I got out of the car to greet him and was immediately pulled into a big old bear hug. “Good to see ya kiddo, how you been?” He said in his gruff sort of way. Jack worked construction all his life. Probably still did a few side jobs just to stay busy. Miles learned everything he knew from his dad and was a very successful contractor in the area. He grew up here. The house was just down the road from Jack and Katherine’s. Jack’s been taking care of the place for me no questions asked. He knew I'd come back either when I was ready to or when he needed me to. I told him I was sorry about Katherine and we continued to talk about what I’d been doing and where I'd travelled. I told him I had come to clean out the place and put it up for sale. It was time to let it go. My plan was to stay the next few weeks and get it all done before I returned to LA. He offered to help me any way he could. That almost made me cry. I loved Jack. He was like a father to me and it was good to see him again. I felt guilty not staying in touch but I could tell he understood.
Jack left. I was alone. I grabbed my bag and headed for the porch. I was nervous to go inside. So many memories were created here. A time that seemed so long ago. Another lifetime away. I opened the door and it hit me. It was that moment when you entered a place and the smell brings you back. It made me stop and close my eyes and remember his voice, his eyes, how he felt, how he loved me and how I loved him. The tears silently welled up in my eyes. The kind of tears you couldn’t stop. The kind that hurt the back of your throat because you want to scream but nothing comes out. He’d been gone 6 years. The first 2 years I cried myself to sleep every night. I became numb and tried to just keep moving forward away from the pain. But here I was, back in this place, with him lingering all around me. I went into the kitchen and dropped my bags. Wiped my tears and regained my composure. I could do this. I had to. This house deserved to be full of love like it used to be. I walked from room to room opening drapes and windows and airing the place out. It was a beautiful June day. We designed the house so it felt like you were in the trees in the great room. It was my favorite place to be on a beautiful spring day. The breeze rustled the leaves and came through the big glass doors off the kitchen area leading to the large deck overlooking the forest.
I had already decided on the plane I'd sell the place furnished. I had a few things I wanted to take to the lake but the rest would have to stay. I sat down at the large stone island and started to make a list. I was going to need some things from town to get things packed up and some food to get me through. I checked my phone. No texts. Nice. I was hoping Harris wouldn’t pry. He looked so worried when he dropped me off this morning at the airport. I should shoot him a quick text the let him know I landed safe. I typed.
I landed. Thanks again for the ride. Hope you had a great day in the studio!
I threw the phone down and it buzzed immediately.
Thanks for checking in, I was worried your plane crashed. Glad to hear it didn’t. Keep in touch. H.
I rolled my eyes and chuckled a little. He was so sweet and it was weird being away from him. We'd grown really close but it’s a feeling I'm not familiar with. It's new to me, but I can honestly say I like being around him better than not being around him.
That's the best I can do right now.
I jumped back in the Rover and headed to town for supplies. I would go to the hardware store and then stop by the grocery store. I wondered if I’d run into anyone. I hoped not. I planned on stopping by the radio station I used to work at to say hi. I’ll do that next week maybe. I need to get stuff done at the house and feel like I can handle myself around people who knew me when there was a Miles.
I made it through all my errands in town and headed back to the house. I stopped by Jack's to drop some meals I had picked up in town. He was on the porch in a rocking chair drinking a beer and smoking a cigar. Bless his heart. First time he’d ever been able to do that without getting a lecture, I bet. He smiled when he saw the groceries. I climbed the stairs and set the bags down by the door. I took a seat in the rocker next to him and stared off over the field. Jack reached over next to him and handed me a beer. “Looks like you need one of these.” I shot him a raised eyebrow and thanked him for the compliment. We talked more about Katherine. She was diagnosed with cancer shortly after Miles’ death. She did pretty well up until the last six months. It took a toll on Jack. I could tell. He had aged in the last six years. We talked about the gossip around town, with the people we used to run around with. Who was married now, who had kids, who was getting divorced. Jack knew it all. It was funny to hear him gossip like a little old lady. You wouldn’t expect that out of a burly builder. It was sweet that he wanted to fill me in on the things I had missed. All the stuff I never thought of after leaving, because I was consumed with the loss of Miles. Not the loss of our life. I sat with Jack a while longer, then left him to go put my own groceries away. Jack smiled at me as I pulled out of the driveway. It made me realize how much I had missed him, too.
