"You know them pretty well; do you know what they will say?"
"Point taken. I'll talk with Andrew and tell the girls soon."
Carlissa's hair was the hardest part; they waited to care for it last. Katrina thought they would have to cut it after washing it twice. The hair color was the same as Katrina's. Carlissa had open cuts on her round face and her pudgy nose . Katrina guessed with some nutritious food and care, she would become a healthy young child.
"We won't have to cut it," Mabel told her.
Katrina's face must have shown her emotions. "What will we do?"
"Run some oil through it and that will get the vermin out," Mabel explained.
"Why did we knock her out instead of working her through it?" Katrina wanted to know. "Why is she so afraid of water?"
"We will work her through it in time, but we had to get her cuts clean and get the vermin out." Mabel paused. "This girl grew up in an asylum, maybe born into it. One of her treatments was cold baths with ice. The scars you see are from whips that marked her body when they thought she was out of control, the burn marks are from a cigarette. The other scars are from..." Mabel paused. Katrina saw she was almost crying. "Those scars are fresh; they are marks of being shocked by electricity. They say they can shock the insanity or the crazy out of them."
"What is electricity?" Katrina asked. It sounded awful.
"It's this shock wave that goes through you so bad it makes your body shake without control. It can cause the shakes, cause strokes, heart problems, and many other issues."
"Do you believe the girls are insane?" Katrina asked.
"No. The abuse they suffered has made them act like this. They need to be in a family that gives them security and safety. They can let the abuse continue to control them or they can control it. They need to choose every day to be free from the past."
Finishing Carlissa's hair, Mabel called out to Charles. They put her on the table and dressed her in a simple pink dress and stockings, leaving most of the cuts open since they had begun to heal.
"The cuts on her legs and arms are from trying to bleed her out, to get rid of the poison, the insanity," Mabel told her.
Katrina didn't know how much she could handle hearing. Bile rose in her throat.
Mabel started brushing Carlissa's hair. It was coming out smooth to Katrina's surprise. To Katrina's dismay, Mabel didn't stop. "She will probably be barren."
"Why? How do you know?" Katrina asked, shocked she would know such a personal thing, but then again her husband was a doctor. She was the midwife of Deer Trail and the surrounding areas.
"At the asylum, any woman or girl child, they make sure they can never bear children from the treatments they do on them," Mabel said. Hardness set in her jaw but she kept her hands gentle. She had almost all the hair done. Mabel leaned close to the scalp.
"Looking for more bugs?" Katrina wondered if she would have to change her clothes and keep them outside until she could wash them. She’d had vermin in the orphanage and hated them with a passion.
"No." Mabel must not have found any. "In the old days at the asylums the butcher would do brain surgery where they would take out part of the brain. If the patient lived through it, the doctor put the piece of the brain in a pouch and put it around their neck for the rest of their lives." She nearly spat, "I have never had a child done that to, but I have seen adults and one child with it. You can only imagine what it did to them. So much was taken from these people."
"Why are you telling me all this stuff, Mabel?" Katrina didn't want to know any more. Her chest was so tight it hurt to breathe.
Mabel looked at her with firmness. "Because if you raise the girls and other children, if you want to help touched families, then you need to know it all. I am not a woman to sugarcoat the ugly, awful truth. So many parents take children in thinking they will be overwhelmed with gratitude or they’ll see a perfect child, but that is not the way it is." She softened. "It is hard, Katrina Starry. Every day is a fight with them, every day you choose to love them, every day you do it. Because you know what they can do in life. You believe they can do anything."
Katrina didn't want to hear any more. Raising these children wouldn't be easy. It would be the hardest thing she ever did. But didn't God call His people to do the hard and impossible, and He would give her the strength and power to do this?
"Katrina," Mabel said, "I also want to say God gives you the strength to face it every day, and He gives you a love to treasure, to cherish them every day. He gives you a peace for doing it. Yes, it's hard. But the mothers and fathers who decide to do this are stronger than most. They stay with their children because they have been called to. They love them more than anyone ever could. Why we get called to do this is because we are strong and God knew that. He made us for this. Sometimes I believe it is to work with us mothers for God to shape, mold us into what He wants us to be. What better way than to parent a troubled child?"
