Chapter Twenty-Four
In the days that followed her dream, Amanda’s caseload became so busy that she had little time to do anything but work. One one particularly hectic afternoon, Amanda was standing in the doorway of LaToya’s trailer watching Marlys’ boys play with JeMarquis’s trains. LaToya stood by Amanda, facing the wall, so the boys couldn’t see her tears.
“I knew this would happen. I told you it would happen. It still don’t make it any easier.”
“I know.” Amanda said. Marlys had left her halfway house three days ago, and she wasn’t responding to anyone’s calls. Amanda went to LaToya’s house to inform her that Marlys had just been arrested for felony drug possession and distribution. With her prior record, Jacob expected that she would serve a minimum of three years in prison.
LaToya blew her nose and heaved a deep sigh. She wiped her eyes again with her hands and Amanda noticed that she wasn’t wearing artificial nails any more. She was wearing a Chicago White Sox baseball jersey and jeans. The boys were building towers with painted blocks and then knocking them over wildly.
“What’s does this mean,” she asked bluntly, “for them.” She motioned to the boys who had sent dozens of blocks flying across the room. They scrambled after them fighting about who could get to the biggest blocks first.
Amanda exhaled. “Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You’ve had the boys here a lot, and you do a great job with them. You helped Marlys with every part of parenting them, from attending school concerts to driving them to swimming lessons. She would have probably gotten them back after the next court review at the end of the month, mostly because of your support.”
LaToya dropped her eyes modestly.
“Both the boys’ dads have said that they’re unable to take the kids full time. I think they would want to keep doing their visits. But they have also both told me that they want the boys to stay together.”
LaToya nodded and blew her nose. “They would both be so sad if they weren’t together anymore.”
“I know. That’s why I would like to recommend that permanent custody be transferred to you.”
LaToya looked up at Amanda with apprehension approaching anger. “Don’t fool with me, sweetheart.”
“I’m not,” Amanda said. “Our hope was that your sister would get her kids back, and our “plan B” was that they could go to their dads. Neither of those plans worked out, and we all kind of assumed that your criminal conviction would rule you out for the kids long term. It still would for foster care, but we could do a direct transfer of custody. As long as the judge agreed it was appropriate and safe, despite your criminal conviction, then we could do the custody transfer. I really think the judge will go for it.”
LaToya was speechless. She devoured Amanda in a hug and heaved big sobs of joy and relief. Amanda wasn’t sure if it was appropriate, but she happily hugged back.
* * *
From LaToya’s house, Amanda drove to Buckhorn Elementary to meet with Angel. Social workers need to meet with children in foster care monthly, and Amanda found that the easiest way to see her was to go to school.
Angel slid into the chair across from Amanda, folded her arms and put her head down with an angry sigh.
“Hey there, Angel. Not in the mood to see me today?” After Angel’s initial distrust, they were getting along pretty well.
“I hate Mary.” But she didn’t sound angry or hateful.
“Did something else happen or is it just the typical stuff?” Angel always had a list of Mary’s offenses ranging from wicked crabbiness in the mornings to obviously favoring Justice and ignoring the rest of them. Perceptive Angel was definitely keeping score, and Angel believed that Mary was only tolerating her and Blaze so she could keep Justice. It was clear that Larry adored them all, but Angel barely talked about him.
“She’s a bitch.” Again, no venom behind the cursing, which Amanda ignored even though she vaguely felt that it was her responsibility to correct it. “She and Larry fight a lot. Why’d you put us somewhere with parents who don’t like each other?”
“It looks to me that they do like each other.” For all her chilliness, Larry did seem to love his wife. “Sometimes adults are pretty private with that stuff, though. And even if they’re fighting that doesn’t mean they don’t still love each other.”
“Larry loves everybody. He’s a freak like that.” Angel suddenly sat up and fixed her headband to get her hair out of her eyes. “They want to get you fired.” Said for impact, Angel seemed to be reveling in this juicy announcement.
Involuntarily, her eyes widened, but she sucked back her gasp. “Hmm,” she managed to say casually.
“They think you don’t know what you’re doing because you’re going to hand us out to anyone who asks, just to save money.” Angel seemed to be trying to read Amanda’s face to see if it was true.
Ouch. Had they actually said this to Angel, or at the very least in front of her? Money had actually been a very small part of the discussion the many times they had staffed this family. Max and the other workers had focused on the many mandates and guidelines that dictated child placement, and the conundrum of keeping fathers involved while keeping siblings together. The situation was messy, and every option came with significant downsides, but they had eventually agreed that they were going to have to separate the siblings, at least to some degree, because Anthony had the opportunity to live with a biological parent. Anthony would have been with his dad already, but Mary and Larry filed a motion in court to ask the judge not to separate the siblings, so they had a new hearing scheduled in two weeks. “Angel, I just want you to know …”
“Yeah, I know. You already told me that you have to get kids with their parents and all that. But that girl, Heidi, told me that she’s going to tell the judge that she wants us all to stay together.” Angel looked smug and satisfied to have so much adult information, and to have an adult on her side. Heidi was the Guardian ad litem assigned to these kids, and she and Amanda had spoken frequently. If Heidi had taken this position, she hadn’t shared it with Amanda.
