The Affair of the Mutilated Mink

by James Anderson

  'I said, what are you doing here?' Hugh snapped. His face was white.

  'I'm on my way to Alderley.'

  'I gathered that, you fool. But just why are you on your way there?'

  Paul frowned. 'I've been invited for the weekend.'

  Hugh was breathing hard. 'By Geraldine?'

  'Yes, of course.'

  'The little beast!'

  'Look here, don't you speak about Gerry like that.'

  'What's it to you how I speak about Gerry?'

  'I think a lot of her. I won't stand by and listen to her insulted.'

  'Then don't stand by. Clear off. I'll stay here and insult her to my heart's content.'

  Paul swallowed and managed to control himself. He said, 'I'm sorry about the bike.'

  'So am I!'

  'But I'm not really to blame—'

  'Not to blame! I suppose you think my machine dived under your car — decided to commit suicide!'

  'I came round the bend and it was in the middle of the road.'

  'A driver should be prepared for obstructions in the road. He shouldn't drive so fast that he can't stop if—'

  'Oh, for Pete's sake! Normally I could have stopped, but the road's icy—'

  'The road's icy! He's telling me the road's icy! Why do you think I came off?'

  'I wouldn't know,' Paul retorted. 'It could have been sheer incompetence — or, to judge from your manner, drunkenness. However, I have no wish to continue arguing. Although I admit no legal liability, I'm naturally prepared to pay for the repairs—'

  'I don't want your confounded charity.'

  'As you wish. But if you change your mind, the offer stands. Now, as the bike obviously can't be ridden, I suggest we drag it to the side of the road and then call up the local garage to come get it. I'll give you a lift to the house. Er, I suppose you are a guest there, too?'

  'I was.'

  'Was?'

  'I wasn't looking forward to the weekend before. Now I doubt if I could stomach it.'

  'Well, that's up to you. But you'll have to come to the house to use the phone. Hop in the car.'

  'No, thanks.'

  'But it's pretty well a mile—'

  'That's my business.'

  Paul shrugged. 'OK. What do I tell the Burfords?'

  'Tell them to - Tell them what you like.'

  'As you wish. So long.'

  Paul walked to his car. Really, that chap was insufferable. What on earth did Gerry see in him?

  He drove the last hundred yards, turned in past the lodge, and sped up the tree-lined drive to Alderley. Even his brush with Quartus couldn't take from him a delightfully pleasurable anticipation. His last visit had been in summer. He and Gerry had gone for long rambles in and outside the estate. He remembered his sense of pride when she'd presented him with a key to the small doors set into the walls that surrounded the park — a traditional mark of esteem in the family. This time there'd be few rambles, but plenty of time alone with her indoors; he'd make sure of that.

  He pulled up before the impressive seventeenth century façade of the house, got out and started up the steps. As he did so, Gerry emerged from the front door. He grinned.

  Gerry stopped, feeling the warm glow she always experienced when she saw those pleasantly rugged features, the deep blue eyes and the curly light-brown hair. He was so nice. She really liked him better than anyone else she knew. Why, oh why, could she never be quite sure she was in love with him?

  He ran up the last few steps and kissed her. 'Hullo, my sweet.'

  'Oh, Paul, it's good to see you! Thank you for coming at such short notice.'

  'Try and keep me away.'

  They went indoors as a footman emerged to unload Paul's luggage. As Paul was divesting himself of his overcoat in the hall, Gerry said, 'Paul, I have a confession to make. Hugh's coming for the weekend, too.'

  'I don't think he is, actually.'

  'What on earth do you mean?'

  He explained what had happened.

  'Oh, golly!' she said, when he'd finished. 'Where is he now?'

  'As far as I know, still standing staring at his bike.'

  'Why didn't you bring him to the house?'

  'I tried, darling. He wouldn't come. He's very angry with me — and with you. And with the whole world.'

  'But what's he going to do?'

  'He wouldn't say. Honestly, darling, I did my best.'

  'Oh, I'm sure you did, Paul. He's quite impossible sometimes.'

  'Sometimes?'

  She grinned. 'Now if I said that about a girl, you'd probably say 'meow."

