“I never have either. Or a man like Conner. Or a life like this... I mean, we're all living a life that couldn't even have been possible to live unless this had happened.” She shook her head slightly where it laid against Amy's shoulder. Amy smoothed her hair away from her face and held her loosely with one arm like a child.
“It's like that for me too. Aaron is... he isn't even the guy I knew before all this happened. We weren't even interested in each other like that. I had no idea what he was really like, and I never would have.” She fixed her eyes on Katie's own and held them. “Are you going to be okay, okay?” she asked.
“Yep,” she sniffled, “If he... If he,” her voice hitched.
“I know, I know,” Amy said.
“It would've made me crazy, Amy. It would have,” Katie told her.
“Maybe, but not for long. You're too strong. You would've gotten past it. Just like you'll get past this,” Amy told her.
“People say that, but how do you know it? How do you know if you will or you won't?” Katie asked.
“It's in you. You're strong. That guy took nothing at all that was really you. That can't be done, you can't take something that really is you inside, who you really are... what you really are. I know. I got past it too. You'll get past it,” Amy said.
“You?” Katie turned into her and looked up into Amy's eyes. “How? What or when?” she asked? “If... if you want to talk about it, that is.”
“I was a little girl... my uncle. He was living with us for a while,” her voice thickened. “I kept it a secret. I didn't want anyone to know. He thought that meant I would never tell. He did it again. My mother didn't believe me until I described what he did... made me do. She went and woke him up. That was one of the few times when my mother scared me. She woke him up with a baseball bat in her hands. She never touched him, but she told him she would be telling my father when he came home from work and he better get out before she started in on him herself.”
“He started to deny it, called me a liar, and she went ballistic. There was a lamp on the table; she smashed it with the bat, all over the place. Just smacked it with the bat. And she told him to say it again. He had nothing to say, just got up and left.”
“When she told my dad, he was crazy at first. Then he came and got me and held me. What I had hoped that my mother would do, but she hadn't. And he asked me what I wanted him to do, and I told him to make him leave me alone. He promised me he would, and he held me until I fell asleep.”
“When I woke up the next morning, the cops were talking to my mother about where my father had been the night before. She told them he had been home all night. But he'd left, Katie, put my uncle in the hospital. I never saw him again, and I didn't feel bad that he got hurt. And I got over it. Maybe it wasn't the best way for my family to have handled it, but I got past it. And look, I have a good man... I have you too. And you'll get over this. You will, I know you will, because you're strong,” she said. Her own eyes were leaking now. Katie scooted up, folded her into her chest and held her.
“I will because I have you, and I have Conner. I'm lucky to have so much,” she said. She cradled Amy's head against her chest and kissed her forehead.
“Jesus,” Amy said, “Were both crying' now.”
Katie laughed, the first laugh she had had in hours, “So what?” she said, “so what?”
~
James looked up and smiled as Conner came over. He had changed into dry clothes and had a cup of hot coffee in his hand. His eyes betrayed the fact that he had had no sleep yet, but his face was not quite so rigid and mask like as it had been for the past several hours. Careful, was the word that came to James's mind. The way he had been holding his face, set just so... Careful, James thought.
But whatever he'd done or faced, he seemed to be on the other side of it. The whole camp was like that today, and the rains just seemed to compound the depression that had settled over them.
A ghost of a smile worked its way across Conner's face.”What you up to, James?” he asked.
“Working this out on the map, Conner. And as close as I can figure, we have to be out of New York, and most of the way through Pennsylvania. You said three hundred and fifty miles?” he asked.
“Yeah, and a few tenths of a mile,” Conner told him.
“Well then, we're out of New York State for sure and somewhere in Pennsylvania, and maybe even close to being done with that as well. We got West Virginia, Kentucky and Tennessee to go, but we'll drop into where we want to be somewhere in Kentucky, then it's just a matter of direction. Down towards Tennessee and Alabama or over towards the Carolinas and Georgia, or up into Virginia. The best part of six states, and a good chunk of the seventh which isn't part of the forever wild lands, but still pretty much empty. As little as five hundred miles or as much as seven hundred, depending on where we want to be.”
“I'd bet that we are in the Catskills already, maybe only the foothills, but we have to be in them. This rain is just hiding the mountains from us. The Appalachians is the backbone we'll follow down to the Smokies and the Blue Ridge, all part of the Appalachians. We'll find those gaps in the Blue Ridge mountains and again by the Smokies. It's just a matter of choice then, where we want to go in,” he finished.
Conner sipped at his coffee and nodded. “So, a few days away,” He said.
“At the most,” James agreed.
“How's Arlene?” Conner asked.
“She's... She's shook up. Guilt. What the dirty bastard made her do,” James said, “David says she's sleeping on and off. Sharon's been in to see her, so's Sandy. Just have to work it through. How's Katie? And you?” James asked.
“Katie is with Amy. Those two love each other better than sisters. It's what she needs right now. I think She'll be fine... I just don't know when,” Conner said.
Aaron came back in dry clothes and a cup of coffee of his own. “James, Conner,” he said, “What's doing?”
“Bob's showing me our home... and I wish we were there.” He looked out at the gray skies, the falling rain.
