To Live Again

by Melody Dawn

  He jumps up from the bed, pulls the rest of his clothes off, and leads me towards the bathroom so quickly I barely had a chance to think. I guess his ER training is clicking in.

  He turns the water on and says, “Strip, baby…show me what I’ve been waiting to see all day.”

  I feel self-conscious…my body definitely isn’t what it used to be after having two children at the same time.

  Of course, he knows exactly what I’m thinking. Still, eight years later, he reads me like a book. I slip my nightie off slowly, but I don’t feel sexy at all. My breasts aren’t as perky as they used to be and I have some stretch marks on my stomach and thighs. Not to mention, I have some back fat. I look at him in the mirror and he looks perfect as always. I know I’m being ridiculous; he loves me. But it’s scary when your body changes and he goes to work every day with a lot of women, some of whom are very hot and are known to be barracudas when trying to land a doctor husband.

  Even though the shower is going and the steam is billowing out, he pulls me into a position that brings back so many memories. Standing behind me, he wraps his arms around my waist and settles his chin on the top of my head. Smiling at me, his beautiful green eyes stare into mine and he asks, “Do we need to have a trust building exercise?” My body tightens and my thighs clench at what he is referring to. I have fond memories of trust building,

  I don’t answer because I’m lost in memories, but he takes my silence for a different reason.

  Staring at me through the mirror, he asks, “Are you unhappy?”

  What, how can he think that?!

  “No, Jayson, I’m very happy,” I say adamantly!

  I decide I need to just lay it out there for him. He doesn’t need extra worry just because I am feeling insecure.

  I take his hands from my waist and place one under each breast.

  “This is what I’m scared about. I don’t have the same body I used to have. My breasts are sagging, I have stretch marks, and I have fat on my back,” I say with a wail. “I know I sound vain, but you look so great. And you work with a bunch of hot women on the prowl for a husband who is a doctor!”

  By the time I’m done, I have tears in my eyes and I’m sniffling…almost like one of my little boys when they are upset.

  With his eyes blazing, Jayson asks, “Are you done yet?”

  I shake my head yes and with the look I see on his face, I think I may have awakened the beast.

  “I think we need to establish a new bond of trust between us…what do you think?”

  He squeezes my ass as he says this and I feel wetness gathering between my legs.

  Still facing the mirror with his hands cupping my breasts, he says, “I think we will start from the top. You have the best set of tits I have ever seen and believe me, I’ve seen a lot of them over the last couple of years.”

  He tweaks and pulls on my nipples. I lean my head against his chest enjoying the feeling of his hands on me. Turning me around, he sucks each nipple into his mouth, while I whimper and grasp onto his shoulders.

  “I love having my hands and mouth on them,” he says. “But most of all, I love them because they have fed my sons…and that means everything to me.”

  Letting go of his shoulders, I lean into him and kiss his chest. How can he get any sweeter? It seems that with each passing year he just gets better and better. But he’s not done with me so he pulls my face out of his chest, and kisses the top of my head.

  Facing me back towards the mirror, he says, “The next thing you mentioned are your stretch marks.” I hate the silver lines on my stomach and my thighs. He says, “The stretch marks do not bother me. From a medical standpoint, I can tell you that you have them because you are a small person that gained weight quickly from carrying two people in your body.”

  Kneeling down in front of me, he begins to trace each mark with his tongue. He kisses my stomach where I carried our sons and then moves down to my thighs. As he licks and kisses each mark, my breath is getting heavier and I want to press my legs together.

  I run my fingers through his hair and say, “Ok, you’ve made your point. I get it now. “

  He stands up and says, “No, not yet. I seem to remember something about back fat.”

  Now I really want this to end. “Jayson, I want to stop. I feel very vain and shallow right now.”

  Facing us back towards the damn mirror, he asks, “Is that what you think this is about?”

  I look down at my feet and he says, “I want you to look at me when we’re talking so I can see your eyes. I am trying to get you to see what I see when I look at you.”

  “Now, turn around, but look over your shoulder. Where is this supposed back fat you’re seeing?”

  I point at the small roll above my hips. “See, its right there and there is no sweet thing you can say to make it better.”

  Quickly turning me back around, he settles his hands right on the roll and says, “How about I like it because it gives me something to grab on to when I fuck you.”

  I roll my eyes and tell him, “I knew you would say that.”

  Without answering me, he says, “Let’s get in the shower.” I love this shower; when we built this house, he had 6 moveable shower heads put in to hit you wherever you need it. After wetting my body, he soaps up his hands and begins bathing me.

  He doesn’t say anything for a while, but finally says, “It seems to me that you don’t trust me anymore.”

  Shaking my head no, I say, “Jayson, you know that isn’t true.”

  Soaping up my arms and chest, he says, “I do believe it’s true and I think we need to work on it.”

  I shake my head no again and say, “You are not spanking me in here…my skin is wet and it will hurt me.”

  He laughs a dirty laugh and says, “Baby, I don’t have to spank you to get you to come around to my way of thinking.”

  Narrowing my eyes at him, I ask, “What are you going to do?”

  He continues washing me and says, “Don’t worry, you will love it.”

