So Much for My Happy Ending

by Kyra Davis

  “I’m glad to hear that you’re not dead.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. “Not now, Mother. I can’t do this with you now.”

  “Have you gotten my messages? Do you understand how—”

  “I understand that I can’t talk to you now.”

  “April…”

  “Not now!” I screamed so loud that my throat hurt from the effort. I slammed the phone down and then quickly took it back off the hook. I sat down on the chair by the phone and a single tear trickled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and blinked back the tears that threatened to follow. I needed to go over the facts. Tad had bought a car…How much did it cost? He had to have gotten a loan. But were we even eligible for a loan, considering the recent delinquent credit card payments?

  I retrieved my purse from the coatrack by the door, pulled the navy checkbook out of my wallet and examined the balance. Five thousand four hundred and nineteen dollars were in it last I checked, and we had another nine hundred in a savings account that was exclusively in my name. I went back to the phone and put the receiver in its cradle long enough to get a dial tone again. Then I dialed the number at the bottom of my check.

  “Hello, you’ve reached Bank of America’s automated account services,” said the recorded voice. I pressed the necessary numbers until I got to the part that recited our balance. “You have an available balance of fifty dollars and three cents in your checking account…”

  My stomach did a flip-flop. I checked the savings account. “You have a balance of zero dollars…”

  I hung up the phone. Okay, okay, I could deal with this. I would have to hold off on getting my car fixed but I could still sell the Z3. It might take a few days but that was okay. I had two weeks left at Dawson’s, so I could focus all my energy on selling, and collect as much commission as possible.

  The phone rang again. I pressed my fingers into the bridge of my nose. Of all the nights for my mother to try to reach me she had to pick tonight. I picked up the receiver. “Listen,” I started.

  “April.”

  I stopped at the sound of Tad’s voice. I racked my brain for an appropriate thing to say. “Where are you?”

  “I just needed to drive around. April, did I hurt you? God, if I hurt you—” His voice broke and I could make out his muffled sobs.

  “I twisted my ankle, but other than that I’m okay,” I said, unsure if it was my duty to reassure him. “Tad, I don’t understand what’s going on.”

  “I never wanted to hurt you.” His voice was weak and shaky. “Please, tell me how I can make things right. Please…”

  “I need you to help me make sense of this. Can you do that, Tad?”

  I could hear him begin to cry again and I struggled to keep my own throat from constricting. I didn’t want revenge. I just wanted all of this to go away. But since there was no magic genie around to grant me impossible wishes, I would settle for understanding.

  “I promise we’ll talk,” he said. “But not tonight, okay, April? Please, we can’t talk tonight.”

  I hesitated. The suggestion that we put this off seemed like a colossal joke. Tomorrow he would be going on a two-day business trip, and in the meantime every window in my car was broken and my bank account was practically empty. What was I supposed to do, plant my ass on some broken glass and pay for my gas with chocolate gelt? On the other hand it seemed like a very unwise idea to push Tad tonight. Better to allow him some time to calm down and then strategically approach the problem.

  “We’ll talk about it when you get back from L.A.,” I agreed. I took a deep breath before I asked the next question. “Are you coming home tonight?”

  “Would it be all right if I stayed at a motel—just for tonight?”

  “Yes!” I cried, and then instantly regretted my unbridled enthusiasm. “I mean, sure, if you think the alone time will help you.”

  “Yeah, I think it will.”

  There was a long pause on the line. Finally, I spoke up. “So we’ll talk in two days.”

  “Yes, I promise. I love you, April.”

  I was silent.

  “April?”

  “I’ll see you in two days.” I hung up the phone.

  I walked back to the bedroom and surveyed the disaster that I had created there. I didn’t need my little voice to tell me that the dynamics in my relationship with Tad had drastically and permanently changed.

