by Lauren Wood
I got to him and helped Scott get him into the car. He wanted me to drive while he rode in the back with him and I didn’t know what else to do but drive. The hospital was twelve miles away in the next town, but it felt like it was so much further. I was driving as fast as I could with the roads and still it seemed to take forever for us to get there.
They got Ted in and wheeled him through the double doors where none of us could go. Mary talked to one of the nurses and wouldn’t even allow her to go back, not until he was stabilized. Now it was a waiting period.
“Someone needs to call Melanie and tell her what’s happened.”
Mary insisted that no one call her. “Your father would be furious with me if I did. She has finals and he wants her to do well. He’s going to be fine.”
I didn’t know if she was trying to convince us that it was true, or herself. No one believed it.
Chapter 21
Melanie
When I got on campus, I was expecting the worst, but apparently Amber was sleeping over at Dustin’s house because she wasn’t home the first couple of nights that I was there. I know that she knew I was there, but she didn’t show up to class that we had together and since it was finals I started to get a little worried. I know that she was wrong and treated me badly, but she was still the same woman that I’d known for so long since boarding school. I still wanted to make sure she was okay.
I asked around and didn’t get that much of an answer. No one had seen her and everyone told me that I should ask Dustin. I don’t know if that was said to be mean or if I should really call him. When I tried he didn’t answer the call and I had to wait outside of his class until it was done to speak to him.
He had a strange look on his face as I made my way to his desk. He hadn’t seen me in several weeks and I hoped that I had changed a little, that I was somehow stronger because of him. But it wasn’t something that could be seen on my face or in my clothes.
“Melanie. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“No, I guess not. I didn’t want to come by this way, but I was looking for Amber and I wondered if you have seen her or not.”
“No, not in about a week.”
“I thought you guys were together?”
He shook his head and I wondered why that was. He had ended a two year relationship for her. Would they have even been together in the first place if he had been single?
“I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t like that. I was stupid Melanie. I’ve tried calling you several times. Last I heard you went home for a while.”
“I’m just back for my finals and then I’m leaving.”
“I would like to see you before you go.”
I knew then that he was going to try to get me to take him back. He never really was that hard to read and I could see now that he was regretting what he’d lost, but it was too late. Not after what happened. Not after Amber.
This was why I was here. “So you really haven’t seen Amber? She’s not answering her phone and she hasn’t been home in several days.”
“She felt really guilty after you left when you found out, I don’t know what happened to her.”
“Alright well thanks anyways.”
I had to get out of there. My skin was crawling and I couldn’t believe that I’d wasted so much time dating a guy like Dustin. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I obviously hadn’t been thinking all that correctly.
“Wait, that’s it?”
I turned back around and he was getting up, but not walking any closer to me. I knew that I could have him back and there was a small part of me that wanted to, just to make sure that Amber knew I could and then to leave him when he thought I was his again, but that would do me no good. There was no revenge that would somehow make us even, so I was going to make sure that I didn’t even try. I was over him and all of the crying and sadness was a waste of my time. If nothing else, that was worth seeing him again to realize that I wasn’t his anymore and I wasn’t going to let him bother me anymore.
Amber was a mystery and I called her mom to see if she had heard from her. I didn’t want to alarm her, which I did; I was just trying to make sure that she was okay. She’d always talked about taking her tuition money that her parents gave her and just disappearing. I wasn’t sure if she was really going to do that or not, but part of me hoped that was what happened to her. I wanted there to be something good that came from it all.
I wasn’t going to think that the day was a waste, but it was hard to not worry about Amber. No one had heard from her and I wondered if her mother was going to call the police and put out a missing person’s report. I told her to call me if she heard anything and she said that she would. I had been her daughter’s best friend for a long time. She didn’t know what had happened between us, so I knew that she would.
The rest of the week, I tried to focus on my studies and the exams that I probably should have studied a little more for. It was hard to do when I was at home, my mind elsewhere, but I figured I did well enough.
I got on a flight going back home pretty quickly after that and I knew that I had done the best I could do with the week that I’d had. It was all up to the grading now. I’d done what was needed. It was time for me to get back home and spend some time with the family and try to ignore my feelings for Carl. That sounded a bit harder than all of the exams the college could throw at me.
Chapter 22
Melanie
I tried to call mom to get her to pick me up from the airport. I hadn’t heard from her all week, but she knew that I was busy with testing. Now I wanted to get home though. I tried calling Scott and he wasn’t answering either. His phone was going right to voice mail like it was off.
There was no need to panic. I figured that they didn’t know I was coming home today. I was supposed to be home this weekend, but with Amber gone I’d had a lot of time to take care of my things and everything that was needed so all I had to do was leave when my last exam was done. Since I hadn’t wanted to stay any longer than I had to, I made sure that I was on the first flight back home. Dustin had called a few times and he was the last person that I wanted to talk to.
