"Why do some mothers act like that? I have seen it before." Francesca crossed her arms.
"Hardness. They put walls up around their heart like their children so that nothing gets through," Mabel answered. "The mother and child have a hard time healing when they harden their hearts to God."
Izzy added, "You have to love like there is no such thing as a broken heart. And lay down your heart for your child just like Jesus did."
It surprised Katrina they were talking about this in front of the girls, but Francesca seemed to take in every word while Sara didn't react.
Francesca looked at Katrina with her eyes guarded. "Are you willing to do that for us?"
Katrina looked into those beautiful hard eyes. Sara was looking up at her. This was her choice. Was she willing to give everything to her child? Love, time, energy, and patience. "Yes, I am. Forever and always." She took the young woman in her arms and into her life.
"I'VE NEVER HAD SWEET tea." Francesca sipped the southern drink.
Katrina's mouth dropped open. She had found Francesca in the stall with Whisper and given her sweet tea. "They have sweet tea in Texas, right?"
Francesca shrugged. "Yeah, but I never drank it. How do you make it?"
Because she was so busy, she hadn't made it often. "I will show you next time I make it."
Francesca drank it and smiled. "This is so good, Katrina. It is sweet." She acted like she didn't expect that.
Katrina smiled. "Of course it is."
Francesca reluctantly put it down and started to groom the horse.
Katrina did the same. “You know Maverick's horse drinks sweet tea just like water, more than water."
She saw Francesca's smile. Katrina was tall, and the horse was smaller than the drafts they normally bred, so she could see Francesca's full profile. "The big stallion also loves orange juice and apple juice, cider is his favorite."
"What is orange juice?" Francesca asked curiously.
"They make it from oranges from a tree that grows in the south. I brought some with me; they handle the ride pretty well."
"They are the color orange?" Francesca asked in wonderment.
Katrina chuckled. "Yes, they are."
"There was some in the cellar and it wasn't any too good. No wonder a horse ate it," Francesca said honestly.
That was something she liked about Francesca. She never tried to cover the truth, she just said what she thought. "The horse can't peel it, but a person has to peel to taste the juice."
Francesca looked shocked and even met Katrina's eyes for a moment.
Katrina let the silence reign. It didn’t happen often that the girl was silent or surprised. "What do you think your owner should name you, horse? You can't be called horse your whole life."
Francesca shrugged.
"I know, we can name her Bella. It means beautiful in Italian."
Francesca kept brushing quicker, like someone was holding a gun to her. "I wonder how a deaf person knows Italian."
"I knew some from when I lived with rich folks," Katrina explained. She leaned over the horse to look at her daughter. "Do you think Bella suits her?"
Francesca shook her head. "No. Horse works, it's better to not get used to names, no one cares to remember them anyhow." She swore. "Horse is ugly."
"On the inside, she is beautiful. She likes people, and she loves you."
Francesca touched the whip scars across the mare's back. Her face went hard. "This will never heal, it will never go away. How can she be so nice when men did this to her?"
Katrina walked around the horse to face Francesca, leaning against the horse's butt. "She is beautiful because beauty comes from the inside of the body. This horse can heal on the inside because she had love. She has you caring for her. She can tell you are a nice, kind, and hurting child." Katrina did something she hadn't done often. She didn't want to, but she looked in those pretty, hurting, dark brown eyes. She had to. She pulled the neckline of her dress back to reveal the scars."Fran, I never told you why I lost most of my hearing; it was a fire I got burned badly in. These are scars that will never heal."
Francesca looked at her for what seemed like the first time. She looked into Katrina's eyes, then reached out to touch the ugly white pink scars on Katrina's chest right about her breasts. Her face was so broken, so exposed.
Katrina could see in her face she was wondering how Katrina moved past this. It surprised her she didn't feel as valuable. She felt love for her daughter, a God-given love that was so strong, it shocked her. "Men who never got a thing for causing these burns. The scars on the inside were so much worse. I was so bitter, so angry that they would do this to me. I realized something when I found God. He could help me take away that anger and He would make my enemies one day pay for what they did. They would pay for their evil-doing; God would take care of me. Because He says he will take care of His fatherless children and I was one of them, though my parents probably ain't dead. I healed because of Christ and what He did for me on the cross and what He did by giving me such a wonderful family who love me as their own." Katrina took her hands. "He wants to do that with you, my dear. He wants to let you know he loves you before you were even born. He chose our family, the Starrys, to be your family forever and always. I love you, Francesca Starry." Katrina felt her heart swell at the words.
She wasn't sure what she expected. Francesca to tell her the same thing and to call her Ma the rest of their days. To hug and be more open and not so afraid. Though she now knew it was never that easy for Ellen. She wasn't sure what she expected, but this was not it.
Francesca backed up like something had stung her. She shook in fear or anger. "No one can heal from what men do. You're wrong. You're ugly. Men make things ugly. I hate you," she screamed with such anger on her face. "I hate you."
