Lean on Me

by Candy Crum

  I can do this, she thought.

  A little less than a half hour later, the worst was over. Though Bri had a little cramping afterward, she was surprised that the doctor had been right and there was no real pain.

  “I wanted to get the worst over first so you could forget all about it with the fun stuff,” Doctor Metcalf said.

  “I’m all about the fun stuff,” Bri said. “Do you think we will be able to find out the sex?”

  “Possibly. You’re certainly far enough along. If the baby is laying right, we should definitely catch a glimpse, though there is always a margin for error. Due to the lack of insurance…”

  Matt cleared his throat loudly. He sat forward and began coughing. “Sorry, Doc. Didn’t mean to interrupt you there.”

  “Lack of insurance?” Bri asked.

  Realization hit the doctor when she looked at the urgency on Matt’s face. She’d been informed out in the hall the situation here and that Matt was paying in full, but claiming otherwise. Remembering this, she quickly changed her story. She turned to Bri. “Well, what I meant was the possible lack of insurance. See, your visit is covered. But we have no idea what limits have been placed on your account yet.”

  “Oh!” Bri said, visibly relieved. “I was worried there. I don’t have the money to pay for the visit out of pocket. I have a job, but I haven’t started yet.”

  “Right. So we didn’t want to charge you for an ultrasound because of that fact. However, after what happened to you, I want to do one and make sure the baby is still okay. So I’m doing it on the house. No worries.”

  Bri smiled. She was so happy. Everything seemed to be working out alright. “Thank you so much. I deeply appreciate all your help and you guys working with me.”

  Doctor Metcalf shrugged. “Honey, I got into this because I love babies. I love mothers. I love the whole experience. Not because I wanted to make a lot of money, that’s just a perk. So if a low income mother in need comes to me and I can help, I’m going to.”

  Bri liked this doctor back from when she worked with Shaelyn. Now that she was actually getting to know her, she liked her even more. She was an amazing doctor and an amazing woman. She really cared about her patients and that was a great quality.

  Doctor Metcalf pulled the blanket down to just above Bri’s pubic bone and opened the gown just over the belly, making sure her breasts were still covered. She squirted some medical jelly on her lower abdomen and picked up the transducer probe – the small wand that is used to pick up the images. She placed it on the jelly and pressed down, slowly moving it around and pushing a couple of buttons on the keyboard.

  Bri looked at the screen and saw the perfect shape of a baby lying there. She was overwhelmed at seeing it. The baby looked flawless. Like nothing bad had ever happened. “She looks perfect,” Bri said.

  Matt looked over and saw the baby, his face becoming unreadable as he stepped forward next to the bed. Bri looked him over and couldn’t tell what he was thinking. His mouth opened for a moment, like he might say something, but he soon closed it again.

  “If you think this is great…” the doctor said. Bri and Matt both looked to Doctor Metcalf who reached up and turned a dial. “Listen to this.”

  A steady beating sound echoed through the room. It was rapid, and strong. Bri immediately knew it was the baby’s heart that she was hearing. She couldn’t hold back tears from forming then as she laid there. She turned to Matt, her excitement quickly turning to warmth as she saw him staring at the screen, a single tear sliding down his right cheek.

  “She’s perfect,” he said, voice barely a whisper.

  Doctor Metcalf nodded. “From what I can tell, there isn’t any damage. The baby is just as healthy as the last time I checked. The heartbeat is strong and blood flow is strong. The growth seems right on target. You’ve got a little fighter in there.”

  “Can you tell if it’s a boy or girl?” Matt asked.

  Doctor Metcalf smiled warmly when she looked at Matt, seeing the emotion on his face. The doctor moved the probe around for a few moments before stopping. She examined the screen for a moment and then hit a button. She then pointed at the screen. “You see that there?”

  Matt and Bri both looked at the screen. “That’s my little girl, isn’t it?”

  Doctor Metcalf nodded. “Yes. It certainly looks to me like you are having a little girl. Congratulations, Mom.”

  Bri felt a hand close around hers. She looked down to see that Matt had gripped her hand. The doctor handed a few pictures that she’d taken to Matt. Bri met his gaze and found him staring at the photos.

  “You were right,” he said softly. “Bri, she’s beautiful. She’s perfect, just like her mommy.”

  Bri wanted to say something, but she honestly had no idea what was appropriate. She’d never seen Matt like that before. She was pulled from her thoughts when Matt handed the pictures to her. He forced a smile and let go of her hand.

  “I’ll be right back. I need to get some air,” he said before leaving the room.

  Bri was suddenly very confused. She had no idea what to think. He’d seemed so happy, or was he upset? She looked to Doctor Metcalf.

  “Do you have any idea what just happened there?” Bri asked.

  The doctor wiped the end of the probe off before standing and cleaning Bri’s belly off. “Do you want my professional or my personal opinion?” she asked.

  “What’s the difference?”

  “My professional opinion is that I am not allowed to have an opinion. It’s considered a little unethical.”

  “Okay, well that was no help. What’s your personal opinion?”

  “That boy is in love with you.”

  The words hit Bri like a ton of bricks. She felt like she’d been smacked. How could that be? They’d just gotten into an argument about how he couldn’t be with her.