Katrina's face flushed. "Mabel, I don't know if I can do this. I want to adopt, but I am not sure if I can."
Mabel nodded. "No one can. God will lead you."
KATRINA LOVED THE OLD barn. It wasn't anything like the one back home on Silkwood. There was an aisle with four stalls on each side. Then at the end of the aisle was a sizable round area, looking like it could store a couple of wagons and maybe even a sleigh or cutter. There was a loft for hay and other stuff.
After she finished milking Daisy, Katrina let her out in the back pasture. Hearing a scream, she ran towards it to find Carlissa in the loft with a cat. The cat had two newborn kittens and looked like she was having another one. Carlissa glanced at her, "Miss Katrina, mama cat is having kittens."
Katrina sat down next to Carlissa, but not touching her. "Wow, that is fun, sweetie."
Carlissa pointed out all she noticed. Katrina watched her like she was seeing the child inside of her for the first time. The exuberant behavior Carlissa displayed seemed so natural, instead of the fear and terror that usually gripped her. She was just a child that wanted to be loved.
Before she knew it, Carlissa took Katrina's hand as she stood. "Would you like to go see the girls?"
Katrina chuckled. "Let's go." Taking the milk up to the house, she found Francesca drinking coffee and Sara eating cake at the kitchen table. After she strained the milk, she sliced bread for them.
Sara looked up at Katrina. "Can I have a glass of milk?"
Katrina stared at her, then poured her a cup of buttermilk. " So, you can talk, my dear. I am very glad." She kissed her forehead and felt her stiffen.
"You won't be glad after you find out what she says," Carlissa told her.
"That is not true. I will always be glad Sara speaks." Katrina told them. "I always love to hear my girls talk."
Sara didn't respond, she just watched them all.
That evening, Katrina walked out on the porch and watched the sun setting behind the mountains. A chill was in the air. As she pulled her shrug tighter, she watched the bright red, yellow and orange hues in the sky slowly disappear.
"Want to watch the sunset with me, love?" Andrew asked.
Katrina jumped to find him sitting behind her on the swing. "I didn't see you there."
Andrew smiled, looking content. "I noticed."
She settled next to him. "Do you think we are doin’ the right thing?" She watched his lips.
"You don't think so?" Andrew asked honestly.
Katrina nodded. "It's just been a rough couple of days. I am afraid that is God telling us that we shouldn't do it."
Andrew looked at the setting sun. "Well, when Ellen took us in, nothing was pleasant or easy at that time." His face was grim. "We were her first kiddos, but she didn't run when most would have."
Katrina couldn't agree more. She tried not to think of that time. It still stung. "She must have really loved us even then. I was always afraid she would send me away because of Clara. Do you want to adopt these girls because of what we couldn't do for Clara?" It still hurt t
o think about Clara, who was Maverick’s sister. She had gotten sick, Ellen had come to help. After Clara died, Ellen had taken the children to the orphanage and then home when she could.
His jaw popped. "No, but when I looked at Francesca I thought about it. She is so hard while Clara seemed more weak and fearful. I just wished we could have done somethin’ for Clara before it was too late." He looked at Katrina, touching her face. "Maybe I want to do that for Francesca. Give her a chance at a safe life."
"I think I might love the girls. Even this soon."
His mouth turned into a smile. "Me too. Sara is even talkin’ now, and Carlissa is actin’ more like a child." He chuckled. "Francesca is so sarcastic."
She concurred. “You know Mabel said we can’t legally adopt them because of where they came from.”
“I know that. Cole explained the chance of adopting Asylum children doesn’t happen. He gets approved sometimes but most often the state will just take them back.”
Katrina nearly gasps, “That won’t happen to our girls.” She smiled. "Do you want to tell them tomorrow?"
