The Christmas Deal

by Keira Andrews

  He breathed heavily, but his chest felt loose and easy. He ran his hand down Seth’s spine, kissing the top knobs before easing out as gently as he could, both of them moaning. After he got rid of the condom in the bathroom, Logan wet a washcloth and returned to the bedroom.

  Seth was sprawled on his belly, boneless. Normally, Logan would have tossed the cloth and said thanks before leaving. He stood at the foot of the bed, the overhead light bright on Seth’s flushed skin, his long limbs lean and strong.

  Even though he’d gotten off, the urge to touch remained. Logan’s fingers itched. He was crawling beside Seth on the bed before he could talk himself out of it. Gently, he wiped Seth’s asshole, then urged him to roll over. He cleaned what he could with the cloth, and Seth’s eyes flickered open, a sweet smile tugging up his lips.

  “Thank you.” He trailed his fingertips over Logan’s cheek, and Logan turned his face into that touch, letting himself be drawn down.

  Then Seth kissed him.

  Their mouths met before Logan could process it. The stubble on his chin rasped against the hint of Seth’s, but their lips were soft, pressing together like they fit just right.

  Like they’d kissed a thousand times, like it made perfect sense to breathe the same air, tasting sweetness that was more than chocolate cake. This was nothing like the peck by the barbecue with Angela watching.

  Their mouths opened, but as their tongues met, Seth jerked and shoved Logan away, scrambling back. “I’m sorry!”

  Blinking, Logan tried to focus. His pulse raced, and he wanted nothing more than to roll on top of Seth and taste him completely. Kiss him until they couldn’t even breathe, rub their naked bodies together and pull the covers over their heads.

  But Seth was staring at him like he was seeing a car accident, and Logan’s chest seized up tight, a dagger of pain returning.

  Seth ran a hand through his hair, clutching at it. “I’m so sorry. That wasn’t part of the deal.”

  Right. The deal.

  “No.” But… Fuck, Logan had never kissed another man before tonight, and now he wanted to kiss Seth more than anything. Needed it. Maybe it was gay, or bi, or whatever the fuck, and right then, he didn’t care. He didn’t care that Seth was a guy. All he cared about was kissing him again.

  Before Logan could even try to find the right words to say any of that, Seth was up and tugging on his clothes even though it was time for bed. His fingers shook as he did up the buttons on his wrinkly shirt and said, “You’ve helped me so much, but I think we should keep things strictly business from now on. We just need to pretend through the retreat. A few more days. No more of…this.” He shook his head, gaze on his trembling hands. “I really do apologize. Clearly this was a mistake.”

  Logan had to say something, but the tightness in his chest increased, cramping pain radiating outward. Seth thought it was a mistake? Hell, he was probably right. Logan’s mind spun like an old record player with the needle stuck.

  “I hope you’ll accept my apology.” Seth stood stiffly by the bed. His shirt was even tucked into his slacks.

  Logan was still naked, and he needed to reassure Seth that he wasn’t angry. That he…he was… Glad. But that made no sense. He’d always been straight—he’d never liked a guy. It was just supposed to be casual, but now Seth was so shaken, and Logan wanted to make it right.

  “It’s okay,” he said, because he was useless.

  Seth nodded tightly and walked out of the room. His room, and now Logan was sitting there naked on Seth’s bed trying to figure out what the fuck was happening.

  He had no clue where to begin, so he stumbled up and yanked on his clothes. Seth was downstairs. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” echoed up from the speakers they’d left on before it was switched off.

  In the silence, Logan tiptoed into the bathroom adjoining the guest room, closing the door. He leaned over the sink and splashed his face with cold water.

  This was all supposed to be fake.

  While he leaned against the counter, taking deep breaths and trying to understand, he heard a door close. Peeking into the hall, he saw it was to Seth’s bedroom. Should he go knock? What the fuck was he going to say? Maybe he should give Seth time alone. Seth seemed to want it, so he shouldn’t push.

  He crept downstairs. The great room was lit by the Christmas tree—soft blue, green, red, yellow, and pink lights that reflected on the tall glass windows. Logan pressed his forehead to the sliding door, watching the snow drift down and inhaling the fresh pine in the air.

