Burned (Cunningham Security Book 5)

by A. K. Evans

  Twenty minutes later, after I’d called Holden and Trent, I arrived at the scene of the fire.

  Even though I could see the devastation when I pulled up, I got out of my truck, strode over to where Detective Baines and Fire Chief Flint were standing, and asked, “What’s the extent of the damage?”

  “We’re hoping the office had digital records of everything,” Detective Baines answered. “There’s nothing salvageable.”

  “Did it start the same?” I wondered.

  Nodding, Fire Chief Flint replied, “Molotov. On the roof.” He lifted his hand and pointed to what was left of the building. “If you look there, straight ahead, my best guess right now is that he was standing somewhere between where we are and within a few feet of there.”

  How could we be having such a hard time finding this guy? This case had been dragging on for months and we hadn’t so much as had a single lead.

  Shaking my head, I muttered, “What are we missing?”

  “We’ve been over everything,” Detective Baines assured me. “I know you and your guys have, too. There’s nothing. This guy knows what he’s doing.”

  “I’ve got to go have a chat with my crew,” Fire Chief Flint declared. “Morale is low right now, so I need to try and turn that around.”

  “Detective,” an officer called. “We’re getting requests from the media for comment.”

  Detective Baines looked at me and noted, “Looks like your boys just arrived. Let me go handle this.”

  I gave him a nod before he walked off. I glanced over and saw that Detective Baines was right. Holden and Trent had arrived and were making their way over to me.

  “What do you have?” Trent asked.

  “Nothing,” I clipped. “This is ridiculous. We know it’s our guy, but there’s nothing. We don’t have any cameras here to look at and this guy doesn’t leave anything behind.”

  I went on to explain what Chief Flint shared about where the fire started. When I finished, Trent and Holden started walking toward the building, hoping to find something. I stood there a moment, trying to get a grip on my emotions. This was my hometown. I’d lived here all my life, and I wasn’t prepared to see it destroyed.

  Dropping my gaze to the ground, I lifted my hand to the back of my neck and squeezed. I could feel the tension running from the middle of my shoulder blades up into my neck. Frustrated, but still determined to figure this out, I kicked the cigar on the ground to the side and walked over to my guys.

  “You alright?” Holden asked.

  Shaking my head, I shared, “This has been going on for months now. We’ve got to find something.”

  Holden reached his hand out, clapped me on the shoulder, and assured me, “We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

  I took in a deep breath and blew it out. “Let’s just hope that happens before there’s nothing left to burn.”

  With that, the three of us got to work.

  I was smack in the middle of one of Leni’s evening yoga classes when it happened.

  Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. And I couldn’t very well stop Leni or get up and run out with a class full of other people.

  Over the last few months, I’d been practicing with Leni regularly. With each class I took, I found myself concentrating less and less on what I looked like doing the poses and more on proper alignment. Leni always had props available making it easy to accomplish this. As the weeks passed, I was delighted with the changes I felt from class. I left my first class feeling refreshed, which is what brought me back for the second one. As time went on, I found my flexibility was improving. Recently, I’d noticed that my body just felt better overall.

  So, I’d been sticking with it and loving it. I decided to come in for an extra class this week, partly because I was really enjoying them and partly because Pierce was working late. But now I was regretting it.

  Because something had come over me. I started feeling funny about ten minutes after class had started and it only intensified as time went on. I couldn’t even explain what it was. I knew we were just past the halfway point of the class because Leni always let us know where we were throughout.

  I couldn’t wait for this to end.

  We were currently in what she called pigeon pose. We’d been in this pose for nearly two minutes already. With each second that passed as I stayed in this pose, all I wanted to do was cry.

  And I was not a crier.

  The urge was so strong, though, I couldn’t stop myself. Throughout every class, I found that Leni was a master at cueing and always reminded us to breathe. So, in an effort not to start audibly sobbing, I tried to focus on my breathing. This only served to help me keep it quiet because tears were leaking from my eyes.

  “We’re going to take another couple breaths in this pose,” Leni started. “Just take this time to reset the breath and really try to let the hips open.”

  It was a shame she didn’t say to let the flood gates open instead. I might have actually found that this class was a success then. Even still, I did as she suggested. It only served to make me more emotional.

  “Okay, if you took that all the way down to your elbows, let’s place the hands under the shoulders and slowly work our way up into high plank. From there, we’re going to shift the shoulders forward and work through our vinyasa. Once we’re back in downward dog, we’ll take a moment to reset our breath before we repeat this sequence on the other side.”

  I didn’t know how I was going to make it. For some reason, I was entirely too emotional and there was no explanation.

  Leni talked us through each part of our vinyasa, cueing us through the movements. I tried to keep my focus on what she was saying instead of what I was feeling.

  But we ultimately ended up in pigeon pose on the opposite side, and I was a mess. I continued to do my best to focus on my breathing, hoping I’d be able to make it through to the end of class without embarrassing myself.

