Reckless Abandon (The Cave Series Book 1)

by Teri Kay

  Reckless

  Abandon

  By

  Teri Kay

  RECKLESS ABANDON

  Copyright ©2016 Teri Kay

  Reckless Abandon is a work of fiction. All characters, organizations and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously.

  All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading and sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

  First eBook edition: October 2016

  Edited By: LJ & CB Creative Images and Services

  Cover Design: © Cover to Cover Designs

  To my son Ryan Michael

  Though we never met, you are my greatest love.

  Thank you for being my angel.

  Just the way you are- Bruno Mars

  Wasting All These Tears- Cassadee Pope

  Eminem- If I Had

  My Darkest Days - Porn Star Dancing

  Pink- Glitter In The Air

  Zac Brown Band - Highway 20 Ride

  Beyoncé - Dance for You

  NINE INCH NAILS - "CLOSER"

  Van Halen- Hot for Teacher

  Miranda Lambert- Scars

  Usher- Nice and Slow

  Parachute - Kiss Me Slowly

  Ariana Grande- Into You

  Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dark Necessities

  Breaking Benjamin- Angels Fall

  Big and Rich- Lovin’ Lately

  Maroon 5- Harder to Breathe

  Sheryl Crow- First Cut is the Deepest

  1 year ago

  Ryann

  “What the hell do you mean you’re leaving me?” I screamed. “You said this was something you understood.”

  “I changed my mind,” he informed me calmly. “I want kids of my own. That’s something you can’t give me. I need to find someone who can. I’m sorry.”

  And with that my husband kissed me on the forehead, placed an envelope on the table and walked out the door. I felt numb. Standing there in our living room, looking around at the memories that we had made in the past ten years, I felt dumbstruck. I heard the powerful engine of his ‘71 Chevelle pull out of the driveway and roar down the street, and tears burned my eyes. I looked down at our pit bull, Roxy, sitting at my feet, “What the fuck just happened?”

  **

  I met Lucas McKennan our sophomore year at UNLV. We had a math class together. Math was definitely not my thing, but Lucas seemed to ease through the class. So when he offered to tutor me, who was I to say no. We spent many late nights together cramming for those hideous exams and it wasn’t long after that our friendship blossomed into a relationship. I wouldn’t it say it was “love at first sight” but I knew there was something special about him. Not to mention, he looked damn hot in his baseball uniform. I spent most of my afternoons staring at Luc’s sandy blonde hair, long muscular arms, and perfectly shaped ass while he practiced pitching for the Rebels. More often than not, he’d catch me and give me that panty-melting smile, letting me know what he’d be doing to me later.

  The night of graduation, Lucas booked a suite at the Paris Hotel. I walked into a room filled with roses, candles, and the song he always said reminds him of me, “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars, playing in the background.

  “I know it's your dream to go to Paris. This is the best I can do right now. Ryann, I want to give you the world. I want us to start a life together. To have a family together. Will you give me the privilege of being my wife?” Again, who was I to say no to my sexy, blonde baseball champ? Lucas had a way of making me feel like a princess. That night my happily ever after was set to begin.

  We married six months later in a small ceremony on the Eiffel Tower’s Observation Deck at the same place Lucas proposed to me. Since Luc and I were both finishing our education online, we were able to spend the first year of our marriage traveling around the world. We'd been saving for years to be able to take that trip. We put a lock on the Love Bridge in Paris, kissed in the gondolas in Venice, and made passionate love on the beaches of Bali.

  Lucas and I treasured every moment we had alone, but we knew it was time to start our family. Trying for the baby was the fun part…until it wasn’t. It became work. Figuring out days, times, and body temperatures became a real pain in the ass. A year later, Lucas and I decided to seek the help of an infertility doctor. After weeks of poking and prodding, and what seemed like an endless amount of blood tests, the doctors determined that I was reason that we weren’t getting pregnant.

  “Mr. and Mrs. McKennan, my team and I have reviewed the results of your tests. Mr. McKennan, you have some of the strongest swimmers we’ve seen in a while. What’s your secret?”

