To Live Again

by Melody Dawn

  He reaches down and squeezes my leg and says, “Don’t move.” He says it quietly, but I can feel the command in it and my body automatically responds.

  Continuing with the massage, he kneads the muscles of my thighs and calves. He even massages each foot…I’m so thankful I got a pedicure recently…and right now, I’m thinking I need his hands on the more pertinent parts of my body. I decide that the massage has gone on long enough and just like if he has been reading my body for years, he stops. The next thing I know I feel his lips on the back of my calves.

  He licks and kisses all the way up my legs until he gets to my ass. He begins placing soft kisses all over each cheek and right now, I feel like I could orgasm from this alone. This promises good things for me. I’m so delirious that it startles me when he flips me over. His face is right in line with my pussy and we just stare at each other. He smiles with the most devilish smile I’ve ever seen come across his face.

  Leaning down, he takes a long lick from the bottom to the top, stopping short of my clit. I want to scream in frustration. I’m so turned on, if he would just do a little more, I’m going to come like a freight train. My legs start to shake as he opens me with his fingers and begins licking and kissing my pussy. It feels so good but it’s just not enough!

  I whisper loudly as I can, “I need more Jayson, please!”

  He doesn’t say a word, but lets me know I’m not in control by avoiding my clit and keeping me on edge.

  All of a sudden he stops and moves up my body and says, “I forgot something.”

  I’m barely coherent enough to say, “You did?”

  He says, “Yes, I did. I fucking love your tits, princess. They’re made for my hands, my mouth and my tongue.”

  With that, he takes my nipple into his mouth and begins to suck. My hips automatically move upwards with each tug. Moving over, he repeats the process with the other breast and I’m becoming frantic. I wonder if anyone else in the house can hear my moans. Right as I feel like I’m about to come, he moves back down and sucks my clit into his mouth just as he pinches both of my nipples. All of the stimulation is too much and I have the hardest orgasm of my life. My whole body trembles and I can feel my pussy clenching over and over; I can’t scream or even moan, I just lay there reveling in the response he just pulled from my body.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Jayson

  Lying down next to Chloe, I feel like my balls are about to burst or my dick is going to fall off if I don’t fuck her in the next few minutes. You aren’t going to fuck her for her first time, asshole, I think to myself. I wanted to relax her before I pushed inside of her, but when I flipped her over, and her pussy was right there, I knew I had to taste her. With her body still quivering every so often, all I want to do is take her now. I’m trying not to be selfish and remember this is her first time. But, anytime my mouth and hands are on her or my dick gets near her, a whole different guy takes over.

  I stroke her hair and face and before I know it, I’ve moved down to her tits again. What the hell is wrong with me tonight? It’s like I can’t control myself and that is one thing I value, I always control myself. This is what I meant earlier when I said she owns me. It scares me sometimes and that makes me feel like a big pussy; I’m scared of a little 5’2” girl.

  Feeling her hand on my cock, I shut down my thoughts and turn towards her. She is stroking me and it feels great, but if I don’t want to look like a thirteen year old boy, I need her to stop.

  Grabbing her hand, I tell her, “That feels great, baby, but I’m not coming in your hand.”

  She laughs and says, “Then I think you better get to deflowering me so you don’t have to worry about that.”

  Right before I kiss her, I have to tell her, “You’re such a smart ass.”

  She laughs harder and says, “If you don’t get a move on, we’re going to find out about

  the sensitive nerve endings in your ass.”

  I shake my head and get down to business. I start kissing her and I feel her hands go immediately into my hair. I’ve always loved kissing Chloe. She puts her whole self into it and it makes me feel like I’m the most important person in the world to her. As my tongue slides around hers and I suck it into my mouth, she starts whimpering. Call me crazy, but it feels like Jayson on steroids takes over. I want to consume her until she can only think of me.

  These thoughts keep rolling around in my brain and as if she can read my mind, she pulls back and asks, “What’s wrong, Jayson? Why are you holding back?”

  I don’t have an answer for her; maybe I’m afraid of hurting her.

  Cursing my noble side, I tell myself to get it together before I scare her away completely. I start kissing her again, this time moving down to her neck, I suck and bite at her skin because like the caveman I’m discovering I am, I want to mark her for everyone to see. I find the spot where her neck meets her shoulder and bite down, but not hard enough to hurt her.

  She starts moaning as I lick the spot I’ve bitten and says, “Oh, Jayson, that feels so good.”

  Her response spurs me on and I leave open mouth kisses on every part of her body that I can get to until I reach her tits. I could spend all day right here and I take a hard nipple into my mouth. I can taste my soap that she used earlier in the shower along with the taste of her skin. Why that turns me on, I’ll never know, but it does. I lick all around her nipple and as she presses herself into my mouth, I finally suck. Her hips are moving as I do this and I want to make her as crazy as I am feeling.

  As I move to the other side, she says, “I think I’m going to come if you keep doing that.”

  I tell her, “Not yet, princess. I want to be inside of you when that happens.”

  I move down and begin kissing her stomach, getting closer to her pussy.

  It’s like a magnet for my mouth and as I reach her, she gasps out, “No, if you do that again…I’m going to come. Please, I need you to be inside of me. It’s important!”