  THE UNRAVELING

  TWENTY-THREE

  I stumbled into Dawson’s the next day in a daze. I was working a midshift but the luxury of coming in late in the morning was wasted on me since I hadn’t slept at all the night before. I hadn’t even tried. Instead, I cleaned the house, and when the smell of Pine-Sol failed to make me feel better I turned on the television and watched infomercials. From this I learned that the right exercise program could change your life. I subsequently did three hundred sit-ups and six sets of push-ups.

  But my life didn’t change. And now I had to deal with the hellish new reality that I was drowning in. I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for my floor. I was supposed to meet Allie and Caleb tomorrow night, which was also when Tad was coming home. I needed to cancel but I was sure that the minute they heard my voice they would know something was wrong. Plus I’d already canceled on them to spend my “celebration” night with Tad—how could I explain to them what I didn’t understand?

  I walked out of the elevator and observed my department. It was already busy. Good, I could distract myself and make some much-needed money at the same time. I stepped onto my floor and immediately made eye contact with Gigi, who was finishing up with a customer at the register. For a split second I thought I saw a flash of hostility in her expression, but it disappeared so quickly that it could have easily been an illusion. She smiled sweetly at the customer and handed her two garment bags full of merchandise before trotting over to me. “I am sooo glad you’re here. I have, like, the best news!” she said as she dragged me toward the back room.

  “Great,” I said softly as the door to the office closed behind us. “I’m due for something good about now.”

  “Then be prepared to totally love me because I’m about to make your day!”

  I raised my eyebrows as a way of prompting her to continue.

  She flipped her hair behind her shoulders and smiled. “Dorita’s boyfriend has pneumonia!”

  I looked at her blankly, then looked around to confirm that I had indeed fallen into the twilight zone. Gigi now seemed to be waiting for me to respond. I cleared my throat. “Okay, sooo…how is this a good thing?”

  “Hello! Don’t you get it?” Gigi cocked her head to the side. “Now she can’t go to Argentina! You don’t have to finish out your last two weeks!”

  My stomach did a nauseating flip-flop. “I really don’t mind staying….”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve worked so hard for so long, it’s time for some serious ‘you’ time. You can spend your days getting pedicures and facials.” Her grin turned into what looked suspiciously like a sneer. “You could even spend time with your husband.”

  Oh God, anything but that. “I would prefer to stay.” I looked up at Gigi. Her almond-shaped eyes seemed to be narrower than usual. A cruel smile formed on her lips and I took a step aside. Oh God, I thought. This is the part where she sheds her human form and eats me!

  Instead, she just leaned back against her desk and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ve already talked to Liz about it. She thinks it would be less confusing for the staff if you left right away.”

  “Hello? What is so confusing about me handing in my two weeks’ notice and then actually staying for those two weeks?”

  “Your presence on my floor undermines my authority.”

  So the claws were now in view. I felt my hands clench into fists. “Undermines and authority, those are pretty big words, Gigi. Do you know what they mean?”

  Gigi laughed. “Yeah, they mean you’re out of here.” She turned around and walked out, allo
wing the door to swing back and forth behind her.

  She couldn’t fire me. I was her manager until my two weeks were up and no way was I going to allow her to treat me like this. I stormed up to Liz’s office and found her at her desk poring over a stack of printouts with lists of figures and statistics. She greeted me with a serene smile. “Hello, April. Did Gigi tell you I wanted to see you?”

  I sat down opposite her. “Gigi and I had a discussion of sorts, but no, she didn’t mention that you wanted to see me.”

  “Ah…” Liz folded up the printouts. “Well, I hope by ‘discussion’ you don’t mean argument. Managing is a lot like parenting. It’s important to always show a united front.”

  As far as I knew, the closest thing Liz had ever had to a child was a pet Chinese fighting fish that she forgot to feed. “Liz, as you know, I plan to stay and work for my remaining two weeks—”

  Liz held up her hand to stop me. “That is just so sweet of you to offer, but Gigi’s informed me that Dorita will not be going on vacation after all, so the department is very well staffed. Why don’t you take a few extra days to yourself.”

  “You don’t understand, Liz, I want to be here.”

