She swung herself around when she heard me and said, “I need to ask you something.”
“Anything.” I replied not even thinking.
“Will you take me to the concert and not leave my side?” She looked up at me and I couldn’t help but walk over to her and hug her.
“Of course.” was all I said. I held her like she needed me to. Like a friend reassuring her that everything was going to be ok, not like the man who never wanted to let go.
Nic was roaming around backstage when we got there. I was surprised though I shouldn't have been. He and Andres conjured up a fast friendship. Nic was good like that. He had friends all over the world and he took the time to see them and keep up with them all. I hadn't. I had a few close friends back home in London, but being here made it so difficult to stay connected. It was an excuse, I know. It's just the way I was.
Livy looked calm, and stunning I might add. She had this cool cape-like dress on with these hot, little booties. Her legs looked amazing. I was excited at the concept of not leaving her side tonight even though I know it held a different meaning for her.
Nic ran off to talk with some people he knew. I asked Liv where she wanted to be for the concert. She said she wanted to be away from people but able to see him perform. I knew the perfect place. I grabbed her hand and told her to follow me. I took her up into the lights on the side of the stage. It was the best view and you were guaranteed to be alone. I could sense her anxiety as they took the stage. I watched as she beamed when he sang. I was admiring her, admiring him, fantasizing about her someday watching me like that. I stood behind her holding onto the railing with my hands on each side of her, encasing her, giving her reassurance I was there for her. She remained quiet, still even, but she didn’t take her eyes off him. I knew he was searching the crowd and the sides of the stage for her face. I wished he would look up. He would see her. I wanted him to know she was here watching him. I would want to know. She didn't want me to leave her side and she said nothing about leaving with him. This boded well for me. I could feel her getting fidgety. When the next song started, she turned like she needed to get out, but I wouldn’t let her. “Harris, let me go!” she screamed pounding her fists on my chest. I grabbed her wrists to hold her there.
“Livy, you can’t leave. Not like this. Not without saying goodbye. You’re being selfish and you know it.” I told her.
She looked up at me surprised and then she sighed.
“He deserves this next journey of his life and I need to let him go.” I understood what she meant. These guys were on the verge of exploding. I will admit they are incredible performers. Andres had a connection with the audience I could only hope to achieve. I understood the type of fame they were on the verge of and Livy wasn’t being selfish giving him up, but she needed to tell him.
The last song wrapped up and I walked Olivia backstage. Andres came running toward us and she went to him. I stayed put and leaned against the wall to wait.
Chapter 21
Olivia
I saw him running with a panicked look on his face. He thought I left or worse yet, that I never came. Harris was right. It would have been selfish of me to turn away and run again. He wrapped me in his arms and whispered in my ear. This time I understood what he said.
“Thank you, Olivia. Thank you for not leaving without letting me have this.” I looked up at him and smiled weakly. I told him I was staying in LA.
“You will forever be a part of what makes me whole. The pieces we have played in each other's lives have led us to this moment. You have worked so hard for this next part of your life. You need to experience it to its fullest. I won’t hold you back. Just like the last time I left, I did it for you. Please understand that.” I said.
He nodded, eyes never leaving mine. He knew this morning when I wasn’t there when he woke or when he left for the venue that we would part. He knew what my tears last night meant. He held me close, his hands holding my face to his, not knowing whether he was allowed to kiss me. He brushed my hair out of my eyes, kissed me tenderly on the lips and backed away. He started to back away from me down the hall. His eyes never left mine. His hands went to his heart and he mouthed, “I love you”. Then he put his hand up and waved goodbye. I froze. I stood there, arms at my side, unable to move for what seemed like forever. Then, warm hands grabbed my shoulders and rubbed my arms.
Chapter 22
Harris
I couldn't bear to watch her stand there any longer. I walked up behind her and grabbed her shoulders. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms to elicit some response. She turned, grabbed my hand and said, “Thank you for being here. Now take me away from here please.”