The words cut Katrina like a knife, taking her breath away. Why did Fran hate her? What had she done besides try to show her love and comfort? Why was she so horrid? Katrina knew she wasn't ready to face the girls, so she just stood in the stall, with Whisper munching on hay, and let the pain wipe away in tears again. How did one child have the power to hurt her so badly? Was it selfish to not want a daughter to scream?
She felt the ground move a little under her feet. She knew it wasn't Andrew's horse; his horse was too big for that little movement. Ignoring who had ridden up, she just cried.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Izzy. She hugged the smaller lady and cried all the harder while telling her what had happened between the tears.
After Katrina finished the story, Izzy gave her a hankie. "Know not is all lost. In your childhood, did you ever feel like telling someone you hated them?"
Katrina thought about it and nodded. "I never did, but I thought about telling Maverick. I hated him and even Andrew sometimes."
"Now why is that?" She smiled. "I can see why you would hate Maverick, but Andrew, he's pretty much perfect. Why did you?"
Katrina smirked. "They were teaching me sign language and how to talk properly. I didn't understand it, and I was just tired of trying to learn it. Everything to them was a lesson, never did they ever think of just having fun, and if it was fun, it had reading in it or speaking. I didn't understand it all."
Izzy nodded. "You didn't understand it."
Katrina wanted to cry more when it hit her.
Izzy shook her head, telling her no more tears. Katrina figured for this tough cowgirl they were a waste of time. "Now you understand a little more about what makes your daughters tick."
Katrina nodded and explained, "It helped me come out to understand. They don't know what love is, don't understand and don't know how it can make them have a future, just like I wouldn't have much of a future without Maverick and Andrew trying so hard. The girls need to understand in their hearts, and not just their minds, that God loves them." She smiled. "So my daughter doesn't hate me, just what I am trying to make her understand and feel."
Izzy didn't need to respond. They both knew it
was true.
Katrina put an arm around her. "Let's head in before the girls destroy the house."
Izzy touched the buttons on Katrina's dress, though she tried not to look as Katrina buttoned them up. "It was brave of you to show them."
As they walked up to the house, Katrina asked, "How are you so smart?"
Izzy chuckled. "Well, I ain't that smart." She paused. "I've just been where your girls are at."
Katrina noticed a shadow pass over Izzy's face. "Well, I am forever grateful." She looked up to see smoke coming out of the kitchen window. No more time for talking.
"IZZY! IZZY-BABY! COME back," Cole squealed with agony.
Expecting the cry to be one of the children, Julia abruptly sat up, her covers falling to her lap. Instead, she found Cole screaming. Trying to wake him, she began shaking him, but he continued screaming. She shook harder. "Honey, Honey, wake up. You will wake the children." And the children hadn't been sleeping well.
He finally opened his eyes and looked at her, his throat hoarse as he spoke. “What happened?”
Julia took his hand, looking down at him. "You were screamin’ about Izzy again."
"Again?" He looked confused.
Julia nodded, "It happened a couple of nights ago, but you didn't wake up."
Cole's face flushed with sweat.
Julia couldn't handle the look that came into his eyes. She leaned down and kissed him. Putting his hands in her hair she felt his passion. She pulled back; she put her head on his. "Tell me, Texan." She knew he needed to tell her what he had never told her before their wedding. When Izzy was still there.
Taking her hand, Cole sighed and sat up. "Let's get some air."
Julia let him lead her to the porch, the bare boards were cool against her bare feet. They sat on the hard dew-damp swing. It was muggy, and hot like most Alabama summers. The dew clung to their skin. Julia’s long, curly blond hair felt wet and hot against her back. Listening to the crickets, Julia waited for him to speak first.
He looked out into the darkness, his face tense and pained. He spoke so softly, Julia could hardly hear him.
“We wanted to get away from our pa, so we started rescuing children and people from slavery. We traveled everywhere and went into any situation, no matter the danger. Then we hit a big powerful man. He wanted us gone, so he took Izzy.” He had to stop. "I almost died in that month. If she hadn't come home, I would have never stopped looking and rescuing. I would have gotten myself killed, I know it now. I gave up the rescues when she was found. I came here while Izzy went to Colorado."
Julia remained silent through it all. Nothing would help the pain he still felt. She knew from Maverick that pain never went away. She just took Cole in her arms as he usually did to her. He was so big compared to her slight form. "I am so sorry. I love you so much, Cole Donovan."
Julia could feel his tears soaking her nightgown as Cole put his head on her chest. She held him as he cried his pain away. As Julia closed her eyes and squeezed Cole gently, she finally envisioned her experience as what an actual marriage looks like.
THE NEXT MORNING, JULIA walked in the barn to find Cole trimming one of the pony's hooves. Melody was holding the pony’s lead calmly, look as steady as if she probably wouldn't move if a gun went off. The little boys stood around him. "Looks like all of you have been having fun without me."
Johnathan and David came up to her and hugged her legs. "Come look, mama. Pa's trimmin’ Snowflake's hooves," David told her.
David spoke up as they walked a little closer. "Why are we naming it Snowflake?"
Melody answered like they all should have known. "Because she is white and snow is white."
"How do you know? You ain't ever seen snow." David told her.
Melody put her nose up at him. "Well, it is still white."