  Everything was silent. Peaceful. But in his head, he heard Seth on a loop.

  “That wasn’t part of the deal.”

  “Clearly this was a mistake.”

  It was after midnight when Logan accepted that Seth wasn’t coming back down. Should he go up? They should probably talk about it, as much as Logan dreaded the thought. Would Seth be glad if Logan went up and got into bed with him?

  He huddled under the blanket on the couch, closing his eyes and trying not to think about kissing Seth, wishing he knew the right thing to do for once in his damn life.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Seth told himself again that he needed to stop talking.

  He’d been nattering on during the entire drive to Connor’s school, Logan mumbling agreements every so often as Seth sermonized about global warming, the abysmal state of world politics, and a recent scandal involving one of the judges on a baking show. As if Logan cared in the least about baking shows!

  Although he had made that cake.

  As Seth exited the freeway, his belly flip-flopped, a sweet spike of warmth filling him. That adorably lopsided, delicious cake that had been Mrs. Derwood’s favorite. That Logan had baked it for him filled Seth with such gratitude and affection, which was insane since it had all been for show.

  It was only part of the deal. Nothing more.

  It felt like more, though. Just like last night had. Seth’s bottom was sore, but in a pleasing way that gave him a forbidden thrill every time he shifted on the heated seat. It had been so long since he’d experienced sex like that. He’d been abstinent for over a year, but even before that with Brandon, the fire had petered out long before.

  With Logan, he’d felt consumed. Mastered and taken care of, known in a way that made him want to weep with pleasure and gratitude. Logan had called him baby, and Seth had felt loved, even though he knew it was impossible. But he could fool himself in the moment.

  Then he’d gone and ruined it all by kissing Logan. Logan had been kind not to shove him away. Kinder than Seth deserved after breaching their agreement. Logan had said no kissing, and Seth had to remember that none of this was real.

  The whole idea had been to engage in casual sex to get him over his hang-ups. Not to saddle Logan with his family issues and have a sort of breakdown. Seth should have been ashamed of how he’d unloaded all of it on Logan and then begged for sex.

  Yet when he remembered the hot growl of Logan’s voice in his ear, it thrilled him.

  “Baby, you take my dick like you were born for it.”

  “It’s coming up on the right,” Logan said in the here and now.

  “Okay!” Seth replied far too loudly, his voice pitched up and cheeks feverish. He made the turn onto the curving drive to Rencliffe, the bare trees standing sentinel, fresh snow clinging to their branches, the sun peeking out from clouds.

  The drive had been plowed and salted, and when they reached the gothic buildings, the closest lot was full of vehicles and parents picking up their sons.

  Seth parked and climbed out of his SUV, walking in silence next to Logan, their boots crunching in the snow. Seth stopped short. “Oh, wait. Would you rather I stayed in the car?”

  “Nah. Connor will probably be nicer if you’re here.” Logan’s hands were in the pockets of his leather jacket as they walked on, and Seth thought he should really be wearing a hat.

  Before he could stop himself, he asked, “You brought winter gear, right?” I sound like a nag. �
�Just don’t want you to be cold this weekend,” he added lamely.

  “Yep,” Logan said. He lifted his chin. “There he is.”

  Connor waited under a vast stone arch, his arms crossed and shoulders hunched. He wore a bright red ski jacket that was too short in the sleeves with a striped scarf that looked handmade. A stuffed duffel bag sat by his boots. As Seth waved, a pretty woman appeared, saying something to Connor.

  She called, “Good afternoon, Mr. Derwood! Happy holidays.”

  “Hey,” Logan replied. “Thanks. Um, you too, Ms. Patel.”

  She smiled at Seth, clearly waiting for an introduction. There was an awkward silence for several moments until she said, “Hello, Mr…?”

  “Oh! This is my—” Logan cut off, floundering. “Seth.”

  “Seth Marston.” Seth stuck out his hand. “I’m a friend of Logan’s.”

  “Mira Patel.” Her hand was soft, but the grip strong. To Logan she said, “Could we have a quick word?”

