Third Time's A Charmer

by St. John, Jodi

  I hung the gown that was now tainted with a horrible memory in the closet out of sight. I closed the door and went to sit on the end of the bed to comb out my wet hair. I felt numb. I was tired, in pain and empty inside. I couldn’t face him when he walked in the room. I was mad and hurt and dying inside as I felt him slipping away. How could this be happening? I finally found someone who made me feel alive. Someone who really truly cared for the person I am, but because of everything else in the universe surrounding us, we can’t be together.

  I was staring at the closet doors when I heard the words come out of my mouth, “I’ll leave in the morning.”

  He fell to his knees in front of me and grabbed for my hands. He was pleading, “Livy, don’t leave me. I can fix this, I don’t know how just yet, but I will. Give me some time to figure out what I need to do.”

  I felt the rage building up inside of me. “If it hasn’t occurred to you yet what you need to do, then I’m afraid it never will.”

  I’m on my feet now pacing around the room and I can’t control my words. The hurtful things spilled out of me. All of my anger from the things George said to me, the fact Harris was nowhere in sight, and how he had no idea how to fix it were too much to contain.

  He sat there dejected on the edge of the bed, taking in every hurtful word I spewed at him. He took it all. All of my anger and my hurt and my embarrassment. He didn’t lash out. He didn't defend. He didn’t speak.

  When I could find no other words to express myself I stood staring at him. I noticed the despair on his face. He stared back, silent. I could feel his love for me in every cell of my body. I could see the pain in his eyes. He knew I couldn't stay in his world. He knew it wouldn’t be allowed and he also knew I wouldn't allow him to leave it all behind. I believe we both thought we would have had longer together. Were we so oblivious?

  Yet here we were.

  After an eternity of silence between us, he walked over to me. He held my hands, kissed the cheek that wasn’t bruised, and looked at me. His eyes full of regret. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He dropped my hands and walked out of the room closing the doors gently behind him. The latch clicked and the tears started down my cheeks, followed by the pain in my chest. The pain you feel when your heart is being ripped to pieces. If there was one thing I wanted most in this world, it was to be with him. It was now clear that I couldn’t be.

  I slept alone. A few months ago this was all I knew and preferred, but he had changed that. I liked feeling him beside me, wrapped around me, or at least with his arm or leg touching me. The warmth of him a comfort. The sound of his breathing soothing. The smell of him reminiscent of home and his touch one of complete love. I laid there all night wondering how I could remain in his life, in our life, but came up with nothing. Nothing that wouldn’t be detrimental to his career or to my sanity. I could have possibly handled some random person attacking me. But not someone as close to him as George was. Someone he obviously trusted and cared for.

  As much as I was breaking inside, I needed to be apart from him and all that was out there trying to prevent us from being together. It shouldn’t be this hard. If you love someone, it’s supposed to be easy. Right? That's what I’d always believed anyway. And it was easy with us…until the rest of the world decided our fate.

  I started to pack early in the morning since I couldn’t sleep. I had made a plan in my head. I always functioned better with a plan. I learned that after Miles. If I had a plan at least I could keep moving, and the pain would be kept at bay.

  I made the bed, grabbed my suitcase and headed down the stairs. Paul was in the kitchen reading something on his phone. He looked up solemnly like he was disappointed to see my suitcase but also not surprised.

  He stood and grabbed my things.

  “Harris has everything arranged for you Miss Olivia. I am to take you to the airport whenever you are ready. He has a private plane ready to take you wherever you need to go.”

  I couldn’t help but smile weakly. I tried my best to cover up the black eye and other bruises but I could feel Paul’s pain as he looked at me. The reminder of what transpired last evening.

  “He also said to give you this” he said handing me an envelope. I placed it in my bag. I couldn’t do this yet. Couldn't deal with the end of everything I had finally found.

  “If you could give me a minute Paul, I would appreciate it.” I said as I turned toward the kitchen. He nodded and headed for the door. I saw the broken glass scattered on the floor. I swept it up and discarded it. I needed to go but something was holding me here. I saw us everywhere I turned. Laughing and joking in the kitchen while making dinner. Singing and dancing in the living room. Snuggled up on the couch and making love. And how he looked standing at the bottom of those stairs just yesterday before it all fell apart. I loved him so deeply and he loved me but I guess what they say is sometimes true, it’s just not meant to be. I would have never been the one to believe it. I would have been the one to fight tooth and nail for something I loved and believed in. That was the old Livy. But I don’t know where she went. I don’t know her anymore.

  I want to leave a note, but can’t come up with the right thing to say. Or the fact that if I start writing, I’ll never stop. So, I go.