I obliged. We drove in silence. I didn't want her to be alone tonight. But it felt awkward to speak. I didn’t want to devalue her feelings of loss. Or to make her think I didn’t care. Without thinking, I opened my mouth. “Livy, are you ok?” I turned to see her face since she didn’t immediately respond. She turned to me and smiled.
“Yes, Harris. I’m ok. Thank you for caring enough to ask.”
Then I couldn’t shut myself up. I rattled on about how I couldn’t imagine the pain she felt and that’s when she spun around in her seat and shot me the most intense look. “You don’t know anything about the pain I feel right now or the pain I've felt for the last 10 years. You will never know it, Harris. So, don’t sit there and try to pacify me when you don’t even know me. I appreciate you trying, but don’t. Just let it go. If anything, I'm happy. I know it sounds crazy to you but I had the opportunity to care enough about someone to see what they needed was different than what they wanted. So, I made the choice for him.” She sat back in her seat, took a deep breath and exhaled. I didn’t say a word. I turned a few more corners and parked in front of the pub where the lads and I hang out. I said we could grab a bite to eat in the back and not be bothered. She looked surprised but relieved at the same time. “How did you know I was hungry?” she said, looking surprised.
I told her I was a mind reader and she needed to stop all the dirty thoughts, too. That got her to smile.
We found a booth in the back and ordered some food. I was surprised when Livy added 2 beers. I was hoping she’d let loose a little. Try to put the stress of the last few hours behind her. She seemed content after her little tirade in the car. I’d do anything now for her to forgive me for being so insensitive.
We ate, drank, and even had a few laughs…quite a few actually. The beer kept flowing and she was having fun and being witty and so damn sexy when she laughed that obnoxious laugh of hers. You know the kind where they use their whole mouth and their eyes absolutely light up. That Julia Roberts type laugh. Uninhibited and massively addicting. Before I knew it she was dragging me over to the bar to belly up with some of the regulars. She was the hit of the place. We sat facing each other, knees touching on our stools. We drank, sang along with the jukebox and had the most amazing time. I realized how late it had gotten and how much I had consumed. I had way too much to get us home, luckily Nic walked in the place with some other lads I knew. Olivia was off her stool immediately to greet him…”NIC!” she screamed as she pulled him into a hug. Over her shoulder he shot me the most curious look. Like what the fuck is going on here?…I grinned sheepishly. I didn’t want the night to end, but I was sure Nic was going to see to that. Sure enough when Livy finally let him go he looked at her sweetly and said “Let’s go.” in that damn accent of his that got hard to understand when I was drunk.
Nic brought us home and made sure we got inside. He said something about getting me in the morning to go back and get my car, but Livy had turned on some music and had it so loud I missed what he said. I walked into the living room to find her dancing and singing. She was in her own little world. She was so damn amazing. How she moved. How she didn’t care about anything right now. She looked so young, so energetic, so happy and carefree and... drunk. Oh my God. After our dance party where I switched her drink to water, she started to crash. Now what
, I thought. I needed to tuck her in somewhere. I wasn’t going to take her to the guest house and leave her in this condition. I thought about the couch but it seemed too far away from where I would be if she needed anything. I wanted to keep an eye on her. She was slumped in the chair when I decided to carry her upstairs and bring her to my room. I'd figure it all out when I got there. Well, I got there quicker than I thought. She was sound asleep now. I had no plan so I laid her on the bed sideways with her legs hanging off. I went to slip her booties off and she mumbled something and rolled over onto her side. I made quick work of getting them off and then stood. Now what, I thought. Leave her in her dress?? If I go to put something else on her and she has nothing on under that I’m going to have a hard time sleeping ever again. I’ll just let her be. I decided. I slid her into bed and covered her up. I stood and watched her for a bit. I wanted to capture this moment in my mind. She was sleeping so peacefully, hair around her wildly on the pillow. Her mouth was slack with a hint of a small smile. Her hands tucked under her chin with arms across her breasts. My writing came back to me at that moment…what I had written the other night needed one thing added….”Olivia”. A smile formed across my lips. I kissed my fingertip and touched it to her lips. “Sleep tight, Olivia.”