  Logan gave Connor a sharp glance, frowning, then nodded and followed her inside the school. Seth smiled at Connor. “You must be glad school’s finished.” Then he remembered Connor had been threatened with expulsion. “For the holidays, I mean. I’m sure your exams went very well.”

  Connor shrugged, his arms still crossed. He needed a hat too, his ears red from the cold. Seth adjusted his own beanie, wondering if it would be weird to offer it.

  “Did everything go well?” Seth asked tentatively. Please don’t let this boy be expelled. Seth could imagine how devastating it would be. And what on earth would Logan do? Seth had promised he and Connor could stay until the new year but had been too swept up in—well, in Logan and the amendment to their deal—to really think about what exactly Logan would do come January. Or even how he and Logan and Connor would spend Christmas.

  He felt queasy at the uncertainty of it all and prayed Angela would come through with some kind of job connection. And in the meantime, he had to focus on getting through the weekend retreat.

  Connor rolled his eyes. “Yeah. I got an A on every exam.”

  “That’s wonderful! Congratulations. Logan will be so proud. I’m proud too, although I know I just met you.”

  The surly veneer cracked a bit, and Connor smiled slightly. “Thanks.”

  “We’ll have to celebrate this weekend in Lake Placid. What’s your favorite treat?”

  “Dunno.”

  “Well, we’ll think of something. Thank you again for agreeing to this. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

  “Sure.” Connor shrugged, but gave Seth a bigger smile.

  So perhaps he liked feeling useful. Who didn’t? Seth vowed to find ways to encourage it. As Logan returned, Seth exclaimed, “Connor tells me he aced his exams!”

  Logan grinned—a real smile that lit up his worn face. “I know. He can come back in the new year. Good job.” He clapped a hand on Connor’s shoulder and said exactly what Seth was silently urging him to. “I’m real proud.”

  “I told you I could do it,” Connor said, but without heat.

  “You did,” Logan agreed.

  It was possibly the friendliest exchange between them that Seth had witnessed. He hoped it boded well for the weekend. “We’d better get going. The bus leaves the office at two.”

  Angela had allowed everyone attending the retreat—which was nearly all staff except those who had unchangeable travel plans—to leave work at noon to collect their families and luggage. As they drove into Albany, Seth peppered Connor with questions about his schoolwork, and Connor seemed willing enough to answer, warming up to the topic of computer science.

  “You still like robots?” Logan asked.

  “Yeah,” Connor answered warily. In the rear-view mirror, Seth could see his gaze narrow and shoulders hunch. “It’s not just kid stuff, you know.”

  Logan opened his mouth as if to bite back a response, then snapped his jaw shut. When he spoke, his voice was even. “Yeah, I remember that amazing robot you built.”

  “That wasn’t from scratch or anything. I had instructions from the internet.” Still, Connor seemed pleased.

  “You got it to wake up your mom one morning, and she screamed so loud I dropped the coffee pot.”

  The tentative peace was shattered, Connor visibly retreating into his shell. “Surprised you were even there that morning.”

  Logan opened and closed his mouth again, pressing his lips together. This time, he stared out the window and said nothing more, probably thinking silence was better than an argument.

  Seth flipped on the radio, and “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” filled the SUV. Cringing, he jabbed the button on the wheel with his thumb, changing the station until he found one playing regular music. It was “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC, a song that had been forbidden to him growing up.

  He sincerely hoped they were on a highway to a far better destination this weekend.

  At the Great Adirondack Lodge, Santa had come early. The man himself greeted the BRK Sync buses, passing out Lindt balls with a hearty “Ho-ho-ho!” In the early dusk, Lake Placid was a winter wonderland, its quaint, shop-lined main street aglow with holiday lights and wreaths, the snowbanks still fluffy and white and not splashed with mud and grime yet.

  The lodge sat at the foot of the main street on the icy shores of Mirror Lake, the actual Lake Placid apparently nearby, but outside of its namesake town. The Olympic center was across the street, and Logan motioned to it.

  “Pop would love to come here. The US beat Russia in hockey at the 1980 Olympics. One of his favorite moments in life.”

