Unprotected

by Kristin Lee Johnson

  “What the hell are you doing in here? Jeez, Jake, you scared me to death.” Amanda sat up, embarrassed and angry, trying to pat down her hair and rub her cheeks to wake up.

  “I’m here to pick you up, sleepy. You’re going to be late.” He went back to the kitchen and brought her dress into her bedroom. Already in his tuxedo, Amanda realized for the first time in a long time how good looking he really was. “I can’t believe you’re not dressed yet. You women take forever getting ready. Are you dressing at the church?”

  Amanda was looking at her blanket and gritting her teeth, feeling embarrassed and exposed. “I didn’t ask you to pick me up.”

  He lifted his hands and stared at her. “What’s the problem, Amanda?”

  She swallowed hard. “I’m not going.” She sounded like a six-year-old.

  “What?” he said skeptically. “Get up. Come on, you’re gonna make me late too.”

  Amanda stuck her chin out defiantly. When she said it out loud, skipping Lucy’s wedding sounded horrible. It would be a friendship-ending act. Amanda didn’t want to end the friendship, but it was hard to think past her hurt to know what she did want to do.

  Slowly, Amanda dragged herself out of bed and went to the bathroom to change.

  * * *

  They drove to the wedding in silence. Amanda was surprised that Jake didn’t ask why she was sleeping when she should have been getting ready. She frowned at her black shoes, frustrated that she didn’t have time to shop for something better.

  They arrived at the church a few minutes after 3:00. As they climbed the stone steps and went inside, Amanda thought that she had attended St. Joseph’s enough times with Lucy’s family that it felt like her home church, if she had one. It was the largest church in town, easily seating 500 people. The aisle that Lucy would walk down stretched past at least thirty pews.

  “I think the women are downstairs,” Jake said, and he left in search of William and the men.

  She took the stairs slowly, suddenly very nervous. Not only had she never been a bridesmaid, Amanda had actually never been in a wedding. She didn’t know how to act or what to say.

  When Amanda reached the bottom of the stairs, she could hear laughing and talking in the room ahead of her, which was the bridal dressing area next to the bathrooms. She pulled in a deep breath and walked in.

  Cynthia walked by her first, smiling and flushed, on her way to the restroom. The room was very hot with at least fifteen women squeezed in trying to see themselves in the mirror. Marina was gathering her hair to make a high ponytail, bobby pins sticking out of her mouth.

  “Hey, Amanda,” she said, also surprisingly upbeat.

  Amanda recognized most of the women from William’s house. Through the tangle of bodies she could see Lucy sitting in the corner, her short legs stretched out under her dress. Right after she and William got engaged, Lucy found her perfect wedding dress, which she had modeled for Amanda and her sisters on Thanksgiving. Lucy had chosen a straight, simple white dress that actually had some spandex to move with her growing breasts and belly. It was straight and slightly gathered on the bodice with spaghetti straps, and the fabric dipped a little to show off her newly acquired cleavage. As Lucy was getting her hair done, Amanda admired the dress’s elegant simplicity all over again.

  “Oh, Amanda, you can’t wear your hair like that,” Cynthia said as she breezed back into the room. Cynthia wore her hair in a low ponytail with a rhinestone clip. Amanda hadn’t done a thing to hers except brush it quickly after she yanked her dress on. “Let’s give you big Barbie hair.” Cynthia grabbed one of several curling irons and a big vent brush.

  “No way,” Amanda said. “If you want big hair, do your own that way.”

  “Come on,” Cynthia said. “I’ve never gotten to play with blonde hair before.”

  “Oh, shut up,” Amanda said, but she smiled and let Cynthia have her way. Amanda’s hair was “Minnesota blonde,” which was the same washed out dark-blonde color that many Scandinavian girls in Minnesota had. Cynthia pulled it back into a tight ponytail that she curled into smooth curls that sat at the base of her neck.

  “Oooh, Amanda, look at you,” Marina said as she made her way over to them. “Your hair is beautiful, but please let me give you some make-up.”

