Shooting Butterflies

by T. M. Clark

  The giraffe that was on the side of the road was practically in touching distance, and it turned towards the vehicle as if to see what was disturbing its afternoon snack on the acacia tree it chewed on.

  Moeketsi laughed. ‘That giraffe is indlulamithi, can you say that?’

  ‘Inda–what?’ asked Josha.

  ‘Indlulamithi,’ Moeketsi laughed again, ‘you will learn fast, Inkosana Josha. You will learn.’

  They drove further and then stopped as they came into the safari camp.

  Tara held her breath. The camp looked like it was right out of a tourist brochure. The main building appeared to be built of stone, then timber, and was topped with a large thatch roof. The scattered chalets, all eight of them, were strategically placed so that they couldn’t be seen into. They nestled among the large wild fig trees that dominated the site, all overlooking a large pan, filled with water. Ducks swam on the glassy surface, but no game gathered around at midday, instead keeping to the trees and the shade to hide from the African sun.

  They drove past the camp and up a road that said, Private No Trespassing. They went past a few small thatched cottages also neatly placed within the trees. Tara noticed that there was what looked like a new home being constructed nearby. Like the lodge, it was built of stone, roughly hewn trees and thatch, but it looked more like a home than a lodge. It had a large veranda running the whole way around it, and a red tricycle lay on the lawn next to a bright pink swing set.

  ‘That’s Jamison and Ebony’s new home,’ Wayne said. ‘They have moved in, but the construction isn’t totally finished. We wanted Ebony to have her own new home for the arrival of Joy.’

  ‘It’s beautiful,’ Tara said.

  ‘Don’t be fooled by the rustic look, it’s totally modern inside, and now I know why Jamison was so insistent on that top-of-the-range alarm system, and the extra electric fencing.’

  ‘I still can’t quite believe that that killer will still come for me,’ Tara said.

  ‘If Jamison is worried, so am I. We’ll do everything to pump up security and keep him out.’ Wayne’s jaw set at a determined angle as he continued driving, knowing that Jamison wasn’t too far behind them. He had gone on a shopping trip for Ebony, before driving home from Durban.

  They came to a place that Tara recognised. The original sheds from the sugarcane farm still stood proudly, huge enough to hold a harvester, trucks and trailers. Then they rounded the bend and she could see Wayne’s house.

  Only this time, there was something different about it, two large Rhodesian Ridgeback dogs, bounding down the driveway towards them.

  ‘Max and Sheba,’ Wayne said as he stopped the bakkie, and opened his door. The dogs almost yelped with happiness, but not quite, their tails lashing the metal of the vehicle in their excitement of seeing their master. They licked Wayne’s face, and then Sheba attempted to cross the seat to Tara.

  ‘No. Down,’ Wayne instructed. ‘Out!’ The dog listened and jumped nimbly back to the ground, but they both continued to stare at Wayne with amber eyes, and wagging tails that could have been declared lethal weapons they wagged so fast from side to side. Their paws didn’t quite stay stationary on the floor, almost looking catlike in their kneading of the ground as they moved in excitement.

  On the steps to the building, along with an old border collie whose tail thumped excitedly, waited two black women. The older one was dressed in stylish clothes, like an office worker. She walked down to the bakkie as it stopped in front of the house. She was smiling.

  ‘Welcome home, Wayne,’ she said, and then she put her hand to her mouth. ‘My wena. He looks so like you—’

  ‘Ella, meet my son, Josha. This is Ella, she was my nanny when I was just a boy, and she’s still hanging around me,’ he said with such adoration that Tara could tell these two people meant a lot to each other.

  ‘And meet Nomusa, she looks after me now.’ The younger woman, dressed in a black and white pressed maid’s uniform, bobbed a customary Zulu curtsey.

  ‘Ella, remember Tara?’ Wayne asked.

  ‘I remember you, many many years ago. You stole khosan-Wayne’s heart,’ Ella said with a smile on her face.

  Tara smiled weakly. ‘Would you forgive me if I told you I’m bringing it home today?’

  Tears filled her old eyes.

  ‘This is Gabe, and this is Lucretia.’

  The introductions completed, Wayne led Tara through the front door and the lounge to a chair on the veranda. ‘Have a seat.’

