Silence.
MAX sits hunched. LENNY reads the paper.
SAM comes in the front door. He wears a chauffeur’s uniform.
He hangs his hat on a hook in the hall and comes into the room. He goes to a chair, sits in it and sighs.
Hullo, Uncle Sam.
SAM. Hullo.
LENNY. How are you, Uncle?
SAM. Not bad. A bit tired.
LENNY. Tired? I bet you’re tired. Where you been?
SAM. I’ve been to London Airport.
LENNY. All the way up to London Airport? What, right up the M4?
SAM. Yes, all the way up there.
LENNY. Tch, tch, tch. Well, I think you’re entitled to be tired, Uncle.
SAM. Well, it’s the drivers.
LENNY. I know. That’s what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the drivers.
SAM. Knocks you out.
Pause.
MAX. I’m here, too, you know.
SAM looks at him.
I said I’m here, too. I’m sitting here.
SAM. I know you’re here.
Pause.
SAM. I took a Yankee out there today … to the Airport.
LENNY. Oh, a Yankee, was it?
SAM. Yes, I been with him all day. Picked him up at the Savoy at half past twelve, took him to the Caprice for his lunch. After lunch I picked him up again, took him down to a house in Eaton Square – he had to pay a visit to a friend there – and then round about tea-time I took him right the way out to the Airport.
LENNY. Had to catch a plane there, did he?
SAM. Yes. Look what he gave me. He gave me a box of cigars.
SAM takes a box of cigars from his pocket.
MAX. Come here. Let’s have a look at them.
SAM shows MAX the cigars. MAX takes one from the box, pinches it and sniffs it.
It’s a fair cigar.
SAM. Want to try one?
MAX and SAM light cigars.
You know what he said to me? He told me I was the best chauffeur he’d ever had. The best one.
MAX. From what point of view?
SAM. Eh?
MAX. From what point of view?
LENNY. From the point of view of his driving, Dad, and his general sense of courtesy, I should say.
MAX. Thought you were a good driver, did he, Sam? Well, he gave you a first-class cigar.
SAM. Yes, he thought I was the best he’d ever had. They all say that, you know. They won’t have anyone else, they only ask for me. They say I’m the best chauffeur in the firm.
LENNY. I bet the other drivers tend to get jealous, don’t they, Uncle?
SAM. They do get jealous. They get very jealous.
MAX. Why?
Pause.
SAM. I just told you.
MAX. No, I just can’t get it clear, Sam. Why do the other drivers get jealous?
SAM. Because (a) I’m the best driver, and because … (b) I don’t take liberties.
Pause.
I don’t press myself on people, you see. These big businessmen, men of affairs, they don’t want the driver jawing all the time, they like to sit in the back, have a bit of peace and quiet. After all, they’re sitting in a Humber Super Snipe, they can afford to relax. At the same time, though, this is what really makes me special … I do know how to pass the time of day when required.
Pause.
For instance, I told this man today I was in the second world war. Not the first. I told him I was too young for the first. But I told him I fought in the second.
Pause.
So did he, it turned out.
LENNY stands, goes to the mirror and straightens his tie.
LENNY. He was probably a colonel, or something, in the American Air Force.
SAM. Yes.
LENNY. Probably a navigator, or something like that, in a Flying Fortress. Now he’s most likely a high executive in a worldwide group of aeronautical engineers.
SAM. Yes.
LENNY. Yes, I know the kind of man you’re talking about.
LENNY goes out, turning to his right.
SAM. After all, I’m experienced. I was driving a dust cart at the age of nineteen. Then I was in long-distance haulage. I had ten years as a taxi-driver and I’ve had five as a private chauffeur.
MAX. It’s funny you never got married, isn’t it? A man with all your gifts.
Pause.
Isn’t it? A man like you?
SAM. There’s still time.
MAX. Is there?
Pause.
SAM. You’d be surprised
MAX. What you been doing, banging away at your lady customers, have you?
SAM. Not me.