  As the girls put on her face, Amanda watched the other women in the mirror. Everyone in the room was bubbling and happy, including Cynthia and Marina. William’s mother was there painting Lucy’s nails, and his cousin was still working on her hair. A few other women who looked like William’s relatives were working on each other’s hair, and another who must have been William’s seamstress aunt was fussing with Lucy’s dress. Lucy still had not seen or acknowledged Amanda’s presence. She wanted to ask what was going on, but she was afraid to stir up tension.

  “Where’s Amanda?” Amanda heard Lucy ask. “Please tell me she’s here somewhere.”

  Amanda couldn’t find her voice to answer.

  “We’re over here,” Cynthia yelled. Lucy turned around and saw Amanda in front of the mirror.

  “Hey, sweetie. I’ve missed you this week.” Lucy freed her arm and reached out to grab Amanda’s hand. Amanda smiled weakly at her friend, who had always been pretty, but today was luminous. Amanda wanted to let go of her anger, but she couldn’t seem to push it away. Lucy watched Amanda’s face, looking like she wanted to say something, but then just smiled faintly and looked away.

  Rosie came up behind Amanda, placing her warm hand on Amanda’s back, and handed her a bouquet of flowers. Rosie was wearing a dress similar to the bridesmaid dresses, but more matronly. She moved among the women, quietly handing out the bouquets to her daughters, and pinning flowers on the rest of the women. Rosie and William’s seamstress aunt shared a few words and hugged. Somehow they had resolved the issue of the dresses, and there appeared to be no hard feelings. Finally, Rosie carried the bridal bouquet to Lucy, who was getting the finishing touches on her hair and veil. Lucy stood in front of her mother, and Rosie took Lucy’s hands.

  “My chiquita,” she said softly. Rosie held out her arms, and Lucy melted into her mother. This time Lucy wasn’t the only one who cried away her mascara.

  * * *

  The ceremony was a blur for Amanda until the vows. The priest was kind enough to tell them that the maid of honor and best man should join the couple as they said their vows. William and Lucy stood across from each other, holding hands, and Jake and Amanda came up and stood a step up from them on either side of the priest.

  Lucy never stopped smiling or crying. William looked serious at first as he said his vows, as if he wanted Lucy to know how much he meant his promises. His voice cracked with emotion. When it was Lucy’s turn, she never took her eyes off him. As they exchanged rings, they never let go of each others’ hands.

  Lucy and William went to their kneelers, and Jake and Amanda sat down. There was a blessing, and then Lucy and William were pronounced husband and wife. They kissed and hugged and kissed again, and then went back down the aisle holding hands as husband and wife. Amanda stood watching them until Cynthia nudged her in the back, reminding her to take Jake’s arm and go back down the aisle. As they made it to the back of the church, they found Lucy and William holding each other. Jake patted William on the back, and they finally let go of each other. William and Jake hugged, and then Lucy practically lunged at Amanda and hugged her.

  “Thank you for being here for me, “ Lucy whispered.

  Amanda hugged back, feeling awful because she almost wasn’t there for her best friend. “Congratulations,” she managed. “I know you’re both going to be so happy.”

  William’s mother arrived and whisked Lucy and William back into the church to excuse people from their pews.

  Jake edged back over to Amanda and pulled her aside.

  “Here, you’re a mess,” he said. He took out a handkerchief and wiped the tears off her cheeks that Amanda didn’t even realize were there. “You’re not used to make up or weddings,” he s
aid quietly. “You girls always cry at weddings.”

  “I’ve never been to one before,” Amanda said, softened by Jake’s gentle gesture.

  “Yeah, well, I’ve been to a lot of them, “ he said, pushing the handkerchief into her hand. “The vows always get me too.”

  * * *

  Amanda rode to the restaurant for the reception with Jake and a couple of ushers, two of William’s innumerable cousins. When they arrived they headed for the bar instead of the reception hall. Jake bought them a round of drinks, and she noticed he had a Coke. Amanda ordered a glass of the house wine. They were quickly joined by several of William’s friends and family, who all ordered pitchers of beer and bottles of wine.