Now though, I wish I’d called at least to let them know that I was coming home.
Finally, I couldn’t think of anyone else to call that I knew the number for except Carl. He’d had the same cell phone since I had my crush on him and back then I had memorized it so that I would never forget it. I still hadn’t and I wondered what it would be like to call him because I’d never actually used the number before. After everything that had happened between us, I still looked to him like he was more than just a man. It was a habit I was really going to have to break if I wanted to keep my sanity.
When I called his number, I was nervous. It was ringing and I wasn’t sure if I really wanted him to answer it or not. I wasn’t sure if I did and when he said hello, my heart stopped a little bit. All of the emotions that I’d been putting off for so long were back and there was nothing that I could do about it. It overwhelmed me so much that I had to take a breath before I could go on and he had said hello again because I was taking so long.
“Hello?”
“Hey Carl, this is Melanie.”
“Melanie, good to hear from you. Are you back home yet?”
He sounded like he was excited to hear from me and it threw me off more than the deep tremble of his voice had done. It made me want him more than I could have imagined and there was hope laced with it all that it meant that he was ready to get over all of these rules he had made for us. It was time for us to let it all go and see what happened next.
“Yeah I’m still at the airport and I can’t get ahold of anyone. Do you know where everyone is?”
“You haven’t talk to your mom or Scott since you left?”
“No, why?”
There was something that he wasn’t telling me and by the sound of his voice, it was a good likelihood that I didn’t want to hear it. “What’s going on Carl?”
>
“I don’t know. Give me a few minutes and I will be down there. I’m over at the house so it’s going to take a while.”
“Okay, thanks Carl. Sorry to bother you with this, but I didn’t know who else to call.”
“Don’t worry about. I’m always here if you need me Melanie, about anything.”
I didn’t mention that it obviously didn’t apply to what I really wanted, but I decided that it wasn’t the right time. He still sounded pretty weird and I didn’t want to jinx it. He wasn’t running scared, trying to avoid me like the plague, so I was going to take that as a win. Sad my expectations had been lowered so much.
“Thanks Carl, I’ll see you when you get here.”
I hung up and smiled to myself. Maybe my plans were going to work before too much longer. I was determined this time. Being with Carl, wanting Carl had changed my mind about so many things. Dustin didn’t even bother me anymore and a few weeks ago, I didn’t know how I was going to go on without him. My perspective since then had changed dramatically and I knew that it had a lot to do with Carl and this ever increasing need that I had for him.
It wasn’t long until he was there. I was sitting down next to an older gentleman that was waiting for a ride too and when I saw Carl, I smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back at me.
I didn’t know what was wrong with him until we got out of there and were talking to the parking lot.
“Don’t you think you are a little young for him Melanie?”
“What? Who?”
“That guy back there that you were flirting with. He had to have been twice your age.”
I laughed and that made him look even madder than before. He didn’t find it funny, while I did. What was he thinking?
“It was just some guy that I was talking to. It helps pass the time.”
He liked that answer even less and I remembered him saying something about passing time a long time ago. I couldn’t believe that he could think that.
“You really think that I was hitting on that guy?”
“No, but it looked like the two of you were getting pretty cozy.”
I shook my head and got in the truck. I wasn’t even going to answer him. He was already ruining my mood and I was going to ignore him if he was going to be that way.
The ride was quiet until we got off on our exit and instead of going home; we went east towards Coloma, the town over.
“Where are we going Carl? The house is back that way. Are you finally going to say the hell with my brother and give me what I need?”
I had hope that it was the reason, but I was quickly told that it was not the reason at all.
“I hate to be the one to tell you this Melanie.”
He was acting so serious and I smiled at him because I was trying to lighten the mood. “Tell me what?”
“Your dad is in the hospital Melanie and it doesn’t look good. Your mom and your brother have been there for a while, several days now.”
His words hit me like a Mack truck and I don’t know how long it took for me to remember how to breathe again. Why was it so complicated to do so all of a sudden?
Chapter 23
Carl
Fuck, I didn’t want to be the one to tell her about her dad. When she called and said that she hadn’t talked to anyone since she’d been gone, I knew that it was going to come down to me to do it and I can’t say that I was too thrilled about it. I didn’t want to be the one to say it and I certainly didn’t want to be the one that gave her news to make her cry, but already there were tears coming to her eyes and I felt absolutely rotten about it.
“Dad’s in the hospital?”
I solemnly agreed that he was, but I was focusing on the road far more than I was the pain on her face. I never wanted to see that ever again and I wished that there was something that I could do to make her feel better. I couldn’t even give her a hug because there was nowhere to pull over and I was driving. I instead had to grip the wheel and try to answer any questions that she had about it.
“How bad?”
I didn’t want to tell her that there wasn’t any hope, but she needed to be prepared because Ted looked pretty bad and the doctors weren’t that optimistic.
“He’s not doing well.”
