by Lauren Wood
Oh. Well that changed things. I was kind of mad at him for meddling in my life. It was my life and it should be my choice if I wanted to be with whomever I wanted to be with. If I wanted to be with his friend, it wasn’t his business. I was an adult now.
“Well you don’t have to worry; he’s officially shut me down again thanks to you.”
Scott almost had a glimmer of a smile and I wanted to wipe it off of his face, but I knew that ratting out Carl wasn’t the way to go about it. He had probably told Scott that nothing happened by the way that my brother was acting about it. I wasn’t going to let him know different because there was a part of me that was still holding out for his views to change.
It was a toss-up if it would actually happen or not, but I was going to go ahead and see. I knew that there was a reason that mom had told me what she did. Maybe she seen more than me and I was clinging to the hope that what happened the other night would be repeated and elongated.
“Good, he’s bad news too. He is a good friend, but he is a crummy boyfriend. Trust me. I’ve seen him break many women’s hearts and I don’t want you to be one of them.”
I told him that he didn’t have anything to worry about and I tried not to sound so sour about it. I was of course. I hadn’t wanted it to end the way it had and I liked to blame Scott for it because it was better than admitting that he just wasn’t that into me. Scott made it worse talking about it and talking to Carl about it like I couldn’t make my own decisions. I know that he was just trying to protect me, but I hadn’t had to deal with it in many years and I wasn’t prepared to start now.
“I won’t be. You seem to think that I’m so delicate, you both do. I’m not. I’ve been doing just fine without you threatening guys that I like and Carl scaring off the rest. I hate coming back here for this reason.”
“Woah Melanie. It’s not like that. I didn’t threaten anyone.”
“You didn’t threaten Carl? I know that’s why he is different now. I know that you said something to him because he will barely look at me now.”
Scott didn’t answer me because he knew that I was right. I didn’t need him to lie about it. He’d done it before when I was younger and still living here. Things hadn’t changed all that much in all of this time.
“I’m sorry if me saying something to Carl pissed you off. It wasn’t meant to.”
“Well, like I said, you don’t have anything to worry about it because he won’t have anything to do with me because of you. And I swear if I see you smiling about it, I’m going to freak out and tell mom about the time you dated her friend Carol. You’re not innocent either big brother.”
He put his hands up like he wasn’t going to say a word and I hoped that he didn’t. It was bad enough it happened and I’d been pushed aside. I didn’t need him throwing it in my face as well.
Scott left out of the room and I wanted him to feel bad about what he’d done. There could have been something between me and Carl. Now I would never know and I wasn’t too happy about it. I didn’t think that he was right in the fact that Carl would hurt me. I don’t think he would have, but now it doesn’t matter.
“You were a little harsh on your brother Melanie, don’t you think? He’s just looking out for you.”
“Where did you come from? I thought you were upstairs with dad?”
“I was, but he’s being stubborn and won’t lie down. I guess he is going to go until he falls down.”
She was worried, but threw a smile on her face to hide the way she was really feeling. She was very good at this and I did the same because it was just easier like that. When I really thought about it all, it seemed like my problems were so much smaller than hers. I shouldn’t be worried about Carl. He certainly wasn’t worried about me.
The rest of the day I avoided him just as much as he was avoiding me. I finally went back to Lily’s place when it became too much because I wanted out of there. I had to get through these feelings before I made a fool of myself again, something I said I would never do again after the first time and here I am, doing it all over again for Carl.
Chapter 18
Carl
“Did you tell Betty that you wanted us to get married?”
Bianca looked at me with surprise and wanted to know why I thought that. I should have told her that I heard about it from Betty, but I just shrugged instead. She knew and she was silent for a few minutes while she thought of what she was going to say next.
“I may have said that. I was talking about in the future. The very far ahead of us future. You know that I’m not thinking about that kind of stuff right now.”
She had said it and this mystery future that she was thinking of wasn’t going to happen. Scott’s words were in my ear and I didn’t know what to say. She cared enough that she saw us being together forever. It was already too late not to hurt her because she already cared too much.
“I didn’t know that you felt that way.”
“Well what did you think Carl? I mean that’s what people do when they are together for a while. We’ve been together for a while, so why wouldn’t I think about it and feel that way? You know how I feel about you.”
“No, I guess I don’t think that I do. I thought we were just having fun.”
I was pulling back from her already. I hadn’t wanted it to get this far and since she was so cool about everything, I didn’t really think about it. We’d been seeing each other off and on for well over six months. It was admittedly one of my longer relationships, but that was because I hadn’t seen it as one. I had seen it as two friends that had sex occasionally because we were very compatible for it.
“We are just having fun Carl, but don’t you ever think about what happens later on down the line?”
I hadn’t and I knew better than to say that out loud. I was going to have to be careful with this and I was about as delicate as a bull in a china shop and that really made me nervous. I didn’t want Scott to be right about me hurting every woman I dated. That then meant that he was right that I shouldn’t be dating his sister and I was still not too keen on that idea at all.
