Another Chance to Love You

by Robin Lee Hatcher

  The swim had made them all hungry. Conversation was kept to a minimum while they ate. Even Heather was quiet for a short time. But then she saw a friend from school and asked if she could go play.

  “As long as you stay where I can see you,” Monica answered.

  She watched as Heather dashed down the hillside.

  And then she was alone with Daniel. She turned her head slowly. He was watching her with those intent gray eyes of his.

  “Why did you tell me about her?” he asked gently. “She’s happy, well-adjusted. She doesn’t seem to need me in her life. Why, after all these years?”

  “Because it was the right thing to do.”

  He leaned forward. “Why, Monica?”

  There was something in his gaze that told her he wasn’t going to let her off easily this time. He wanted the truth. All of it. The way he watched her must have been the same way he looked at people he was investigating for a story, the sort of look that demanded honesty, whether a person wanted to be honest or not. It was impossible to turn away from him. His gaze seemed to hold her, refusing to let go.

  In a whisper, she replied, “Last month I found out I was adopted as a baby.”

  He raised an eyebrow. Nothing more. Nothing that would reveal what her news made him think or feel.

  “Mom and Dad kept it a secret from me all my life. When I found out, I…I felt betrayed.”

  He remained silent, but she sensed his empathy.

  She swallowed the unexpected lump in her throat and continued, “It made me realize that what I had done to you was just as bad. Worse actually.”

  “Why worse?”

  “Mom and Dad thought they were protecting me from feeling abandoned.” She drew a deep breath. “But I think I must have wanted to punish you for leaving me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”

  He nodded slowly, as if digesting what she’d said. After a long while, he asked, “Have you tried to find out anything about your birth parents?”

  She frowned as she dropped her gaze to her clasped hands. She hadn’t expected her revelation to take the conversation in this direction. “No.”

  “Do you want to? Find out who your birth parents are?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Why not?”

  She drew a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I suppose because I’ve come to believe what the Bible says, that all things work together for good for those who love Jesus and are called according to His purpose.” She hugged her knees to her chest. “God gave me two wonderful parents to raise and to love me. I have to believe that this is His will.”

  The look in his eyes changed from curious to skeptical. “God, huh? When did you get religion?”

  “Not religion, Daniel.” She shook her head slowly. “I found a relationship. I fell in love with the Savior. That…that’s the other reason I had to tell you the truth. Because I knew my deception wasn’t pleasing to Him. Because Jesus requires that I walk in truth.”

  He was silent a long while. She wondered if he would ask her more about her faith. She hoped he would. She wanted Daniel to understand how important her Christian beliefs were to her now.

  But he didn’t ask. Instead, he said, “Well, if you change your mind about searching for your birth parents, let me know. It’s much easier to get that information these days. I did a story on it once. I’d be glad to help you while I’m here.”

  While he was here. His stay in Boise was temporary. She would do well to remember that. For everyone’s sake, but most of all for Heather’s.

  “Daniel, what about Heather? Do you…do you plan to see her after you return to Chicago? Once she knows you’re her father…” She let her voice trail into silence.

  He looked down the hillside to where Heather was playing a game of tag with her friend and some other children. His black brows drew together and his eyes narrowed. He ran his right thumb along his jawline, a gesture she had already learned meant he was deep in thought.

  At long last, he looked at Monica again. “Yes.” It was a firm, simple, no argument kind of answer.

  She saw a flicker of something in the depths of his mercurial gray eyes, something poignant but indefinable. When he glanced away, she was both relieved and disappointed.

  “When in September is her birthday?” he asked, his voice low, his gaze locked on Heather again.

  “The fifteenth.”

  “How much did she weigh when she was born?”

  “Seven pounds four ounces.”

  “Did she have lots of hair?”

  “Yes. Black, just like it is now.”

  “Was she a pretty baby?”