  “I don’t think that’s it,” Bri said. “I actually tried to talk to him about that. I thought we were getting closer than usual. So I made him a dinner and tried talking about it. It turned into a huge fight, but it basically boiled down to him not wanting to be with me.”

  “I was around the two of you before, remember? You’ve always acted like brother and sister. Shaelyn always told me she wished the two of you would get over it and just be together, but she knew that would never happen. I thought so, too. Now? Well, I’m pretty sure we were wrong. There’s something very different with your relationship and it’s obvious. That other boy might be the biological father, but that’s the daddy right there. I can promise you that. I’ve gotten to know him pretty well. He wouldn’t be here with you if he didn’t feel something for you.”

  Bri took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. “The question is, can I doom him to a life of taking care of someone else’s child when he is still so young and is capable of so much?”

  “You’re asking the wrong question.” The doctor helped Bri to a sitting position. “You need to be asking the question, ‘can I deny him the chance to raise this child as his own, if that’s what he really wants?’ You should talk to him. Find out how he feels about the baby. Find out how he feels about you.”

  Bri shook her head. “The timing just seems bad. We just went down that road and it turned out badly.”

  “Ah, but he was still here with you, wasn’t he? He would break his own back for you. And you would do the same for him. You’ve both always been that way, from what I understand. No one will ever been more perfect for the other.”

  Bri thought back to Matt’s words that day as he walked away from her misplaced anger. No one will ever be more perfect for me than you, Bri.

  Why does everything have to be so confusing? she asked herself.

  “Thank you, for everything, Doctor Metcalf.”

  She nodded. “You’re welcome. Call me if ever you need anything. I’ll have the nurse write my personal number on the appointment card. I want to see you again in a month.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Will we have to do another exam?” />
  The doctor laughed. “No. I’ll just check how big your belly is and push around on it to check position. I’ll also listen to the heartbeat again to make sure everything is okay.”

  “Okay, that doesn’t sound terrible.” Bri tried to get comfortable. “Thank you again.”

  “Not a problem. You go ahead and get dressed and I’ll have everything you need out front.”

  Doctor Metcalf left the room and Bri quickly got dressed, not wanting to be in the stupid gown and blanket anymore. When she left the room, she found Matt standing just outside, patiently waiting her. She wondered if he’d been standing there the whole time, if he’d possibly heard the conversation, or if he’d actually gone outside like he’d suggested.

  “You ready?” he asked softly. Bri nodded. “Okay. Let’s get you home. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m good,” she replied. “A little sore, but good. How are you?”

  He paused for a moment, thinking of how to answer. Seeing the baby made him see his life in a way he’d never seen it before. He wanted to lean down and tell Bri that he loved her. That he wanted to be with her. He wanted to tell her that when he looked at her, he knew no one would ever understand him like she does, and that seeing that baby, and hearing her little heartbeat made him desperate to hear her call him “Daddy”.

  He wondered to himself how much of this had to do with Tara. At first, he attributed all of his feelings toward Bri as residual feelings of loss he had from Tara and their baby. He wanted a family. He knew he was young, and he wanted it to be at a more stable point in his life, but he still wanted it. But when he looked down at Bri and saw how she beautiful she looked when she saw her baby for the first time, he knew it had absolutely nothing to do with Tara. It was all Bri. He simply loved that girl. Now, when he looked in her eyes, seeing the girl that had seen so much heartache that he couldn’t possibly be selfish with her, he also saw something else. He saw the girl he was meant to be with. He took a step back, trying to calm his heart and the impulse he had to pull her close and kiss her.

  Matt’s mind was racing with all of the conflicting emotions. Adding more stress will only hurt her. Just wait, Matt… Just wait. Be patient and when you’ve helped her build her life back up, tell her that you need her. But until then…

  “Matt?” Bri began to worry. He’d been staring at her for what seemed like eternity. She had no idea what to expect after his reaction inside.

  “Bri, you know you’re my best friend. You know you’re family to me, right?”

  She braced herself, knowing something bad was coming. No good conversation ever started like that. “Yes…”

  He nodded. “I’m yours, too. I’m going to do anything and everything that I can to help you get your life together, okay?”

  Her eyes narrowed, curiosity really getting to her. “Okay. I know you’ll help me, though I need to do some things on my own. But what is this about, Matt?”

  “I’m having a hard time. I’m having a lot of mixed emotions and being around you makes those more confusing. I’m going to help you get emancipated and help you get your apartment, but then I’m going to back off a little. I will be there whenever you need me. Please do not keep things from me, don’t hide from me anything you need. I will be there. Even if you just need to cry or have crazy pregnant-lady hormonal breakdowns. I’m good for those. But past that, I need to take a step back.”

  The doctor’s words came back to Bri then. She was wrong… she thought. Bri was devastated, but she understood what he was asking, though she didn’t know why. After a few moments, a thought occurred to her. “Is it because of the baby? She reminds you of what you lost with Tara? Is that why it’s so hard to be around me?”

  Matt wanted to tell her no, but it seemed like a valid and acceptable excuse. One where she didn’t think that he hated her and didn’t have to explain to her what was really going on.