  'Sorry. All the same, Gerry, I think you might have told me he was going to be here.'

  'I thought you wouldn't come if you knew.'

  'I'm not scared of Quartus.'

  'I know that, chump. But you know you can't stand him.'

  'That's not true. I could get on all right with him if he gave me a chance. I admit I have been apprehensive about your interest in him, but I'm convinced now that it's merely a sisterly concern for the chap because he's a failure.'

  'He's not a failure!'

  'Oh, come off it! How many pictures does he sell?'

  'Well, that's immaterial. I've got to do something. I can't just leave him down there. I must go and investigate.'

  'Oh, send one of your countless minions.'

  'No, no - noblesse oblige and all that rot.'

  He sighed. 'OK, get your coat and I'll drive you back down.'

  'I wouldn't hear of it. Go into the morning room and get some coffee. You must be frozen. Besides, you're needed in there. Our tame film star has arrived, together with his producer.'

  'Rex Ransom? Great. I've been looking forward to meeting him. What's he like?'

  'Very nice. No pretence to him at all. But the producer is very much out of his element. Daddy's been struck dumb with awe, and Mummy, who doesn't approve of them, is being frostily formal and polite. As the only others in there are Mummy's cousin Cecily, who hasn't been here for twenty-five years and keeps asking after people who are dead, and her idiot husband, who does nothing but grin inanely and say 'Jolly good,' the atmosphere is rather sticky. I've been doing my best to keep the conversational ball rolling. You can take over.'

  'Oh, gosh, Gerry, it sounds frightfully grim.'

  'It is. But to someone who's climbed Everest—'

  'The Matterhorn.'

  '—it will be child's play. So come on.'

  * * *

  Ten minutes later Gerry, driving her beloved Hispano Suisa towards the village, drew up by a lone figure, kit-bag over his shoulder, who was trudging along the road.

  She leant over and opened the passenger door.

  'Hop in.'

  Hugh looked at her. 'Why?'

  'I'll give you a lift to the station. There's a train to London in about ten minutes. You'll never catch it otherwise.'

  He hesitated, then threw his kit-bag into the back and got in next to her. She drove on. He said, 'I won't be able to catch that train, anyway. I've got to stop at the garage about my bike.'

  'I'll see to that.'

  'No, thank you.'

  'Well, there's not another train to town today.'

  'Then I'll have to stay till tomorrow. I suppose there's a pub where I can get a room.'

  'There's the Rose & Crown, but I doubt if they'll give you a room.'

  'Why on earth not?'

  'It's a highly respectable house. And they're very particular about who they take in. Of course, I could come and put in a good word for you.'

  'Very funny.'

  'Look, as it seems you've got to stay overnight in the area, why not come to the house? You needn't see Paul, or any of the guests. We'll put you up in the servants' quarters, if you like. You can eat with them and everything. I don't suppose they'll mind.'

  'Again, no thanks.'

  'Why, Hugh? What's the matter?'

  'I don't like being made a fool of. Inviting me at the same time as Carter, without telling me, when y
ou know how I feel about him?'

  'I didn't tell him you were coming, either.'

  'That makes things no better.'

  Gerry was silent for a moment. She said, 'You're quite right. It was thoughtless. I'm sorry.'

  He looked at her in surprise. 'My word, that must have taken some effort.'

  'Don't rub it in.'

  'Why did you do it, Gerry? You must have known we'd both be annoyed.'

  'Paul's not annoyed.'

  'Want to bet? He just doesn't show his feelings.'

  'A trait you might well try to emulate.'

  'Why?'

  'It's a sign of good breeding.'

  Hugh gave a snort. 'That's just the sort of talk that repels me about all your class.'

  'In that case I can't think why you accepted the invitation in the first place.'

  'Because I thought you wanted me here.'

  'I did. I do.'

  'But why? Why now - with Carter and all those other people? You must have realised I wouldn't exactly be the brightest company.'

  'I - I wanted you to meet Rex Ransom.'

  'What? You thought I'd want to meet that prancing purveyor of mindless mush!'

  'There's not only him. There's Arlington Gilbert.'

  'Who is Arlington Gilbert?'

  'A writer. A creative person, like you.'

  'Never heard of him. What's he write?'