MAX. In the back of the Snipe? Been having a few crafty reefs in a layby, have you?
SAM. Not me.
MAX. On the back seat? What about the armrest, was it up or down?
SAM. I’ve never done that kind of thing in my car.
MAX. Above all that kind of thing, are you, Sam?
SAM. Too true.
MAX. Above having a good bang on the back seat, are you?
SAM. Yes, I leave that to others.
MAX. You leave it to others? What others? You paralysed prat!
SAM. I don’t mess up my car! Or my … my boss’s car! Like other people.
MAX. Other people? What other people?
Pause.
What other people?
Pause.
SAM. Other people.
Pause.
MAX. When you find the right girl, Sam, let your family know, don’t forget, we’ll give you a number one send-off, I promise you. You can bring her to live here, she can keep us all happy. We’d take it in turns to give her a walk round the park.
SAM. I wouldn’t bring her here.
MAX. Sam, it’s your decision. You’re welcome to bring your bride here, to the place where you live, or on the other hand you can take a suite at the Dorchester. It’s entirely up to you.
SAM. I haven’t got a bride.
SAM stands, goes to the sideboard, takes an apple from the bowl, bites into it.
Getting a bit peckish.
He looks out of the window.
Never get a bride like you had, anyway. Nothing like your bride… going about these days. Like Jessie.
Pause.
After all, I escorted her once or twice, didn’t I? Drove her round once or twice in my cab. She was a charming woman.
Pause.
All the same, she was your wife. But still … they were some of the most delightful evenings I’ve ever had. Used to just drive her about. It was my pleasure.
MAX (softly, closing his eyes). Christ.
SAM. I used to pull up at a stall and buy her a cup of coffee. She was a very nice companion to be with.
Silence.
JOEY comes in the front door. He walks into the room, takes his jacket off, throws it on a chair and stands.
Silence.
JOEY. Feel a bit hungry.
SAM. Me, too.
MAX. Who do you think I am, your mother? Eh? Honest. They walk in here every time of the day and night like bloody animals. Go and find yourself a mother.
LENNY walks into the room, stands.
JOEY. I’ve been training down at the gym.
SAM . Yes, the boy’s been working all day and training all night.
MAX. What do you want, you bitch? You spend all the day sitting on your arse at London Airport, buy yourself a jamroll. You expect me to sit here waiting to rush into the kitchen the moment you step in the door? You’ve been living sixty-three years, why don’t you learn to cook?
SAM. I can cook.
MAX. Well, go and cook!
Pause.
LENNY. What the boys want, Dad, is your own special brand of cooking, Dad. That’s what the boys look forward to. The special understanding of food, you know, that you’ve got.
MAX. Stop calling me Dad. Just stop all that calling me Dad, do you understand?
LENNY. But I’
m your son. You used to tuck me up in bed every night. He tucked you up, too, didn’t he, Joey?
Pause.
He used to like tucking up his sons.
LENNY turns and goes towards the front door.
MAX. Lenny.
LENNY (turning). What?
MAX. I’ll give you a proper tuck up one of these nights, son. You mark my word.
They look at each other.
LENNY opens the front door and goes out.
Silence.
JOEY. I’ve been training with Bobby Dodd.
Pause.
And I had a good go at the bag as well.
Pause.
I wasn’t in bad trim.
MAX. Boxing’s a gentleman’s game.
Pause.
I’ll tell you what you’ve got to do. What you’ve got to do is you’ve got to learn how to defend yourself, and you’ve got to learn how to attack. That’s your only trouble as a boxer. You don’t know how to defend yourself, and you don’t know how to attack.
Pause.
Once you’ve mastered those arts you can go straight to the top.
Pause.
JOEY. I’ve got a pretty good idea … of how to do that.
JOEY looks round for his jacket, picks it up, goes out of the room and up the stairs.
Pause.
MAX. Sam … why don’t you go, too, eh? Why don’t you just go upstairs? Leave me quiet. Leave me alone.
