IGNITE

by Paradis, Lily

  I took a breath and choked back tears.

  “I’m being selfish right now, but I don’t care. I need you so much. I just found you, and I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost you. I need to talk to you about something, because no one else understands. My mom hates me. She hates me, Dean. She’s getting married tomorrow night, and I have to go. I don’t want to leave you, but I have to. Even for someone who hates me, I’m going.”

  Tears started streaming down my face and I squeezed his hand, half expecting him to squeeze back.

  “Fight for me! Love me! Want me! All I ever wanted was for her to notice me! Is that so much to ask for from my mother?”

  I put my head down on the bed next to him.

  “I just want to talk to you about it,” I said softly after a moment. “You would know exactly what to say. You always know exactly what to say,” I trailed off.

  I wiped away my tears and studied his face. I liked seeing his dark lashes sweeping over his cheeks when he was sleeping next to me, but not this artificial sleep. I hated that I couldn’t wake him up.

  I felt bad taking time away from Jenny, who probably needed this more than I did. He was her brother, after all. I’d only known him for mere weeks.

  I squeezed his hand one last time and hoped he would wake up, but he didn’t. He was still too far under. I leaned down and kissed him lightly, but this wasn’t Sleeping Beauty. He stayed motionless. I opened the door and saw Jenny and Jed sitting outside.

  “Jen, you can go back in if you want,” I said, nodding my head inside.

  “Okay,” she said gratefully. “But we can take turns.”

  I nodded and she went back into the room.

  I took her place on the chair next to my uncle and sighed.

  “So,” I said to Jed. “Was this in a letter?”

  He shook his head.

  “No, it wasn’t. Have you read yours yet?”

  “No,” I admitted.

  “Why not?”

  “I’m scared of what it says.”

  Jed leaned over and took my hand.

  “Lauren, losing your dad was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through in my life. I’m older by five years. You always think it should be chronological, but that’s not always the case. God has other plans, and Josiah knew that. He knew a lot of things.” His voice sounded strained. “I have to tell you that when Josiah told me he found Dean in a halfway house not far from here, I thought it was bad. I wanted to ask why he was there anyway, but knowing Josiah, he was probably led there by divine providence. That’s always how it was with him. Always in the right place at the right time.”

  My voice squeaked out.

  “Until he wasn’t.”

  Jed sighed sadly.

  “Until he wasn’t.” Then he started again. “But Lauren, everything happens for a reason. I have to believe that, because it’s what Josiah would have wanted me to believe. Maybe that was where he was supposed to be after all. Without Josiah, Dean would never have gotten out of there− the mine, or out of the halfway house. He’s said so. He saved that boy’s life, and if he hadn’t, Dean wouldn’t have saved your life. Without you, those kids would be in the foster system and there’s no telling if they would have had good homes with loving parents, or the ones where the parents lock kids in the basement and use the government funding for drugs.”

  I shuddered to think that Dean and Jenny went from the frying pan and into the fire when they were put into bad foster homes.

  “It’s okay to be sad,” Jed continued. “It’s okay to miss him. I still miss him, every damn day. But I look at you, and I look at Emma, and I see all of the good that Josiah would have wanted. Dean protects the two of you because he chooses to, but also because he knows Josiah would have wanted him to.”

  I didn’t want to cry, but if he kept up with this, my emotions were going to get the best of me.

  “But don’t you see how that bothers me? Did Dean run around trying to find me or something?”

  Jed laughed.

  “Oh no, he didn’t want to find you.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Once Josiah said something about how he hoped you two would meet someday, and it made Dean mad. He’d seen pictures of Josiah’s beautiful little girl who was everything to him. He didn’t want you to know him as the mess your father cleaned up.” He looked me straight in the eye. “So don’t treat him that way. He’s a good one, Lauren. Don’t let this break you.”

  Jed had never talked to me this way, and I didn’t know how to react. If he was willing to say all of this, he must really believe it.

  “Thanks Jed,” I said as he pulled me in for a hug. “Thank you for everything.”

  “Of course, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.”

  Jenny opened the door, her arms crossed. She looked like she had been crying.

  “Lauren?” she asked quietly. “I just need to go home. I can’t be here.”

  I knew the hospital probably reminded her of her mom, so I nodded.

  “I’ll take her,” Jed said. “Is that okay with you, Jenny?”

  She nodded. “Can you take me to Callie’s? I don’t want to be alone.”

  “Here, I’ll go with you…” I started, but she cut me off.

  “No, you should stay here with Dean. I don’t want him to be alone either.”

  My heart broke for Jenny, and I pulled her into a hug until she stopped shaking.

  “You’re okay if Jed takes you home?”

  She nodded and handed me my phone.

  “Call me if you need me, okay?” I told her.

  “Okay.”

  Jed nodded and led Jenny down the hall.

  I opened the door to Dean’s room, bypassed the chair, and squeezed myself onto the space next to him on the bed, careful not to lean on him too much. I wasn’t sure where his ribs were broken, but I just needed to be near him.

  “Please wake up,” I whispered, trying to block out the beeping before it gave me a panic attack. “I need you so much.”