“Yeah,” Aaron said, “Janna asked if you want something to eat. She said...” he trailed off. Conner looked at him. “She says you should,” he finished.
Conner nodded, “I will. I will. I guess I will right now. I didn't realize I was even hungry.” He nodded. “James, Aaron, I'll be back in a bit.” He walked away to where Janna stood waiting. She embraced him, set him down at a make shift table and then set a plate of food in front of him.
Aaron watched for a minute and then turned to James, “So, what were you showing him?” he asked.
“Well...” James began.
~
Several people found an excuse to stop by and see how things were as Conner sat eating. Jeff, Sharon, Sandy and Susan, Dustin and Allison, Nell and Molly. Most were just going on or coming off posts and had just stopped by to tell him they were thinking of Katie and hoping she was all right.
“They've been on post all night?” Conner asked Janna Adams.
“They've switched on and off, Conner. But nobody is expecting you to be there. What they are expecting you to do is get our girl back on her feet. Me as well, Conner. Me as well,” Janna said. She looked out at the sky.
“Funny,” she said after a few moments of thought, “Used to be you could flip on the T.V. and have a pretty good idea of how long the weather was going to last, or what was coming next, for that matter. Now it just happens. Whatever it is going to be, we'll find out soon enough,” she said.
Conner had a feeling she had started out talking about how the weather was and then veered off into something else. “James thinks we're in Pennsylvania,” Conner said, “Running through the foothills of the Catskills. Which means that sometime yesterday afternoon we had to have passed close to the city of Pittsburgh, or Greensboro, and there's a river that we should have crossed there, but we didn't cross one,” Conner finished.
“Things have changed, Conner. We might have missed what was left of it in the
rain. Or, maybe we've yet to come to it. We don't really even know what side of the mountains we're on, do we?” She asked.
“No,” Conner admitted. “But it's not like we could get completely lost. We should be able to find our way once this rain lets up... and... and we're on our way again,” he said.
She patted his hand and then held it with one of her own, “It'll pass,” she said, “It'll pass.”
Conner didn't know if she meant the rain or what had happened. But they would both have to run their course, and he believed they would.
As he was thinking, David and Arlene walked over. Conner looked at her. Her eyes were swollen and her face was too white, but it seemed composed nonetheless. “Arlene... I want to thank you, Arlene. I...”
She let go of David's hand and reached out and hugged Conner. Conner stopped talking, put his arms around her and pulled her to him. She sat clumsily beside him, her head buried in his shoulder. “I'm sorry,” she said, “but I should have gotten there sooner.”
“Nonsense,” Conner told her, “I don't even want to think about what would have happened without you,” Conner told her.
“I had to,” she said.
“Damn right,” Conner said, “You had no choice. But, it's going to be all right, Arlene. It's going to be all right.”
She pulled her head away from his chest and looked at him. “You think?” she asked.
“I think,” he said.
David and Arlene left and found their way over to the table where James and Aaron sat discussing the map and where James intended that they should all end up.
Conner sat quietly, sipping coffee, watching as Arlene became caught up in that conversation and some color began to creep back into her face. Good, he thought. A hand fell lightly upon his shoulder as he sat thinking. He turned around to find Amy standing behind him.
Her eyes were every bit as puffy, red and swollen as they had been earlier, but her face was much less tense, and her eyes didn't seem quite so hopeless as they had earlier.
“I'm going over to spend some time with Aaron. She wants you to come back in for a while, Conner,” she told him.
Janna bent over the table and filled Conner's coffee cup once more, looked around, found another cup, filled it, and gave it to Amy. Amy smiled and picked up the cup gratefully. “Thank you,” she said.
“No problem at all, dear. No problem at all,” Janna told her.
“Thank you, Janna, Amy,” Conner said. He picked up the coffee and walked off to the diner.
He reached the blanketed off section. The scent of sandalwood was strong. Katie's favorite. He hesitated, then pushed the blankets aside and stepped into the dim interior. Katie rose to meet him, and he took her in his arms.
She kissed him passionately, pulling him down into the softness of the built up blankets and quilts. She pulled back, looked at him, and then rested her forehead against his.
“You love me, Conner?” She asked him.
“Katie, you know I do. You know I do; more than anything.” He answered.
Her eyes locked on his own just inches away. “Do you love me, Conner?” Not much more than a whisper.
“Honey...” He bent forward and kissed her lightly. “You know that I do... You know.”
“If you love me, Conner, then make love to me,” she whispered. Her hands pulled him down and his own hands found her body, feeling her warmth, pulling her near.
~
The rain found its tempo; once again pouring down from the skies. The gray of the skies progressed to darker and darker shades as the day slipped by.
Arlene threw herself into the conversation with James, Aaron and Amy. Noting the somewhat oblong area James had circled on the map. The area he had marked out on the map was bigger than the entire state of New York and then some. It encompassed the eastern edges of Kentucky up into the corner of West Virginia, Virginia down to the Carolinas, and on the other side down thru Tennessee and parts of Alabama and Georgia. She found herself excited by the possibilities. There were several large lakes, rivers, three mountain ranges and the Appalachian Valley, and several other valleys, both small and large, that had not seen people for over two hundred years.