  I feel my heart rate spiking, but I did bring this on myself plus he’s so freaking sexy when dominant Jayson comes out and he’s trying to prove a point.

  He washes my whole body and I’m ready to combust from just this alone. He presses me up against the shower wall and begins kissing his way up my legs. I think to myself that maybe I had a good idea after all. Once he gets to my pussy, he kisses all around my outer lips, then spreads me open. With no warning, he sucks my clit into his mouth and it feels like fire streaking through my body. Right as I’m about to come, he pulls back and smiles at me. I can’t even think right now so I don’t know what he is smiling at.

  Next, he turns my body towards the wall and pushes his hand between my legs. He begins stroking my clit and then positions the shower heads to hit my breasts and pussy at the same time. My knees almost buckle because the sensation is so intense and I’m moaning loud enough to likely wake up my sons.

  “Jayson, what are you doing?” I gasp out.

  He doesn’t answer; instead he slaps my ass lightly and says “Bend over.”

  I feel him enter me from behind and then he places his hand on my stomach to help me stand back up. With him inside me and the water hitting me in all the right places, I’m almost scared of what is going to happen when I come.

  With our height difference, he is able to push up into me. It feels so good and I want it to last forever. I feel that familiar tightening and he does, too, because he backs us away from the water and stops. My walls are clenching and my clit is pulsing and now I know just what a guy means when he says he has blue balls.

  With a moan I ask, “Why did you do that…it’s freaking mean?!”

  He says in a strained voice, “This is hurting me as much as you, just like it hurts me when you don’t trust what I say. Now, do you trust me that I’m going to let you come?” “

  Yes,” I moan as he starts stroking my clit again.

  “Do you trust that I’m not looking at
any other women but you?”

  “Yes, Jayson, yes…I swear,” I cry out.

  He keeps going and asks, “Do you trust me when I say you are fucking sexy as hell no matter how many babies you’ve had?”

  I shake my head yes rapidly.

  He positions me back in front of the shower heads and asks, “Do you trust me that I love your tits, your stretch marks, and your almost non-existent back fat?”

  As he says this, his cock pushes into me with a hard thrust and the water hits me just right. I come so hard my knees collapse while I scream “Yes” in answer to his question.

  The aftershocks are shooting through my body and I realize that he hasn’t come yet. He falls out of me as I turn towards him.

  “I need you again…I need to feel you come inside me.”

  I don’t know why that is so important to me, but it has been since our first time together. He picks me up and I sink down onto him. Both of us groan and he begins whispering how much he loves me, he needs me, and that I’m his forever.

  As I hold onto his shoulders and move myself up and down his long thick length, I whisper back to him how much I love him and that I trust him with my life. Water is hitting us from all sides and he’s kissing me as he makes love to me this time. It is always this way with him; he never just fucks me, he has to make love to me, too.

  It makes my heart so full because I love him so much. I slide down one more time and we both explode. Neither of us moves; we just hold on to each other.

  Finally, he whispers to me, “You will always be sexy to me because I love you, because you’re the mother of my children, but mainly because you’re so sweet and beautiful; it makes me wonder how in the world I ever got you to look at me.

  He sets me back down on my feet and I stroke his face.

  “You know that’s not true,” I say. “You are the one that is beautiful inside and out.”

  We bathe each other and once we’re clean, he opens the shower door and we step out into the bathroom. He dries both of us off and leads me to our bed.

  Deciding he’s too tired to eat as well, we crawl in and lay down in our position that started 8 years ago and as he holds me, he says, “I need you to always trust me, even if it’s just about that big roll of back fat you have.”

  Gasping out loud, I punch him in the arm and say, “Ass!” all with a smile.

  I promise him that I will and he does the same for me.

  We lay there for a while and he tells me about his day; all the patients he treated, some of the douchebag doctors he had to work with, and so on. I’m quiet for a moment and while stroking my arm, he asks what I’m thinking about.

  I turn towards him and say, “I was thinking how we got to be here; how I was so blessed to become your wife, and have our little munchkins…even if they seem to have Connor’s DNA!

  He grins when I say this because he knows I’m right…they are their uncle made over when it comes to certain things. Lord help us when they grow up…I hope they don’t take after him in the manwhore department. Actually, he has turned out to be the best husband and father besides Jayson that I’ve ever known.

  Running my fingers through his hair, I say, “I was also remembering the day you proposed. I was so surprised. I think I made myself believe that you were going to wait until you had finished medical school.” “Do you remember how you did it?” I asked him.

  I can’t see him, but I know is he smiling in the dark,

  He says, “Yes, I remember…it’s a little hard not to…not when you are getting the one thing on earth you’ve always wanted.”

  I curl into chest and cry, “How do you always do this to me?”

  Hugging me to him, he says “I’m sorry, baby; I wasn’t trying to make you cry, it’s just the way I feel.”

  Continuing, he says, “You don’t know how long I searched for your ring. I drug Connor into every jewelry store until we finally found this old guy who made custom rings. I described what I wanted to him: a 2 carat princess stone that was set in an infinity setting of amethysts and diamonds. The jeweler understood me exactly and promised to have it ready in two weeks. I knew I had found the right place. When I paid the deposit, Connor said I looked excited and sick at the same time. Not because of the money that I spent, but because I didn’t know if you would like it and it couldn’t be exchanged since it was a custom piece.”

