39 Weeks

by Terri Douglas

  ‘I mean has he gone out?’

  ‘No he’s sitting downstairs feeling guilty, waiting in case you need anything.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘He really does feel bad you know about what happened.’

  ‘It was an accident.’ I said.

  ‘I know, and he knows as well but he still feels guilty about it, especially with you being pregnant. It’s a shame really Mac’s not here, he’s always ribbing him about his driving and he’d really enjoy seeing Rob squirming.’

  ‘They don’t get on then?’

  ‘Oh no they get on fine, they sort of revert to being twelve whenever they’re together, it’s like having four children instead of two.’

  Wait a minute, let me just rewind that a bit, what did Marsha say? It’s a shame Mac’s not here, and they get on fine. They? . . But Mac and Rob are the same person aren’t they? I mean isn’t he? I mean . . what did I mean? What did she mean?

  I finished my shower in record breaking time, grabbed the towel she’d left hanging over the door, and turned the water off.

  ‘You okay in there?’ Marsha asked.

  ‘Yes.’ I said distractedly still trying to puzzle it out.

  ‘You sure?’

  ‘Did you just say Mac’s not here?’

  ‘Yes, no he’s not here, I told you he’s working away.’

  ‘Then Rob’s your . .’ I started to say as I opened the shower door to face her, but couldn’t quite get all the words out of my mouth to finish the sentence.

  ‘Rob’s my brother. Oh my God you thought Rob was Mac?’

  ‘But he bought up all that baby stuff and . . the photo in your living room . .’

  ‘Mac didn’t make it back when he said he was going to, he decided to stay on for two more weeks so he could get the job finished early and then come home to stay for a couple of weeks before the next trip, so Rob bought the stuff up.’

  ‘But the photo? . . you said it’s Mac and my brother . .’

  ‘And you thought Rob was Mac, and Mac was my brother.’

  ‘Well yes.’

  Marsha started laughing, but I couldn’t see anything funny at all. She was laughing so much she could hardly speak.

  Then Rob came upstairs. Marsha had left the front door on the latch for some reason so he just walked right in and shouted through to the bathroom that Mac had just been on the phone to say he was definitely coming back this Friday, and he’d phone again later this evening.

  To my immense horror and mortification Marsha shouted back, ‘Okay Darling thanks.’ Killing herself laughing all over again.

  ‘What did you just say?’ Rob said laughing himself at the odd form of address Marsha had used, but realising it was a joke of some sort, no doubt because he could hear her chuckling away to herself.

  ‘I said thanks Darling.’

  ‘I thought that’s what you said . . um . . why?’

  ‘Judy thought you were Mac, that I was married to you.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Hang on, we’ll be out in a minute.’ Marsha told him.

  Ever felt like you wished the ground would open up and just swallow you whole? Yeah well that’s how I felt at that moment, big time, and the last thing I wanted to do was walk out to the living room, well hobble, still dripping and towel wrapped, to face Rob and what I now knew was his sister having a good old belly laugh at my expense. But I had no choice, there was no way out, nowhere to run and hide. Like I could run anywhere anyway, but you know what I mean.

  ‘I can’t face him’ I whispered. ‘Please don’t make me go out there.’

  ‘It’s alright Judy, he’ll just think it’s funny, don’t worry.’

  ‘But that’s exactly why I am worried. I feel so stupid.’

  Only then did I remember him telling me he was staying with his sister, and how she had two children and it was all a bit overcrowded which was why he was looking for a place of his own. My brain cells had obviously decreased to the level of almost being an endangered species.

  ‘Come on, it’ll be fine.’ Marsha said as she left the bathroom, and me on my own.

  Fine! How can it be fine. It’s anything but fine. I tried desperately to remember what I’d said to him at the hospital. Had I said anything stupid, I’m sure I had, but was it plain stupid or really bats in the belfry stupid? I couldn’t remember. But it did explain why he’d looked so puzzled.