  His words caused tears to well up in her eyes and her throat to constrict, making it difficult to reply. “The prettiest I’ve ever seen.” She swallowed hard. “I have photos if you’d like to see them.”

  “Yes,” he answered softly. “I would.”

  Silence stretched between them for several minutes.

  Then Daniel spoke again. “Was she born at St. Luke’s or St. Al’s?”

  “Neither. She was born in Salt Lake City.”

  He turned toward her, clearly surprised. “Why Salt Lake?”

  How little we know about each other, she thought, sadness piercing her heart.

  “Why Salt Lake?” he asked again.

  “Because you were still at Boise State for most of my pregnancy. I didn’t want to chance running into you before you graduated and moved away.” She rested her forehead against her knees. “Because I went there intending to give the baby up for adoption.”

  A memory rushed in, replacing the present. She was in her girlhood bedroom, leaning over a suitcase, packing to leave for Salt Lake City. Her mother was standing in the doorway behind her.

  “You’re doing the right thing,” Ellen had said. “There’s a loving couple out there somewhere who can’t have children of their own. They’re waiting for a child only you can give them. You’re doing the best thing for this baby, dear. As hard as it is now, you’re doing what’s right.”

  Suddenly her mother’s words took on new meaning. Ellen had been talking about herself, about her own inability to have children. It seemed so clear to Monica now. She wondered why she hadn’t guessed the truth back then.

  Daniel’s words intruded on her thoughts. “Why didn’t you, Monica?”

  She lifted her head to look at him. “Why didn’t I what?”

  “Why didn’t you give Heather up for adoption? You must have known how difficult it would be, raising her alone. You were young. Unmarried.”

  Monica smiled as more memories flooded her. “You don’t know how really hard it will be until you’re doing it. Two o’clock feedings. Colic. Doctor bills. Walking the floor for hours. Never enough sleep. Formula and diapers and child care. But the moment I saw her, I knew I couldn’t give her away.”

  She looked like you even then. The thought brought with it a sharp longing, and her tears returned.

  “I’m sorry, Monica.”

  She closed her eyes, shook her head.

  “If I’d known…”

  Silence returned, for there was no perfect ending to Daniel’s unfinished sentence. The past could not be undone, and both of them knew it.

  Heather’s laughter drew Daniel’s gaze away from Monica and down the hillside. The sound touched a deep and empty corner of his heart. Strange. He hadn’t known the corner was empty until he’d met Heather.

  “Monica, it’s time to tell her who I am.”

  He heard her tiny intake of breath, but he didn’t look toward her.

  “You know I’m right. We can’t go on pretending I’m just Mr. Rourke, an old college buddy. She should know who I am.”

  She touched his arm, drawing his gaze first to her fingertips, then to her face. “Once we tell her, your life will never be the same.”

  “It won’t ever be the same anyway.” He spoke more sharply than he’d intended.

  She drew back as if
scalded. Her face paled and her eyes rounded.

  “Sorry,” he muttered. He drew a deep breath, then gently repeated, “I’m sorry, Monica. I didn’t mean for that to sound like it did. I know you’re concerned about what my role will be with Heather. I’m not totally blind. I’m not going to hurt her. I promise.”

  “She’s going to love you, Daniel. She’s going to want you to be a real father to her and to love her in return. She’s also going to be hurt and confused. She might resent me for not telling her before now, for not telling you. It isn’t going to be easy for any of us at first.” She paused a long time before asking, “Will you be around long enough for us to work it through?”

  He didn’t care for the accusation behind her question, but he was honest enough to admit she had a right to ask it. Beyond work, he’d never committed himself to much of anything. He was a great one for saying, We’ll see. What a cop-out!

  He couldn’t cop out now with those same words. She was asking him to make a commitment to Heather, a commitment he’d never been able to make to Monica herself. In fact, he’d never made that kind of commitment to another human being.

  But somehow the words came out. “I’ll be around. Whatever it takes, I’ll be here.”

