by Jenika Snow
“I don’t sleep with the guys,” she said, and caught him looking at her when she glanced his way. “I’m having a rough patch in my life right now, and my friend Bobbie,” she pointed to one of the club girls speaking to Pierce, “said that I could talk with the president of this club and see about staying here for a while. Lucien said I can stay here, and help pay for my way by cleaning up and cooking on occasion.”
Cain didn’t say anything.
“Believe me, I wouldn’t be here unless I absolutely had no other choice. I just need time to get back on my feet.”
That was news to him, unusual, too, as the club was for the guys to hold up when they needed, not a boarding house for pussy. But that was her business, and he didn’t give a shit about that either. He kept to himself and thought others should as well. But as he stared at this young woman who clearly was eyeing Tuck, he wanted to make something known to her so she didn’t think things would progress in a way that was not normal in this lifestyle.
“If you’re thinking you can tame one of the members, make them see you as more than a woman that brings them drinks, or a hole to put their dick in, you should wake up right now, sweetheart.” He didn’t mean it to sound like he was being an asshole, even though it probably came out that way. She seemed like an honest enough girl, but this was a whole other level where she was concerned.
“I don’t know what you mean.” She turned away and grabbed the beers.
“Listen, I don’t care what you do in your life, but you seem like you may have had a tough run, and I thought you should know that the guys may have old ladies, but they aren’t club pussy.”
She stared at him with a hard eye. “I said I’m not a club pussy, or sweet-butt, or whatever in the hell you call them. I am just a girl trying to get back on her feet.” And then she turned away from him.
Good for her for sticking up for herself, but he was already past the drama, and focused on Violet once more. He shouldn’t go see her, shouldn’t even think about her. But that didn’t stop him from heading out of the club.
Yeah, he was fucked, and knew this couldn’t possibly end well.
He stood, went past the guys getting lap dances and blowjobs, some snorting coke off of the big ass tits of the clubwomen, and headed out of the clubhouse. He didn’t want any of that shit, didn’t even want to be involved in that right now while he had Violet on the mind. Once outside he went over to his bike, grabbed his helmet, and straddled the big piece of machinery. It was dark, the air cool, and a perfect time for a ride. Being locked up and not being able to ride had been hell. Cain lived on his Harley, rode with his brothers, and it was ingrained in him, ran through his veins. Even though he had been out for some time now, riding as often as he could, it didn’t feel like enough. It would never be enough, and he had a lot of fucking time to make up.
He pulled out onto the road, let the freedom of being able to go anywhere he wanted with nothing holding him filling his veins, and knew where he was heading was not where he needed to go. He hadn’t seen Violet in so damn long, years, and although he thought about her every day, made sure she was safe and taken care of, the fact remained that she might not even want to see him anymore. He had pushed her away, and moving on with her life was what he wanted her to do. Going over there might start a whole slew of shit neither of them wanted nor needed. But Cain needed to tell her about taking out Carl, needed her to be able to have peace finally, because even if he knew she was strong and handling things on her own, demons never left. They stayed hidden, and rose up at fucked up times.
He drove to Chatham View, the town where Fallina and Violet both lived. It was a large city, far bigger than River Run. He knew where Violet lived, because even if he made sure she stayed away from the likes of him, he’d kept tabs on her. He couldn’t let her go in that respect. He pulled up to her street, drove down the quiet, small road, and finally stopped and turned his bike off across the street from her house. He took a hit off his smoke, and stared at the small house about an hour outside of River Run. There was movement behind the curtain, and his heart picked up pace. The one woman that had helped him through this entire process, never let up on giving him support, and had been the one to keep him updated on the motherfucker that he’d just buried in the ground, was only a few feet away. Hell, he hadn’t wanted her to be involved at all, but she was a stubborn woman. Finally she had moved on, or at least backed off, and he hadn’t realized how much that had hurt him, knowing that he couldn’t have the kind of relationship he wanted with her.
Violet Wings.
Her name was gentle, whimsical even, but the woman that he’d known for longer than he could even remember, wasn’t just the person that had given him the location of the asshole he’d wasted—even if he was pissed she had kept track of that shit—but the one woman that he shouldn’t want because of who she was.
You shouldn’t be here, just watching her like a fucking stalker, waiting to get a glimpse of her.
He took one more inhale from his cigarette and snubbed it out on the heel of his boot before flicking it aside. Yeah, he should leave, but he couldn’t. Spending nine out of the sixteen years he was sentenced hadn’t taught him anything aside from exacting his vengeance when he got out. His brothers had been there for him the entire time, as was his daughter. But it was Violet that had kept writing him despite the fact he told her to forget about him, to move on with her life, and put all of this shit behind her.