  ‘Thanks. It’s all so lovely.’

  The border collie padded across and sat near her. ‘Hello old girl,’ Wayne said, ‘Tara, meet Storm.’

  Tara reached down and stroked the dog’s soft muzzle.

  He left her, and took their luggage from Moeketsi behind him.

  ‘Lucretia, I’ll show you where Tara’s room is so you can get Nomusa to change anything that isn’t as you need it.’

  ‘Yebo,’ Nomusa said as she followed him. Josha trailed behind him with his bags.

  ‘Josha,’ Wayne yelled.

  ‘Right here,’ he said from behind him.

  ‘Sorry, I thought you were on the veranda still. This is your room.’ He pointed to a closed door. ‘Your mum is the next door down the corridor.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Josha said and turned the old-fashioned brass knob.

  Josha walked into a time warp. Something from a hunting lodge of the 1800s he was sure. A mosquito net covered the bed. The room was decorated in mahogany and dark green, with a ducks and hunting dogs frieze. The wallpaper was distinctive broad vertical stripes from a picture rail downwards, and above the rail was a lighter teal colour. As rooms went, it was big. An old-fashioned writing bureau graced the corner, with its lid closed, a duck-shaped lamp sitting on a tall three-legged stool beside it.

  The chair at the bureau was amazing. Josha walked over to it and ran his had over the wood. It arms and back was intricately carved with elephant heads, and the tusks that seemed made of real ivory were inlaid into the carvings. The cut out in the back and seat of the chair were made of some type of flat rope in a lattice pattern. The carvings carried on down the legs, and the feet of the elephant were carved at the base. The whole chair had a 3D effect as if it were the elephant.

  ‘Man, what a chair!’ he said.

  Josha was too afraid it would break if he sat on it. He put his bag next to the bureau, and walked over to the old-fashioned wardrobe. It had a single oval mirror on the outside of the door, and didn’t smell like mothballs as he’d expected it to.

  Josha spent hours going around the antique markets with Mauve, and he knew quality antiques when he saw them. Wayne’s house was loaded with them.

  ‘So, what do you think?’ Wayne asked from the door. ‘Other than needing a new wardrobe to fit all your stuff, is it okay?’

  ‘It’s great, thanks.’

  ‘Hey, you don’t need to lie to me. First rule you and I need to make, no lying. Honesty always. We can redo it. It was the interior decorator who suggested this theme when she did the rest of the house years ago. I just went along with it as I didn’t have anything better to suggest at the time. After seeing your room in Cape Town, I know we have work to do in here to make it yours. I want you to feel that you have a room at my house that you can call yours. That you will look at this as home one day too.’

  Josha looked at Wayne. He hadn’t pushed him into unwanted hugs or calling him Dad or anything, he had been amazing, despite Josha being a bit narky to him sometimes because he was uncomfortable with the notion of suddenly having a dad in his life.

  ‘It’s a nice room. Neat chair! Where did you get that?’

  ‘That chair has been in my father’s family for years. I remember him telling me about his grandad bargaining with a merchant from Zanzibar for it. I used it when I was at school, and I put it in your room. In case—’

  ‘It’s stunning. Mauve would do her nut for it.’

  ‘It’s not for sale. Some things are meant to s
tay within a family,’ Wayne said.

  ‘I get that. You should see this one bureau that she got, seventeenth century cherry wood, beautiful as—’

  ‘You like antiques?’

  ‘Sure. I love history and art, and they are just part of someone’s past. Like your chair, every piece has a story for the family it belonged too,’ Josha explained.

  Wayne looked at his son. He was so much more than he could have ever hoped for. A surprise package to get to know.

  ‘So where’s your room?’ Josha asked as he walked to the door.

  ‘My room is up the hall on the left. Here is your bathroom across the hallway, there, and you will share it with your mum. Gabe has his own, and so does Lucretia.’ Wayne pointed to other closed doors further up the way.

  ‘Cool, thanks.’

  Wayne ran his left hand through his hair. ‘I hope you don’t freak out at this gift, I wanted to give you this.’ He held out his right hand and opened his palm. ‘I made this bracelet in 1990, after I learned about you, and when I first met Jamison, he taught me how. I have always worn mine, to give me hope that one day I would be able to find you and hand over yours, and Tara’s. To me they are a symbol of hope.’