  “Oh!” Seth said. “Yes, I’ve heard of that. We should take a look tomorrow. What do you say, Connor?”

  Through a mouthful of chocolate, Connor mumbled, “Whatever.”

  He’d sat in the back with some other kids on the two-and-a-half-hour bus trip. Logan had offered Seth the window seat, and he’d stared out at the snowy landscape, trying not to think about the occasional touch of Logan’s thigh against his, and how their shoulders brushed, the leather of Logan’s jacket smelling rich and enticing. Logan had leaned back and closed his eyes, although he hadn’t seemed to actually sleep.

  Not that Seth had been sneaking glances at him or anything.

  They trooped into the lodge, where a hotel staff member went through the list and handed out room keys. It took a while, and Seth was aware of the curious glances from his colleagues as he stood next to Logan. Connor had his face buried in his phone again, and Jenna was busy bouncing crying baby Noah while Jun wrangled Ian.

  A shiver zipped down Seth’s spine as Logan leaned in, his strong hand finding the back of Seth’s neck above the collar of his unzipped parka. Logan whispered right in Seth’s ear, his lips almost brushing.

  “People are real curious, huh?”

  Seth nodded, not trusting himself to speak without squeaking.

  Logan chuckled. “Pretend I’m saying something funny.”

  Of course, in Seth’s mind he’d heard the echo from that day they’d run into Brandon, and he laughed slightly hysterically as he tried very hard not to think of Logan saying anything dirty. Now more people were looking at them, and Seth caught Angela’s eye across the crowd. A grin splitting her face, she waved and winked.

  It’s all an act. All part of the deal. Now play along!

  He did, he and Logan laughing at nothing and acting like they were engrossed in some secret conversation. Connor shot them the odd frown and eye roll, but Seth supposed that played right into their ruse, as most teenagers were embarrassed by their parents.

  For a moment, as the hotel woman called out, “Marston family!” Seth let himself imagine what it would be like if Logan really was his fiancé and Connor their son. He had to catch his breath at the swift punch of longing and cursed himself for being a fool.

  Their room was on the third floor of the lodge, and they rode the elevator in silence, Connor’s thumbs still flying over his phone screen. Once inside the room, he sudd
enly came to life.

  “I get my own bed!” Connor launched himself at the bed by the window, throwing his duffel on top and then sprawling on the mattress. A little saying from childhood came to mind, and Seth half-expected Connor to add, “No take-backs!”

  Standing in the entryway, there was a bar fridge, microwave, and coffee machine to the right, then a bathroom, and beyond that, the beds were to the right in the room, a long dresser with TV atop to the left.

  Seth and Logan eyed the near bed uneasily. It was a queen, at least, but still. Seth shifted and cleared his throat. “I’m sure we can get them to bring up a cot.”

  Connor looked over his shoulder where he was sprawled on his belly, screwing up his face. “Wouldn’t that seem weird if you guys are supposed to be getting married?”

  “Well…” Seth was going to say no one had to know, but considering his luck, Angela herself would be in the hallway as the cot was wheeled in. “Good point.”

  Connor glared at Logan. “What, you think it’s catching or something? I’ve slept in the same bed with Jayden. It’s no big deal.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m sure Seth isn’t going to try anything.”

  Logan unzipped his leather jacket and opened the mirrored closet in the narrow entryway. “Obviously. It’s fine,” he said gruffly. “Of course we can sleep there.”

  It was interesting to Seth that after using the other F-word when they first met, now Connor was implying Logan was the one with homophobic issues. Seth gave the kid the benefit of the doubt that he’d been thoughtless that first night, lashing out blindly. He just wished Connor would stop attacking Logan. He wanted to scold him, but would that be overstepping? Surely it would.

  “Better get changed for dinner. It starts early.”

  Logan and Connor stared at him. Logan glanced down at his jeans and Henley. “Changed into what?” Alarm creased his handsome face. “Was I supposed to bring something fancy?”

  “No, no. I’m sure the dress code is casual.” He was wearing his usual dress shirt and tie with slacks. “I’ll probably be the one overdressed. I should change.”