intertwined with his while he has his arm wrapped around my waist. I’m lying here thinking that nothing could be better
this. I have never felt so safe in my life. With that thought, a pang of fear goes through my body so strong, I shudder. I suddenly realize that this could be taken away from me in a heartbeat if I don’t come clean with him.

  I know I have to tell him and I actually want to; I just don’t know how to do it. I have kept it shut up inside me for so long that I barely admit it to myself. It’s just that we are so new; if I were himand I found out this type of secret, I would most likely break it off. At least I think I would. Right now, I don’t know anymore. I tell myself that we need to get to know each other better and spend more time together and then I will do it. I also know this is a bunch of bullcrap that I am telling myself. If I know me and I do, I’m going to wait until the last minute or until I am forced to tell him. I just pray that he is a better person than I am and will give me a chance to explain.

  With all my self-reflection, I must have stiffened up because Jayson wakes up and I know he is staring at me. He starts rubbing my back and I am doing everything I can to keep from crying and letting it all out. Maybe I should just tell him now while we are still new and it won’t hurt so badly when he leaves me. I know he can feel the shudders in my body from me crying and I’m wetting his chest with my tears. I wait for him to question me and insist I tell him what is wrong. But, he proves me wrong again when he rolls me beneath him. His arms lie on either side of my head and he starts kissing away my tears. This only serves to make him appear even sweeter than ever. I finally get control of myself and I realize he is lying above me with a strange look on his face.

  I began to try to speak and he rolls over, taking me with him. With our arms wrapped around each other, he whispers in my ear that he knows something is bothering me. He tells me he has known it since Chipotle when I had to hurry to the restroom to keep from crying. His next words make me want to get on my knees and propose.

  Though it’s only us in the room, he whispers, “I know something has happened to you. I have no idea what it is, but I know it keeps you from living life. I’m going to help you start learning to live this life that is passing you by. Whatever is causing the dark circles under your eyes and these tears can’t be that bad. I’m not going to push you to tell me. You will tell me when you trust me. As much as I want to rush that, I can see you don’t trust easily. But, we’re going to get there, princess. And I’m not going to love you any less for it.”

  By this point, I’m shaking and holding onto him so hard, I’m sure he will have marks from my hands digging into his skin. Did he just say he wouldn’t love me any less?

  As if he can hear my thoughts, he tells me “Yes, I did say love and that’s what I meant.”

  I start to protest, but he tells me that he knows his feelings, he can’t help if they’re fast, and don’t fit in with what society thinks is an acceptable time frame for saying those words. I don’t know what to say; I know what I feel, but I’m way too scared to say it. Especially with him not knowing what he is facing by being with me.

  All this emotion is getting to be too much for me. So, I do what I’ve wanted to do for a while; I’m doubting that he is going to protest. Seeing that he is already just in his boxer briefs, I sit up and pull my nightgown over my head. With the little light that is shining through my window, he looks slightly panicked but even more turned on. I know what I want though and if this gets to be the only thing I can have with him, I’m going to take it.

  I lean down and begin kissing him on his face, neck, and chest. I have no idea what I am doing, but I am going to wing it. As I kiss down his chest, I realize that I want to see this gorgeous body that I am loving on. So, I reach over to my bedside table and turn my lamp on low. It’s just enough light that I can see all that is Jayson.

  I begin pulling down his boxer briefs and he lifts his hips to help me. Oh crap, how in the freaking hell is that going to go inside of me? Choosing not to focus on that, I realize that his cock is beautiful like the rest of him and I think to myself, what a strange thought!

  My brain is working overtime because I also notice that either my man has been skinny dipping in the daytime or something because he has no tan lines anywhere on his body. Once again, I start kissing his chest and move down to his stomach where his cock is laying. I just lay there with my head on his stomach and hold him, sometimes moving my hand up and down, but mainly just holding onto him like it is my security blanket. Yes, I know this sounds weird!

  Finally, I get the bravery to kiss the tip and take his head into my mouth. I have never wanted to do this before. I always thought it would taste gross like maybe if they didn’t get the urine off completely or it would be sweaty. Jayson just has a clean taste and I want more of him in my mouth. I open my mouth to take him in and begin moving my head up and down.