  For the next twenty minutes, all I did was breathe and listen to Leni’s prompts. I did it all with tears spilling down my face. When Leni finally instructed us to lie down in savasana, I thought it would be just what I needed. With each class I took, I always looked forward to savasana. It was always at the end of our practice and I found it to be a deeply restorative and calming pose for me.

  Sadly, I struggled to truly relax in the pose, and ultimately, I chalked today’s practice up to a total fail.

  Following class, I moved slowly, hoping everyone else would filter out ahead of me and I could make a dash out after without anyone noticing what was sure to be my blotchy face and puffy eyes.

  Just when I thought the coast was clear, Leni called, “Zara?”

  I froze and turned slowly toward her. “Yeah?” I returned, hoping my voice remained neutral.

  She offered a friendly smile before she declared, “It looks like you had a breakthrough today.”

  I blinked my eyes at her. “I’m sorry?”

  Her smile didn’t falter as she stated, “This hip-opener class was a great one for you.”

  “A great one?” I asked, incredulously. “Leni, I could barely make it through.”

  Even though I’d been taking classes at Leni’s studio for weeks now, this was my first hip-opening class. I recalled doing some of the poses in other classes, but none of them had been this intensive in their focus on the hips. As intensive as the focus was, the poses weren’t difficult or painful, so I couldn’t understand the crying.

  “It’s completely normal to release emotions during your yoga practice. I’ve certainly had my days where I’ve been practicing and my feelings just take over. You can give into it.”

  That made me feel infinitely better. “So, I didn’t completely fail at this class today?” I wondered.

  Shaking her head, she insisted, “Quite the opposite. It seems to me that you’re actually learning to be fully present in your practice and that you’re letting go of whatever is weighing on your mind.”

  Now, I was intrigued. />
  “Why would this happen today?”

  “It could be a million different things that led to it, but it’s not uncommon to have a bit of a breakdown in a hip-opening class. Most of us tend to store our emotions in our hips. Since the poses we did today, such as pigeon, don’t require as much physical effort as you’d have with other poses like downward dog, for example, you’ll find that it’s easy to fully immerse yourself in those poses.”

  Leni’s explanation made sense, but I was still confused. “Yeah, but I’ve been very happy the last few weeks, especially over the last few days. Nothing has happened in the past couple of days that I should be feeling this emotional. What I felt was extreme sadness, not the joy I’ve been feeling.”

  “I’m happy to discuss anything you want to talk about, so please understand that I will listen without passing any judgment. I’ve seen a difference in you since you started coming here, and I’m not referring to improvement with your yoga postures. I’m talking about Zara. I don’t know what happened, butsomething tells me that what transpired here today has nothing to do what’s been going on the last few days. My best guess would be that you’ve been holding on to something else for a long time.”

  Thoughts of my mother immediately flooded my brain and I felt dizzy. Leni noticed and put an arm out to steady me.

  “Are you okay?”

  I took in a deep breath and whispered my reply. “I think I know what happened.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Shaking my head, I replied, “I’m not sure what to say. I experienced a betrayal in my life that I never imagined I would. If it were anyone else, I’d have cut my losses and moved on. I can’t so easily do that with this person, but I also struggle to forgive and trust her. Maybe a call to my best friend is in order for tonight.”

  Leni gave my arm a gentle squeeze and agreed, “That sounds like a great idea. And if I can make a suggestion, I’d really recommend coming to a heart-opener class. I think you’ll find it to be very therapeutic.”

  I gave her a nod and a smile before I assured her, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Great. And don’t forget what I said. If you find you need another listening ear, I’m happy to lend one.”

  “Thanks, Leni.”

  “You’re welcome, Zara. I’ll see you next week?”

  I shook my head and said, “No. I’m going to stop in again later this week.”

  I watched her face light up before I turned and walked out.

  Twenty-five minutes later, I’d made my way back to my loft, where I showered and got ready for bed. It wasn’t exactly bedtime, but I had no plans for the rest of the evening. I curled up on the couch with Callie in my lap before I put my phone to my ear.

  Two rings later, Gwen greeted me. “You got me just before I decided to call it a night.”

  I laughed. “It’s not even ten o’clock out there, Gwen. And it’s the summertime. Why are you going to bed so early?”

  “I’m about to enter the second trimester. Apparently the first and third make you exhausted, each for different reasons, though.”

  “Oh, well, I can call you tomorrow,” I offered.

  “Don’t you dare!” she exclaimed. “I usually only get text messages from you this late, so if you’re calling, I know something else is going on. I won’t be able to sleep thinking about what it could be. So, tell me what’s happening?”

  It seemed my evening was going to be filled with lots of deep breathing because, at that point, I took in another deep breath. Gwen heard and let out a laugh. “Oh boy, this is going to be good.”

  I grunted. “It’s going to be a lot of things, but I’m not sure good is one of them.”

  “Is it Pierce? Is everything okay between you two?”

  “We’re amazing,” I breathed. “Things got pretty serious this weekend.”

  “Weren’t they already serious?”

  Callie bumped my hand with her nose, demanding some attention. I started to stroke along her body and started, “Brad showed up at Petals on Saturday.”

  “What?!” she shrieked.