SAM. I want to make something clear about Jessie, Max. I want to. I do. When I took her out in the cab, round the town, I was taking care of her, for you. I was looking after her for you, when you were busy, wasn’t I? I was showing her the West End.
Pause.
You wouldn’t have trusted any of your other brothers. You wouldn’t have trusted Mac, would you? But you trusted me. I want to remind you.
Pause.
Old Mac died a few years ago, didn’t he? Isn’t he dead?
Pause.
He was a lousy stinking rotten loudmouth. A bastard uncouth sodding runt. Mind you, he was a good friend of yours.
Pause.
MAX. Eh, Sam …
SAM. What?
MAX. Why do I keep you here? You’re just an old grub.
SAM. Am I?
MAX. You’re a maggot.
SAM. Oh yes?
MAX. As soon as you stop paying your way here, I mean when you’re too old to pay your way, you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to give you the boot.
SAM. You are, eh?
MAX. Sure. I mean, bring in the money and I’ll put up with you. But when the firm gets rid of you – you can flake off.
SAM. This is my house as well, you know. This was our mother’s house.
MAX. One lot after the other. One mess after the other.
SAM. Our father’s house.
MAX. Look what I’m lumbered with. One cast-iron bunch of crap after another. One flow of stinking pus after another.
Pause.
Our father! I remember him. Don’t worry. You kid yourself. He used to come over to me and look down at me. My old man did. He’d bend right over me, then he’d pick me up. I was only that big. Then he’d dandle me. Give me the bottle. Wipe me clean. Give me a smile. Pat me on the bum. Pass me around, pass me from hand to hand. Toss me up in the air. Catch me coming down. I remember my father.
BLACKOUT.
LIGHTS UP.
Night.
TEDDY and RUTH stand at the threshold of the room.
They are both well dressed in light summer suits and light raincoats.
Two suitcases are by their side.
They look at the room. TEDDY tosses the key in his hand, smiles.
TEDDY. Well, the key worked.
Pause.
They haven’t changed the lock.
Pause.
RUTH. No one’s here.
TEDDY (looking up). They’re asleep.
Pause.
RUTH. Can I sit down?
TEDDY. Of course.
RUTH. I’m tired.
Pause.
TEDDY. Then sit down.
She does not move.
That’s my father’s chair.
RUTH. That one?
TEDDY (smiling). Yes, that’s it. Shall I go up and see if my room’s still there?
RUTH. It can’t have moved.
TEDDY. No, I mean if my bed’s still there.
RUTH. Someone might be in it.
TEDDY. No. They’ve got their own beds.
Pause.
RUTH. Shouldn’t you wake someone up? Tell them you’re here?
TEDDY. Not at this time of night. It’s too late.
Pause.
Shall I go up?
He goes into the hall, looks up the stairs, comes back.
Why don’t you sit down?
Pause.
I’ll just go up … have a look.
He goes up the stairs, stealthily.
RUTH stands, then slowly walks across the room.
TEDDY returns.
It’s still there. My room. Empty. The bed’s there. What are you doing?
She looks at him.
Blankets, no sheets. I’ll find some sheets. I could hear snores. Really. They’re all still here, I think. They’re all snoring up there. Are you cold?
RUTH. No.
TEDDY. I’ll make something to drink, if you like. Something hot.
RUTH. No, I don’t want anything.
TEDDY walks about.
TEDDY. What do you think of the room? Big, isn’t it? It’s a big house. I mean, it’s a fine room, don’t you think? Actually there was a wall, across there … with a door. We knocked it down … years ago … to make an open living area. The structure wasn’t affected, you see. My mother was dead.
RUTH sits.
Tired?
RUTH. Just a little.
TEDDY. We can go to bed if you like. No point in waking anyone up now. Just go to bed. See them all in the morning … see my father in the morning….
Pause.
RUTH. Do you want to stay?
TEDDY. Stay?
Pause.
We’ve come to stay. We’re bound to stay … for a few days.