  And he meant it, he realized, with no small amount of surprise.

  Daniel felt Monica’s tension during the drive back to Boise. He tried to take her mind off of what awaited them when they reached her home by asking about her business. Although she answered, he didn’t think he’d succeeded in lessening her anxiety.

  “Solutions is a secretarial and bookkeeping service. We have staff accountants and provide computerized bookkeeping off-site for those who want it. And we have a branch that serves as a temp agency.” It was obvious she spoke by rote and that her thoughts remained elsewhere.

  Daniel persevered. “Are you the sole owner or do you have a partner?”

  “No, it’s just me.” She glanced over at him. “I started it from scratch.”

  He let out a low whistle. “Impressive. Tell me about it. Tell me how it came to be what it is today.”

  From the look she gave him, she understood exactly what he was doing. She even managed a tight smile. “It wasn’t because of any grand plan, that’s for certain. I wanted to be at home with Heather as much as possible, so I started out by freelance bookkeeping and maintaining large mailing lists on my computer. I designed Web sites and began sending e-newsletters to my clients’ customers. I diversified, hired some employees. Somehow it ballooned from there.”

  Daniel glanced over his shoulder, intending to ask Heather what she thought about her mom’s business, but he discovered she was asleep. Her legs were drawn up on the seat, and her head was resting against the window of the right rear door.

  Monica laughed softly. “I guess the warm water wore her out.”

  “Yeah.” He stared at the road ahead. “I guess so.” Unexpectedly he found he was now the nervous one. What if he turned out to be a terrible father? What if telling her the truth messed her up no end? How would he fix that?

  As if understanding his inner turmoil, Monica took her turn at asking a question. “Was the trial as bad as it seemed on television?”

  It took him a moment to realize what she was talking about. When he did, he answered, “Yeah, it was bad. You spend all those months looking at the face of evil, it begins to haunt you in your sleep.”

  “But now there’s your book about the case. You’re famous, Daniel. That must be rewarding.”

  Rewarding? He wasn’t sure if that was the right word for it. Mostly he was relieved it was over. He wanted to put it all behind him.

  “It’s what you wanted,” Monica added. “Back in college. To be famous.”

  Fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, he almost said to her. But how could he? That’s why he’d left her. Left her alone and pregnant, as it turned out. So how did he tell her he’d been mistaken, that he’d chased the wrong dream for the past decade? How did he tell her he wasn’t satisfied with what he’d accomplished, that it wasn’t enough, that there was something missing?

  Not that it had all been bad. Daniel had always found working for the newspaper an exciting challenge. He liked writing about people, real people. He liked finding clues and being the one to figure things out. He liked being the first to break a story. He’d put in long hours through the years, walked a lot of beats, worked his way up through the ranks to become a respected journalist.

  But he’d missed being home in Boise. Funny how that worked. He hadn’t known he’d missed it until he was back. Now that he was here, it seemed as clear as glass.

  He wondered what else he would discover, if he stayed long enough.

  Maybe he’d find out Heather didn’t want him to be her dad. Maybe he’d find out he couldn’t be here for her as he’d sworn only a short time ago.

  He gave his head a quick shake to clear it. Then he glanced over at Monica. “I think we ought to wait to have this talk with Heather after all. Let’s give it another week.”

  Even though he was again watching the road, he knew she looked at him, knew there was disappointment in her eyes. “Sure, Daniel. Whatever you think.”

  He felt as if he’d just walked out on her—and Heather—a second time.

  Chapter Five

  It was the persistent ringing of the doorbell that awakened Daniel at nine-thirty in the morning after a night of troubled slumber.

  Disheveled and feeling out of sorts, he went to answer the door. He didn’t bother to grab his robe on the way out of his bedroom. He fully intended to send the intruder on his way, then go straight back to bed.

  The man on the other side of the screen door grinned at him. “Well, what do you know? It is you. Mom said she saw you driving down the street, but I didn’t believe her.”