  When they finally moved to the reception area, many members of the wedding party had a festive buzz starting. Amanda wanted to provide a good example for the bridal party, who were all quite underage, but Jake seemed to make sure her glass was always full. She sat down at the head table next to Jake and found she was feeling more than a little tipsy herself.

  “You look like you’re having a better time,” Jake said as he settled in next to her and dug into the mixed nuts.

  “Better than you, apparently,” Amanda said. “You’re the only one not drinking tonight.”

  “Doesn’t mix with my medications,” he said as Cynthia sat down next to him. Amanda stared at him, unsure how to react and wanting to ask what he meant. She knew from snooping that he was on several medications including an antidepressant, and she was still afraid the medications meant that his cancer was back. Neither one of them had said a word about cancer, his or her mom’s, since they had renewed their friendship.

  William’s uncle grabbed a microphone at the entrance of the hall and announced that Mr. and Mrs. William Roberts were entering the room. William and Lucy ran in the room together, holding hands and still laughing.

  Lucy and William worked the room together, hugging friends and family at every table.

  Amanda still stared at Jake, trying to summon the courage to ask about his medications, but he was wrapped into a conversation with Cynthia and William’s cousin.

  The wedding dinner was a new experience for Amanda. People clinking silverware on their glasses to get the couple to kiss, telling stories and making toasts at the microphone, coming up to the head table to congratulate the new couple and meet the bridal party.

  As their delicious and very Minnesotan walleye and steak dinner was being cleared away, the waitress brought another bottle of wine. Jake refilled her glass but still didn’t take any for himself. Trix and Michael came to the head table to say hello to Jake and Amanda.

  “You look gorgeous, sweetie,” Trix said, grabbing her hands.

  Amanda smiled in reply.

  They all watched as Lucy and William fed each other cake, another tradition Amanda had only seen on TV. William gently tried to edge his piece in Lucy’s mouth, but then Lucy smudged some frosting on his nose.

  “That Lucy is an absolute doll,” Trix said. “Did you two meet up at the U?”

  Amanda forgot that Trix knew her before she went to college. The summer she spent with them was so distant, yet still such a strong memory for her. “We met during my third year of college and were roommates the next two years.”

  “Jakey and William practically grew up together,” Trix said. “When Michael and I were still just dating and Jakey was in grade school, we would go to Michael’s house for New Year’s Eve and the Fourth of July, and William’s family was always there. It was harder to stay connected when Jake got sick, so we missed out on William dating Lucy in high school. I remember hearing about her around prom time from William’s mom. She just adores Lucy.”

  And Rosie can’t stand William and compares him to Lucy’s deadbeat dad, Amanda thought. Or at least that was how she used to feel. The sudden reconciliation between Lucy and Rosie was a mystery.

  It was also surprising to hear Trix talk about Jacob’s cancer. Amanda searched Trix’s face for signs of worry about Jacob’s current health. Trix didn’t seem preoccupied or stressed, and she wasn’t fussing over Jacob.

  Susanna and Anna were going from table to table handing out dessert plates with cake. Anna brought Amanda a piece of cake and giggled. “Is he your boyfriend?” Amanda blushed like a grade schooler. Jake put his arm around the back of her chair. Trix beamed.

  * * *

  The dance started shortly after dinner. The DJ started them off with a song for the bride and groom: “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong. Lucy wrapped her arms around William and closed her eyes.

  The DJ announced that the bridal party should join the couple for the second song.

  Amanda’s eyes grew wide. “That’s us again,” Jake said. Somehow Amanda forgot that there would be dancing at the wedding too. Jake took her hand and led her to the dance floor. He wrapped one arm around her back and held her other hand. The scent of his cologne brought back the memory of their night together so strongly that it took her breath away. She put her head down, embarrassed and afraid he could read her mind. She had conflicting urges to wrap her arms around him and push him away and run at the same time.

  “So you’ve really never been to a wedding?” he asked.

  “You know I haven’t,” Amanda said, still unable to make eye contact.