  “Cigarettes and Dr. Pepper,” Lucas chuckled. Oh, my God! Did he really just say that? No, I must have misheard him. Nope, that was my Luc. But wait. If the problem wasn’t with Lucas, what did that mean? Holy shit, what was wrong with me?

  “Dr. Ramos, what does that mean about me?” I spoke barely above a whisper.

  “Well, Mrs. McKennan we aren't completely sure. Twenty-five percent of all women suffer from some sort of infertility, and of those, another twenty-five percent have an unexplained reason of why they can’t have children. All we can suggest at this point is that we continue treatments and keep trying.” Ummm, really?

  One year later, I got pregnant. Knowing how excited Lucas would be, I wanted to find a special way to tell him. And having no imagination, I of course, browsed through Pinterest. After a bit of scrolling, I found a cookie with the words “Thank you for knocking me up” written in pink and blue icing. Perfect! I decided to make dinner and I give him the cookie while we were snuggling on the couch, watching one of those car racing show he loves. When I handed him the box, his eyes almost closed as he smelled the chocolate.

  “Cookies! My favorite! What did I do to deserve this special treat?” he asked, as he softly kissed my nose.

  “Just open the box, silly,” I giggled.

  Lucas quickly lifted the lid and read the frosting writing. “Really? We did it?” I nodded. “Holy shit, we're are going to be parents!”

  A few weeks later, our lives, our relationship, changed forever. Lucas and I were in our usual spot for most Saturday afternoons in the spring. High up in the bleachers watching Rebel baseball. About halfway through the game, I knew something wasn’t right. Something was wrong with our baby. Lucas rushed me to the ER, but there was nothing that could be done. We'd lost our baby.

  “Well, we’ll just keep trying right?” Really? That’s all he could say? I'm not sure what I expected, but that wasn't it.

  But that’s exactly what we did. Every single month. Tracking dates. Eating the right foods. Even only being allowed to fuck in certain positions. Lucas was obsessed with baby-making. All I wanted to do was enjoy my life with my husband. I was beginning to think that having a baby was more important to him than me.

  And yet, despite the doctor’s thinking the chances for us were low, I became pregnant once again. Though, much more cautious this time, Lucas and I were convinced that this was our little miracle. We waited until I had made it through the first trimester to make the announcement. But as soon as we hit that milestone, Lucas and I were shouting it from every rooftop in Vegas. He even had them flash it across the marquee at a baseball games. The screen showed one of my ultrasound pictures with the caption “The future McKennan slugger making their first appearance October 2014”. I don’t think my love for Lucas could have gotten any deeper that night.

  We fin
ally reached that point in the pregnancy when we'd be able if our child was a baseball or softball player. Either way, Lucas and I didn’t care as long as our little slugger was healthy.

  “How are we today?” Dr. Ramos asked as she entered into the room.

  “Anxious! Excited! Ready!” Lucas and I practically said at the same time as the doctor began to squeeze cold jelly all over my tummy.

  Dr. Ramos slowly rolled the wand over my abdomen as Lucas and I intently stared at the monitor, trying to see who could be the first to figure out what we were having. But something wasn’t right. Something was different this time. The doctor pulled the wand off my small baby bump. “I’m sorry to have to tell to tell you this, Mr. and Mrs. McKennan, but your little girl does not have a heartbeat.” My world stopped. Again.

  Faintly I could hear Lucas yelling. It sounded so distant, like he was in a different room. “You’re wrong! I want a second opinion!”

  “I’m sorry, there’s nothing more we can do.”

  Everything went dark.

  My life, my marriage, my world would never be the same.

  **

  I stared at that envelope for hours. I knew what was in it. I couldn’t believe it, and I didn’t want to admit, it but I knew it. I had to open it, but I didn’t want to do it alone. I called my best friend, needing a shoulder to lean on.

  “Hey Ryann. I’m doing this stupid class project with Ali. What is it with you teachers and your projects? Can I call you back?” Rose asked.