Janna had a large notebook open before her and worked at the lists of suggestions people had offered. She had had no sleep, as almost everyone else, but sleep was not what was on her mind. She found herself hoping nothing else would happen to them before they got to where they were going. She went back to her list, prodding her memories of books she had read on homesteading, western pioneers, and copying what she was sure of into the notebook.
Dustin sat on the back bumper of one of the Hummers, a pistol in his side holster, the leather retaining strap unsnapped. He tugged at the short piece of leather. Allison sat beside him, one of her pale hands on his thigh. Her red hair spilling around her shoulders.
Allison had felt a lot of guilt about Dustin at first. Not that she had never had sex. All the girls in school had been doing it, and she had tried it once herself. Except she had been stoned that time, and the whole thing had been over in a matter of seconds, and all she had felt was sore for several days after. This was different.
This was love. She knew that. It wasn't just because they had been thrown together; it was the real thing. She didn't know what she would do without him.
Amy had talked to her about protection, and she had listened to her, but the thought of a baby of her own was too much to ignore. The thought of the baby that was part her and part Dustin was beyond ignoring. She couldn't possibly be happy until she was pregnant, she told herself. After all, all the other groups are trying to do the very same thing, she told herself.
“Are you okay?” she asked Dustin.
“Just tired, Allison, that's all,” Dustin answered.
“Dustin... What was it like to... To pick up that dead guy and drag him away like that? I couldn't do it. I don't think I could do it,” she said.
“There was... It was bad, man, really bad. I hope I never have to do it again.” He took her hand gently into his own and looked at her. “It was hard, Allie. I don't want to ever do it again,” he said quietly. She nodded, moved a little closer and then lowered her head onto his shoulder. He slipped his arm around her. His other hand tugged at the leather strap a few times, then he let it go, wrapped both arms around her and stared out at the falling rain as he held her.
~
The children had grown cranky as the gray and rainy day had dragged on. Lilly had dug out all of their toys and had done her best to keep them occupied. Finally, it was The Dog and Angel that had come to the rescue, volunteering to be petted, wrestled with and pretty much abused by the five children. The dogs really didn't seem to mind it. They, it seemed to Lilly, had been bored themselves and welcomed the attention.
Jessica didn't seem herself. Usually good tempered and long on patience, today she seemed moody and distracted, and Lilly had seen her touch her arm a couple of different times during the day as if she had hurt it. She probably had hurt it, they had all bounced around in the trucks pretty good. But, Lilly knew it was also a sign of heart trouble. She decided to speak to Sandy about it later.
The day wore on. Afternoon came and went, and then evening, and finally darkness to the accompaniment of the steady patter of rain. The post changed every four hours. The camp began to catch up on their sleep.
~Bad Pennies~
Fifty miles northeast four trucks sat idling on a broken stretch of asphalt. All four trucks were heavily modified and we're running over-sized tires, but they were still no match for the stream that had overflowed its banks and what was left of the road. The rain continued to pour down from the skies.
C.B. channel sixteen crackled to life inside one of the trucks.
“What you gonna do, Death? What you gonna do?” the voice of Johnny Red asked.
“Shut it down. We're going to shut these fuckers down so we don't run out of gas and wait for this ever fuckin' rain to end. Then, when we can get past this
water, we'll find them,” Death told Johnny, and Johnny believed him.
A few seconds later the headlights on all four trucks snapped off. The engines died, and the only sound that was left was the steady pounding of the rain on the steel roofs.
EIGHT
April 31st
The first thing Katie did was take down the blankets that closed off the area in the corner of the diner. Conner helped her.
“I don't want to hide out. I needed it, but I can't hide from it anymore,” she said. She sat the pile of blankets down on a leaning pedestal table and took Conner's hand. A few minutes later they were both sitting, sipping coffee at one of the tables.
“I have to take a post. They've been covering for me,” Conner said.
“I know,” Katie said.
“You'll be all right?” he asked.
“Yep,” she said, “I can't hide. I'll probably take a post as well, Honey.”
“So soon?” Conner asked.
“I just want things to be normal... to get back to normal,” Katie said. “So I'm going to do what I normally do.”
He finished his coffee, leaned over and kissed her again “I love you.” He swiveled his eyes to one of the trucks where Aaron and Amy were looking out at the still flooded fields. “I'll be right there if you need me, Babe,” Conner said.
“I love you too,” she kissed him back. “And if I'm not okay...” She caught his eye. “I'll come and get you.” She took a deep breath, finished her coffee and walked off to one of the trucks where Sharon stood watching the field and the highway beyond.
Conner walked over to Aaron and Amy, “Go,” he said. “And I can't tell you how much I appreciate both of you. Go spend some time together.”
“She seems okay,” Amy said.
“I think she is... or will be,” Conner said, “Go on, spend some time together so you two can be okay also,” he finished. Aaron touched a closed fist to Conner's own before he turned to leave.
~
Conner looked out at the flooded fields. The rain was still dripping on the metal roof, but the early morning sky looked less gray to him.
Earth's Survivors: box set Page 61