Cole had missed none of this and smiled. He put the hoof down, patted the pony, and looked at them. "We will see plenty of snow this winter."
Just then Julia turned to see her brother, Sawyer walk up, on his arm was Cole’s sister, Annie. Sawyer smiled. "I figured I would find you here with the pony. What is that song, when you wake up you will have all the little ponies?" Sawyer came over to hug Julia. "And now you have them all." He chuckled.
Julia laughed and hugged him back. "That is every child's dream. How was your trip, Sawyer?"
He laughed, taking Annie's hand while she giggled.
Cole stood up and looked at them. "What is up, sis?"
She giggled again. "We got married!" she said excitedly.
Julia's mouth dropped open.
Cole walked closer to them, unbelief on his face.
Even the children stared at them in shock.
"Well, I can't imagine what the other family will say or do when we tell them," Sawyer said, amused.
Julia opened her mouth to say something and then shut it with no words coming out. She felt so betrayed.
Cole saw it on Julia's face, hurt and shock over Sawyer not telling them first. He also knew because he was feeling it. He had always hoped he would get to walk his little sister down the aisle. "Well, that was fast." He forced a smile. "I'm happy for you both." He hugged Annie and shook Sawyer’s hand. He took Julia’s hand back and grasped it, telling her to be honest.
She smiled, though it looked strained. "Wow, this is such a surprise and such a joy." She hugged Sawyer again, and then Annie.
Cole asked, "So what are your plans? Where do you want to live?"
"Well, we have been thinking about heading to Colorado early. I have been looking into a newspaper job in Deer Trail, so I might take it when we get down there, and we will find a place." Sawyer smiled. "We're thinking of movin’ soon, maybe a few weeks."
"Well, if you want to, you can bring some stock to Liberty Ranch. Andrew will run them for me till I can get there."
"Yeah, I'll help you round them up."
"That would be great." He paused. “You know we heard from Andrew.”
"What's up? What did you hear?" Sawyer wanted to know.
Julia spoke up, "They have settled pretty well. They like the people there, and they found three girls in their shed."
Sawyer looked surprised. "What are they goin’ to do?"
"They wanted to know what we thought," Julia said carefully. "But they plan to raise them."
"Wow, that is not what I expected to hear."
"Well, we both got a shock today," Julia whispered, a small bite to her words. She was glad none of the children picked up on it, just the adults. Annie looked more hurt than Sawyer, but he was better at hiding it.
Cole clasped her hand, and then spoke to Annie, keeping his voice light, "Now I want to talk to my baby sister at the house so she can give me every detail of this eloping. Come on, kiddos." He put an arm around Annie's shoulder and they walked out.
They walked over to a bench. Both sat on the same bench they did when Sawyer told her he was a believer. Julia hadn't been one and found it shocking and even felt hurt. Like today, but for two different reasons. She was now a mother, but still was a beloved sister. She forced herself to be honest. She looked up at him. "I am surprised about you two eloping. How could you not tell us?"
He sighed. He took her hand. "It was a quick decision, Julia. And since the whole family couldn't be there, we didn't want to wait."
She nodded. "I understand. But what about Izzy? She is not close to Annie and wants to be. This will hurt her."
Sawyer looked at her like he knew that. "But like you said, they ain't close. I know they have struggles, but nothing they can't get over."
Snowflake ambled up to see if Julia had any treats. She patted her head. "Being married is hard sometimes, Sawyer. We married siblings. I have found out things about the Donovan’s no one knows because I am one.” She looked at her brother - the one who had been there since she was born - though they shared no blood. She let a tear run down her cheek. "You are now married to a Donovan."
"What is it?" Sawyer asked, concerned.
Sawyer sighed. "I have tried to help her with it but she is distant with anyone but her ma. She just doesn't seem to care to fight for it."
"She doesn't know what she is missing. We both should know that with our past. The Donovans have a secret like ours in their family and I believe soon enough it's going to come out."
Sawyer nodded, knowing she couldn't say more about it. "Let's pray, sis, for our spouses and our new siblin’."
"I think that is a wonderful idea, and then I can tell Annie how happy I am to have another sister in my family," Julia told him.
Sawyer’s smiled said it all, although he couldn't stop the worry in his eyes. The Starrys knew what this kind of pain was like. God would see them through this.
Chapter 11
"Katrina, come sit with me?" Mabel asked as she sat at one of the many tables in the churchyard. The men had built the tables for times like this gathering; weddings, funerals, and fellowship. There was talking, eating, and laughing going around. Children ran about and adults visited. Everyone seemed to be having a great time. Some of the women had welcomed her to the church. Many ladies gave her a homecoming gift like bread, cheese, and small items to help her in the home.
Katrina nodded and headed that way. She had already gotten the younger girls' food. All the children were eating with other girls their age. Katrina was excited to see them have fun. The rain they got yesterday had held off today, though there was a dampness in the air, and the cloud looked ready to drop more rain. Katrina was glad it held off for the time being. It was just so nice having fellowship. She noticed Izzy laughing with someone. Many of them had seen Izzy since she worked with Liberty House.
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