Back in the house I decided to start with the bedroom. I wanted to pack all of Miles’ clothes up so I could donate them. I started pulling shirts out of the closet, hangers and all, and laid them on the bed. My head was swimming with his scent. I didn’t care if I cried the entire time I was here. I was used to the tears I couldn’t stop. I came across a flannel shirt, my favorite on him. I took it off the hanger and slipped it on. I pulled it up to my nose and inhaled him. It was as if he had never gone. For as much as I thought I had moved forward in life, things like this bring you right back to the place you tried to escape. I took another deep breath and a sense of calm came over me. He was here. He was here with me, watching me. I could feel him, his presence. I started talking to him. I did it a lot when he was first gone but then I stopped even mentioning his name. I told him how much I loved him in the shirt and how I remembered the last time he wore it when he was out cutting wood in the back yard, and how I would watch him often from the house when he was working in the yard. How every time he flashed me that smile I would get butterflies. How I could hear his truck coming for miles and how I would get excited the closer he would get to home after his long day at work. How I loved how he couldn’t walk past me without touching me. How I loved him with all my heart and how I was so broken without him. I continued to pack up the clothes into bags easy enough for me to carry. I loaded them all into the Rover so they would be ready to drop off for donation on my next trip to town. I went to the fridge to grab a bite to eat and some water. It was getting dark now and I noticed I was worn out. This is the first time I sat down since leaving Jack and now I couldn't move. I scrolled through emails on my phone while I ate, making sure I didn't miss anything important with Harris or the studio. I thought about face timing Harris but then didn't really feel like answering any questions just yet about where I was or what I was doing. So instead I started to play the one album of theirs I had loaded on my phone. I had told Harris I wasn't much of a fan of the boy band. And I wasn’t. I hadn’t truly listened to his music at all until I knew I was going to be working with him. Then I did my normal YouTube research and actually fell in love with their sound. Their music was happy. All of it. He had no idea, but I listened to it quite a bit when he wasn’t around. Hearing his voice was comforting now. I almost wished he was here.
Then my phone buzzed.
Chapter 28
Harris
I was so happy to hear from Livy. It literally made my day. Everyone at the studio was asking me what was up because I seemed so preoccupied. But after her text, I was able to focus again and get some work done. I had finished writing a couple more songs. They were coming to me easy these days. I had sat and chatted with Nic a bit about Olivia today. He knew how I was feeling and thought I should just tell her. I couldn’t, not yet. I had to gain her trust and her heart. I knew that was the way to do it. Anything else would just burn up eventually. If we could build a love on friendship and mutual admiration it would have lasting power. I truly believed that. Passionate love was fantastic but fleeting. Thos
e flames eventually burn out. But a loyal lasting love was built on a foundation of trust, admiration and honesty. That’s what I wanted with Livy.
I happened to ask Julian if he had known where Livy had gone since she spoke with him before she left. Maybe he knew I thought. Turns out, the record company puts a sort of tracker on phones when they hire someone like Livy so in case they need to get to them for an emergency with their client they can. I asked Julian what the chances were that I could get a hold of that tracker…just in case. He willingly synced it into my phone. I felt guilty at first and didn’t check it to see where she was. I tried to put it out of my mind. I would only check if I needed to. In an emergency. I thought it would make me feel better if I just knew I could find her. But now it was driving me crazy. Maybe I’ll just text her. It was getting dark out. I could just tell her goodnight. She did text me earlier. I took a breath, typed it and hit send. I was surprised to get a response right away. She sent that she hoped I had a good day. I replied,
Was a productive day in the studio. Now just sitting here noticing the quiet.
Her reply came right away.
Me too.
Maybe she missed me. I was feeling completely lost without her. Every part of my day was missing something. Think about it. We have basically lived alongside one another for the past few months now. We had a routine. Her being gone was not part of the routine and I was struggling with it. I wish she would have opened up to me so I wasn’t so anxious about her being gone. I wanted to know if she was okay. I wanted to help her but she wouldn't let me in. I typed
You doing okay Olivia? Do you need help with anything?
I didn’t know if I should hit send. She got upset with me last time I pried. Well, tough shit. She’s not here. How can it get worse? I hit Send. I waited a bit. Nothing. No reply. This would eat me alive. The more I waited the more I wanted to be near her. The more I filled with worry. Dammit, where was she? Then I remembered I had that tracker now on my phone. If she didn’t reply soon I would check where she was. I'm not sure what good that would do but I felt like it would make me feel better about the situation. Did I really think she was with Andres?? No, I knew she wasn’t. I don't think so anyway. Shit. Was she?? God dammit Livy why couldn’t you just let me in??? I grabbed my phone and opened the tracker.
What the fuck. She’s in the middle of nowhere…literally. She’s in some forest in the northern part of Minnesota. Why in the hell?? My mind started to create scenarios. Making me realize I didn’t know anything about her. I wonder if I could do some digging and figure it out. I wasn’t good at creeping around the Internet though. But Nic was. That’s it. I’ll get him over here and see what he can dig up.