He’d never told anyone that Violet had been hurt by that asshole. He hadn’t told his club, and not even his daughter. Violet had told him in confidence, kept that shit inside of her for years after the fact, and he had taken pleasure in ending that bastard’s life for his little girl and for the woman that he had grown to care about more than he should.
Getting off of his bike, walking toward her front door, and knowing he shouldn’t be doing this couldn’t have stopped him. He’d only seen her once, years after they had started talking on the phone and in letters, and that was when she had come to the prison. That had been the only time because he had told her not to come back, that the shithole he was living in for all those years was not a place he wanted her to be. And she’d listened, thank fuck, because the men that lived in the prison were not good. Cain wasn’t good, never was, and would resort to things to make his point known, or to protect what was his. He was dangerous, violent, and that was just who he was, who he would always be.
He found himself standing in front of her house, his hand curled into a fist to knock on the scarred wood. He brought his knuckles down on the door, and there was the woman that haunted his thoughts for far too many years.
Chapter Five
She heard him knock on the door, and although she’d seen him outside, across the street and sitting on his Harley, she was a nervous wreck. Cain was here, right on the other side of her door, in the flesh, and she was going to be totally honest with him. There hadn’t been any more writing, no more correspondences when she had tried calling him at the prison. He’d all but ignored her, and she knew he thought it was because that was what he thought was best. And it killed her that she had stayed away, that he didn’t want to see her because he thought she should move on to better things. To her Cain was better things, and the light that had shined in her darkness.
She walked toward the door, gripped the handle, and opened it before he could knock again. And there he stood, all six-foot-five inches of him, his dark hair on the longer side as it brushed his ears, and his dark, black eyes regarding her silently.
“I wondered if you were going to come to me when you got out,” she said softly, nervously, and stepped aside.
He didn’t move, didn’t even speak for several seconds, and then he cleared his throat.
“I stayed away, knowing that was what you wanted,” she said. The truth was she’d hated that, and hoped he really didn’t want her to stay away. Violet hoped that it was just while he had been locked up, that maybe he was trying to protect her from that sig
ht and scene as well. He never said that outright, but she knew that Cain would have done and said that as a form of protecting her. He didn’t answer, and she glanced down, hating that there was this tension between them.
“I wasn’t going to come here, was going to stay away because your life is better without me in it.”
God, she hated hearing him say that shit. She watched as he scrubbed a hand over his jaw. His cheeks were covered in dark stubble, the sight arousing. She wanted this older man like she wanted to breathe. She loved him, had for years, and all she wanted in this world anymore was for Cain to know this, accept it, and reciprocate the feelings.
“I’m glad you came, Cain.” She smiled softly at him, and then looked down again. He wore those dark shit-kicker boots of his. Violet lifted her gaze up his legs that were covered in worn, grease smudged, and torn jeans, over his chest that was covered in a dark, long sleeved t-shirt and leather Brothers of Menace cut, and took in his strength. His power was insurmountable, and the sight of his muscles bulging under the material had everything inside of her clenching in awareness.
She moved aside another inch, and she heard him curse softly, and then take a step into her home. Violet shut the door, leaned against it, and took in the massive form of him. The back of his black cut showed the Brothers logo of a rising phoenix and a Harley outlined. It was a powerful sight, especially in the town of River Run, which was only a few hours away from where she lived.
“This is a nice place, Violet,” he said in that deeply husky voice of his, one she had thought about for far too many years while lying in her bed.
“Thank you, Cain.”
He turned around, and they stared at each other for a few moments. Cain was not a handsome man by normal standards. He was harsh looking, rugged, and all male. He was one of those men that put fear in others just by making eye contact with them.
“You want something to drink? I think I have a few beers in the fridge, and have a bottle of whiskey in the cabinet.”
“No alcohol,” he said, and smiled, but it looked a little off on his hardened face.
“You want some coffee?”
He nodded once, and she turned from the front entrance and headed into the kitchen. She looked over her shoulder at him, saw he hadn’t moved from his spot, but that he watched her every step of the way. Violet was quick in making a pot of coffee, and when she had two cups in hand, and headed back out to the foyer, she could see Cain had moved into the living room. He was over by her bookshelf, picking up the photo of her and Fallina when they were sixteen years old—right before Carl had raped her, and before that fucker had attacked Fallina.
“I remember when this picture was taken,” he said without turning around. He looked at the photo a few more seconds, and then set it back down.
Yeah, she remembered that day, too. Being with Fallina and Cain had been the highlight of her life. Her family life had been shit with her neglectful father who decided drinking at the bar was better than spending time with his daughter. And when he did spend time with her it had been insulting her—well, until Cain and his club members had smacked him around. After that her father had spent less time with her, probably scared shitless he’d get his ass kicked again. So, she had spent most of her time at Fallina’s house spending the night, eating dinner with them, and it had been more like a family than the one she had been born into.