  I land at LAX and depart the plane alone. There were no cameras waiting for me. Quite a change from the past few months. I kept my sunglasses on so I could hide the bruises. I made my way to the rental car kiosk and stood in line. I reached for my phone to take it off the airplane setting. The pings came flooding in. Texts, voicemails, emails, you name it. They found me. Damn gossip mags. I'm sure the whole awful scene has circulated around already. I threw the phone back in my bag and moved up to the counter. I decided to grab a sedan instead of a SUV. I have things to pick up at the LA house but nothing big enough it wouldn't fit in the little Mercedes.

  I navigated through LA to the house and got through the gates. It was weird being back here. Back in a place where we were only friends. The place where we got to know each other. Where we played and goofed around. Only good memories here. Fun ones.

  I headed straight for the guest house. I planned on grabbing what I had and heading out. As I entered I was hit with the scent of him. I had to sit at the island to catch my breath. If I didn't know better I would have sworn he had just walked out of the room. It was comforting and heart wrenching at the same time.

  I pulled out my phone and started going through emails when I spotted one that looked important. It was from the realtor back in Minnesota. The house had sold. The money had been wired into my account. That's it? It's done just like that? It felt weird. I was relieved that I didn't have to care for the place or worry about it anymore but a piece of me now belonged to someone else. The timing couldn't have been more strange. What was I supposed to do now? I didn't want to go back to the lake. I couldn't. Not yet. Way too raw for me to be there. I had thought I wanted to get back into interior design. Maybe this was the time. I could stay out here in California and open my own design studio.

  As my mind wandered, I wondered where I would go and what I would do. I roamed from room to room packing things up.

  It dawned on me the master bedroom was now done. I needed to see it before I left. I had to. It was my gift to him, a surprise.

  I dropped everything I was holding on the bed and headed out the doorway. I rounded the pool and went to the kitchen door. I entered and again was hit with his scent. This time though it made me smile. I loved the way he smelled and I never wanted to forget it.

  I walked into the living room and looked up at the artwork we hung the night he scared me and I almost fell off the ladder. I wondered if he'd keep it, if he'd think of me looking at it like I'm thinking of him right now.

  I sighed and took a deep breath as I started up the stairs. I slowly pushed the bedroom door open and froze. It was perfect. The subtle tones of gray were masculine and sexy and modern. The furniture had a hint of glamour and I had them face the bed towa
rd the ocean. What a view to wake up to. The rest of the room was centered around a seating area with gorgeous velvet furniture. Then I spotted them on the wall. Our portraits. The black and white photographs of us together. The three of them took up the entire wall. All I could do was stand there and stare. They were beautiful. And they portrayed everything I felt. The composition was exquisite but there was something about them that made my heart swell. It was love. It was there in the landscape of our shadows. It was evident and comforting for me right now. And it made me happy that this would be here waiting for him. Something for him to remember what we had and not what had happened to end it.

  I was getting tired. I thought about staying in the room, but all the bedding was new. It wouldn't smell like him and I wanted him around me. Needed him. There were voicemails and texts from him but I couldn't read them or listen just yet.

  I gave the room one last long look before I closed the door and went back to the guest house. I threw the stuff from the bed on the floor and crawled in. I pulled the covers over my head and cried until I shut down and fell asleep.

  Chapter 60

  Harris

  Everything she said was true. Every word that came out of her mouth I deserved. It might as well had been me who caused the bruises and the pain. That's how I felt and I would never be able to make it up to her.

  At first, I thought we'd be able to put all this behind us. But now when I looked at her, I saw she was broken and angry and afraid. I couldn't do this to her. I had to let go. The pain of the realization rendered me speechless. I faced her not able to say a word. I could only hope now she saw the pain in my eyes and felt the love I feel for her, it will never go away.

  I went downstairs and rang Paul with instructions for him to look after her. I arranged things for her and sat down at my desk to try and put down on paper what I will never get the chance to tell her. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Each page a new song I would never get the chance to sing to her. One in particular I folded up and placed in an envelope. I pulled the diamond bracelet from out of my pocket and placed it in the envelope and sealed it. I got back in the car and drove. Away from here. Away from her. Away from hurt.

  5 years later

  Chapter 61

  Olivia

  “Hurry up, Hettie! We’re going to be late!” I hollered down the hall for the fourth time. She had a mind of her own and when it came time to getting dressed for the day, well, let’s just say I wasn't allowed to help or offer any opinions. She finally came running into my room. I turned to grab my watch and caught a glimpse of my four year old daughter in the mirror. She looked more like she was going to Coachella than to the zoo. I had learned to pick my battles with her. Today, I was going to let this one go. I’ll be late to meet a client and don’t have the energy to lose this one. The boys will have to deal with it today.

  We run next door and let ourselves in. Hettie runs right up to Vladimir and hugs his leg. She’s talking a mile a minute about everything she wants to do today. I roll my eyes and watch as Vlad scoops her up and chatters on with her how fabulous their day is going to be. He starts to walk to the back of the loft to find Tyler. I say my goodbyes. Hettie’s waving from over his shoulder and I hear some mumbling about me being late. I check my watch, and notice he’s right. Dammit, I’m going to be late. I race through their place, out the back to where we have our cars parked and take off. This new client has been referred by one of the record industry people I have kept in contact with. This could be a big deal for me.