  “Yes. I know that probably seems a little selfish. But it’s just a little hard for me. It will pass, I promise. But remember what I said… I’m not going anywhere. You need me, I’m there.”

  She smiled and grabbed him, pulling him down into a hug. “I know. Thank you. I’m sorry that this is so hard on you. I had no idea.”

  “I know you didn’t. Don’t worry about it at all. I’m going to be just fine. And we will be hanging out again and acting like nothing happened soon enough.”

  She pulled away, smiling at him though she felt empty. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, but she would support him however he needed. She grabbed his hand and walked with him to the truck. He opened her door and helped her inside before going to the driver’s side and sliding in. They were silent on the way back to the house as they both thought of ways to help the other, completely oblivious to just how strongly they felt for one another.

  Chapter 13

  The following month brought on a lot of changes. One of those changes brought on a whole new life. She was successfully emancipated. It took little more than a short visit to her parents with some court papers by Matt – who insisted on doing it himself. They were all too eager to get rid of her. Her parents signed the paperwork and Bri took it to a judge. After that, Bri was officially freed of her parents, allowing her to legally obtain her apartment. She’d also turned seventeen, allowing her to work a few more hours.

  Bri loved working. It gave her time away and time to think. It was also a great distraction. She’d been working at Sammy Subs for four weeks and was really enjoying it. She didn’t make a lot of money, because minor hours were slim, but she was happy for what she was given. She made up some of the difference by doing off the books cleaning for the elderly apartment manager. He had her clean out apartments after tenants moved and even loaned her a car, though she was only allowed to take it to other apartment buildings he owned, work, the library, and to the doctor.

  All of Bri’s extra time she spent at the library doing her homework. Matt had worked hard to get things figured out for her and she didn’t want to throw it away. In just the few short weeks she’d been homeschooling, she was able to nearly finish out her junior year. In another week or two, she would be able to start her senior year. She worked day and night, but she hoped to finish school by the time the baby was born. It was certainly a luxury that homeschooling allowed – working at her own pace. Working ahead if that was her choice.

  With working all the time at the restaurant, at the apartments, and on homework, Bri rarely ever saw Matt. He’d kept his end of the deal by really helping her get on her feet. She was now keeping her end to give him space, though it killed her. Luckily, Matt’s father had come home as well, giving Matt a chance to really clear his mind, too. His dad always brought out the best in him and helped him. Bri worried less, knowing that he was home to help Matt.

  She missed him terribly, but she knew it was for the best. Though she tried not to see him unless he initiated, she talked to him every night by text on her new phone. Shaelyn bought her a new cell phone as a birthday gift. Matt was going to get her one, but Bri wouldn’t allow it. So Shaelyn snuck in and bought one instead.

  Shaelyn believed that Bri had gone home to live with her parents, which was exactly what they told her. They knew Shaelyn would never let her go otherwise. She wasn’t happy about it, believing that it was a bad idea to go back home to parents that had obviously upset her so badly, but Bri was seventeen and knew that she couldn’t stop her from being with her parents if that was what she wanted.

  For the first week after moving into her own place, Bri was depressed. She had become so used to having someone around at all times that she’d forgotten what it was like to be alone. She was left to her thoughts so much guilt came forward. She felt guilty for lying to Shaelyn and Jacqueline. She felt guilty for dragging Matt into all of this. She felt guilty about things that she didn’t even need to feel guilty about – like betraying her parents, even though it was they who betrayed her.

  After a week, Bri realized she was sinking into an emotional hole that s
he needed to climb from now, or forever be buried. She lifted herself up and surrounded herself with work and chores. She was earning enough money to buy the baby some things, though not a lot. And she made sure to go to the doctor regularly, which Matt always insisted to take her to. Life was beginning to really take shape for her. Things were starting to work out. She wasn’t nearly where she needed to be before the baby came, but she was getting there.

  Bri had finished getting dressed and putting her hair back and left. She got in the loaner car and headed out, enjoying the convenience of being able to just get in a vehicle and drive – even if it wasn’t hers and even if she had limits. She didn’t mind. She found it to be a great gift.

  On the way to work, she started to feel a bit dizzy. “Ugh, not again,” she said, rolling down the window. The wind hitting her face usually helped a little, but this time it wasn’t working. She started to feel a little panicky and her stomach was churning as a result. She began to worry she may not make it to work before getting sick.

  Shoving her foot down, Bri raced to get to work, not wanting to be on the road anymore. She’d been having this happen every so often for the last week or two. It didn’t seem to last long, so she didn’t think much of it. It was just another pregnancy symptom to her. She didn’t like calling the doctor over every little thing and she didn’t want to risk losing her parents’ insurance by going too often.

  She relaxed when she pulled into the restaurant parking lot. “Thank God,” she said to herself.

  Slowly, Bri got out of the car, not wanting sudden movements to make it any worse. After making her way inside, she put her things away in the locker before going up front and grabbing some water. She filled it with ice and went back to the back to sit a few more moments before her shift began.

  “Bri?” Kay, the assistant manager said. “Are you feeling alright? You look a little pale.”