  Liz put her hand on her heart. “Wow! I’m so impressed by your work ethic, but here at Dawson’s we’ve found that once someone quits it’s better that they leave sooner rather than later. It’s so hard to give a hundred-and-ten percent when you’re counting off the days ’til your next venture.”

  “Liz…”

  “I’ve arranged to have your final paycheck prepared. It’s waiting for you in HR.”

  My jaw dropped. I was being fired. I quit yesterday and yet somehow I was being fired today. I swallowed and rose to my feet.

  Liz followed suit and extended her hand. “It’s been so great working with you. I do hope you’ll keep in touch. And remember, just because you’re not an employee doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel free to shop here anytime you like. We still consider you part of the Dawson’s family.”

  In less than a half hour’s time I was standing outside of Dawson’s with a shopping bag filled with various personal belongings and a final paycheck for seven hundred dollars. I looked down the street as if expecting to see some sign telling me which way I should go or what I should do. I walked out into the hordes of tourists and followed their migration to Powell Street, where they rushed to get in line for the cable cars. There was a man on the corner holding a large wooden cross over his head screaming that the end of the world was near. Maybe he was right. I looked around at all the people milling about. They didn’t seem to be taking him seriously, but just because the general public thought that everything was fine didn’t mean it was true. It didn’t mean that everything they had worked for and depended on wouldn’t fall apart in the blink of an eye.

  My heart started pounding against my chest. I looked back at the man with the wild eyes and wooden cross and suddenly I knew I had to get as far away from him as possible. I turned and rushed into the Gap store behind me. I stood ten feet away from the escalator and watched as frenzied women destroyed the perfect fold of dozens of scoop neck tees.

  My heart was beating even faster now. I didn’t have a job, my husband was spending all the money we had left on fois gras and BMWs, and I had no idea what my next move should be. My breaths started coming out in short little gasps. If I had just been sensible enough to tell Blakely what she had wanted to hear I could have been an assistant buyer. What had I been thinking? I grabbed on to a fixture as I fought off a dizzy spell. What was happening? Why was everything spinning?

  “Excuse me.”

  I turned around to see a headset-wearing Gap employee. “Are you all right?” she asked.

  I used the back of my hand to wipe away the beads of sweat that were dampening my forehead. “I’m just a little dizzy,” I said weakly.

  “I think you should sit down.” She led me through the crowd of shoppers to a simple metal bench. “Can I get you anything?” she asked.

  “Can you get me anything?” I repeated. For some reason I was having a hard time making sense of her words. I squeezed my hands together, which were shaking uncontrollably.

  The woman’s eyes widened with concern. “Would you like a glass of water?”

  Water? How the hell was water going to help me? My heart was still picking up speed; I was going to have a heart attack right there in the Gap. The woman was still standing next to me. She had to help me. I grabbed her arm and yanked her closer to me. “An application. Please! I need an application for employment!”

  Now the Gap employee looked really freaked. “Um, I’ll be right back with that.” She quickly removed her arm from my grip and in her rush to get away almost knocked over a middle-aged woman wearing an “I Heart SF” sweatshirt.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and tried again to steady my breathing. Even in the middle of a panic attack I knew that I had better get out of there quickly before the poor salesgirl I had accosted had a chance to point me out to security. I managed to stand up and stagger out the door.

  The man with the cross was still there, so I immediately averted my eyes and started speed walking up Powell. I hurried past Union Square and past where all the major stores were located. The upward slope of the street turned into a dramatically steep hill and I felt the strain in my calf muscles as I sped to the top. The physical effort that I expended helped clear my head and the sharp pangs of anxiety dulled to a manageable ache. At the hill’s crest I reached the Fairmont Hotel and I allowed myself to slow my pace. I wasn’t aware that I was heading anywhere in particular until I went another few blocks and noticed that I was on a street that led to Allie’s apartment building. She was at work, but Jeremiah might be home and it hit me that he was the one person I could talk to. He didn’t have an existing relationship with Tad and it was doubtful if the three of us would ever manage to sit down for that once talked-of dinner. I could tell him what was going on and it would never come back to bite me.