“Heidi told you that?”
“I heard all of them talking. Mary said a bunch of times that she didn’t think Justice could handle moving again, and then she went on and on about Blaze and his helpers and how good he’s doing. Mary said that you guys are just trying to save money instead of doing what’s best for us. And Larry was crying and stuff, but he kinda cries a lot. They don’t like you at all, and they said you’re too young and new to know what you’re doing.”
Even a nine-year-old could tell that she was in over her head.
Amanda let out a heavy sigh. “Angel, I’m going to be really honest with you right now. You and your brothers are very important, and we all want to do what’s right for you. The problem is that it’s hard to know what the right answer is. We know that kids need to be together, and we also know that kids really need to be with their parents. Both answers are right, and both answers have problems. Now, I told you that we would have to send Anthony with his dad because he is a biological parent.”
“I know. But if you let him leave we’ll never see him. He lived with us a while, remember? He was a jerk, and he hated Blaze. Larry loves Anthony the best, and he’ll freak out if Anthony leaves. And if Larry freaks, then he might not want any of us, or he might not take care good care of Blaze, and Blaze has never ever done this good in his whole life. Nobody likes Blaze but me and Larry, and even Mary kinda likes him too.” Angel was as animated as Amanda had ever seen her. “You can’t let Anthony go. It’s bad for Anthony, bad for Larry, and bad for all of us. Please listen to me. Please!”
Amanda’s gut had spoken to her a few times in her life. It told her not to get in the car with drunk Harrison Peters when she was thirteen and he was seventeen, it told her that she should be a social worker, and it told her that he should have dinner with Jake that first day she met him at the hospital. Today her gut spoke to her again, and she decided to listen.
Amanda sent Angel back to class and headed for her car. There were such similarities between Angel and herself. Angel had that hardened exterior that kept her safe from the pain in her life. She was incredibly tough, and Amanda admired her immensely. This girl was a survivor.
The image of her own name on the computer system, followed by the word victim, popped in her head. Angel wasn’t a victim, and this life she was living wasn’t her fault. In fact, it made her the scrappy little girl that she was. For the first time, Amanda understood why people thought she was so strong, and she may have even agreed.
* * *
The first day of Spring is March 20th, but in Minnesota that could mean anything from seventy degrees and sunny to a blizzard or anything in between. March had remained almost balmy, which had caused the snow to melt early and quickly, leaving peoples’ yards full of mud and puddles. Amanda avoided the grass and walked on the sidewalks, wearing shoes instead of clunky boots and feeling hopeful.
Madge had decided they should do a course on the identification of Minnesota flora and fauna, which meant long nature walks in the area’s parks and trails. As Amanda parked at the high school and changed into tennis shoes, she wondered about the kids in her group. After the fight, Chad and Tyler were suspended and both went to a correctional facility. She assumed they had both been released by now, but she didn’t know for sure. The principal had almost axed the program altogether, but the superintendent had actually intervened because he wanted to keep the collaboration with Social Services. Amanda felt pressure to make this program successful so she had been reading about experiential education programs with adolescents. The main thing she had learned was that a relationship with these kids was key, but she had no idea how to make that happen.
As Amanda made her way through the hallways to Madge’s classroom, Brittany stopped her. “OMG, Amanda you have to come with me right now.” Brittany’s eyes were wide.
“OMG, Brittany we both have to get to class.” Amanda said, and then remembered that she was supposed to be working on their relationship. “What’s going on?” She looked at Brittany and saw she truly looked scared.
“I don’t know, but something’s wrong with Jess.”
Amanda felt torn with the scrutiny on the program and the need to connect with these kids. ”Brittany, we have to go to class, and so does Jess, but I’ll talk to both of you after school. That’s only a couple hours from now.”
“Thanks for nothing!” Brittany flounced away and disappeared among the sea of students passing in the halls.
Madge looked different when Amanda arrived in her classroom. Her usually slicked back hair was dry and stood out in all directions. She was sitting at her desk staring at the computer and barely looked up when Amanda came in. The students in Amanda’s group and in Madge’s group were sitting on desks talking to each other, indifferent to both Amanda and Madge. The bell rang, but no one moved, including Madge.
“So, I’ve been reading about spring wildflowers, and I think I might recognize a brown-eyed susan if I see it.”
Madge didn’t take her eyes off the screen. “Study hall today,” she muttered.
“Study hall? Here? We’ve never done that …”
Madge just waved a hand at her and didn’t respond. Amanda looked at the students around the room. None of them looked like they had any intention of taking out a book. Katelyn was sitting in the back of the room listening to her iPod. Amanda crouched next to her desk and asked how things were going for her.
Katelyn shrugged. “Okay. I’m failing geometry again.” She was drawing a face with big black tears.
“So, whatever happened with Chad?” Amanda asked. Tyler was in the classroom, sitting by himself staring at the clock.