  'Film scripts mainly, I think.'

  'For Ransom, I suppose?' Gerry didn't answer. 'Geraldine, this just won't do. You're up to something. I want to know your real motive for inviting me.'

  'I don't admit there is one. But if there were, there'd be only one way you could find it: by staying for the weekend.'

  'And have to watch you ogling and smooching with Carter all the time?'

  'Ah! Now we come to the true reason you don't want to stay. You're jealous.'

  'Of course I'm jealous! I'm in love with you.'

  'Most of the time you behave as though you hate the sight of me.'

  'I hate a lot of the trappings you surround yourself with — the privileges of rank and unearned wealth. I hate the inane conversation of your friends, the Philistine outlook on life of your whole circle.'

  'I don't think I'm a Philistine.'

  'No, I couldn't love you if you were. You've got a good brain. With a free hand I could mould you into something special.'

  'What an utterly ghastly prospect,' she said.

  They reached the village. Gerry said, 'Well, how about it? Coming back?'

  There was a pause before he replied. 'Oh, all right. I suppose

  so.'

  Gerry said, 'Thank you so much for the invitation, Geraldine. It's awfully kind of you. I really do appreciate it.'

  Hugh said, 'Don't forget the garage.'

  She drove on to Jenkins' Garage and pulled up in front. Hugh got out and disappeared into the workshop. Gerry sat and waited for him. But she could never sit doing nothing for long, and she suddenly grabbed a duster, got out and started vigorously — and rather unnecessarily — polishing the windshield. She was hardly conscious of the car that drew up alongside her, so she didn't raise her head when a voice nearby said sharply, 'Hey! You!' It was not a form of address she was accustomed to.

  But then the voice repeated irritably, 'You! Girl! With the duster,' and she turned in surprise.

  She saw a very small baby Austin car, driven by a very large man with long black hair. Sitting next to him was a severe-looking middle-aged woman. It was the man who had spoken, and now he did so again.

  'Yes, you, girl. How do I get to old Lord Burford's place? Look lively. I haven't got all day.'

  Gerry felt herself start to flush and she opened her mouth, prior to letting him know what she thought of him. Then she paused. Of course. This had to be Arlington Gilbert. She had had a full report of his appearance and conversation from her father. So she'd better watch her tongue.

  Then an idea struck. She let a vacant expression come over her face and she strolled towards the Austin, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. In a broad west country accent she asked, 'What 'ee say?'

  Gilbert said again, 'How do I reach Lord Burford's residence?'

  Gerry leant up against the car. 'What 'ee wanna know for?'

  Gilbert gave a bellow. 'It's no business of yours, but I happen to be spending the weekend there.'

  With an exaggerated gasp, Gerry stepped hurriedly back from the car. He looked startled. 'What's the matter?'

  Gerry made her eyes big. 'Do 'ee be gonna stay at the big 'ouse? Sleep there? Cor, mister, Oi wouldn't like to be 'ee. Nor 'ee, missus.'

  The woman glared at her. 'Miss.'

  Gilbert said sharply, 'What on earth do you mean?'

  Gerry looked furtively over her shoulder, stepped right up to the car again and whispered, 'Things 'appen at big 'ouse.'

  'What are you talking about? What sort of things?'

  'Moighty queer things. They d'yu say folks bain't never the soime again arter a noight at the big 'ouse. Those that leaves at all, that is.'

  'I've never heard such utter balderdash!'

  Gerry shrugged. 'All roight, mister, 'ave it your way. Only don't say 'ee ain't been warned.'

  'Just tell me how to get there.'

  At last Gerry told him. He gave a curt nod and thrust the car into gear again.

  'One more word, mister,' Gerry said.

  He glared at her. 'Well?'

  'D'yu 'ee watch out for that there Lady Geraldine.'

  'Watch out? What the deuce are you talking about, girl?'

  'That's all I be gonna say. Just 'ee be careful, that's all.'

  And Gerry turned away and went on with her polishing. Behind her she heard Gilbert give an exclamation of disgust and the car drive quickly away.

  A few seconds later Hugh reappeared. 'All set?' she asked.

  He nodded, 'They'll pick it up straight away.' He pointed after the disappearing Austin. 'Who was that?'