  I hesitated in front of the building. Which apartment was it again? His name wasn’t next to any of the numbers, but that didn’t mean anything since he had four roommates. Was it number four? My finger was hovering over the doorbell when the door to the main entrance flung open.

  Jeremiah lifted his eyebrows in surprise and then broke into a large grin. “Hey, I was just thinkin’ of you. You here to see Allie?”

  “Um, yeah,” I lied, “but she’s not home and I was wondering if you’d like to get a cup of coffee.”

  Jeremiah studied me. His smile disappeared. “Something’s off. What’s up? Is it—”

  “Tad?” I finished for him. “You were going to ask me if there was something up with Tad because you know there is.” I sucked in a deep breath and willed myself to lock the tears inside.

  Jeremiah sighed and looked down at a large backpack that he was holding in one hand. I hadn’t even noticed it until then, which said something about my state of mind, considering it was the size of Arkansas. “Are you going camping or something?” I asked. Had I really thought that he would just be sitting around waiting for me to unburden my problems on him? He had a life, and he didn’t need to put it on hold for me.

  “Cat-sitting.”

  “Cat-sitting,” I repeated. I eyed the backpack again. “Is the cat…in there?”

  Jeremiah laughed. “Yeah, he was bugging me so I just stuffed him in here and decided to take him for a walk.”

  I smiled for the first time in what felt like days. “Bad puns aside, I think the time has come for you to let the cat out of the bag.”

  Jeremiah laughed again. “You can still make jokes—that’s a good sign.” He pulled the backpack up and supported it with both arms. “My friend took off for a month-long trip to Europe and he’s got a cat. So I’m going to crash at his place while he’s gone. I was just loading up the car. You wanna come check out the place?”

  “Yes!” I said a little too quickly. But Jeremiah didn’t seem to notice. He simply ushered me in t
he direction of his Suzuki, which turned out to be three city blocks away. We walked in silence, but it was a comfortable one. I felt myself begin to relax. A light breeze had picked up and it had a calming effect. When we reached the car Jeremiah threw his bag in the backseat before helping me into mine. It occurred to me that going to Jeremiah’s friend’s place alone might not be the wisest of moves, not because I didn’t trust him but because I didn’t trust myself. But I could no longer stand the idea of being alone right now.

  We didn’t talk a lot during the drive, either. It seemed that although Jeremiah’s car was a piece of junk his stereo was fairly decent. He popped the Black Crowes into the CD player and I listened to Chris Robinson croon about a junkie who spoke to angels.

  That’s when I broke the silence. “So do you think Tad’s on drugs?”

  Jeremiah’s eyes didn’t leave the road as he shook his head. “I seriously doubt it. He’s not the type.”

  He pulled the Suzuki into a parking spot adjacent to a man sitting in front of a shopping cart full of clothes. Jeremiah got out first and I opened my door carefully.

  “Hey, Elijah,” he called to the man who was now busily chewing on his knuckles. “How’s it hanging?”

  “The Lord knows, Jeremiah,” he said inexplicably. “The Lord knows all.”

  “Yeah? Does the Lord know if my car’s gonna be safe here tonight?”

  “The Lord knows.”

  “Right, tell you what, I’ll come down with a sandwich for you in an hour or so and in the meantime try not to do anything to mess with it, okay? No more eating in it, and though it looks like shit it’s not a toilet, got it?”

  “The Lord knows it’s not a toilet. I follow the Lord.”

  That was apparently good enough for Jeremiah. He took his backpack in one arm and gently took my arm with his free hand and led me across the street.

  “Your friend lives here?”

  “Yeah, he lives on his own, but the trade-off is a neighborhood that’s a bit dicey.”

  “It’s the Tenderloin,” I pointed out. The Tenderloin was one of the poorer areas of the city and usually had the most crime.