“He got sent.” Katelyn said. “Ninety days minimum.”
Amanda assumed that Chad must have had a prior record that caused him to be in more trouble than Tyler. She tried to ask Katelyn why she was drawing tears, but Katelyn didn’t feel like talking. She was able to convince Katelyn to work on her homework, so Amanda spent the rest of the hour “building a relationship” with Katelyn by struggling through geometry with her.
At the end of the hour, Amanda went to the office to try to find Jess. The two office support staff workers were chatting with a student helper.
“I love watching softball,” one of the secretaries was saying. “My daughters all played, so I spent ten years in the bleachers. I miss it now that they’ve all graduated.”
The student nodded. “My parents love it too. It’s all we’ve done for the past five years every summer. All our vacations revolved around the season.”
“I heard you’re playing Apple Falls today,” the secretary said, still not noticing Amanda. “They used to be so tough.” Amanda felt her heart quicken at the sound of Apple Falls softball. She hadn’t thought about her best sport for a long time.
“I know. My sister played when they had that all state pitcher that no one could hit.”
“I remember her. Apple Falls won state that year, mainly because of that pitcher.”
Amanda had been that pitcher. Her cheeks grew red, and she almost got tears in her eyes. She wanted to introduce herself and talk softball with these women who knew her only as a great pitcher. But she needed to find Brittany, so she interrupted to do her work.
“Excuse me, I need to find a student, Jessica …” Amanda realized she didn’t know her last name and couldn’t remember Brittany’s last name.
The older of the two secretaries, the one whose daughter played softball, smiled kindly. “I’m sure you know we’ll need more than that.”
Amanda felt stupid. “Yeah, I know. She’s a tenth grader, I think. Her cousin, Brittany, is in Madge’s EBD class.”
“Brittany Coleman,” the student said.
“That’s her,” Amanda said.
“Her cousin is Jess Peters,” the student went on. “Her dad was my doctor when I was little.”
“I’m sorry,” the secretary said. “I just need to know who you are because I can’t just give out …”
“Of course,” Amanda said. “I’m from Terrance County Social Services. I work with Madge. I’m helping in her classroom. We do experiential classroom learning.”
The secretary nodded absently. “Neat.” She pulled up a schedule on her calendar. “Jess has been marked absent all day.”
“Okay,” Amanda said, trying to figure out what to do next. Brittany loved drama, and Amanda wasn’t sure if she was creating drama by chasing her around. Even though she wasn’t due back until the next week, Amanda decided to come back tomorrow and try to see Brittany then.
She walked back outside and headed to her car. The softball fields were on the other side of the parking lot, and Amanda watched as the Apple Falls bus pulled up next to the field and the players started exiting the bus. Amanda remembered the feeling of anticipation before a game. She usually sat alone on the way to the game, but was always distracted and indifferent to being by herself. On the way home, she sometimes sat with the JV coach, who was also the pitching coach, and they discussed her game. As the girls headed toward the field, she also saw several people getting out of their cars and unloading picnic chairs and coolers. Parents. She wondered if there was someone on the bus like her, all alone, who never had someone cheering just for her. Amanda wanted to go to the game, and cheer for just that girl. Then reality set in, and Amanda realized that she wouldn’t know who was alone, and most likely there wasn’t anyone as alone as she was. Amanda got in her car and drove home. Alone.
* * *
The evening passed slowly, with Amanda trying to find something to watch on TV. She realized that she nee
ded a hobby, a class, something to fill the rest of her time. Five years of college had filled her evenings with constant studying, papers to write, tests to study for. Now her evenings were hers, and she didn’t know how to spend them. The Twins had played a spring training game during the day, and Amanda smiled as the sports announcer on the news was wearing short sleeves as he reported from Fort Myers, Florida. Then the weather forecast came on, with news of a major change coming in the next twenty-four hours. The temperature was supposed to drop at least forty degrees, with rain changing to snow overnight. With the winds picking up there would be near blizzard conditions. The weather forecaster’s eyes seemed to sparkle with the excitement. Stupid Minnesota, Amanda thought. Can’t put away the boots quite yet.
Amanda has fallen asleep on the couch, so the sound of knocking startled her awake. Jimmy Fallon was on TV. Amanda’s contacts felt fused to her eyelids, and she could barely open her eyes. More knocking.
Amanda went to the door and found Jess and Brittany standing on the deck. Brittany’s eyes were wide, and she had her arm intertwined with Jess’s. Jess’s teeth were chattering, her dark-blonde hair was unkempt, and she had mascara smudged under her eyes.
“Jess got raped,” Brittany said. Jess flinched at the word.
Amanda stepped back and let them inside.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jess stepped inside and stood, frozen. Brittany looked at Jess’s face, and then at Amanda. “She’s been like this all day. She was in the back of her car until noon. I found her there after fourth hour and tried to get her to come out. I brought her some food, but she wouldn’t touch it. That’s when I tried to get you, but you wouldn’t come.” Jess’s teeth were still chattering.
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