  Josha took the bracelet. ‘Thanks. I have seen the basic elephant hair ones, but never with silver knots in them.’

  Wayne watched as he put it on and adjusted the circles of hair to fit.

  ‘Will you teach me?’ Josha asked. ‘To make one?’

  ‘It would be my pleasure. We just need to go collect the strands of hair from the dam where they swim one day.’

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Neat,’ Josha said.

  They walked back out to the veranda together.

  Tara was asleep in a chair, her head at a strange angle. Wayne looked around for something to help make her more comfortable. Finding an ample supply of cushions embroidered with wildlife, he puffed one up, and then changed his mind. He lifted her up in his arms instead.

  ‘You rest up, Tara, you’re home,’ Wayne said, as he felt tears swell up in his eyes. He kissed her forehead and felt the softness of her hair as it brushed his face as he carried her inside.

  Home had never had such meaning before, and now they would only share it as a family for such a small time, it was even more important that he needed to do anything to protect both Tara and Josha, so that they could stay together.

  Wayne lay Tara down on the sofa, then manoeuvred himself to hold her, cradle her head in his lap.

  ‘She’s exhausted,’ Gabe said, as he came into the room and sat opposite Wayne. ‘Can’t believe she stayed awake so long. It’s been awhile since she was able to do that.’

  ‘She never even murmured when I moved her.’ He stroked her hair.

  ‘What are you guys going to do?’ Gabe asked.

  ‘Just get through the next two and a bit weeks. Jamison will get in touch with his cousin, see how things are going in Zimbabwe, and then we’ll see after the operation.’

  ‘Hey, Wayne, can I go out with the dogs?’ Josha asked.

  ‘Sure. Moeketsi is waiting for you outside, he’ll be your guide while you are here when I can’t be with you, and he’ll show you around if you like,’ Wayne said.

  ‘Thanks, see ya,’ Josha called as he was already racing out the front door.

  ‘You have been amazing about your situation, do you know that?’ Gabe said.

  ‘Not so amazing. Moeketsi followed Jamison here from Zimbabwe, he’s a PH, and as loyal as hell. He would die before he let any harm come to my son,’ Wayne said in defence.

  ‘PH?’

  ‘Professional hunter,’ Wayne said.

  ‘Ah, but that wasn’t what I meant. I was meaning more with the whole Josha and Tara thing.’

  Wayne grinned. ‘You have no idea how hard it’s been. But having them in my life now makes it all worth it.’

  ‘No, I can guess though. You are a good man, Wayne Botha. Just accepting Tara’s extended family along with her.’

  ‘You got that word right. Family. It’s something I had lacked for a while,’ he said. ‘And if you are Tara’s family now, then you are always welcome at my home. She and I still have unfinished business, but it can wait. It’s waited so many years already.’

  ‘Don’t wait,’ Gabe said, ‘don’t waste more time. You guys both deserve to be happy.’

  ‘So easy to say, but so complicated. What about Josha?’

  ‘You seriously think that Josha can’t see the obvious love between you guys there? In the three days since you came back into her life, she has a glow in her that wasn’t there before.’

  Wayne smiled. He looked down at Tara sleeping in his lap. He bent down and kissed her softly on the mouth.

  Tara woke in Wayne’s arms.

  ‘I’ve dreamt of this for years,’ she said, as she tried to sit up.

  ‘You can stay there if you want to,’ Wayne said, ‘I’m comfy with you on my lap.’

  ‘Sweet Wayne, but what will Josha say?’ She struggled to sit up and he helped her.

  He threaded his fingers through hers and held her hand instead. Sitting close to her felt right. He felt as if he was complete.

  ‘Josha left with Moeketsi to go exploring. He’s a teenage boy on a game farm, with two protective dogs and time to explore. I let him go.’

  ‘He’s going to love it here. And your beautiful dogs, he’ll love them, but Gabe, not so much. He isn’t a fan of dogs.’

  Wayne smiled.

  ‘Talking about Gabe, where is he?’

  ‘Upstairs in his room. He wanted to go over the file again. See if he missed anything, if he can put another piece in his puzzle, is what he said.’