  “So you don’t know about the tradition where the best man and maid of honor sleep together on the wedding night.” Jake was straight faced.

  Amanda stopped dancing and stared at him.

  Jake laughed out loud. “I’m kidding!”

  Amanda turned bright red, afraid that she had given her thoughts away.

  “It’s fun to leave you speechless,” he said. “When I razz you, you either bite my head off or your mouth drops open and you don’t say a word. I haven’t figured out how to predict which response I’ll get.”

  “That doesn’t seem to stop you, does it?” Amanda said, still trying to regain her composure, still smelling his cologne, still feeling his arms around her. The wine had lowered her defenses and made it harder for her to think.

  “It’s way too much fun to harass you. I couldn’t leave you alone if I tried.”

  She couldn’t help but smile at that.

  * * *

  The dance passed quickly for Amanda. She danced several more times with Jacob, once with William, and she had a hilarious spin with Michael around the dance floor when he tried to teach her to polka.

  It was after 11:00 p.m. when the DJ announced the last dance. Jake found Amanda sitting with Cynthia and Marina, who were both exhausted, crabby and rubbing their feet from the uncomfortable dress shoes. He took her hand and led her out for the last dance.

  They were both quiet for several moments. “I’m staying at my parent’s house tonight,” Jake finally said quietly. “You’re welcome to stay there too.”

  “Oh, I should probably just go back home,” Amanda said. “I didn’t plan on staying here.”

  “You didn’t plan on coming at all, you mean,” Jake said.

  He caught her off guard. “No. I wasn’t going to come,” she admitted with shame.

  “Do you know how much that would have ruined this day for Lucy?”

  “I’m here, Jake, okay? I don’t need a lecture.” Amanda started to pull away from him.

  “I’m just saying that it would have been awful. For both of you.” He pulled her back so she couldn’t leave. “What could Lucy have done that was so bad that you’d stand her up at her own wedding?”

  Amanda sighed. Nothing was that bad, and she knew it. Amanda was very glad that Jake picked her up and made her go to the wedding. But somehow she wanted to explain herself to him.

  “I was just upset because Lucy skipped Christmas. By the time I got to her mom’s house on Christmas Eve, Lucy had gotten into a fight with Rosie and left. She never came back and never called. She didn’t spend Christmas with any of them …” It still hurt.

  To Amanda’s surprise, Jake didn’t chew her out. Instea
d he nodded understandingly. “So you spent Christmas with Lucy’s family, but no Lucy.”

  She nodded. Jake pulled her a little closer. “For future reference, you are always welcome with me and my family on any holiday, or any regular day for that matter.”

  Validation, she realized at that moment, was all she needed to let it go, and his offer seemed to bring her feet back to the ground with the rest of the world. Amanda put both arms around Jake and hugged him, inhaling his familiar, soothing cologne and wanting the moment never to end.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Amanda woke up staring at Bozo the Clown. She was confused until she remembered where she was. Jake had brought her back to the Mann’s house after the wedding. Trix served them ice cream at the dining room table before anyone could argue. Then without even asking, Trix brought Amanda a t-shirt and shorts to sleep in. Amanda took them and went to bed, saying goodnight to Jake as he headed downstairs to his old bedroom. Amanda had watched him go, wondering if this is what he meant when he offered that she could spend the night at his parents’ house.

  She rolled out of bed and found Trix in the kitchen making French toast.

  “Morning, sweetie.” Trix had already showered and was dressed for the day. Amanda realized her hair was still frozen into her stiff style from the night before. She started pulling at the bobby pins. “Have a seat. I don’t think Jake is up yet. That boy is approaching thirty, but he can still sleep like a growing teenager.”

  Pulling on her sticky hair added to Amanda’s already pounding headache.

  “Do you think I could have some Tylenol?”

  Trix smiled and passed her the bottle that was already on the counter. Amanda sat at the bar stool on the other side of the counter.

  “So how do you like your job,” Trix asked, opening a package of sausage.

  “I think I like it, “ Amanda said. “There’s so much to learn, but I think I’m getting the hang of it.”