“I don’t really think that far ahead Bianca. I don’t know if there is a ‘later on down the line’ for me. I just think about the next day.”
I was making it my fault so that she didn’t think that I didn’t want to have a future with her. I couldn’t just come out and say it, though I mostly likely would have before because I wouldn’t have really given much thought to it.
“Well you want me with you tomorrow don’t you?”
I could see where she was going with this and I knew that it wasn’t what she wanted. She did want more; I could see it in her eyes, something that had been looking back at me for a long time. I knew that I wanted her to shy away and tell me that it wasn’t enough for her, but Bianca wasn’t going to do it. Instead she seemed to be prepared to wait me out and I knew that I was never going to be who she wanted me to be. I don’t know if I ever wanted to get married and I knew deep down that if I did, it wasn’t going to be with her.
“I do, but it would be selfish of me to keep you around, knowing that I am never going to want what you want. I just don’t want to settle down and I don’t think I’ll ever change my mind on that.”
I stopped before I said too much because I could already see the change in her face and in the way she held her body. In a matter of seconds her demeanor changed and I wasn’t sure what to think about it.
“So what are you saying Carl?”
I thought I had said it pretty well so I was confused on what it was that she was looking for. I didn’t want to have this fairy tale ending that she was expecting and it wasn’t my fault. I wanted to want those things, but it was not something that I necessarily needed to feel complete. She didn’t make me want to get married and that wasn’t going to change. I was doing her a favor, even if she couldn’t see it that way at the moment.
“I don’t know Bianca. I guess I’m saying that this thing that is going on between us i
sn’t working and I think we should cut ties before we end up hating each other. I don’t want us to end up like that.”
It was the most reasonable way I’d ever said it and I was proud of myself. I’d taken Scott’s words to heart and I tried hard to not hurt her. She was a nice girl and she was going to be a good wife to someone, it just wasn’t going to be me.
“So you’re breaking up with me?”
Her face sneered up a little bit and I could see that was all she had gotten out of everything that I’d said.
“Yes, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”
She looked at me as if she didn’t believe me or I was just talking out of my ass really. Maybe I was. I’d never stayed friends with an ex, so I didn’t know how this was supposed to go if she even agreed to it.
“So you’re breaking up with me at the same time you’re trying to convince me that it’s a good thing and I’m so great?”
“You are great Bianca. You deserve more than I can give you, so I’m releasing you.”
She didn’t take that explanation any better and I knew that she was on the verge of blowing up. Deep passions came with a temper to match and I was surprised that she hadn’t given me a piece of her mind yet. I figured that it was just going to mean that when it came time to, it was going to be a doozy. This was the reason that I’d made sure to have this conversation where we had some privacy.
“If I’m so great, why don’t you want me Carl?”
When I didn’t have an answer for her, she answered it for herself.
“It’s because of that damn ginger isn’t? What’s her name, Melanie? She’s the reason you’re breaking up with me, huh?”
“Why would you even say that?”
“I see the way you look at her Carl. I’ve heard about the two of you.”
I wasn’t sure if I liked that she had heard anything about Melanie and me. I didn’t make me feel good inside because Scott may hear the same things. I just hoped that he would take it as just a continuation from what he already knew.
“You’re wrong. It has nothing to do with anyone else. I heard that you wanted more and it got me to thinking. I want you to have more, just not with me.”
Chapter 19
Melanie
I’d done some calculations wrong and when I thought I had enough points to get a high enough passing grade for my scholarship, I was wrong. I actually had to go back to school at least for the week of my exams. I knew that I had a lot to make up and I figured if I just left for the week and buckled down, I could get back in shape and I could come back home.
Lily was still out of town and I didn’t know when she was going to be back. Mom agreed to take care of the yard for her and I was glad that she was able to. I’d made a promise to Lily and I wanted to make sure that everything was taken care of while I was away, but I had to get my grades up.
Scott was happy to see me leave in a way. Things had gotten strained between us since we had our talk about Jake and Carl. He was too much into my life and I wanted him out of it, at least my love life anyways. We didn’t usually fight and hated that we were now, but if I didn’t say something, he was going to continue the way he was going.
“I’ll be glad when you’re back sis.”
“Mom’s not around Scott, so you don’t have to lie.”
“I’m not. I am going to miss you.”
“Well; I’m only going to be gone a week. I’ll be back before you know it, making bad decisions and all of that.”
He gave me a dirty look and told me that I wasn’t funny. I had to disagree because I was feeling quite funny if I did say so myself. It’s not my fault that he doesn’t have much of a sense of humor anymore. He was really uptight about Carl in particular.
“Don’t go making bad decisions while you are in California either.”
I just rolled my eyes at him. I wasn’t going to dignify it with an answer. It was easy enough to wave him off. He didn’t know what he was talking about anyways.