She sighed to herself and looked out the window. “I shouldn’t have gone back. Why didn’t anyone call me and tell me what was going on?”
“Your mom wanted you to do well on your exams. She said that was what your father wanted.”
Melanie didn’t want to hear it and she mumbled something about how she should have been told. I agreed, but I wasn’t going to say that I did or not. Mary had made a decision and I wasn’t going to criticize it. Her father wanted her getting a degree and doing well, he didn’t want to be a burden and at least he was still around to say their goodbyes. The doctors didn’t think he had long, but at least now she was here and things were going to be taken care of.
I pulled into the hospital and she was out of the car before I even had the engine off. There was panic in her eyes and she almost left without me but I called her back and told her that I would take her to him. I knew which room he was in and she would get there faster that way.
“Come on Carl. I’ve already wasted so much time.”
I took her to her father’s room and I left quietly as she hugged her mom and brother. I was close to the family, but still wasn’t their real family, so I made my way downstairs to find one of those coffee machines that spewed out coffee that was hardly drinkable but filled with caffeine that everyone in the hospital seemed to buzz on.
It was going to be another long night and I was getting used to the bitter brew.
While I was walking back to the waiting area that was where I was a lot of times now, my phone rang and it was Bianca. She’d been calling a lot and it was getting embarrassing how much I had to keep my phone off because it was nonstop calling.
I didn’t want to talk to her right now. It wasn’t that important. It never was with her and I was sure that she was just trying to get back together. It was the last thing on my mind.
It rang again as I was waiting for the elevator and I whipped out the offensive device to turn it off and I was surprised that it was actually Melanie calling. I didn’t know what she wanted or why she was calling me. I had just seen her ten minutes ago when I was showing her to the room.
“What’s up?”
“Can you take me to Lily’s? Dad is out for the night and I just got to get out of here. I hate seeing him like this. He’s hooked up to all of those machines…”
Her voice trailed off and I knew exactly how she was feeling. It was a helpless feeling that I hated, yet I felt a surge of it every time I saw Ted. I wanted to help, badly, but there was nothing that I could do to make it any better. I knew that and it was one of the hardest things that I’d ever had to realize.
“I’ll be up there in a minute.”
“I’m down by the entrance. Can you just come down here?”
She was talking in this low and breathy voice and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say or do. I wanted to help her and I just agreed. I would have agreed to anything because there was some vulnerable part of her that called to me in the most innocent way. I wanted to save her and for the first time in my life, I wanted to be the white knight in shining armor that made everything better for her.
Hanging up, I rode the elevator back down and was in such a rush I spilled some of the dark, hot coffee on me and threw it away. I was ready for a real drink and after I took Melanie back to Lily’s place, I think my trajectory was headed towards the bar. It had been a long week and now that Melanie was back, it had just gotten more complicated.
Chapter 24
Melanie
I was relieved to see Carl coming through the door and I don’t know why, but I moved to hug him because I just needed to. I wanted to cry, but I had already and I was spent. Now I just wanted his warm body against me.
He didn’t pull away or try to d
odge me like I feared he would. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and I felt safe and secure for a few moments. It felt like nothing could go wrong in the world as long as I was in his arms. He was perfect, felt perfect against me, but I knew that there was more to it than that.
When I pulled back and looked up at him, I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to forget everything for just a minute if I could and I knew that his lips on mine would have that effect. I needed him and when he leaned down and brushed his lips against mine, I rejoiced in the feel. It was like he was reading my mind and knew that I needed to feel his soft lips on mine. It was a need now, not just a want. I’d never needed anyone so badly in my life as much as I needed him at this moment.
I tried to deepen the kiss with my arms moving around his neck, pulling him down to my level. Carl pushed me back after a moment and reminded me that we were in front of the hospital. It went without saying that he was thinking about the fact that my brother was inside and was still not going to take too kindly to us kissing.
“Maybe I don’t care what he thinks Carl.”
“I do. He has to forgive you because you’re his sister.”
“Please come home with me. I don’t want to be alone tonight. We can just lie together if you want.”
We were getting into his truck and I was nervous that he was really going to drop me off and leave me. I didn’t want him to go and I wanted assurances that he would at least stay with me for a while. I just didn’t want to be alone.
“I will stay for a while, but as a friend.”
I told him that I understood, but I didn’t and I was certainly going to push for more. I didn’t need a friend. I needed him to take me and make me his own. That’s what I needed. I wasn’t too worried about a friend. I wanted the man in front of me that I knew could make it all go away. He had done it before and so help me, I wanted it again. I wanted the oblivion that he could give me.
He was quiet on the way over and my mind was full of too much. It really was just a need to shut it all off for a little while. It was something that I’d never been able to do before, but when Carl had his hands and mouth on me, all thoughts left my head. With so much death and despair around, I wanted just a few moments to feel alive. It didn’t make sense to me, but that’s just the way that I felt about it all.