Sex and Crime: Oliver's Strange Journey

by Oliver Markus

  As I mentioned earlier, I believe drug addiction is a substitute for love. So it seems only logical to me that love is what can help an addict overcome their drug addiction. And there are rehab programs out there that are not based on the 12-step program, but on actual medical science, and on building strong, loving relationships.

  Anyway, let's get back to Nicole:

  The guy she met at an AA meeting relapsed, and she followed soon after. At first she used just a little bit, occasionally. She lied to herself and pretended that she could do drugs recreationally, here and there, without letting it get out of hand. But slowly it got worse. It always does. Eventually she and Johnny couldn't afford the amount of drugs they required, so Johnny tried to talk her into stripping, and then wanted her to escort on Backpage.

  Take my word for it: if a guy is ok with you stripping or escorting, he doesn't really love you. He cares more about money or drugs, than about you. He's not your friend, and he's not your lover. He's using you as his meal ticket. He's pimping you out, even if he manages to make you think it's your idea. A real man would rather go scrub toilets to earn a living, than watch his girl degrade herself in a strip club or as a whore.

  One day Nicole told me she needed money, and asked me if there was anything she could do for me to earn some quick cash. I told her she could clean my house, if she wanted to. I figured $40 for 4 hours of cleaning would be fair. But she was only there for about an hour and a half, and she was texting all the time. The only people I knew, who text with such hectic urgency and frequency, are drug addicts. So my instincts told me she was using drugs again, even if she was still at a stage where her addiction seemed manageable.

  A few weeks went by. Lucy had been in and out of jail a few times. Now she was back in, and she told me that I was the only person on her visitation list. She told me she loved me and that she wasn't talking to any other guys anymore. I was the only one. But then Wigger warned me not to trust her, and I found out she was playing me and a bunch of other guys. She had scheduled a viso with her pimp G-Force and her sugar daddy Cho.

  I felt really hurt and betrayed, because this was the same kind of grimey shit that Veronica had done to me so many times, and Lucy had promised never to hurt me like that. And then she did it anyway. So I was done with her. I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. I told Nicole that Lucy did nothing but lie and cheat, just like Veronica, and I was sick of it. Nicole replied that I was right not to put up with Lucy's games. She said I deserved to be treated better than that.

  A few weeks later, Nicole messaged me on Facebook and told me that she was going to start dancing as a stripper at Lookers. She asked me if I would come see her. I told her I don't like strip clubs. She offered to come to my house and strip for me there. I told her that probably wasn't a good idea, because I would get turned on, and then I'd probably want to have sex with her. She replied that that was the whole point of taking her clothes off in front me. Wow. So after Veronica's mother had hit on me, and Lola's mother told me it was ok to fuck her daughter right in front of her, now Lucy's aunt told me I could fuck her if I wanted to.

  Nicole was a gorgeous 30 year old natural blonde, with steel blue eyes and large breasts. In prison, the other inmates had called her Barbarian Barbie, because she was beautiful and athletic.

  Lucy obviously didn't give a shit about me. By now I had found out that she not only had been talking to a bunch of guys besides me, but she was doing exactly the same thing that Veronica always did: Lucy was writing love letters to a bunch of different people. I was by no means the only one in her life, like she claimed. She had even written a letter to Veronica, asking her to have herself moved from dorm 4 to dorm 1, where Lucy was, so they could fuck.

  But at this point Veronica wanted nothing to do with Lucy anymore, because Lucy had told me that Veronica was dating Wendy behind my back. So Veronica ended up sending me the letter Lucy wrote her, to show me that I couldn't trust Lucy and she was just playing me. Veronica trash-talked Lucy all the time and said things like: "Lucy got really fat in jail. And did you ever notice her head is too big for her body? I'm so much hotter than her."

  Lucy had also written a letter to her sugar daddy Cho, that said she loved him and wanted to be with him. He ended up texting me a photo of her letter, to rub it in my face, and he told me that he had also intercepted one of her love letters to some other guy.

  She was writing several different dope boys on the outside, male inmates in other parts of the jail, and female inmates, including Snickers. She was throwing herself at a dozen different people at once, telling each of them the same thing. Just like Veronica. It was bizarre. It was like Lucy was a slightly younger clone of Veronica.

  Lucy was just as desperate to feel loved, and she thought she would accomplish that by casting the widest possible net, instead of putting all her eggs in one basket with just one person. She was just as selfish as Veronica, and didn't consider my feelings even for one second while she was doing all that stuff. I didn't exist while she chased after all these other people.

  Fuck her, I thought. Karma is a bitch.

  I told Nicole that I was in New York, but that I would like to watch her strip for me, once I get back to Fort Myers. She told me to hurry back.