  She seems so adamant that I give in.

  I know it’s time. I’m getting ready to be inside of heaven or at least something similar. I align our bodies and I look down into the face that I love so fucking much. I know I’m going to marry this girl one day. I can see her pregnant and beautiful with my son or daughter; I wish I wasn’t so responsible because I wouldn’t mind getting her that way tonight.

  I pull her face into my hands and say, “You’re going to be mine now. Are you ready for that? Once you’re mine, there’s no going back. I won’t ever let you go.”

  She shakes her head yes and with tears in her eyes, she says, “I’ll never let you go! You’re mine, Jayson Reece…forever.”

  I pull the condom out I had stashed under my pillow and start to tear it open. She stops me and says, “Please, I want to feel just you. I’m on the Depo Provera shot and have been for four years. But, even if it were to fail, I would be thrilled to be the mother of your child.”

  She stares nervously at me and I know by not saying anything, I’m freaking her out.

  Again, I realize she owns me. I put the condom aside and I tell her, “I want the same thing. I just didn’t want to ask you. I would never put you at risk, but I thought your feelings might be different.”

  She says, “Are you asking me that because of…”

  I stop her and say, “Don’t say her name in our bed. But, yes, that’s why. Although, I want you to know, I don’t remember anyone but you.”

  She kisses my chest and says, “Put your cock in me, Jayson.”

  The caveman rears his head again and I rub my dick through her folds; as I tap her clit, she cries out. After I make sure that she is wet and ready, I push into her entrance and stop.

  “Why are you stopping”, she asks?

  I lay my forehead on hers and I say, “I’m probably getting ready to hurt you and it is gutting me.”

  She doesn’t answer, but wraps her legs around my waist and pushes up.

  My dick moves in a little more a
nd I have to say one more time, “You’re mine, Chloe.” I feel the barrier and as I push past it, I say again, “You’re mine.”

  The next thing I know, I’m buried all the way into what I knew it was going to be: heaven.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chloe

  I’m lying here with Jayson inside of me and I’m trying to breathe through the pain. It isn’t unbearable, but it was worse than what I thought. I try not to let my discomfort show since he was so conflicted about hurting me. It starts to lessen and I feel the fullness of him being inside of me. It’s the best freaking thing in the world. I know orgasms are great, but feeling so connected to him like this is better than anything I could have ever imagined.

  Caging my head and shoulders with his arms, he moves a little and I’m already feeling better.

  He whispers to me, “Did I hurt you?” I shake my head no and he smiles, and says, “Liar.”

  Before I can answer, he pulls out a little and I feel like lightening is sparking inside of me. I love feeling so surrounded by him, both inside and out. He tells me that when he pushes back in to move up with my hips. I do as he says and I can’t help the moan that escapes my lips.

  When he sees that I’m not hurting, but enjoying it, he begins thrusting into me. Every time he pushes in and drags his cock back out, I feel those sparks.

  I whisper to him, “Faster…please.”

  At first, he tells me no until I grab his ass when he pushes back in. My legs are around his waist and I hold him there. How in the hell did I ever live without this? I hope he’s ready because I plan to make up for lots of lost time.

  He’s moving faster now and he leans down and kisses me. I’m getting so hot, I feel like I’m going to burst into flames. I’ve had an orgasm before, but this feels like so much more. I know what he means now when he says I own him.

  Kissing my neck, he says, “I fucking love you, Chloe.”

  It might be psychological, but that’s all it took. I explode around him and I hear him groan. As I clench around his dick, he keeps moving and I’m crying out.

  His thrusts aren’t as smooth and I tell him, “Come in me, Jayson…please!”

  I can see his jaw clenching and he says, “I will princess, but you are going to come again before I do.”

  He begins circling my clit as he moves in and out.

  In a strained voice, he says, “Chloe, I need you to come. I can’t go much longer.” When he thrusts back into me, I clench my muscles and he yells, “Fuck!”

  I feel him swell and he grips my hips as he comes in my pussy. As I feel the heat of him climaxing, he pinches my clit and I come again, screaming his name.

  We lay there, still connected, both annihilated with what just happened. I’m crying huge happy tears because I finally feel loved. I’m no longer the girl who hurt someone, whose parents walked out on her, but I’m the girl who is loved by the greatest man I’ve ever known. I wouldn’t trade this feeling for all the money in the world. I would give my trust fund away as long as we could be together.

  He whispers over and over that he loves me as we lie there. With our arms wrapped around each other, I lay there grinning like a fool, even though it’s dark, and no one can see me. I feel like my smile is going to crack my cheeks. As he holds me and we drift off to sleep together, still connected, I have one thought: In the morning, I can’t wait to look in the mirror.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chloe

  I feel myself starting to wake up; it’s that time between sleep and waking where you are still sleepy, but mostly aware of your surroundings. It’s dark in Jayson’s room, but it’s the type of darkness that occurs at the night’s latest time, right before daylight begins and the sun comes up.