  “Ummm…no. Is there any way you can come over?” I whispered, doing everything not to break down on the phone.

  “Give me an hour.”

  That’s what I loved about my best friend. No questions asked, she was there for me anytime I needed her. We'd been friends since we were twelve, she knew me better than anyone else on the planet. Rose and I have been through everything together. College, wedding, kids, miscarriages, deaths of a parent…but this might be a first for us.

  An hour later, Rose arrived with a bottle of Moscato in one hand and a large bag of peanut M&M’s in the other. Like I said, she knew me better than anyone. Even though I'd yet to tell her what's going on, she knew to bring my comfort food. She found me curled up on the couch, using Roxy as pillow, scrolling through my IPod looking for any sad song I could find.

  “What the fuck is going on?” Rose asked.

  “You tell me. I can’t bring myself to open the envelope Luc left on the table.”

  Before I could even finish my sentence, Rose was at the table, ripping open the envelope and tearing out its contents. I watched her face as she scanned over the paperwork. Her eyes turn dark and her nostrils flare as the anger takes over her face. “What a porchdick!” she yelled.

  “What’s his reason?” I asked as she started pouring us the largest glasses of wine I've ever seen.

  “Irreconcilable differences. Whatever the hell that means.” She handed me my wine. I swallowed almost half the glass in the first drink. “Shit, that bad?” she asked.

  “He wants kids of his own. I can’t give that to him. He doesn’t want to foster or adopt. For some reason, after all this time, he decided that having his own kids is more important to him than our marriage. And apparently, I have no say in the matter. His stuff is gone. Obviously divorce papers are drawn up. You know Lucas, when his mind is made up there is no changing it,” I cried as the tears began to stream down my face. I really didn’t think I had any tears left in me. I gulp down the rest of my wine.

  “Oh honey,” Rose immediately put her arms around me and let me cry.

  “Did he really just ask me for a divorce…?” I mumbled before I drifted off to sleep.

  Present Day

  Wasting All These Tears

  Why the hell was I broke all the time? Oh yeah, I was a teacher. If I'd known ten years ago what I know now, I clearly would have chosen a different path. When I met my ex-husband I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do with my life. We spent many late nights laying in each other’s arms talking about where our future was headed. From early on in our relationship, I knew that kids were something very important to Lucas. We'd both decided on teaching as a career. I knew I wanted to be the Girl Scout troop leader and Lucas would coach little league. Having a teacher’s schedule meant that we could always be home for our kids. We had it all planned out with the white-picket fence, two point five kids, dogs, the whole nine yards. Never did I think at thirty that I would be broke, divorced, and unable to have kids.

  As if on cue to get me out of self-pity haze, Ali came crashing through my door.

  “Auntie Ry! Are you ready? It’s pool day! Let’s go swimming.” She was about the cutest seven-year-old I'd ever seen. She had long, bouncing, chestnut curls that were the exact color of her big eyes. She was a miniature version of her mother. I was so lucky that Rose and her daughter have been there for me since my divorce. Her family has always been my saving grace.

  “In here, baby girl,” I yelled from the kitchen. I was filling the cooler up with waters and snacks for our girls' day at the pool.

  “Want to help me finish making your favorite? Peanut butter crackers.” She immediately ran to the drawer, grabbed her plastic knife and dove into the peanut butter jar. Ali and I have spent time in the kitchen together for as long as I can remember. When she was a baby, I would place her bouncer seat up on the counter and she would just watch me for hours while I would bake cupcakes. Our relationship had always been a special one. My divorce was especially hard on her. Just as her and I have that special connection, she also had one with Lucas. He was just beginning to teach her to play tee-ball. One thing about Luc, was that he definitely had a way with kids.

  Rose walked in a few minutes later on her cell phone, arguing with her husband again. Work stuff, as usual. I gave her my best stink eye to get off the phone. It was supposed to be our girls' day. She responded by sticking her tongue out at me. I needed reinforcements. I elbowed Ali and she knew just what to do.