  Teasingly I ask, “Are you sure it wasn’t the money?”

  He laughs and says, “Well, maybe…”

  For a moment he was quiet; then he says, “I carried it around in my pocket for two weeks after I got it, trying to figure out how to propose. I think I did a good job, don’t you think?”

  I kiss him on the cheek and say, “The best in the world, honey. I was so shocked, I almost forgot to say yes!”

  We both laugh and my mind drifts back to the day he asked me marry him.

  It was 6 years ago, Jayson had graduated the semester before and I still had one year left. I hated going with a passion. He had become my security blanket; we were completely attached at the hip or possibly some other, more fun body parts. So starting this new semester without seeing him every day felt more like torture to me. I lucked out a bit that he was in school a little longer due to changing his major from Engineering to Pre-Med when he was a sophomore but now he was done.

  My first semester back after his graduation, I dragged myself into one of my upper level Sociology classes. I didn’t even care about my beloved seat for the first time since I started school. I opened the door and walked in, noticing that sure enough there was a guy in my seat. I didn’t pay too much attention until he looked up at me and smiled; of course, my heart started fluttering like crazy, it always did no matter how many times I saw him.

  I couldn’t understand why he was there except just to give me some support since I had whined endlessly the night before about having to go without him.

  Deciding to tease him, I said, “You’re in my seat!”

  Just like the first time, he winked at me and said, “No, you’re in my seat, sweetheart,” and I think me and every girl as well as any guys that were gay just sighed.

  He got up and said, “I’ll give you the seat if you answer a question for me.”

  I shook my head yes and looked away for a moment to drop my bag on the chair next to me. When I looked up, he was kneeling down in front of me, smiling the most beautiful smile imaginable.

  It felt like every cell in my body seized up! He took my hand and pulled off my promise ring; the one he had given me at the karaoke bar, and put it in his pocket.

  Then he took my hand and said, “Chloe, I fell for you the day you walked into class and told me I had your seat. Each day, I fell for you even more until all I ever wanted was for you to be mine forever. I knew we had some roadblocks to work through and school to finish. I tried to wait until you graduated next year, but I can’t. Though we spend every day together, I want to know you are mine permanently. I want to have children with you and become grandparents with you. I want to love you until we’re both gone and then I’ll keep loving you still.”

  I couldn’t take anymore. I didn’t even let him get to the part where he asked me. I just knelt down in front of him and hugged him while crying and saying yes over and over again.

  Wiping the tears from my face, he pulled the most beautiful ring from his pocket and said, “Will you be my wife forever and always?”

  Trying to say yes while ugly crying is not romantic so the girl next to me said, “She said yes, dude!”

  He kissed me lightly and said, “I’ll take that for my answer,” and slipped the ring on my finger.

  Not caring one bit, we knelt there kissing until the professor said, “Ok, Ms. Schaeffer, I will email your syllabus to you. Go ahead and celebrate!”

  I thanked the professor profusely and we walked to the parking lot. We got into our separate vehicles, drove home, and spent the day in bed. It might not seem like much, but there is a big difference in making love
to your fiancé rather than to your boyfriend. We made wedding plans, talked about having children, and how happy we would be. He made it one of the best days of my life.

  My mind snaps back to the present and I hear Jayson’s breathing begin to deepen. I can tell he is drifting off to sleep. He still has me wrapped up in his arms and I lie there for a few more moments thinking about how much I love him and my boys.

  I feel myself start to drift off as well and before I let myself completely go, I say in a quiet voice, “I love you.”

  In a sleep-laden voice, he says, “I love you, too.”

  I thought he was asleep. But secretly, I’m glad he heard me; I don’t ever want to end our day or night without letting him know how much he means to me. Finally, I slip away into my own sleepy world of dreams.

  Epilogue-Jayson

  Also eight years later

  I feel someone pulling on my arm and then I hear a little voice that says, “Daddy, wake up.”

  Instantly my eyes are open and I sit up quickly. Because this happens more often than not, Chloe insists on a night light by the bed. She also makes me keep pajama pants nearby since I don’t wear anything to sleep in.

  Right away I know it’s Brendon because he always wants to get into bed with us. If it were left up to me, I would let him, but Chloe insists that they sleep in their own beds unless they are sick or scared. In Brendon’s case, he just wants to be with us. Glad that it’s dark, I reach for my pajama pants and pull them on.

  Picking him up, I say, “Come on, buddy, let’s go check on your brother.”

  Once we get to their room, I can see that Braxton is sound asleep. He sleeps just like Chloe: all over the bed and with the covers thrown off of him. I set Brendon down for a moment and go over to check on Brax. Making sure his pull-up is dry, I give him a kiss on the forehead and put him in the center of his bed while pulling his covers back over him. Now that I know he will be more comfortable, I go back to my other little man who’s waiting patiently for me.

  I pick him up and set down in the glider rocker in the corner of their room. He snuggles up to me and I feel the warmth of his little body.