  I arrived in Fort Myers in early November, 2013. One day before Lucy was about to be released again. So I could have picked her up from jail, like she asked me to two weeks earlier. But then she decided to go smoke crack with Cho and fuck him instead. The thought of that guy, or any other guy, touching her made me sick.

  She obviously had no loyalty to me whatsoever, even though she always told me she loved me oh so much. So why should I have any loyatly to her? Why should I consider her feelings for even a second while I pursue other people?

  I picked up Nicole at Lucy's grandfather's house. We went back to my place. She was really nervous. I told her she didn't really have to strip if she didn't want to, and that I'd be perfectly happy just having sex with her. She was relieved. She told me she couldn't bring herself to strip at Lookers, because she was way too shy. It hadn't been her idea anyway. It was Johnny's.

  He had also tried to force her to trick on Backpage, but she said she couldn't bring herself to have sex with all these random guys. She had a full blown panic attack, when Johnny drove her to some guy's house to fuck him. That's why she had messaged me on Facebook a few days ago, hoping I'd like what I see once she stripped for me, and maybe we'd click, and then I'd agree to see her every day, and take care of her, the way I used to take care of Lucy's stepmom Hussy.

  Inbetween the day she had messaged me, and the day I returned to Fort Myers and picked her up, Johnny had gotten arrested. Nicole had tried to break up with him. He got violent and started beating her at the Hess gas station on Palm Beach Boulevard. He threw her on the ground. Other people stopped him, to help her get away from him. But she had to get her belongings out of his pickup truck first. He ran over her foot with the truck. She hobbled away, into the gas station.

  He rammed the glass front and tried to drive the truck through the store to run her over. The cops arrested him and he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, among other things. He was still on probation. Now he was going to head back to prison for a long time. Good. I fucking hate lowlives like him.

  It's never ok to hit a girl. Never. Not even if she cheats on you. A girl is not your property. She's a human being. She is just as important as you. She is your equal. And her wishes and feelings are just as valid as yours. All you can do is treat her nice, and hope she wants to be with you. If she chooses to be with you, great! If not, or if she chooses to leave you at some point, you have to let her go. You have no right to stop her. You don't own her, and you don't have the right to tell her what to do. She's your partner. Not your servant, not your sex slave, and not your punching bag.

  But you're not her punching bag either. You don't have to let her hurt you. If she treats you like garbage, if she shows you nothing but disrespect, then walk away f
rom her. Find someone who treats you better. Nobody has the right to abuse you, as my friend George always said.

  Anyway, Nicole and I went into the bedroom, and she took her clothes off. She was really shy. She thought she wasn't as pretty as the girls I was used to, and she didn't measure up. She apologized for the scars on her leg. I hadn't even noticed them. She was beautiful. Once she was naked, she covered her breasts and pussy with her hands and giggled nervously. Then she jumped under the covers next to me. I knew this was really scary and stressful for her. I gently asked her, if she still wanted to go through with this. She said yes, with a timid smile.

  I asked her to suck me, and she did. I felt like I didn't have sex in months. She made me feel really good, and I would have cum in her mouth soon, but I wasn't sure if that was ok, and I didn't want to gross her out. And I really wanted to know what her pussy felt like, so I asked her to lie down. I got on top of her, and we kissed while I slowly pushed myself inside of her. I concentrated on how I felt while being inside of her. I felt really content and happy. I could have stayed like this with her forever. She was so warm and soft. We didn't just have sex. We cuddled, while I was inside of her.

  Haley had been in jail for almost a year already. And Veronica and Lucy had been in jail for months at this point. Nicole was the first girl with whom I felt a real, emotional connection in a long time. We had been chatting for months, and we liked each other. And now, finally, we had sex. After I came inside of her, she smiled. I handed her a towel so she wouldn't leak all over the bed.

  "Are you still nervous?" I asked.

  "No," she said and smiled. "I'm glad we finally did it."

  We cuddled up next to each other and talked for a while. Of course Lucy came up.

  "What are we gonna tell her?" I asked.

  "I think it's better if we don't tell her anything right now," Nicole replied.

  "Yeah, you're right. And I'm not even talking to her anymore anyway. I was done with her, after I found out she was fucking around with all these other guys, while she told me I was the only one. I'm so sick of this two-faced shit. And she really has no right to be upset. It's not like she cared how I felt when she was messing around with all these other guys. She's fucking God only knows how many people on Backpage. And a bunch of dope boys. And Ziggy, G-Force, Cho and who knows who else. So if I like having sex with you, what's the big deal? It's not like she really cares about me anyway. She hasn't been faithful to me, so why would I be faithful to her?"

  I was trying to make myself feel better, because deep down I did feel really guilty. I knew that Lucy would be hurt if she found out, because despite all her grimey shit, and although she was throwing herself at dozens of people, telling all of them that she loved them or wanted to be with them, or she had sex with them, I believed that some part of her really did love me. But it didn't matter, because she and I weren't together. We weren't even talking to each other. Lucy was with someone else. I didn't know who, because it was someone else every day. All that mattered was that it wasn't me.