Chapter 29
Olivia
Harris' first text made me smile but I had a hard time coming up with a response for the second one asking if I was ok. I knew he was just being caring, but I didn’t want to text details about my past to him to fill him in on what I was doing and where I was. I would tell him but it would be face to face, not in a text message. Before I could come up with something to text back I fell asleep, snuggled up in bed still wearing the flannel. I woke up to the sun shining into the bedroom. Another beautiful day. I was feeling refreshed. Good, actually. I knew I was strong enough to handle all this now. Even a year ago I couldn’t have done it, but something had changed. I felt ok with what I’m doing. Miles is ok with what I’m doing and that thought makes me smile. I walked barefoot to the kitchen to make some coffee. I love this house so much in the morning. It’s flooded with sunlight, and the rich wood of the logs and the hand-hewn floors absolutely glowed. And I don’t know why but one of my favorite things was to be barefoot on these floors. It felt amazing. It was warm and smooth and felt as good as being barefoot outside, like a child in the summer. It was that kind of feeling. I went out the screen door to have my coffee on the porch. It faced east, into the morning sun. I loved to sit here on my mornings off, sipping coffee and enjoying the sunshine. We were the last ones on the private road Jack had built. The only traffic was if they were coming here. I heard a four-wheeler coming up the road.
Jack pulled into the driveway, shut off the machine and came to sit with me on the porch. I got him some coffee and we talked the morning away. It was the most relaxed and most at peace feeling I've had since I left. We laughed and talked about the crazy things Miles and I would do and how we had all these ideas for the house. And how Jack thought none of them would work but that we didn't listen and tried them anyway. And it turned out to be the most beautiful house they had ever built. It was so weird to think that not only was Miles gone but now Jack was leaving too. All this land has been in his family for generations. And now there’s no one left. Miles was an only child.
Jack came in to see how far I had gotten and was impressed with my progress. He wondered how long I was going to hang around the place. I said I wasn’t sure. It all depended on the realtor and what else I needed to get done, aside from packing the personal items. I would box up all the pictures and other personal papers and such today and pack them into the Rover. I would need to take a few days and head to the lake with them. Things were going quicker than I thought they would so maybe it would only be a week or two before I’d be back in LA.
The next few days and nights I kept busy and I was healing. This was a process. I knew it. This was good. I felt a door opening. I was moving forward. I felt proud for the life I built with Miles. We had made a beautiful life together. I was thankful for what I did have with him instead of bitter for what I never would. My phone buzzed and brought me back from my thoughts. It was just something in my calendar but I then realized that I hadn’t ever replied to Harris and he was probably freaking out. Shit. I typed quickly .
Sorry Harris. Been crazy here and I haven’t had a chance to get back to you. Looks like I might not be gone as long as I thought after all. How is it going there without me to keep you in line?
Send.
I put the phone down when he didn’t reply. I’m sure he's at the studio. The days had flown by and I was done with all the personal stuff I needed to pack up. I needed to clean up and head to town, I could drop off the clothes, meet with the realtor for the final paperwork, drop off the keys and stop and see some old friends before I left town.
I showered, put on white skinny jeans and a denim shirt, left my hair down and threw on my old Yankees baseball cap. Miles hated this hat. He was a Twins fan and wouldn’t go anywhere with me when I wore it. I laughed at the memory of it. I paused as I was about to close the door for the last time. I found the closure I wasn't even looking for this week. I felt ready now to move forward. To take life by the chapters it handed me. I took a deep breath and pulled the door closed. I hopped into the Rover packed to the ceiling with bags and boxes and headed down the dirt road to town. It was a half hour drive. A drive that bothered me in the winter when they wouldn’t plow.
I donated the clothes first then headed to the realtor’s office. That took a lot longer than I expected. I hate paperwork. That was Miles’ job. I never had the patience for it. But I got it done thinking in the back of my head that he was laughing at me now having to do it. His way at getting back at me for something. Probably for wearing the damn Yankees cap. I scoffed, then smiled as I climbed back in the Rover and went to see some old friends. I used to work at a radio station on the outside of town. It was a tight knit group back when I was there. A fun bunch of people who genuinely liked each other. I had fallen out of touch with most of them but knew Kelly was still there. We were the closest of friends and I have missed her. She had come to see me in New York a few years back when I was working there but since then our lives got busy and we lost touch. But ours was one of those friendships that could span the months and years with no contact yet we could pick right up where we left off. Social media helped keep track of people but with my job I wasn’t able to be on it. I had too many privacy clauses to deal with because of my clients. It wasn't worth the risk of something getting
leaked. So, I obeyed the rules and for the most part stayed away from everything.
I pulled into the station parking lot and headed inside to see who was left from the old bunch. First person I saw walking in was Kelly. The look on her face was priceless. We screamed and hugged and got shushed from everyone in the studios who were trying to do on air stuff. We didn’t care! She looked amazing and it felt so good to see her. To be here in this place. Wow. I was home and it felt great!! Almost everyone was still there. I’m not surprised. They were all at the top of their game at the number one radio group in the market. I had kept track of them being in the industry, I dealt with radio stations a bit. I had started at this one just out of college. People started coming out to the front office to see what all the commotion was about and it was a long, overdue reunion. We chatted for hours and before I knew it, my old boss pulled me into a studio and threw headphones at me. “Pull your mic down.”
I was game. I missed radio. It was the most fun job I had ever had. We chatted about tours I was on with certain bands, the music industry in general, crazy things I experienced…the usual banter. It was going well and I heard the doors to the front office open behind me.
Chapter 30
Third Time's A Charmer Page 5