  A NURSE CAME in a few hours later and told me I had to leave. I fought her on it, but she seemed like she was seasoned enough that she wouldn’t let up until I left. I think she was particularly upset that she found me on the bed next to him, but I didn’t care.

  I knew I needed to catch a flight to Georgia so I could attend my mother’s wedding. According to Tucker, Steve was from old Southern money. Typical. Mom was a gold digger if nothing else. That was a little bit ironic now that I knew that Dad had millions of dollars worth of gold from his dredging in Palmer Lake.

  Maybe she would love me more now that I had an endless supply of money. Tucker had one too, though, according to Jed, he just needed to fly here and activate it as I had. I wondered what would be in his safe deposit box, and if it would be as interesting as mine.

  I convinced the nurse I would leave as soon as I wrote Dean a note. I wanted to be here when he woke up, but if that wasn’t possible, I wanted to make sure he knew that I had been here.

  I scribbled as fast as I could on the back of a menu she’d given me that I was at my mom’s wedding and that he should call me when he could. I left it by his bedside, kissed him, and left. I wanted it to be a real kiss, one where he was a willing party, but that would have to wait.

  Jenny drove the Range Rover to picked me up. Dean’s truck was still up at the mine so she drove me up there, and then I drove his truck back to the house so everything was accounted for.

  “I’m going back so I can be there when he wakes up,” she told me as she dropped me off. “Thanks for asking Jed and Mary to stay with us until this is all over.”

  “Of course! Good luck, his nurse is like the Terminator. Minus all the robotic parts.”

  She smiled.

  “Good luck on your trip! Call me if you need anything.”

  “I will,” I assured her. “I’ll be back soon. I don’t plan on staying away for long.”

  My flight was booked, and I was
headed to the airport when I got a text from Jenny saying that he was awake but not quite lucid yet. I wished I could have been there to joke around with him about rugged sexuality, but that would have to wait. I took comfort in just knowing that he was alive and awake.

  I didn’t know what time Tucker’s flight arrived, but I wished we would have coordinated. Landing all by myself and getting ready all alone didn’t sound like fun to me, considering I didn’t want to be there at all.

  I flew first class because it reminded me of Dean, and I wished he was here. When the plane was finally in the air, I reached into my purse and pulled out the letter from my dad. I was still scared out of my mind to read it, but I had to at some point. It might as well be here, trapped on this plane, with nowhere for me to run, because that’s what I did. I ran.

  Not anymore. I carefully pulled at the adhesive, not wanting to tear any part of it. After a few minutes, I was able to work the letter out and unfolded it slowly. My dad’s handwriting glared back at me and I wanted to cry already just seeing it. It wasn’t as long as I expected it to be, so it must be important. I took a deep breath and read:

  I sat there, eyes wide, with tears streaming down my face. I didn’t care that other passengers were alarmed. I read the letter at least five times, trying to make sense of the second part. How on earth did he know that all of this would happen? He didn’t know that I would meet Dean. It just wasn’t possible. There was no way he could have known with so much accuracy.

  Then something else caught my eye. There was a jagged edge to the letter on the right side. It was as if it had been ripped from something else. Along the edge in tiny writing, I read what it said:

  Nothing else. I flipped the page over, but there was nothing. Why was it cut off? Was the answer in one of my other letters?

  After reading the letter, I regretted my decision to leave Dean, because he was probably the only person in the entire world who could make sense of any of this for me.

  I took a deep breath, carefully inserted the letter back in the envelope, and braced myself for the wedding. The sooner I made it through this, the sooner I would be able to go back home.

  Tucker texted me the location of the wedding. I laughed to myself when I realized my mother didn’t bother to send me an invitation, or contact me in any way about this momentous life event. I arrived at my hotel and changed quickly into a black lace dress, fixed my hair and makeup, and took a cab to the venue. I’d already missed the ceremony, but that was fine with me. Showing up at the reception was more than my mother deserved from me.

  As I walked across the lawn, I could see lights strung out over a dance floor by a lake. It was a truly beautiful place, probably paid for by Steve’s wealthy family. There was no way my mother could afford this, and I doubted a pilot’s salary would cover it either.

  I looked around for Tucker, but there were more people than I had anticipated so it took some time. I called him several times, but it went straight to voicemail.

  I found my mom and Steve, who were unmissable in white.

  “Hey Mom,” I said, startling her from behind.

  “Lauren!” she practically screamed, looking me up and down as she turned. She clutched onto Steve’s arm for dear life. I knew she was judging my dress because it was too long and too black, but I didn’t care. In the past, she would have given me a lecture about never wearing dresses that came too close to my knees because boys wouldn’t like that. But all of that was over because she didn’t own me anymore. No one and nothing owned me anymore. Not even my past.

  “Congratulations,” I said, sounding every bit the ice queen she had created. Her dark hair looked beautiful against her white dress, but I still hated that it had a reddish hue just like mine.

  “Thanks,” she said nervously, looking to Steve to save her.

  “I’m Steve,” he said, reaching out to take my hand. Clearly he knew how awkward this was that he was just now meeting her daughter at their wedding.

  “Oh, Lauren!” my mother screeched. “Look who’s here!”