  I could hear Marsha explaining to Rob, but he wasn’t laughing as much as I’d thought he would. Maybe he understood. Somehow I didn’t think my luck was that good. Maybe he was angry. He could be angry, but it was a genuine mistake, one that anyone could have made. Then I felt guilty for all the bad things I’d thought about him being a lying cheating arse. Then I felt stupid again.

  There was no easy way out of this, so when Marsha shouted for me to ‘come out and meet my brother’ still chuckling away to herself, I was left with no choice but to face him.

  ‘Hi. So you’re Marsha’s brother.’ I said as breezily as I could manage under the circumstances and trying to make a joke of it.

  ‘You thought I was married to Marsha?’ Rob said almost laughing, but the laughter didn’t quite reach his eyes as he stared at me intently.

  ‘Yes. Stupid eh?’

  ‘And all this time you thought I was . . and you thought when we met at Zee Zee’s that I must have been . .’

  ‘I got it wrong okay, I’m sorry but it was a mistake anyone could have made, I mean how was I to know?’

  ‘At Zee Zee’s?’ Marsha said trying to keep up.

  ‘Yeah, I met Judy at Zee Zee’s before she moved in here.’

  ‘She wasn’t the one . .’ Marsha said thoughtfully.

  ‘No, no she wasn’t that one.’ Rob said cutting her off short before she could finish.

  ‘What one?’ I asked.

  ‘No one, no one at all, it was nothing.’ Rob said glancing quickly at Marsha, to which Marsha raised an eyebrow, making me sure there was something going on.

  ‘Shall I make some tea?’ Marsha said trying a bit too hard to change the subject.

  ‘No not for me I’ve got things . . um . . that I should be doing and Judy should probably . .’ Rob said unconvincingly making it obvious he just wanted to get away.

  I was quite keen for him to get away myself so I said ‘yes and I should be getting dressed’.

  He turned to go just as my Mother arrived, in fact they practically bumped straight into one another. Great, just great. I could have crumpled to the floor and burst into tears right there on the spot. Where was a big hole when you needed one?

  21

  12th October - Week 19 + 3 And A Half Days

  Of all the times for my mother to pay me an impromptu visit she had to pick this one didn’t she? Her unerring ability to unnerve me and catch me out whenever there was anything to catch me out with had cursed me for as long as I could remember, and she was certainly living up to that reputation today.

  For a second or two we all just stood looking at each other, until my last few remaining brain cells took control.

  ‘Hi Mum, this is Marsha who lives downstairs, and this is her brother. Um Guys this is my mum.’ I said introducing everyone to each other while managing to avoid using Rob’s name rather cleverly I thought.

  Then the first thing Rob said to her was ‘hello I’m Rob, pleased to meet you.’

  How quickly do you think I could arrange to emigrate? Anywhere would do, just so long as it’s really quick and really far away from here.

  ‘So you’re Rob.’ She said smiling ingratiatingly with that mad demonic gleam in her eye that switches on whenever she’s on a mission. This one of course being to get her pregnant embarrassment of a daughter married off.

  ‘Actually Rob and Marsha were just leaving, weren’t you?’ I said looking at them both, pleading as hard as I could with my eyes for them to go along with me.

  ‘Oh surely you can stay for a while and have a cup of tea or coffee, can’t you?’ Mum said in her
best imitation upper class accent that really wasn’t fooling anyone. How about Australia, or Canada, they’re both a long way away?

  ‘Sorry Mum but they really have to go, don’t you?’ I said practically getting down on my knees and begging them to please agree with me. ‘Maybe next time.’

  Marsha caught on straight away, of course she didn’t know why I was so keen for them to leave and not get chatting to my mum, I mean it could have just been that I had a really embarrassing mother, which I did, or something else altogether, which it was, but she twigged it was what I wanted, what I desperately wanted, and started pushing Rob out the door.

  Maybe out of sheer perverseness, or maybe because he didn’t interpret my unspoken pleading, or just that his man brain hadn’t quite caught up yet, he lingered, or would have if Marsha hadn’t been so forceful. Anyway finally they both left.

  As the front door closed, I hoped properly this time as I was getting pretty fed up with people just walking in whenever they felt like it, I turned to Mum and asked her what she was doing here.