  I tried not to giggle as Ali dropped her knife and cried out, “Ow! Ow! Ow!” Within seconds, Rose was off the phone and tending to her. Rose treated that little girl like she was made out of glass. Both of us busted out laughing and slapped high fives. “Works every time Auntie Ry.”

  “Not funny you two,” Rose moaned. Yes. Yes it was. Well, to Ali and me it was hysterical. “Are you two brats ready? I need to get my legs out in this beautiful Nevada sun before it gets too hot out there. It’s supposed to be 102 degrees by this afternoon.” We grabbed the cooler and the pool bag and were off.

  Ali jumped in with the neighborhood kids as soon as Rose smothered her in sun screen. Rose’s husband, Jeremy, had insisted that Ali be in swimming lessons as soon as she could walk. Vegas is nothing but swimming pools, and it was a smart thing to make sure your kids were strong swimmers. Ali had recently mentioned wanting to start swimming competitively. At just seven, it was amazing to watch her with the other kids. She teaching the little ones how to kick their feet while gliding through the water.

  By ten a.m. the pool in my complex had filled up quickly. I snagged one of the cushioned lounge chairs and found the spot where I knew the sun would be most of the day. I grabbed my Kindle and a bottle of water and did my best to settle in for my day of relaxation. I knew I could get lost in the romance of the latest T.J. West novel. Why couldn’t real life romance be like that? I would take any of the men of JINKS any day. I thought I had that with Lucas. Damn it. It had been almost a year, it was time to stop dwelling on shit from the past.

  “So what’s up Jeremy’s ass now?” I asked Rose trying to change my thoughts.

  “Same old shit. Work for him is slow. Construction can be a fickle bitch. Sometimes there’s work and sometimes there’s not,” she shrugged her shoulders. “So while his work is slow, I’ve picked up some more hours at the club to help bring some extra money. During the summer months, business really picks up. He’s acting all butthurt that I will be spending too much time at work and not enou
gh time with him and Ali. Sometimes he doesn’t think things through before he picks a fight.”

  Rose and Jeremy have been together since they were seventeen years old. The two had this unbelievably deep connection, yet they constantly had these pointless arguments. Rose was stunning; five foot nine with legs for days, stunning dark brown eyes and long tresses to match, a smile that could grab anyone’s attention, and the best tits money could buy. Jeremy was tall, ripped with muscles and a southern gentleman. The two of them together were a walking wet dream that melted the panties of both men and women.

  “Ok. This week. Next week it’s candy and flowers and lovey-dovey time. You two are a never-ending circle.” I snickered.

  “You wouldn’t have it any other way.” Rose blew me a kiss and put her ear phones back in, turning her attention back to Ali, and the others playing Marco Polo in the smaller kids’ pool.

  I glanced around my community’s pool and tried to figure out where I fit in the puzzle of relationships. To my left, was the mom brigade. A nice group of women in their thirties and forties, who have their husbands at home barbequing hamburgers, with their flock of kids running all over the place. No matter how hard I tried, I will never be part of that group. To my right, you had the college kids. Young, hard bodied twenty-somethings that are ready to party at moment’s notice. Fun to look at, but definitely a scene I happily left years ago. Is there a place for a thirty-year-old divorced, broke teacher?

  “Bitch, are you even listening to me?” Rose pushed me and almost knocked me off my chair.

  “What the fuck? Sorry, I was daydreaming. What did you say?” I had no idea how long she’d been talking to me.

  “Ugh! What do you want to do for your thirtieth birthday? It’s coming up next month,” Rose asked. Okay, so technically I wasn’t thirty but it was close enough.

  “Nothing. I don’t care.” Rose knew I hated my birthday, but she loved it and I wasn’t going to deny her the pleasure of my “Dirty-Thirty” party, as she liked to call it. “You plan. I’ll go along with any of your shenanigans,” I gave in. I could instantly see her mind working overtime. Oh, dear Lord, what had I just agreed to?