Chapter 23
Olivia
I woke up with the worst headache of my life and the room was super bright. I sat up on my elbows squinting to get my bearings. I was in Harris' room. I really need to get some window coverings in here. How does he deal with this??? Jesus! I fell back onto the pillow. Then I did some detective work to see what happened last night. He obviously put me to bed. Where did he sleep? The other side of the bed wasn’t messed up so he didn’t sleep there. I haven’t done the room yet so it's barely furnished with anything other than the bed, the side tables and a couple chairs. I was checking things out in the room when I turned to see a note on the table next to the bed. It was there with a glass of water and a bottle of Advil. Harris wrote,
Good morning there sunshine. Nice and bright in here isn’t it? Take 2 of these. I’ve gone to get my car from the pub. H
I didn’t want to move. I took two Advil, drank the entire glass of water and crawled back into the bed with the covers pulled up over my head. I had 2 choices. Get up now and scurry back over to the guest house and avoid awkwardness moment number 942 with him, or go back to sleep and ignore the little voice inside me. Well it must have been an exhausting decision because I fell back to sleep for what seemed like just a few minutes, when I woke up, it wasn’t bright anymore. Oh my God, I had slept all damn day. I rolled out of his bed, walked gently to the bathroom and closed the door. It was weird being in here. His private space. I just needed to pee and get the hell out of here. There was still no noise from downstairs. I found my boots and grabbed them, and headed for the door. I opened it slowly to see if I heard anything from down below. All seemed quiet. I just might get out of this with no embarrassment at all today. No one was around so I skirted out the kitchen door and over to the guest house. I’d made it, a clean get away. Whew. I was feeling much better but wanted to take a nice, long, hot shower, put some clean clothes on and eat something. I finished with my shower and got dressed, threw my hair up on top of my head and was heading for the kitchen when I heard someone rattling around in there. I stopped and watched Harris as he chopped vegetables and mixed up something, he looked pretty cute with his hair up and his sleeves rolled up as he made his way around the kitchen. He was so sweet. We had so much fun last night. I owed him for that. Honestly, he was becoming so dear to me. He was one of those genuine guys with the biggest heart. He caught me standing there and gave me that big, dimpled grin. I forgot to mention how adorable he could be too. Damn.
Chapter 24
Harris
She came down the hall looking every bit of gorgeous. No makeup on, hair piled high on her head, looking fresh and pretty in a white, off the shoulder tee and some soft, gray pants. She was lovely like this. Natural and beautiful. She smiled sheepishly at me. “What are you up to now?” She asked as she sat on the stool across the island from where I was.
“Thought I’d whip up something for dinner since you slept through breakfast and lunch.”
She looked embarrassed. I told her not to feel bad. I had fun last night. I wanted her to know she didn’t do anything to be upset about. “I hope you’re not mad I tucked you in, I didn’t want you alone over here in the shape you were in.”
“Thanks, Harris. I’m sorry I had more to drink than I should have. By the way, where did you sleep?” She asked. I turned away to grab something out of the fridge, avoiding the question. She sat there staring at me. This was now a game to her and I wanted to continue it.
“What?” I said, knowing she wasn’t going to let it go.
Chapter 25
Olivia
“Where did you sleep?” I kept pushing. Not that I truly cared anymore. It was a game. He put the knife down, placed his hands on the counter leaned forward and said, “You’re my interior designer, you should know what the options for comfort are in that room. Figure it out." Then he grabbed the veggies he was chopping and threw them in the hot pan. He started to stir them around in the olive oil. I got up from the stool and went to the fridge for a bottle of water. I closed the fridge. Leaned against the counter and started interrogating him. “You didn’t stay in the bed because the other side hadn’t been messed up. You must have stayed in another one of the rooms.”
“Is that your final conclusion?” He asked.