  'A very remarkable man.'

  'Oh? In what way?'

  'He's even ruder than you are.'

  In the Austin, Gilbert said, 'What a very odd young woman.'

  Maude Fry said, 'And remarkably well-dressed for a garage hand.'

  'Was she? I didn't notice. Probably her father's a smuggler.'

  'Thirty miles from the sea?'

  'Well, a coiner, or whatever branch of villainy is the most popular down here. What did you make of all that rigmarole?'

  'About the big house? Bad hats in every old family. Legends grow up around them. Don't die out for generations.'

  'I was really thinking of what she said about Lady Geraldine. Do you suppose she's insane, or something? Dabbles in black magic? Takes drugs?'

  'I would guess nothing so dramatic. Probably she's just a maneater - one of those depraved young women one reads about, around whom no male is safe.'

  'I see.' Gilbert nodded slowly. 'Yes. That's quite possible.' He unconsciously raised a hand and patted his hair. 'I wonder if you're right. It'll be interesting to find out, won't it?'

  Maude Fry sniffed.

  Chapter Five

  Arlington Gilbert and Maude Fry arrived at the house fifteen minutes later. Merryweather conducted them to the morning room. But before he could announce them, Gilbert marched past him into the room. Rather more slowly, Maude Fry followed him.

  Just inside the door, Gilbert paused and stared round appraisingly. 'Yes,' he said with a decisive nod, 'this would be ideal for the proposal scene. Though all this Regency stuff will have to go. Make a note, Miss Fry.'

  'Yes, Mr Gilbert.' Maude Fry took a pair of blue-tinted spectacles from her bag, put them on, got out a notebook, wrote in it, then put both glasses and book away.

  Meanwhile, the Earl, seeing his wife begin to swell visibly, hurriedly stepped forward, holding out his hand. 'Ah, Arlington, how are you?'

  Gilbert's eyebrows rose slightly. 'Tolerably well, thank you, er, George. Nice place you have here.'

  It
was Lord Burford's turn to look decidedly surprised. 'Oh, thanks. Let me introduce you.'

  'Don't bother, George. I'll soon find out who everybody is. Jupiter's teeth, though, I could do with some coffee! I'll help myself.' He strode across to where the coffee things were laid out.

  The Earl rejoined Rex Ransom and Haggermeir, while Lady Burford, taking sudden pity on the rather lost-looking Maude Fry, went across and spoke to her.

  Lord Burford lowered his voice. 'Strange feller, that,' he murmured to Rex. 'Called me by my first name.'

  Rex said, 'Well, actually, you did call him by his first name.'

  'I didn't. I called him Arlington.'

  'That's right. Arlington Gilbert's his name.'

  The Earl snapped his fingers in irritation. 'I keep thinking it's Gilbert Arlington. Dash it, it ought to be! Oh, drat - suppose I've got to keep it up now. It'll seem as if we're bosom friends.' He turned to Haggermeir. 'Do you know him well?'

  'Not at all. But I made some inquiries after he called. He's quite well-known as a solid all-around writer. Had a couple of successful plays in the West End some years back and wrote quite a few film scripts. Hasn't done anything recently. Said to have made enough to live on and is working on a big epic novel.'

  'And you'll be using him on The King's Man?'

  'Looks like I may have no choice,' Haggermeir said grimly.

  'I see. Still, I suppose if he can provide Mr Ransom with a good script we'll have to put up with him.'

  'Surely,' Rex said, 'if you call him Arlington, you're going to call me Rex, aren't you?'

  Lord Burford's face lit up. 'Really? May I? Oh, I say. I'm, er, George.'

  Rex bowed. 'Glad to know you, George.'

  * * *

  By the time Gerry and Hugh arrived at Alderley the little party in the morning room had broken up, the guests having mostly retired to their rooms to unpack. Hugh went straight to his room and Gerry sought out her father.

  'Did Gilbert arrive?' she asked.

  'Arlington? 'Fraid so. Why?'

  'Did he ask about me?'

  'Yes, wanted to know when he'd be meeting you. Why?'

  'What did you say?'

  'Probably for drinks before lunch. Why?'