RUTH. I think … the children … might be missing us.
TEDDY. Don’t be silly.
RUTH. They might.
TEDDY. Look, we’ll be back in a few days, won’t we?
He walks about the room.
Nothing’s changed. Still the same.
Pause.
Still, he’ll get a surprise in the morning, won’t he? The old man. I think you’ll like him very much. Honestly. He’s a … well, he’s old, of course. Getting on.
Pause.
I was born here, do you realize that?
RUTH. I know.
Pause.
TEDDY. Why don’t you go to bed? I’ll find some sheets. I feel … wide awake, isn’t it odd? I think I’ll stay up for a bit. Are you tired?
RUTH. No.
TEDDY. Go to bed. I’ll show you the room.
RUTH. No, I don’t want to.
TEDDY. You’ll be perfectly all right up there without me. Really you will. I mean, I won’t be long. Look, it’s just up there. It’s the first door on the landing. The bathroom’s right next door. You … need some rest, you know.
Pause.
I just want to … walk about for a few minutes. Do you mind?
RUTH. Of course I don’t.
TEDDY. Well … Shall I show you the room?
RUTH. No, I’m happy at the moment.
TEDDY. You don’t have to go to bed. I’m not saying you have to. I mean, you can stay up with me. Perhaps I’ll make a cup of tea or something. The only thing is we don’t want to make too much noise, we don’t want to wake anyone up.
RUTH. I’m not making any noise.
TEDDY. I know you’re not.
He goes to her.
(Gently.) Look, it’s all right, really. I’m here. I mean … I’m with you. There’s no need to
be nervous. Are you nervous?
RUTH. No.
TEDDY. There’s no need to be.
Pause.
They’re very warm people, really. Very warm. They’re my family. They’re not ogres.
Pause.
Well, perhaps we should go to bed. After all, we have to be up early, see Dad. Wouldn’t be quite right if he found us in bed, I think. (He chuckles.) Have to be up before six, come down, say hullo.
Pause.
RUTH. I think I’ll have a breath of air.
TEDDY. Air?
Pause.
What do you mean?
RUTH (standing). Just a stroll.
TEDDY. At this time of night? But we’ve … only just got here. We’ve got to go to bed.
RUTH. I just feel like some air.
TEDDY. But I’m going to bed.
RUTH. That’s all right.
TEDDY. But what am I going to do?
Pause.
The last thing I want is a breath of air. Why do you want a breath of air?
RUTH. I just do.
TEDDY. But it’s late.
RUTH. I won’t go far. I’ll come back.
Pause.
TEDDY. I’ll wait up for you.
RUTH. Why?
TEDDY. I’m not going to bed without you.
RUTH. Can I have the key?
He gives it to her.
Why don’t you go to bed?
He puts his arms on her shoulders and kisses her.
They look at each other, briefly. She smiles.
I won’t be long.
She goes out of the front door.
TEDDY goes to the window, peers out after her, half turns from the window, stands, suddenly chews his knuckles.
LENNY walks into the room from U.L. He stands. He wears pyjamas and dressing-gown. He watches TEDDY.
TEDDY turns and sees him.
Silence.
TEDDY. Hullo, Lenny.
LENNY. Hullo, Teddy.
Pause.
TEDDY. I didn’t hear you come down the stairs.
LENNY. I didn’t.
Pause.
I sleep down here now. Next door. I’ve got a kind of study, workroom cum bedroom next door now, you see.
TEDDY. Oh. Did I … wake you up?
LENNY. No. I just had an early night tonight. You know how it is. Can’t sleep. Keep waking up.
Pause
TEDDY. How are you?
LENNY. Well, just sleeping a bit restlessly, that’s all. Tonight, anyway.
TEDDY. Bad dreams?
LENNY. No, I wouldn’t say I was dreaming. It’s not exactly a dream. It’s just that something keeps waking me up. Some kind of tick.
Harold Pinter Plays 3 Page 2