  I’ve been able to take on more clients now that Hettie is older and my business has been steadily growing. It’s been an exciting time. I couldn’t have picked a better place to settle down. San Diego has the best weather around. La Jolla has a small community feel and I got into the downtown area at the right time. I was able to buy my building and have my studio on the ground floor. I finished the upstairs for us and even put in a common area rooftop terrace to include the boys. We spent most of our evenings up there all together. They have become my family… and Hettie’s too. They own the shop next to us and carry high end skin care products from Paris. Vlad had left Russia a year before I landed in San Diego. Here he met Tyler and they were married 2 years ago. On the rooftop.

  Even the restaurant across the street was part of our tribe. They had amazing Italian cuisine and all we had to do was signal from the terrace and Tony would run our food over. It was the closest thing to a family I have had in a very long time and I’m so thankful.

  Vlad and I became close immediately. I remember the first day I met him. I had been driving around looking at properties and stopped downtown. He met me on the sidewalk to give me his pitch on how beautiful my skin was and tried to lure me into his chair. It worked. 2 hours later I walked out with an arm full of products from Paris, a new best friend, and a lead on the building next door to his.

  We spent the next month working on my design studio. I stayed with him during the renovations. It wasn’t long into the process before I realized that I wasn’t feeling well. I thought the stress of everything was finally catching up with me, but turns out, I wasn’t stressed…I was pregnant.

  Chapter 62

  Harris

  I was looking forward to a little downtime as the lads and I start to talk about a possible reunion. After releasing both albums back to back and two consecutive tours, I’m ready for a break. It’s been a grueling schedule for the past 4 years. I brought it on myself after delaying the first album’s release by a year. I’m glad I did it though. I needed to regroup and rewrite and redo much of what I had already done. I couldn’t have released that album. I was in a bad place. After restructuring my management, I needed to go back in the studio to record the music that reflected my life. I wasn’t the pop star everyone wanted me to be. I wanted to do something more with my music than sell records and concert tickets. I wanted to touch people. I wanted them to relate to me and my music. I needed to show them I was just like them, that I hurt like them, that I was lonely and lost at times just like them. I wanted more out of my career. So, I took a step back and started over, and it turned out to be the best thing for me.

  Chapter 63

  Olivia

  I made it to LA in record time and now just needed to navigate through the hills to get to the client's house. I plugged in the address to GPS and followed instructions. As I drove along, things started looking familiar. This was the neighborhood where Harris lived. I hadn't been through here in 5 years. Not too much had changed. My mind wandered like it did from time to time and I let it. I wondered about him. Did he still live there? Was he there now? Had he had it redone?

  I snapped out of it when his gates came into view around the tight corner. I slowed down and tried to make myself avoid looking in the direction of the house, to no avail. It still looked the same and my heart did a little flip, hoping maybe fate would step in and let me get a glimpse of him. I willed him to walk out the doors the moment I drove by.

  Not a day went by I didn't wonder if I had made the right choice. I watched his career from afar and I was tremendously proud of him. He took a risk when he delayed his album but took an even bigger risk by being true to himself and putting out music that represented him. I loved him even more for that and watched his career skyrocket. I hoped every day he found happiness in it.

  I met the client and had a very productive day. It was going to be a big project but an exciting one and I had a signed contract in my hand when I left. I was feeling pretty good about things and had finished up earlier than planned so I decided to hit some of the galleries I knew in the area.

  Being in these places reminded me of him. After driving by the house today, our time together wouldn’t leave my head. I'm pretty sure that's what brought me here. We've had no contact since I left. He left messages but I couldn't return the calls. Something inside me was so vulnerable when it came to him. I knew I would run back and then end up being miserable or worse, making him unhappy. The timing was off. There was no way w
e could last under the circumstances and leaving when I did, saved even more heartbreak. I never got over him.

  How could I?

  I have his daughter.

  Chapter 64

  Harris

  I woke up feeling restless today. Being back in LA brings my mind to her. I laid in my empty bed and stared out over the ocean thinking about her and what could have been. I see her everywhere here. Everywhere I turn I think I catch a glimpse of her and my breath hitches, only to be disappointed when the woman turns and she’s not who I think she is.

  I remember walking into this room for the first time after she left. Seeing what she had done and our photos on the wall dropped me to my knees.

  She was my future, my life. All the lads had wives and kids now. I wanted that with Olivia. I loved her more than anything and since she left I’ve been empty. A shell of the man I used to be. Sure, I had a few flings, mostly alcohol induced but they never lasted. Sex wasn't the same. I would get angry and rough because I wasn't with who I wanted to be. For the most part I was alone this whole time and concentrating on my music. I poured all of my pain, my loss and my love into it. If I didn't have that I would have surely gone mad. But now here I am with nothing but my music.