  Tara smiled.

  ‘So it’s just us. At last,’ Wayne said.

  ‘This room is different from when your parents lived here. I like it better.’

  ‘I want you and Josha to be comfortable here,’ Wayne said.

  ‘But we have a home in Cape Town,’ Tara said, and frowned.

  Wayne traced the frown with his fingers and waited for her to relax a little. ‘This can be a second home if you want it to. I told you I would love you always and forever and I meant it. I always dreamt one day, you would come home to me.’ He took a deep shaky breath. ‘And I can’t believe you are really here.’

  She snuggled into his side and she looked at the mantlepiece. ‘You have the photos I sent the lawyer’s firm.’

  ‘My dad gave them to me in a letter when he died.’

  ‘I was only supposed to send one when Josha was born,’ she said, ‘but then I couldn’t not share a part of him with you, so I sent the others. I was never sure that your father got them, or if you would ever get them in the end.’

  ‘When my father died, he told me in his will that he had set you and Josha up, and I got the photographs. He said he was sorry that he wasn’t a grandfather who could be involved in Josha’s life.’

  ‘I’m sorry too. There were so many people affected, each so differently. I never imagined, at sixteen, that the fallout from our decisions then would have such far-reaching consequences. I thought I saw him once, your father, watching us in the park, but I wasn’t sure,’ Tara said.

  ‘He never said if he saw Josha in real life in his letter. But if he did know where you were, he never told anyone. Not even his lawyers. They had a private investigator search for you for years.’

  They sat in silence for a while, Wayne remembering the moment when he got his hands on the photos.

  ‘You must have really hated me that you kept Josha from me too,’ Wayne said.

  She pushed herself away from him. Firmly but gently. She looked at him.

  He combed his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t control his tears any longer, they bubbled over the lump in his throat and into his eyes, and he didn’t care. ‘I loved you, and you broke off all contact. You didn’t even let me know I was a father.’

  He watched her as real pain crossed her face,
and tears spilled over her cheeks. But he continued, he needed her to understand. ‘My mother told me when they dropped me off at Hilton Boarding School that you had gone away and had the abortion anyway. I had no knowledge of Josha, not until my father died.’

  He hated that he was hurting her by talking about something that happened so many years ago, when they had said that they wouldn’t, but it had to be said.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ she sobbed. ‘I believed you when you first broke up with me, believed that I had to go away, but the longer I was away, the more I realised that you were being made to choose between your father and me by your mother. I wanted to contact you, let you know, but I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t make you choose. I couldn’t be the one to destroy your family. I know how special your friendship with your dad was. And he had made sure that no one could take my baby from me. We were safe. Your dad had made sure of that. He’d made sure that I was so far away that she would never attempt to take my baby. Your mother used to be powerful in this community, if she chose to take our baby she could have, and not many people would have stood up to stop her. Your dad had me sign a contract not to contact you until I was twenty-one.’ She took a ragged breath. ‘I felt so guilty for taking his money and being paid off like a baby machine, but at the time, it gave me a financial freedom from dependency on my family, and Gabe and I were able to start a new life. He could be the male in the house, and I could finish school, still go to university and make a life for Josha and I. Lucretia looked after Josha, she watched him as if he were her own. The years just passed so fast. But as they passed, it was harder to contact you, harder to reach over the void that was between us.’ She paused, but continued, her voice still thick with emotion. ‘I couldn’t forget that you hadn’t had enough strength to stand up to your mother, that you had given up on us. You didn’t fight for us then, you didn’t want us.’

  He couldn’t see her in this type of pain. ‘I was wrong. So wrong,’ he said.

  Wayne wanted to punch something. Someone. Emotion boiled, making his hands shake. But he knew that it wasn’t anger, it was disappointment that they had wasted so much of their lives apart. Now they might be counting what was left of their hours together. ‘I can only apologise that I was just a boy. You are right, I should have fought for us more, stood up to my mother for what I believed in, for what I wanted. In the end she packed me off to boarding school anyway, something my father had always been against, and drove a huge wedge in my friendship I once had with my dad. Our family fractured apart after you left. But I can’t change the past. I don’t know what you want me to do about that, because all I want to do is focus on us now that we have found each other again, and now that Josha is in my life.’