  ‘So that was your Rob was it?’ She said completely ignoring my question.

  ‘Yes that was Rob.’

  ‘He seems very nice.’ What she meant of course was he’s breathing, he’s got two legs, two arms, and hasn’t got two heads, he’ll do. ‘I take it you’ve told him?’

  ‘Yes Mum, he knows I’m pregnant. But what are you doing here?’

  ‘That’s good, what did he say? Was he pleased, shocked, what was his reaction? Shocked at first I expect, but is he pleased now he’s had a chance to get used to the idea? When did he get back? Where was it you said he’d gone, somewhere abroad I know, but where exactly?’

  ‘Okay if this is going to be an interrogation is it alright if I get dressed first?’

  ‘Yes good idea, you get dressed and I’ll put the kettle on, just tell me where the kitchen is.’ She said chirruping happily at the prospect of hearing all the information I was about to impart. I pointed towards the kitchen and she nodded and said she’d find everything and not to worry.

  Mm, not to worry, good joke Mum. Of course she meant not to worry about helping her find the tea things in my new kitchen that she hadn’t seen before. She had no idea I was on the verge of having a breakdown at the very idea of the conversation we were about to have. I’d have to tell her the truth. I mean it had gone on long enough this lie, and he was living right downstairs for goodness sake, she could run into him anytime, especially if she was just going to drop in unannounced mid-week like this.

  I untied the plastic bag from my foot, which was harder than it had been tying it up, partly because I was stressing so much, but mostly because it was still damp from the shower. Then I got dressed, grabbed my crutch again, and took a deep breath before facing my mother and the grilling I knew I was going to get.

  ‘So how do you like the flat?’ I said trying to divert my mother from the inevitable for as long as possible.

  ‘It seems very . . what colour would you call this terracotta, peach?’

  ‘Yeah it is a bit peachy, and I’m going to paint it all a different colour just as soon as I can, although I’m not sure how soon that’ll be now.’ I said looking pointedly at my foot. ‘But what do you think, apart from the colour?’

  ‘Yes it’s very nice Dear.’ Wow this was a bit of a breakthrough. My mother actually thinking something I owned was nice. Well not that I owned it of course I was paying rent, but still it was something I’d chosen and organised, and that she approved of.

  ‘So tell me about . . .’

  ‘You never told me why you’re here, is everything alright? How did you even know I’d be here I should be at work?’ I said interrupting her before she could ask me about Rob.

  ‘I phoned you at work, well I tried but of course you weren’t there, and they told me you were off, that you’d had some kind of accident.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘But you seem alright, I sort of knew it couldn’t be too serious if you were at home, and not in the hospital. So what happened, I see you’ve hurt your foot.’

  ‘Yes someone ran over it with their car.’

  ‘I suppose you weren’t looking where you were going.’ I’d have bet a million pounds she was going to say something like that, it was too much to hope that I’d manage to get two things right on the same day, the flat and my innocence in the accident. Although if I’m honest I was thinking about other things and that is partly why there had been an accident. Damn my mother, since yesterday evening when it had happened I’d been smugly avoiding the fact that it was to a certain extent my fault. Did she always have to be so right?

  ‘It was an accident, no one’s fault, just one of those things. And no it’s not broken and yes it does hurt but I’m alright, thanks for asking.’

  ‘Well I’m glad it’s not broken, and that you’re alright of course. So tell me about Rob, what did he say when you told him?’

  Okay this was it. Time for the truth. It was now or never.

  ‘Oh he was pleased, really happy.’ Or sometime in the future maybe.

  ‘Of course he was, what man wouldn’t be happy to find out the woman he loves is having his baby. He does still love you doesn’t he, after all he has been away an awfully long time?’

  ‘Yes, still loves me.’ I said. By rights my nose should have been about a foot long at this point.

  ‘And where was it you said he’d been?’

  ‘Um . . I thought I’d told you.’ I prevaricated trying to buy time while I desperately tried to think of a suitable abroad type place that Rob could have been working.

  ‘No I don’t think you did.’