Andrew nodded. "Sure, after dinner. We can make it special for them."
She smiled, "I have the perfect gift for them." Her mind got busy with ideas. "I am already makin’ them dresses. Mabel said she would give me some of Lucy's old ones. They will fit Carlissa nicely."
Andrew's eyes twinkled in the moonlight at her openness to love and care for these children. He loved that about her. He only hoped that she would never change.
Chapter 6
Julia always loved watching her younger siblings play with the ponies. Sitting on the porch swing, she leaned her head back enjoying the cool evening air against her hot body, glad to have some cool nights as it wouldn’t last for long.
Out of her siblings, Charity was the best with the ponies. She was very calm and sweet, and could get them into check with one move of her hand. She seemed to know what ponies were thinking. It was wonderful to observe her in action.
One of the ponies followed behind Charity as she walked up to Julia. "Can I go get my pie?"
Julia smiled. "Sure, we’ll also have to save a piece for Cole. It is one of his favorites."
Charity chuckled. "Any pie is his favorite."
Julia smiled, knowing it was true. She missed him tonight; he didn't have a choice but to work late at the office. Cole wasn’t required to work nights, but Maverick was healing from a bullet wound and Matt needed the night off.
Charity dished out the pie and the children all ate it while sitting on the steps. Though it wasn't dark yet, Julia lit a lamp, because the children didn't like the dark. She leaned against the railing. As Jonathan snuggled up next to her with blueberries on his mouth, she kissed his forehead. She loved him so much.
It was peaceful, even the older children were bubbling with chatter.
"I thought we would start to can the tomatoes. Mama always used to start with them first," Charity told her.
"I remember," Julia told her, wanting to remind Charity that she had been raised by Ellen, too. But she left it alone and discussed what they would do the next week.
A little while later, it was well after dark. The girls took the dishes in, and the older boys went off to put the ponies up. By the time she told the boys to go wash up for bed, Charity had started washing the dishes.
"Oh, honey, leave those for the mornin’. It's late," Julie exclaimed.
Charity shook her head. "No, Mama always wanted the dishes done before bed."
Julia's eyes widened. Charity had never told her no before. From the look of it, Charity hadn’t noticed how she had said it. "I know Mama always did them, but sometimes she let us go to bed without finishing them. We have worked hard today, let's leave them till mornin’."
Charity looked at her, her jaw firm, but she nodded. "Fine, but one dish will turn into twenty before you know it." She walked to her room without another word.
Julia wasn't sure what to do. She didn't know how much balance there should be between parenting and being a sister to the older ones. They had suffered abuse, which made them behave much older than their actual age. Instead, she decided to leave the situation between Charity and her alone for now. She wasn't one to make a big deal out of nothing.
Approaching the boy's room, she saw her little paint brush tossed around the floor. After picking them up, she went to the boys' room. Lighting their lantern, she put her hands on her hips. "Which one of you got into my pencils? You know that is not allowed without permission."
They both looked surprised at her question.
"What if it was the girls?" David said. "They are children, too."
"The girls were with me," Julia told him. "Now answer me. Who did it?"
Johnathan shrugged. "I was changing into my nightclothes."
David screamed, "It wasn't me! You hate me. I know you just hate and blame me."
Julia's mouth nearly dropped open. Where did this come from? He was totally overreacting. "Davy, I do not hate you. Now just calm down."
Johnathan got in bed and seemed to ignore his brother.
David looked at her with such hate. It shocked her. She wasn't sure what to do. "Calm down now, Davy."
Then suddenly David laughed like something was funny. "I am going to bed now." He got in bed like nothing was wrong.
For the first time, Julia felt so distant from David. She didn't know what to expect from him and she believed he was holding something back. What happened to their close relationship? She was unsure what to do about it. Kissing the boys on the head, she told them, "We will talk about this in the morning.”
Jonathan looked sad over Julia’s comment while David just smiled. However, his smile didn't reach his eyes and seemed very counterfeit.
