by Jenika Snow
“Hello?”
“I’m sorry to wake you, but you wouldn’t happen to have Cain’s number, do you?” There was the sound of shuffling, like Fallina was shifting on the bed, and the other woman cleared her throat.
There was a moment of silence, and then Fallina spoke again. “My dad’s number?”
“Yeah. I’d like to talk to him, know he’s out, and thought maybe if anyone had his updated number you would.”
“Sure, I have it, but he hasn’t contacted you yet, hasn’t given you his number? I know he wants to make sure you’re okay, but he has been asking about how everything is with you.”
Violet knew that, and although Fallina was her best friend she had never been brave enough to tell her that Violet was in love with Cain. But she did think there had been times the thought had crossed Fallina’s mind, especially when Violet had gone to see Cain, and written him for all those years. She had even called him on occasion, before he had cut all contact with her.
“I’ve talked to him, actually, but the exchange of numbers hasn’t actually happened.” The look Fallina had given her on a few occasions told Violet that her friend probably thought there was something in the emotion department going on, but Fallina never said anything. After she got the number and hung up the phone she stared at that piece of paper. Her heart thundered, even just the thought of calling him making her nervous. It was a ludicrous feeling since she had just seen him, but it didn’t matter because he had left, and it was like she was chasing him.
Maybe she should have just backed off like he said? But Violet had done that for too many years. Yes, he had been locked up, so staying away and not going to the prison hadn’t been too hard, but when he wouldn’t even respond to her letters or calls, she had backed off fully. But he had never been far from her mind, and now that he was out, she was not going to let him get away with just blowing her off again because he thought that was what she needed in her life. Violet knew about his life, and how rough and brutal it was. It wasn’t a secret, and she had been in the thick of it when he had gone in and the club had helped her and Fallina out.
She called Cain’s number, not knowing if he would even answer, but knowing that she had to try.
“Yeah?” he said over the line, the music loud on the other end and his voice hard and annoyed sounding. “Who the fuck is this?” he asked again, harsher this time. She heard the sound of someone shouting “cheeky” over and over again, and she knew he was at one of the bars in town.
“Cain,” she said his name softly. “I got your number from Fallina.”
“Fuck, Violet.” He didn’t sound annoyed, just defeated. “Is everything okay?” Although they had seen each other just a short time ago, she felt this tightening in her gut at the sound of her name coming from him.
“I’m okay.”
He exhaled loudly. “I meant to give you my new number. I guess the conversation and me hauling ass out of there had it escaping me. It’s just it wasn’t good for me to be there, especially not with where the conversation had been going.”
They didn’t speak for a few seconds.
“Violet, I know I left, and it’s for the best. Talking about it right now isn’t the right thing, sweetheart.”
She closed her eyes at the endearment.
“I will always look after you, protect you, but you and I both know we could never be together like that.” The sounds of talking and music faded away as he clearly moved to a quiet location.
She felt like an asshole, like some kind of scorned or psycho woman that was going after a man that didn’t want her. But you know he wants you. His emotions are on his face when he looks at you, no matter how much he tries to hide it.
That might be true, but Cain wasn’t the type of male to fold over when someone came after him. Cain was the type of guy that when he said something he meant it. He might love her—if he even had emotions that ran that deep—but that didn’t mean he’d allow himself to express them. She knew that from seeing him all those years, watching him with the few women he’d allowed in his life.
“I just want to talk, more than what we did because you ran off. You looked like I scared you, Cain, like what I said frightened you so that you couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with me.”
He sighed heavily. “I can’t do this with you, Violet. Not only are you Fallina’s friend, but you’re so much younger than me. I’d be taking advantage of you, taking something from you that might not be true because of the life you led and what had happened.”
She curled her hands into fists. When he spoke again she’d heard the emotion in his voice. It wasn’t often she heard Cain speak softly, sincerely, but this was one of those times. She was pissed at the fact he wouldn’t even attempt to sit down and talk about this. “Tell me you don’t feel something for me more than just a man wanting to protect a woman. Tell me you don’t care about me, Cain, and I mean really care about me.”
He didn’t respond.
“Tell me you don’t love me,” Violet said so softly she didn’t even know if he had heard her.
“Violet, baby.” He sounded so pained right then.
“Just say the words and I will back off. I’ll try and put how I feel behind me, try and forget about you in that way.” She wouldn’t cry.
“Nothing can happen between us. It’s best that way.”
She curled her hand around the cell phone. She may be young, but she wasn’t into playing games.
“But I won’t say any of those things, because it would be a lie and I’d never lie to you.”
Her heart started beating faster.
“But I will say that your life and mine can’t go in that direction together.”
She shook her head even though he couldn’t see her.
“I want you in my life, Violet. I’ve always wanted that, but we need to use our heads, okay?”
She couldn’t handle it, couldn’t even control her emotions right now. Her tears came fast and furious, and before she sobbed into the phone like a child she said a hasty goodbye and hung up. God, what a fucking fool she was to hold onto hope. Whoever said that was a driving force in life had been right, until it was crushed and sent her spiraling into a dark hole.