  Daniel blinked, glowered, ran a hand through his hair. “Do I know you?”

  The fellow’s grin broadened. “Don’t recognize me, huh? Take a good look, Danny boy.”

  If this was some publicity seeker…

  “Maybe if I was wearing a pair of dweeb eyeglasses and weighed about sixty pounds more?”

  Daniel pushed open the screen door. “Tony?”

  He couldn’t believe it. He’d known Tony Cristobal since the second grade. They’d grown up together in this neighborhood, had ridden their bikes up and down this very same street. The last time he’d seen his boyhood friend, Tony had eyeglasses with soda-bottle lenses and weighed in at a hefty two hundred and fifty pounds.

  “In the flesh. But there’s a lot less flesh now.”

  Wide awake, Daniel slapped Tony on the back. “How are you? Come on in.”

  “I’m good. Real good.” Tony stepped into the house. He cast an amused glance at Daniel’s pajama bottoms and bare feet. “So this is how the rich and famous live? Hmm.”

  “Yeah. We lie around all day, drinking coffee and watching TV.” He motioned for Tony to follow him. “And speaking of coffee, I need some.” He led the way into the kitchen.

  While Daniel filled the coffeepot’s reservoir with cold water, Tony pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. “Your dad’s place hasn’t changed much.”

  “Not much.” He measured grounds into the filter. When he was finished, he flipped the switch on, then turned toward the table and leaned against the counter while crossing his arms over his chest. “So tell me what’s up. It’s been a long time since we saw each other.”

  “Thirteen years in June.”

  Daniel remembered. It had been at Tony’s and Jennifer’s wedding. Daniel had served as Tony’s best man. The bride had been four months pregnant. With a new wife and a baby on the way, Tony hadn’t been able to afford to continue in college. The newlyweds had left for California right after the wedding. Tony had had a construction job waiting for him there, working for one of his numerous uncles. Daniel kept in touch with his friend for a few years, but eventually, the calls and correspondence dried up.

  “So when did you c
ome back to Boise, Tony? Are you living here now?”

  “Yeah. Moved back a few years ago.” He tilted his chair onto its back legs. “I wanted to be close to the folks. My mom hasn’t been too well.”

  “Sorry to hear it. I hope it’s not serious.”

  “No. Not yet. But we didn’t want to wait until it was.”

  “And what about Jennifer? How’s she?” He wasn’t sure he should ask. For all he knew, the two were divorced by this time. “And your little boy? What was his name?”

  “Mikolas. And everybody’s fine. Jennifer and I bought a big old farmhouse on a couple of acres out near Star. We needed lots of room. There’s eight of us now.”

  Daniel felt his eyes widen and his jaw go slack.

  Tony laughed. “Yup. I’ve got six kids. Catalin is the youngest and the only girl. She turned one this winter. And from what I’ve seen, she’s going to be spoiled rotten by her brothers.”

  “Tony, the family man.” Daniel was unable to disguise the surprise in his voice. “Six kids.”

  “Guess that sounds pretty strange to a high-living bachelor like you. But I gotta say, being a husband and a dad is the absolute best. I wouldn’t trade my wife or a single one of my kids for anything.”

  Daniel thought of Monica and Heather.

  “’Course,” Tony continued, oblivious to the direction of Daniel’s thoughts, “I guess if my dad was married as often as yours, I might’ve been wary of matrimony, too. I wasn’t surprised when I heard you and Monica split up, but I sure thought you were an idiot for letting her get away.”

  Daniel pictured Monica on that picnic blanket, her golden hair caught high in a ponytail. An idiot for letting her get away… He wondered—

  “Have you seen her since you got back? She’s done mighty well for herself. Got her own business. She and Jennifer talk on the phone occasionally, but we don’t get to see much of her. Our lives are too hectic.” The tone of his voice altered slightly. “She’s got a little girl of her own. Heather. A real sweetheart.”