Taking the lantern, she sat on the sofa to wait for Cole. She knew the dishes called, but she decided to draw. Putting her legs up, she fell asleep, wondering if she should tell Cole about David.
KATRINA TOOK THE GIRLS on a fun picnic. However, the rain had ruined it, so she ended up having the picnic on the parlor floor. Andrew also took the time to eat with them. After their special big dinner, she and Andrew sat down with the girls. Katrina didn't want to hold back from telling the girls they were raising them. She was just bursting with the news.
Sara and Francesca sat on the sofa, while Andrew sat on the chair.
Katrina set Carlissa on her lap. She looked up at her, eyes wide. "You don't have to say it; we are leaving. Francesca says it's coming."
Katrina was not expecting that. "Carlissa, we will not send you away. That is a promise. We want you to live with us forever and always. How do you feel about that, honey?"
She looked surprised. "Will we get picnics like today?"
Katrina smiled. "Yes, lots of picnics."
"With cake?" Her eyes went wide.
"Only if it is chocolate cake," Katrina teased.
Carlissa giggled. "I ain't never had sugar before. I like it."
Katrina glanced at Sara and Francesca, waiting for them to respond.
"I am too old to be adopted," Francesca stated.
Sara bit her lip, looking scared. "It won't last, nothing ever does."
Katrina knew how she felt. She hadn’t believed she was coming to live at Silkwood when Ellen had first told her. What made her believe was that Ellen had learned sign language to communicate with her. "Well, one day you will believe us."
Sara looked at her hands. "I will stay as long as I get my own room."
Katrina nodded. "Well, we planned to build onto the..."
Andrew gently touched Katrina’s arm, silencing her. "Sara, look at me."
Sara shook her head. Her face was full of terror.
Andrew continued, "Sara, no one will ever enter your bedroom against your will. I plan to build on a room once some of my brothers come. Do you understand, you are safe here? No one will ever hurt you."
Sara just shook her head again, as she prepared to run.
Katrina felt s
ick over Sara’s questions. She also knew the girls needed rest. "Let's head to bed, girls." Katrina tried to appear cheerful because she wanted Carlissa and the other girls to be happy about it. However, they all looked confused and scared. "I got you all some gifts. They are on your bed. The fastest ones up there will be the winner." They all got up and ran upstairs, even Francesca. Katrina and Andrew laughed as they chased after them.
The girls opened the gifts with surprise on their faces like they didn’t know to react.
Francesca put the soft white satin gown against herself. She smiled shyly. "It is so soft. Thank you, Katrina."
"You're welcome, Francesca." She smiled. She wanted to give her a hug, but Instead she resisted, not wanting to overwhelm her.
Sara put her peach gown on the bed like the touch of it would burn her. With her back straight and jaw tight, she whispered, "What will I have to do?"
Katrina looked at her. "Nothing. It is a free gift, sweetie."
Carlissa opened her gift, and threw the paper down, then looked at it as though it was the ugliest thing she had ever seen. She exclaimed, "I don't like this color. Pink is ugly."
Feeling hurt, Katrina had always wanted a pink gown when she lived at the orphanage. "You don't have to wear it, but I would like you to wear it, Carlissa."
Throwing herself on the floor like a spoiled little toddler, Clarissa started screaming.
Andrew had never seen one of her fits before. He stared at Katrina like 'what should we do?'
Katrina shrugged, unaware of what to do next.
Francesca told Andrew she was leaving to sleep in Carlissa's bed, and then she took Sara's arm and left.
Andrew nodded. To him, it looked like they would not get much sleep tonight, but he was glad the girls were safe.
Katrina wondered if screaming didn't hurt Clarissa’s ears, but the other girls had to live with her and hearing Clarissa holler all night was not a part of the agenda. If Katrina and Andrew allowed her to get away with screaming, then it would happen again. Katrina picked her up while trying to avoid getting a fist in her face. Holding her tighter, Katrina allowed Clarissa to scream, knowing there was no other choice.
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