“It will be nice to get away from you. There I can do what I want without you getting involved.”
I was still mad at him for Carl and Jake. He embarrassed me and made it impossible to have Carl. I still wasn’t happy about that, but I got another look telling me to chill out about it. I didn’t want to, but it wasn’t going to help anything. Tension just got dad upset and no one wanted that.
“I’ll see you when you get back.”
Scott waved and gave me a hug before I left. I don’t know why, but I didn’t want to go. There was a lot going on at school that I didn’t want to deal with and the idea of running into Amber kept me up at night. Dustin I had gotten over, but Amber was a different story. I’d been friends with her a long time and I was still feeling the betrayal of it all. That was something that was going to take some time to get over. Dustin was a man, doing what men do, but Amber had betrayed my trust and that was so much more.
The whole flight I thought about what I would say to her because we were roommates back in California. I was going to have to see her. It was the inevitable, even if it was to get the arrangements made for all of my things to get moved to storage. I had a lot to do while I was back and I hoped that all of it would sidetrack me on what was happening at home.
I touched down and I felt all of the emotions coming back from the break up. At least I was thinking about something else, no matter if it was less pleasant than what I was originally trying to forget.
Chapter 20
Carl
It was weird because Ted’s car was out front, the one that Melanie used, but she was nowhere around. It’d been a couple of days and I hadn’t seen her, even though I’d been over to Scott’s house both days for several hours hanging drywall. I couldn’t ask because it would seem to Scott that I was still interested in his sister, so instead I had to wonder what happened or where she was.
Finally on the third day, I ran into Mary and asked her because it was really starting to bother me. Last time Melanie had tried to get some time alone with me I had blown her off and I didn’t like that our last conversation somehow still lingered because I hadn’t seen her since.
“I noticed Ted’s car is out front, but I haven’t seen your daughter.”
Mary smiled at me in a way that I didn’t understand. She had this knowing look and her expression told me that she had a secret. I didn’t know what it was, but I didn’t like the idea of it.
“She went back to college.”
“Oh.”
It was all I could say because I wasn’t expecting her to be gone. She hadn’t said goodbye or anything to me, though the way that I’d acted the last time I saw her, it was hard to blame her.
“Is something wrong dear?”
Why did it feel like Mary knew that something was wrong and that she knew what exactly was wrong with me? I don’t see how she could know, but I got this strange feeling that she knew more than she should have. Melanie wouldn’t have said anything, right?
“No, nothing is wrong Ma’am. I was just wondering is all. I thought she was back for the summer.”
Mary was paying attention to my face and I wanted to cover it up because I was sure that she would be able to see the expression I had and then she would know. Know what, I wasn’t sure. I still didn’t fully understand how I felt about everything. It was confusing, all of these emotions and the longer she watched me, the more paranoid I became. If she knew, did that mean that Scott knew as well?
“You know she will be back in a couple of days. She had to go back for her finals.”
There was relief that washed over me and I was instantly feeling better about it all. I was so afraid that I’d missed my chance with her. I didn’t want to wait another year or holiday to see her again. We had unfinished business and while I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with it, I knew that something had to be done.
“I’m sure you and Ted will be happy to have her around.”
“We will. And I bet we aren’t the only ones.”
> Her response surprised me and she just smiled in that knowing way and went back to stirring the pot on the stove. I don’t know why, but when I walked away, I felt so much lighter because I knew that she was going to be back. That was all that mattered as far as I was concerned. It was the only thing that I looked forward to at the minute.
I spent the rest of the day helping Scott with the rest of the wall and then we went our separate ways because he had a hot date with Betty. I was the one left to the wind this time around and I knew that it was because I’d broken up with Bianca. I didn’t miss her, not really, but I did miss the physical relief that she brought.
If it would have been anyone else but Melanie, or any other time, I would have just went to the bar and picked up one of many women that were ripe for the taking. But I was in this strange new way of thinking that I knew no one else was going to do. I wanted Melanie and I couldn’t just replace her with someone else.
The decision didn’t make sleep come easy that night, but it was going to have to be enough.
***
I got a call early the next day and it was Scott. Something was wrong by the way his voice sounded.
“What’s wrong?”
“Come over and help me. Dad collapsed and I can’t get him up. I need you to come help me.”
“Alright, I’ll be over in a minute.”
“Just get here Carl.”
I hung up and had this feeling of anxiety that came over me. Knowing that Ted was dying hadn’t helped me to deal with it when it was happening and I was supposed to face it. I didn’t want to face it and now I was going to have to.
Scott knew that I didn’t go in that much anymore because of that, but I would be there for him, I had to be.
When I got there, the car was already running and Mary was crying. I went inside and saw Scott with Ted on the ground. He had put something under his head and the man wasn’t unconscious anymore, but it was obvious that he wasn’t in the best shape either.