  She pulled someone out of the crowd to help distract me further so she wouldn’t actually have to have a conversation with me. The man and his date both seemed surprised my mother had quite literally plucked them out of the crowd.

  When they turned around, my heart fell through my stomach.

  Daniel.

  MY MOTHER USED the diversion as a way to excuse herself.

  “Oh Helen!” she cried at a random woman. “Thank you for the candles. They’re delightful!” She dragged Steve away without saying goodbye to me.

  Typical.

  I was left standing in front of my ex-fiancé and his current wife. If hell itself had frozen over, I would never have expected to be in this position, let alone at my mom’s wedding.

  “Lauren,” Daniel said, fidgeting nervously. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  I didn’t know how to make my mouth work. It was him. My heart stopped, but I faked a smile and tried to pretend like this wasn’t the worst moment in the world.

  “Well, neither can I,” I said cooly. “But it is my mother’s wedding, after all.”

  “Ah, yes. Well our mothers are old friends, and I thought it would be polite that I make an appearance.”

  Polite. Right.

  I wanted to run. I wanted to be anywhere but here. I would rather drown myself in Palmer Lake than be here.

  “Lauren, I’d like you to meet Emily,” he said, nodding to his wife. “Emily, this is Lauren.”

  We shook hands curtly and she complimented my dress. At least someone liked it.

  Daniel looked like he was going to say more, but his eyes focused on something over my shoulder. At the same time, a warm hand closed around my uninjured one.

  “Hi,” he said as he stepped forward, squeezing my hand. He extended his free hand. “You must be Daniel.”

  I watched in awe as the two men I had loved in my life grinned at each other as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

  Daniel introduced his wife, and I could barely bring myself to look at her. This wasn’t the girl I found him with all those years ago, but probably the third after that. He’d moved quickly and put a ring on her finger before their one-year anniversary. I didn’t want to check her hand to see if it was my ring, but I was sure it was. He was cheap like that.

  Dean squeezed my hand supportively and I wanted to lean into him, but I wasn’t sure how he was even here considering less than twenty-four hours ago, I’d left him sedated in a hospital bed.

  Daniel’s eyes traveled between us, and Dean brought his arm protectively around my waist and he pulled me closer.

  “Well, I guess we should get back to the party,” Daniel said finally.

  “Good to meet you both,” Dean said genuinely, nodding as he whisked me away.

  I could barely contain myself for the moment it took us to get away before I started hyperventilating.

  He pulled me close and ran his fingers through my hair.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered into my neck. “That must have been so difficult.”

  I pulled back and laughed.

  “It was, but I’m not crying because I miss him, or because I’m upset. I’m crying because I’m so incredibly happy right now.”

  Dean looked perplexed.

  “I’m so glad I’m not her,” I continued. “I wasn’t meant to be her. Did you see how he was parading her around like a decoration? She hardly even said anything to us.”

  I hadn’t realized that until I was standing in front of him, holding Dean’s hand. Suddenly, everything Jed had said in the hallway of the hospital made more sense, and I knew that this was exactly where I was supposed to be, with the person I was supposed to be here with.

  He smiled sadly and wiped my tears with one hand.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He smiled his sideways grin.

  “I heard you needed an escort.”

  “No, I mean how are you here? Shouldn’t yo
u be lying in a hospital bed recovering?”

  He laughed softly.

  “Well, you know me. I’m never one to play by the rules. Let’s just say I’m in huge trouble with the Terminator Nurse, or so Jenny said to call her.”

  I laughed lightly. I felt better when I was with him. I felt free.

  “We need to talk.”

  He nodded.

  “We do. But can we dance first?”

  I eyed the dance floor. It was too magical to pass up with all of the fairy lights, and I was even starting to like dancing again now that I had a perfect partner.

  I nodded and he whisked me away.

  We danced in silence for a few minutes with me trying to be careful of his injured ribs and him avoiding my hand. I had forgotten the world existed outside of us until someone tapped me on the shoulder and Dean broke out in a huge smile. He released me and I spun around only to be lifted up by Tucker.

  “Tucker!” I squealed and I hugged him back. “I’ve missed you so much!”

  “You and me both, L.” He put me down gently and shook Dean’s hand. “I see that finding me became low priority after you met up with this one.”

  “Dean, this is my twin brother, Tucker.”

  They shook hands, and I didn’t miss the wink that Tucker gave him.

  “I know,” Dean said, looking at me now. “Who do you think got me here? He called me and gave me all the details so I could surprise you.”

  “Nah, it was really all Kenzie’s idea.” Tucker was quick not to give himself credit.

  I looked between them, not knowing if I should punch them, or hug them.

  I decided on another hug, and leaned up to put my arms around Tucker’s neck.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, truly meaning it.

  “Anything for you,” he said into my ear.

  In that moment I looked between my brother and the man I loved, and I finally understood what my dad had said in his letter. Everything happened for a reason, and I was the luckiest girl in the world to have both of them in my life.

  “I just wanted to say hi,” Tucker said after a moment. “I have to catch a red eye back, I have a game early tomorrow.”

  “You’re leaving?” I didn’t want him to go so soon. “I just got here.”