  Looking over at him, I can see that he sleeps the sleep of a person peaceful with himself: there’s no muttering, twitching, all of the things I do when I’m asleep. A smile forms on my lips because I realize that I did none of that last night; of course, it probably helped that Jayson put me in a sex coma.

  As I start to move around, I feel sore, sticky, but extremely blissful. I probably should have cleaned up afterwards, but sex coma, remember? Realizing that I need to go to the restroom like last year, I try to get out of bed without waking him. Once I’m up and moving, I see the clock…its 4:12 AM…I think my cheeks are about to crack from grinning because it doesn’t say 5:48. That has to be some sort of progress and closure. All I can think of is soon as I’m done relieving my poor bladder, I’m looking in his mirror!

  Now that I can move without the threat of dying from my bladder bursting, I walk to the sink, turn on the tap, and begin washing my hands. I haven’t looked up yet because I’m freaking scared to do it. What will I see? Will all my demons be gone or will I see the same girl that felt like she murdered a child and caused a couple to be scarred for life? My breaths start to come faster as do the tears and I realize that maybe last night didn’t change anything at all.

  I turn off the water, dry my hands, and turn back to the mirror. I am going to look no matter what I may feel when I see my reflection. I know I have to beat this if I want to have any sort of an emotionally healthy life. It definitely isn’t fair to Jayson and it isn’t fair to me either. I think that is the first time I have ever thought of myself in reference to this tragedy. That must mean something good. Even I know the difference between accepting responsibility for my part in the accident and blaming myself for things I can’t control. Still, that never mattered to me before, I can only credit the love and hope I feel from Jayson as a catalyst for my change in thinking.

  Grasping the counter, I tell myself, “Just do it!” Wait, that’s from Nike. Oh, hell, where did that come from? I think that my little friend, avoidance, is making an appearance. Suddenly, I do it; I look and there I am. I don’t look different, I still have the same curly hair, the same color eyes, but some of the shadows aren’t quite as dark…my eyes have a bit of a sparkle. The more I look, the more I can feel the old feelings trying to make their way up into my brain.

  The same old thoughts try to push through: You’re a murderer, you deserve to be alone, you don’t deserve to live, etc. They are all there and for a moment, I buckle under their ferocity. It is second nature for me to give into them and as I stand there clutching the counter, ugly sobs come from within my deepest soul. I cry for Alex Sterling and the life he will never live, I cry for his parents and the loss they live with daily as well as the injuries that have changed their life forever. But, I also cry for me and the three years I have lost hating myself and unable to let go and live. I have remained that 18-year-old child who lost her parents’ love, if it was ever there to begin with, and who had to deal with a life-altering trauma alone both physically and emotionally.

  I feel strong arms go around my waist and as usual the strength I need, the hope, and the love is tangible. I can almost touch it. He pulls me to him and buries his face in my hair. I can’t understand what he is saying, but I feel the vibrations against my scalp. I know it is most likely something comforting.

  His words come back to me when we talked about the pain of losing my virginity…”like anything good in life, there is a little pain”…and he is so right. It still hurts, but the pain is starting to ebb, and I feel that tendril of hope sending warmth through my body. I have a journey that I am going to take. It’s going to hurt, but at the end I am going to be stronger; this realization strengthens me.

  I want to do everything I can to deserve the man hugging me. Without him, I would have possibly never gotten to this point. I want to do it for him and I want to do it for me. I look in the mirror and he looks as well. I smile at him through my tears and he smiles back; I will do anything I can to make this last.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Jayson

  Waking up, I don’t feel the weight of Chloe’s body against me. I hear a noise and it’s coming from the restroom. The noise gets louder and shit…I know that sound…she’s crying or sobbing might be the better
word for it. I get up to go to her and then stop. I don’t want to invade her privacy, but the anguished sounds I hear are killing me. Surely, she isn’t crying about last night.

  Before I know what I’m doing, I push the door open and the sight I see is enough to make a man’s heart break. She is holding on to the counter crying like the world has ended. I stand there, wondering again if I need to leave her alone. When there is no sign of her letting up, I make an instant decision. Fuck the need for privacy or space. There is no way I can walk away with the image of her small body shaking in my brain.

  Not wanting to scare her, I slip my arms around her waist and bury my face in her hair. Trying to think of the right thing to say to make her feel better, I just start saying “I love you and you’re not alone. I’m going to help you just like we talked about before.” I don’t know if she can hear me, but I’m hoping just the fact that I’m holding her is enough.

  Her cries start to subside and feeling her move, I look up. She is smiling at me through the mirror. It’s such a beautiful smile full of hope that I can’t help but smile back. I’m so screwed. If she ever walks away from me, I’m going to be the one sobbing in the bathroom. We stand there looking at each other, just smiling, and I hope I can be enough for this girl. I know I have to be strong enough to help her make it through the rough times she is facing.

  Neither of us says anything and I try to think of something to do that will comfort her. It comes to me immediately. I remember how crazy she is about a bath. We could both do with some cleaning up so I walk to the tub and start filling it with water. While waiting for it to be ready, I begin undressing her. Still, neither of us says a word. When I’m done with her, I move on to my own clothes. I step into the tub and hold out my hand. Taking it, she steps in and we both sit down and I pull her up against my chest.