“I guess.” I said. I really didn’t care. I was glad he didn’t spend the night in the bed with me only because I would have woke up and freaked because I didn’t remember going to bed. He turned to me and grinned. “So you’re telling me you don’t remember making mad, passionate love last night?”
I choked on my water and must have had the scariest look on my face. Then he started laughing.
“I’m just joking Livy…Jesus.” He set the table at the counter and we ate a delicious dinner. It wasn’t awkward. It was easy and so good. Who knew he could cook like this? Harris cleaned up the kitchen and I hit the couch. I was zapped of energy. I really just wanted to curl up and let my mind be entertained by something so I didn’t have to think of where Andres was. Harris sensed something and came over to flop on the couch next to me. “Stay for awhile?” I asked. He grabbed the blanket off the end, scooted in behind me and wrapped me up in the blanket. Then he grabbed the remote and started scanning for something to take my mind off what he knew I was thinking about. Before long I dozed off. Warm and comfortable and feeling safe and cared for. What a feeling.
I woke up to my phone buzzing like crazy on the coffee table. It was a number I hadn’t seen for a long time, but one I knew I needed to answer. I grabbed my phone and headed into the bedroom for some privacy.
Chapter 26
Harris
The look on her face when she saw her phone was of concern. She was speaking low so I couldn’t hear. I wasn't sure if I should leave and give her privacy or not. I then heard her say she would be on the next flight out. That didn’t sound good. She’s never talked about her family or her life prior to her coming here. It wasn't any of my business but I did feel close with her and it felt as though she needed someone in her life. Just maybe not in the capacity in which I had hoped…yet.
She came out of the bedroom with the phone at her side, looking like she had a lot on her mind. She sat next to me, facing me, like she had something important to tell me.
Chapter 27
Olivia
“Harris, I need to be gone for a few weeks. I need to leave as soon as I can. I’ll get all your studio time scheduled for you and everything else taken care of and I can check in with the studio everyday if you need. Are you okay with that?” I asked, a little scared that he was going to pull some of that Hollywood spoiled celebrity bullshit with me. But instead he turned to face me, looked me square in the eye and said, “Of course, whatever you need, O
livia.”
I told him I’d get everything taken care of and hopefully catch a plane out tomorrow. I didn’t tell him where I was going or what I needed to take care of and he didn’t ask. I liked that about him. He didn't pry and I respected that. We were on a very comfortable road, him and I, and I was really getting used to having him around. And I was truly terrified with this trip I needed to take.
I started packing immediately and making lists of everything I needed to get done before my plane took off. I was running from one room to another when Harris decided he’d better head out and leave me to my chaos. I was thankful for the space. I needed to take a breath and digest everything. The next few weeks were going to be ones that I had been avoiding for years. It was time now to deal with it all. I didn’t have a choice.
Harris texted me shortly before I went to bed saying he would take me to the airport if needed. That's sweet. I replied with a simple thanks, and went to bed. I laid there thinking of the past and how I never in a million years would have thought this was where my path was taking me. I was so young and happy with Miles. I hadn't been in the house we built since he left me. And now I had to go and pack up what was left of our life there.
My plane landed in Minnesota and I immediately felt the sadness wash over me. I’d been running from anything that felt like home for 6 years.
I rented an SUV and headed north. I got to the house and was flooded with emotion. It was the house Miles and I had built together. The house we were to grow old in, raise a family in. I hadn’t been back since the day of the funeral. I had packed a bag and left. Went to the lake house I had inherited and plotted my path away from here. I was still sitting in the Rover when a truck pulled up next to me in the drive. It was Jack, Miles’ dad. I liked Jack. He was a big man with few words, but what he said meant a lot. His was the phone call that brought me back. His wife Katherine had recently passed and he was moving south and couldn’t look after the place any longer. I was sad for him that he lost his partner but Katherine and I had never gotten along. She held me accountable for her son’s death. I was always close to Jack but it was not a place I could stay after Miles was gone.
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