  ‘Bangkok, he’s been working in Bangkok.’ What! What on earth had made me say that. I don’t know anything about Bangkok except that it’s got a decidedly foreign, abroad sounding name.

  ‘Bangkok, and he’s been taking pictures there?’

  ‘Yes for a magazine.’

  ‘Oh which one, when will it be published I’ll buy it. Wouldn’t that be something, a magazine with my son-in-law’s pictures in.’

  Oh crap. How the hell should I know which magazine is likely to have pictures of bloody Bangkok in for God’s sake? And what’s with the son-in-law reference, wasn’t she getting just a bit ahead of herself even if this hadn’t all been a sack of lies.

  ‘Mum, I already explained that we’re not getting married so he’s not going to be your son-in-law.’

  ‘Yes I know you said that, but you’re having his baby aren’t you? Of course he’s going to want to get married.’

  ‘Why? I don’t.’

  ‘Yes you do, I know you’re just trying to put a brave face on it because he hasn’t asked you yet, but he will I’m sure. It probably just hasn’t occurred to him yet what with the shock of finding out about the baby.’

  ‘Mum, please listen to me we’re not getting married, not anytime soon, maybe not ever.’

  ‘So what does this freelance stuff pay, is it good money? After all he’s going to have a wife and baby to support soon, maybe he ought to get a real job.’

  I give up. It’s pointless trying to talk to my mother. Sometimes I think she’s got a whole different conversation going on in her head than the one that’s actually taking place. I spent the next half hour just agreeing with her, no matter what she said, it was just easier that way.

  On the plus side this visit meant that I wouldn’t be getting another one for a while, at least I hoped not. And there was always the chance that Rob will have found himself a place, or at least be working away the next time she decides to descend on me. Or another possibility, I could have organised my emigration papers by then and left the country. Maybe I’ll go to Bangkok.

  22

  13th October - Week 19 + 4 Days

  Mum had only stayed for a while, once she’d sucked out of me all the information she needed about Rob, mostly made up of course but she didn’t know that, and after she’d assured herself I was alright, she went home. I deter
mined yet again that next time I saw her I’d have to think of a reason, and it’d have to be a good one, why Rob and I had broken up. If only he would find himself a flat and not be living downstairs it would make it all so much easier. I could only hope.

  James had phoned me that evening and I told him about my foot. He was all concern and I thought he would rush over to make sure I was alright, but he didn’t. He did say he’d come over tonight though. I wasn’t going to tell him it was Rob that had run over my foot, after his reaction when he’d found Rob here that day with all of Marsha’s baby stuff I thought it better not to mention it, but somehow it slipped out. He went from Mother Theresa to The Hulk in about ten seconds, saying he knew it, and when I asked him what he knew he snorted and mumbled something about knowing Rob was going to be trouble and was an arse, well he didn’t actually say arse, the word he used was much more colourful but arse is what it amounts to.

  This morning, bright and early, Rob helped me downstairs and took me to work. It was an uncomfortable journey to say the least, and not just because of my foot. We both carefully avoided the whole subject of him being Marsha’s brother and my thinking he was her husband, and stuck to how I was feeling, the weather, and what time he should pick me up. It was all so polite and awkward I was already dreading the return journey even before I’d got out of the car, never mind a repeat performance twice a day for the next couple of weeks. I mean what else was there to talk about, and how many times could you ask someone how they were feeling, or whether they thought it was going to rain or not.

  Work was okay though. It was quite a relief to be surrounded by normal boring work stuff and not to have to think about what an idiot I’d been, or what to tell my Mum, or if I was having twins. Of course it was only to be expected that I’d have the Mickey taken out of me, and I wasn’t disappointed. Comments like ‘mind your step’ and ‘best foot forward’ were rife, and calling me ‘Hop-along’ or ‘Jake’ and laughing at my clumsiness with the dratted crutch became the norm. Course everyone thought they were being so original and so hilarious while they killed themselves laughing at my expense, and I did too . . at first, but by mid-morning when I’d already heard every possible joke there was, it began to grate a bit, and besides that my foot was really still quite painful.