  “Yeah, it completely caught me off guard, but two of the guys Pierce works with happened to be there at the time. They called Pierce and stayed with me.”

  “What did Brad want?”

  I rolled my eyes thinking about it. “You mean other than to come in and basically tell me how he’s responsible for how great my body looks now?”

  “He did not?!” Clearly, Gwen knew just how ridiculous it was.

  “Yep. He tried to tell me that he realizes he should have talked to me about our problems, namely me letting myself go, but obviously him cheating on me was the swift kick in the pants I needed. Ultimately, he wanted to talk to me privately. Given what you heard about Melanie leaving him, I can only assume he’s learned that he made a huge mistake and wants me back with him. Unfortunately for him, he never had the chance to express that.”

  Gwen gasped. “Did Pierce do something? Tell me he kicked Brad’s ass!”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “No, he didn’t need to do that. Pierce gave him a look that could kill and I think Brad realized it was over. He left, Pierce’s co-workers left, and then I told Pierce I loved him.”

  In the next instant I had to pull my phone away from my ear. Gwen was squealing with excitement on the other end. She was so loud that even Callie looked a little nervous.

  “Are you serious? I’m going to cry for you, Z.”

  A huge smile formed on my face. “Yeah. And then he carried me upstairs and made love to me.”

  “I am so excited! Did he say it back?”

  “It was the best thing I’d ever heard in my life because I knew he truly meant it,” I said. “He’s so different. Pierce goes out of his way to make me happy, and he makes me feel good about myself. I’ve never felt so beautiful, Gwen.”

  There was no response from the other end of the phone. It was quiet for so long, I called, “Gwen?”

  “I’m here,” she rasped, emotion clogging her voice. “I’m so happy for you.”

  I let out a little laugh and scoffed, “I can’t believe you are crying.”

  “Do not make mention of this to anyone,” she ordered. “It’s purely the pregnancy hormones.”

  “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Besides, I did my own bout of crying today,” I shared.

  “What?”

  I took in what had to be my millionth deep breath of the night and asked, “Well, do you remember how I started taking yoga classes?”

  “Yeah.”

  I explained to Gwen what happened during class and how I couldn’t seem to control my emotions. I shared how I presumed I was epically failing at the class only to have Leni tell me that it only meant good things were happening. When I finished, I waited for her to respond.

  “I don’t get it. Why would you be crying when all this good stuff is happening now?”

  “Leni suggested I might be holding on to something else, something that’s been weighing on my mind for a long time.”

  “Your mom?” she guessed.

  Even though Gwen couldn’t see me, I nodded. “I think so.”

  “What do you think about all of it?”

  I carefully shifted myself and Callie on the couch, so I could put my head back on the armrest and stretch out my legs.

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I struggle with it a lot, Gwen. Even more than I tell you about. It weighs heavily on me, but I don’t know what to do.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I sighed, unsure I even knew how to explain it. “She’s my mom,” I started. “But I can’t get over how badly she hurt me. If this were anybody else, it wouldn’t even be a question for me. I’d move right along and not think twice because I’m not going to set myself up to be hurt again. Fool me once, right?”

  “You have expectations, Zara. We all do. I think it’s just a matter of how we respond when our expectations aren’t met. Depending on t
he situation, we may or may not be able to look past it. You know that I understand your situation. Mine isn’t nearly as devastating, but we both are dealt that double standard.”

  She was right. “See? That’s what happens. Every single time I try to work through this in my head, I always have all these questions popping up. I have no answers to them, and I just get angry about the whole situation all over again. The anger doesn’t leave me, Gwen.”

  “I’m sorry you’re living with that, babe. I wish I knew what to tell you,” she lamented.

  “It’s okay,” I insisted. “I’m not living in it constantly. Moving has been really good for me because I find it’s not right in my face all the time. But sometimes, my mind drifts back to it and I just feel so much anger. It’s like I’m stuck there. To top it off, on the rare occasions when we discussed the situation, she always gave me a hard time for being so angry.”

  “Yeah, so?” she scoffed. “I think she should see your anger as a good thing. Because not only do you have a right to be angry about what happened, your anger also shows that you still care.”

  I never thought of it like that. If I compared the situation with my mother to the situation with Brad, there was a big difference. With Brad, I was initially angry because I’d been hurt. But I was no longer angry about him. In fact, I no longer thought about him at all, unless of course I was filling my best friend in on the fact that he decided to show up out of the blue. With my mother, the situation popped into my head from time to time. It wasn’t like I’d totally forgotten her.

  “Wow, Gwen,” I started. “That’s a whole new perspective. It never crossed my mind to think of it that way. I guess you’re right. Maybe I need to take it easy on myself. I’m trying to work through this and I still have feelings about it. Perhaps getting back to where we used to be is not happening as fast as she wants it to, but I could have just given up and moved on a long time ago.”

  “Exactly. It takes time to heal. Some things take longer than others, but that doesn’t mean they won’t happen at all if you really want them to. It just isn’t always going to happen overnight. Give yourself a break and do what you can.”