  I look up at him and he actually looks like he is in pain and I think, “Holy crap, I’m doing it wrong!”

  He falls out of my mouth as I sit up. I sit there for a minute because I’m in shock; I didn’t think there was a wrong way to give a blowjob, but it looks like there is and I found it. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I turn my head away from him because I am so freaking humiliated. The next thing I know, he is sitting next to me and pulls me on his lap.

  “What is wrong and why do you look as if somebody stole your Michael Kors bag away from you,” he asks?

  I want to try to be mad, but that makes me laugh. I hit him in the shoulder and tell him joking about Michael is never funny!

  I get serious then and tell him what I am thinking. “I just can’t believe I screwed up a blowjob! I mean, I thought if you get your mouth down there and don’t bite anything, you’re good to go!” He is looking at me like I’m crazy so I keep going. “I actually had you in my mouth and you looked like you were in pain. I may not be experienced, but even I know BJ’s don’t cause pain!”

  Jayson laughs until he can’t talk and now I’m getting pissed at him. While trying to breathe through his laughter, he tells me that he wasn’t in pain, but that it felt so great, he was afraid of it ending too quickly.

  Now, I’m looking at him with a question and he says, “I didn’t want to come in your mouth.” I think my face is turning every color of the rainbow. He grabs me up and hugs me and says, “It was really good, baby, but I didn’t want to just blow my load into your mouth after a couple of minutes.”

  We are both laughing at this point and he tells me that I can work on my skills later. Climbing back into bed, we lay there and he asks me if I was doing it to distract him from our earlier discussion? Jesus, he is freaking smart and knows me pretty well already. I don’t want to talk about this because I know it’s going to lead into a conversation I’m not ready for. So I tell him that he just felt and smelled so good; I wanted to taste him.

  He gives me a hug and says all of that will come naturally, but he wants to go slow. I tell him after my bath that I do not want to go slow at all. I also tell him that I do not want to be the last college aged virgin alive. I thought he would think this was funny, but I get the look and he tells me that when it happens, it’s not going to be because I am upset and want to use sex to cover it up.

  Feeling like he is rejecting me, I feel sad, mad, and plain pissed off until I finally accept he is right. I remember explaining to Daniel that I wanted it to be special and now I actually have that chance with Jayson. I may not be getting married or engaged to him, but it still feels like it would be special between us. I bury my face in his neck and he whispers that when I trust him fully, he’s going to have me.

  At first, I’m thrilled until I realize what he is saying. When I trust him enough to tell him my secret, we will be together in every way. I try to be still and act like everything is ok, but I know he can feel the stiffness in my body. We lay there and he strokes my back until I finally fall asleep praying that I don’t open my eyes at 5:48. I have a feeling if I do, my secret is going to come out a lot quicker and I’m just not ready.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Jayson

  I wa
ke up the next morning alone in Chloe’s bed, which I fully expected. I know the things said in the dark aren’t always easy to face in the light of day. Rather than say anything about it to her, I looked around for my clothes, but could only find my jeans. I put them on and follow the smell of a great breakfast cooking.

  Now I see where my shirt went to; Chloe is standing at the stove wearing my t-shirt although it could be a long shirt or a short dress on her. As usual, she has her Spotify playlist on and is singing loud enough to wake the dead or at least the neighbors. It makes me laugh, but the scene is so domestic, my heart skips a few beats. I’m starting to wonder who the girl is in this relationship. Knowing I would get a slap on the head for that chauvinistic remark from my mom and probably from Chloe, it still makes me nervous that I am so invested in a relationship with a girl who I’ve known for a few days. A girl I professed to love last night; so what is wrong with me today? It feels like an ice bath is poured over me when I realize she didn’t tell me how she felt and knowing that on top of whatever she has in her past makes me begin to have second thoughts. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of my first real heartbreak. Suddenly, I don’t feel so hungry or happy anymore.

  Just as I am about to go and call Connor and ask him to help get me out of here, Chloe turns and says, “Hey sleepyhead, I’ve got breakfast going.”

  She looks happy, and once I would have been glad, but now I really want to get the hell away. I know I’ve got to say something so I don’t make her uncomfortable.

  I smile weakly and say, “Uh, I see where my shirt went; I wondered where it was.” That’s what I came up with?