He turned toward her, and she moved into the living room to give him the cup of coffee. The silence stretched between them, and she cleared her throat, hating that she was nervous around Cain. But he had been locked up for nine years, and she hadn’t seen him in five. But despite the years that passed, and the fact he didn’t write back to her once after he told her to leave, she still loved this man more than anything in the world. It was crazy how intense her emotions were for him after all this time.
“I’m glad you finally came here, Cain.”
He nodded after she spoke, and she watched him move over to the couch. He sat down, set the cup on the coffee table, and leaned back. With his legs slightly parted, his big arms resting on his thighs, she stared at him and took in the sight that was Cain Trainer. He turned his head and stared at her, and for a moment all she did was hold her breath, wait for him to speak.
“Do you know why I pushed you away five years ago when you came to see me?”
She swallowed and nodded. “I know you did it thinking you were protecting me.”
He didn’t respond right away, didn’t even move. When he exhaled roughly she knew this was going to be one hell of a conversation.
“Sit next to me, Violet.”
She tightened her hold on the cup and moved closer to him. When she sat on the couch beside him, but with several inches between them, she held her breath once more. God, she felt like she was on pins and needles. All it took was his tone of voice and the way he watched her to make her feel this way.
“Fallina told me you got your real estate license and have been working in Chatham View making a good name for yourself.”
It was like he was trying to initiate small talk because he didn’t know what else to say. “Yeah, it’s been going pretty well.” The silence descended again. “You asked Fallina about me?”
He watched her, and then he nodded. “Yeah, I did, a lot actually. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
That annoyed her. “Why didn’t you just ask me yourself?”
He breathed out, ran a hand over his stubble-covered jaw, and then spoke after what seemed like ages. “When you came to the prison five years ago, told me all about what that motherfucker had done to you, all I wanted to do was avenge you and Fallina even more. You wrote me, kept in contact with me even though I said you needed to go on with your life and not worry about an old bastard like me.”
She set her cup down and shook her head, knowing he was not answering her previous question. “You’re not an old bastard. You are the man I have looked up to for my entire life. You are the one that has protected me, let me be a part of your family, and cared for me like no one else ever has.” She felt her emotions move up, felt them clog her throat, and knew that this man was so deeply engrained in her body she would never be the same again.
“I know I kept you away, but I thought it was the right thing. I didn’t want you seeing me in that fucked up place, and didn’t want you surrounded by that filth.” He shifted slightly on the couch so he could look at her. “I might have said not to come back to the prison, cut contact with you, but I always made sure you were taken care of, and watched over.”
She knew this as well. “You were the first man I fell in love with, Cain.” She snapped her mouth closed after the words spilled forth. God she had said that, had just blurted that out when she wasn’t planning on saying that until they really talked.
He was still unmoving for a few seconds after she spoke, and then he leaned back and exhaled. He covered his eyes with an arm, cursed something low and fierce, and then he looked at her again.
“I am not the man you need, Violet, and not the man you deserve, that’s for fucking sure.”
“This isn’t how I saw this conversation going.”
Cain leaned forward and braced his forearms on his thighs, and stared at her. “I am in my forties, Violet, far too old for you. You’re just starting off your life. Being with me will only complicate things. I am rough and coarse, and crude on the best of days. You know this just as well as anyone else.”
“Cain, please. Don’t say shit like that.”
“You don’t love me like that. You see a man that has watched over you for a long time.”
She curled her hands into fists. “Don’t tell me what I feel, Cain. I know what it means to love someone. I have never felt what I feel for you with any other man, and I know I won’t, ever.”
“Fuck, Violet.” He scrubbed a hand over his eyes.
“I love you, am in love with you, and I won’t apologize for that, Cain.”
He stood so fast that his leg hit t
he coffee table and the cups fell on their side, brown liquid spilling across the wood. “Shit, I’m sorry, Violet.” He turned, and she knew that he wasn’t apologizing for spilling the coffee. This man, this brutal male that wasn’t afraid of killing or death, and who never apologized for anything, was looking at her like he was pained. “I would only bring you down, make your life dark when it should be light.”
And then he was striding toward the front door. She stood, her hands shaking, her eyes filling with tears. He stopped and looked at her.
“I killed him for you and Fallina, Violet. I made that bastard pay for what he did.” He took a huge breath and said, “You don’t have to be afraid to close your eyes anymore. That’s why I came here tonight.”
And then he was gone, just like that.
Chapter Six
She didn’t know how long she stood there after Cain left, but then she realized she was calling Fallina. Her friend surely had seen her father since he had been out. Violet closed her eyes as she listened to the phone ring.
“Violet?” Fallina said in a sleepy voice.
It wasn’t that late, but Fallina worked as a schoolteacher and got up early. Violet felt bad for calling her friend, but she needed to get Cain’s phone number, and Fallina would be the one she could contact for an updated one.