  After we got dressed, I took Nicole to my new favorite little restaurant: Cheng's on 41. It's nothing fancy. Just a little Chinese restaurant with a large buffet. It's almost like Golden Corral, but much closer to my condo. We ate, talked and laughed. I really liked her a lot, and I think Nicole felt the same way. She looked so happy. She had the biggest smile on her face. I took a picture of her and posted it on Facebook. Her friends commented that this was the happiest she had looked in forever.

  Nicole and I met up a lot after that first time, and she started sleeping over at my place. I loved falling asleep with her next to me, because she was the most affectionate person I had ever met. She always felt the need to touch me somehow. While we slept, either her head was on my chest, or her arms or legs where intertwined with mine in some way. Her touch felt so comforting.

  Many times Lucy texted or called her, and Nicole had to pretend to be somewhere else, so Lucy wouldn't know that we were seeing each other.

  A few days after Lucy got out of jail, she asked me to come get her, so we could spend some time together, before she went to rehab. Nicole had slept over the night before, and she was still at my house. While Lucy was texting me, she was also texting Nicole, asking her where she was. Nicole lied. She told Nicole that I was going to come pick Lucy up in a little while, and she asked Nicole if she would like to get something to eat with us.

  Nicole and I looked at each other and giggled. We both felt bad for lying to Lucy. Then Nicole texted Lucy, that she should ask me if I wouldn't mind if Nicole tagged along with us. Lucy relayed the question to me, and I replied that I didn't want Nicole to come along, because I wanted to spend time alone with Lucy, since I hadn't seen her in months. That was the truth.

  Nicole and I didn't want the three of us to hang out together for now, because it would be weird to have to pretend not to know each other in front of Lucy.

  Nicole said that she knew Lucy really did have feelings for me, and it would break Lucy's heart to know that we were seeing each other. She said Lucy was so fragile right now, one more painful disappointment might push her over the edge, and she might kill herself. I felt really really bad when Nicole told me that. I really didn't want to hurt Lucy, even though she hurt me all the time.

  But then Nicole said we shouldn't feel guilty, considering how Lucy had been treating me. And Lucy had slept with Nicole's boyfriend Antonio in the past. Before Nicole went to prison, Lucy had nowhere else to go, so she stayed with Nicole for a while. Lucy was only 17 at the time. When Antonio came over, Lucy had sex with him. It devastated Nicole, and she tried to kill herself with a drug overdose. That's why going to prison ended up saving her life.

  We agreed not to tell Lucy that we were seeing each other, and that I would drop Nicole off down the street from Lucy's grandfather's house, so that Lucy wouldn't see my car, and Nicole could pretend that she was at a neighbor's house. Then, a few minutes later, I would pull up in front of the house and pick up Lucy.

  But we never got that far, because after I dropped Nicole off, Lucy was nowhere to be found. She was probably fucking someone on Backpage again, or sucking some dope boy's dick. She didn't waste a single thought on how badly that hurt me.

  It still bothered me a lot that Lucy tricked 24/7, but every day I cared a little bit less, because I was coming to terms with the fact that Lucy was not my girl. She was way too busy fucking every guy in town and smoking crack around the clock. I tried to convince her to get clean, but there was no talking to her. I simply was not as important to her, as she was to me.

  Nicole slept over at my place a lot, and we were getting closer and closer. One night I drew her a hot bath in my jetted tub, lit some candles, played some soft music, and brought her a piece of cake while she was enjoying a bubble bath.

  She was really touched and said: "You are the nicest guy I've ever met. I'm not used to guys treating me like this. I feel like a princess. This is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me." Then she teared up.

  She told me about her previous boyfriends and how they had raped and beaten her, and how they always talked down to her like she was stupid and worthless. She wasn't used to a guy talking to her with respect, and actually really listening to her when she talked, like she was important.

  These dumb lowlives she used to date set the bar pretty low. I looked like Casanova compared to these douchebags, without even trying. I really wasn't going out of my way to do anything that was out of the ordinary. I was just being my normal self. I was used to treating a nice girl nice. It's not like I skywrote her name with a plane, or posted a giant billboard with a big heart, or covered the bed with a hundred roses. She was really sweet, and I liked her a lot, so of course I treated her nice. I wanted to make her happy. I wanted her to enjoy being around me. Isn't that what you're supposed to do when you like someone?

  After she got out of the tub, I told her that she had been making me feel really good these past few days, and I'd like to retu
rn the favor. I asked her if she would like me to give her a massage, or maybe go down on her, or maybe both.

  "Really? You'd go down on me?" Her face lit up. It was like she couldn't believe someone actually cared enough about her, to give her an orgasm.