Chapter Seven
She hated that she wanted Cain so much, because in the end life hadn’t gone how she’d envisioned for so many years. Yeah, he said they couldn’t be together after she had told him she had loved him from the very beginning, but a part of her had always held onto that fucking emotion … hope. It had cost him nine years of his life when he’d defended her and Fallina, but she had known right then that the hardened outlaw biker was the man that would forever shape all other guys for her. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him, wanting him, not even when he pushed her away all those years at the prison. She loved him, dammit, and hated that he was too stubborn to realize it was genuine for her, and for him, too. He protected her like no other ever had, or ever would in her life, she knew that without a doubt.
She pushed herself away from the front door where she had been leaning, wanting to just leave the house, maybe drive around to clear her thoughts. In the end she had decided to stay in, because with how edgy she was driving probably wasn’t the best option. Violet made her way into the kitchen. Drinking probably wasn’t the best thing to do at the moment, but her body was near to shaking with the emotions sweeping through her. Opening the cabinet, she dug around until she found the bottle of whiskey she had shoved back there ages ago. God, why did she have to want a man that was an outlaw biker, a one percenter that fought his feelings, killed people, and had no regrets about the illegal and dangerous things he did?
With a shot glass in one hand and the bottle in the other, Violet poured herself a drink, and thought about the last nine years. She hadn’t been a virgin since she was sixteen years old, thanks to that fucking creep, Carl. But even after that, and wanting Cain, she’d tried to move on with her love life. Violet knew better than that. But the few
guys she had been with had lacked in so many ways. All she’d thought about while with them was how they were so weak compared to her biker, to the man that had nearly beat another guy to death because that was what was ingrained in his blood, how his mind was wired. He’d never change, and God help her, she didn’t want him to. The club had been there for her and Fallina all the years they had been alone, without Cain there to protect them, and it was only a few years ago that they actually settled roots and formed their charter in River Run, Colorado. It wasn’t far from where she lived, but that hadn’t stopped the club members from making sure they were fed, clothed, and always protected.
She tossed the drink back and breathed out. It was like fire down her throat, but the pain felt good, made her feel alive. It distracted her from other things, things that haunted her on occasion, that had the nightmares creeping up as she imagined that sick fuck that had touched her when she had pleaded with him to stop. When Violet thought about that time so many years ago when she’d seen Cain again, locked up and in that grey, void visiting room, emotions filled her. She had been honest, told him what she’d never told anyone, and she’d thought he’d kill someone all over again for her. His anger had been tangible, his emotions clear on his face and in the way his big body had strained forward. She had wanted his comfort, needed it so desperately, but she knew with Cain Trainer she wouldn’t get any flowers or candy. He was rough as they came.
She repeated the process with the shots again and again until she felt a warm burn start to flow through her veins and her body grew numb. On her fourth shot she heard the sound of a motorcycle in the distance, coming closer with every passing second. Time seemed to stand still, and then she heard three loud hard knocks on her front door. Of course she knew who it was without even opening the door. But she didn’t move, couldn’t. But then she heard the front door open and close.
“Violet, I know you’re home, so no point in fucking avoiding me.”
She closed her eyes and breathed out at the sound of Cain’s voice. She really didn’t want to do this with him right now, especially when the liquor was starting to make a hum in her body, and she knew in a few moments she’d really be feeling the effects.
Cain’s expression as he regarded her was stoic and hard. “I know the fuck you heard me knocking, Violet, and hiding behind a bottle of alcohol won’t solve shit.”
How in the hell was she supposed to reply to that? And why was he even angry with her? He was the one who had said they could never be together. “Cain, please, I don’t want to do this with you right now.” She stared at him just as hard as he was watching her. “You made it clear where you stand. Now, let me drown my sorrows temporarily in this bottle of whiskey.”
“That’s not the answer, and you know it. You want to talk, and I’m here.” He moved closer, and leaned against the frame. “I upset you, and that’s the last thing I want to fucking do.”
“The night didn’t go how I planned.” She lowered her gaze to the white shirt that could be seen through the opening in his cut. She lifted her gaze to his once more and saw a flicker of emotion cross his face. But he was good at hiding it the next second. With her hand still tightly wrapped around the neck of the whiskey bottle, she wished she had finished off the whole thing before right now. As the alcohol continued to move through her veins she knew her mouth wouldn’t stay shut for long.
Even after everything she saw, knew about Cain and The Brothers of Menace, the blood, the carnage, and violence, Violet wanted this man more than she’d ever wanted anything. Even though this man was in his forties, he was so handsome in a rugged, vicious way.
She was aroused, her pussy wet, and her nipples hard. And all he did was stand there, staring at her with eyes that consumed her very soul, his knuckles scuffed and bruised from fighting. Even at a distance she saw him swallow, watched as his Adam’s apple worked beneath his tanned, tattooed flesh. Throb, pulse, and tingle. Those were all of the things her clit and pussy were doing as she took in the sight of his muscles contracting and releasing under his worn jeans and white t-shirts. God, his thighs were so big and muscular, like thick tree trunks. And even from where she stood, and despite the fact he wore a shirt she could see the lines from his six-pack, those hard ridges that were like paint rollers under the material.
The death grip she had on the bottle seemed to ground her, stabilize her. Violet forced her fingers away though, and set the bottle aside. “I don’t want to rehash everything again, Cain. At this point I feel like a broken record.” She didn’t know why those words had come out of her mouth.
He moved closer, just a step, but she felt his body heat slam into her.
He took another step closer. “I told you years ago that I would always protect you. You’re not just Fallina’s best friend, but under my protection until the day I die. This is the first time in my life that I have ever felt my conscience rise up.”
A million different things slammed into her mind, but none of that seemed to matter at that moment. It wasn’t lost on Violet that Cain was watching her like a hawk, and breathing harder, the same as she. His chest rose and fell the closer he moved to her. When they were mere inches from one another, she stared into his black eyes, ones that looked like deep, dark pools of onyx.
Take me now.
The words slammed into her head over and over again.
“You’re shaking,” he said low, deep, soft. He moved an inch closer, and she pressed her back fully against the counter.
“You’re the one that brings that out in me.” Cain knew everything about her, knew about the sexual abuse she had gone through with the asshole that was now dead—by Cain’s hands.
He didn’t say anything, but his emotions flashed across his face, as if he were screaming at the top of his lungs exactly how he felt. “I love you, Cain,” she whispered, knowing she shouldn’t have said that, but needing him to know the truth and believe the words. He closed his eyes, braced his hands on the counter on either side of her, and breathed out roughly.
“You don’t love me, Violet.”
“I do, Cain, and you can’t tell me I don’t.”
He opened his eyes, staring right at her, and she wished that she could touch him, have the guts to just take what she wanted. “You don’t love me because I am not the man for you. I could give you a hundred different reasons why I’m bad news for a good, sweet girl like you.”
Her heart beat loud in her ears. “I’m not a girl anymore. I know what I want, and what I want is you.”
He didn’t move, didn’t speak, and she feared that she had said the thing that would finally push him away. Yeah, he always said he’d be there for her, and she believed him with her very soul, but there was bound to be a point where he couldn’t take anymore, couldn’t be around her because she wouldn’t back down on her feelings. Violet refused to back away. She had waited long enough to be with the man she loved, to finally be able to express how she felt. Whether he accepted her was not the issue. The issue was her being able to finally look him in the face, on her own terms, and without the feel of the walls closing in on her as she stared at him in that prison, closing her off. This was her life, and she wanted this more than anything. She wanted Cain more than anything.
“No, you’re not a girl anymore,” he said almost to himself. “Believe me, Violet, I’ve noticed, but that doesn’t change that you’re too good for the likes of me.”
“That isn’t your decision to make.” The silence stretched between them after she spoke. “Don’t you feel anything for me more than the need to make sure I’m okay?” She knew he did, felt it in her heart, but she wanted to hear him say it. She needed to hear Cain say it.
But instead of answering like she thought he would, he made this low sound in his throat, grabbed her around the back of her head, and pulled her close. He pressed his mouth against hers, and this gasp left her. She was frozen in place, unsure if this was really happening. It didn’t matter though because the feel of his lips on hers, moving rou
gh, hard, and demanding, had every rational thought leaving her brain. The way he held her, kissed her, made her feel wholly feminine and possessed ... exactly how she wanted to feel with Cain. She felt the heat, the need in his touch. She was helpless to stop it, but she didn’t want to, ever.
He placed his other hand against her lower back, and she gasped from the searing heat of that lone touch. When he pulled her closer, she moaned at the feel of his erection pressed against her belly. He was frantic with his kisses, becoming even more demanding as the seconds ticked by. But Violet wanted this, wanted more of it, harder and rougher, and wanted Cain to make her feel like there wasn’t any other person on this planet for him. Whether that was the truth was still left to be said, because Cain wasn’t a man of many words, but she didn’t care right now, because right now this was all she needed.
Chapter Eight
It was like something snapped inside of Cain, like he was saying fuck it and finally taking what he wanted. This was his little girl’s best friend, a woman he considered family because she had been in their lives for so long. But now he was kissing her like he couldn’t get enough, like he couldn’t stand the thought of not being with her. It was wrong, so damn wrong, yet he couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t help himself. She tasted sweet and faintly of the whiskey she’d drunk, and he wanted more.
They were both frantic with their need, and although he should stop, that didn’t mean he was in his right mind to do that. All he kept thinking about was finally having her, finally touching her in the way he had always fantasized like some kind of sick fucking pervert. Yeah¸ they were both adults, and she wasn’t a child anymore, but he was fucking forty-five years old, and even though she was in her mid-twenties that didn’t mean this was okay. She was Fallina’s childhood friend, but this woman was telling him she loved him, had wanted him for a long time. Damn, he had wanted her for a long time as well.