by Leanne Davis
“I’m so sorry. For all of it.”
“Give her an explanation, all of the truth now. Cassie deserves at least that from you.” John’s tone was low and icy. Much the tone he usually used with her.
“Heather was an unfortunate mistake in my life. The only one like that I ever made, I swear. Estelle and I have been married for forty years. We married when I was eighteen. And I’ve loved her every day of that time. She and I never had kids. We tried, for years. Estelle was despondent over that. Adoption was not an option for her. She is devoutly religious and believed there was some divine reason she and I couldn’t have kids. She wouldn’t consider any infertility treatments. She was not well for a long while, and quit wanting me.”
“You were in your mid-twenties, and your wife wouldn’t fuck you anymore, but Heather would?”
Harry’s shoulder’s jerked back. He looked up at Cassie, his eyes round saucers. “Yes, Estelle was not able to make love to me for a long period of time. We even had separate bedrooms for a while. But I loved Estelle, and my heart was breaking for her. I was busy with medical school and well, I acted in a way that to this day shames me. I met your mother at the clinic I volunteered at.”
“Was the clinic for the poor?” Cassie interrupted.
“Yes. Anyways she came in and in the course of my examination, she came on very strong. I shooed her off, but she kept coming back, and I admit I was flattered. She was a very—”
“Yes I know what Heather was and is to men. So, you couldn’t resist her advances and started screwing her.”
Harry winced, tightening his lips in a line. “I did have a relationship with Heather for several months before I came to my senses and broke it off. Guilt nearly made me break down and tell Estelle, but she was so fragile at that point I couldn’t bring myself to risk it. I couldn’t bear to lose Estelle. I didn’t find out about you until Heather gave birth to you.”
“My mother was never faithful more than a week. How did you know I was yours?”
“Yes I regret I knew that about Heather. But she came to the hospital where I was working then, and I saw you. You looked so much like me as a baby I knew Heather was telling the truth. Since then, about ten years ago I had her send me a hair sample of yours and I had our DNA run, just to make sure for my scientific mind, and yes you are mine.”
“Well that’s a relief we wouldn’t have wanted you to pay Heather off if I wasn’t yours.”
“Yes well, that came about, and I had no choice. There was no love between Heather and me, and when she came to me with you, I hated her, and wanted nothing to do with her, except for her to get out of my life. I was frantic Estelle would find out. If she knew I had a baby with someone else, it would have broken her. And as the years went by, the longer the lie went on, I knew I could never tell Estelle. Even when she was stronger, she would have left me over a secret as big as this. So I paid Heather a sum each month. Estelle has never done our bills and has no idea where our money goes. So it’s been easy to conceal from her.”
Cassie hesitated. “And the Christmas cards?”
“I made Heather give me some pictures and letters telling me about you. I felt like you should know me, even if you didn’t know who I was to you. I wanted to contact you. So I included your sister and sent those presents, it was all I felt I could do.”
Harry stopped and then leaned back in his chair. “When you called asking for my help I assumed Heather had told you about me. But you were so polite and grateful I realized she hadn’t and that you really were in danger and had nowhere to turn to that your ex-husband wouldn’t know about. I was glad to help you. I wanted to do more, but I didn’t know how I could. You needed help, and I couldn’t refuse it. I’m sorry if the job wasn’t enough.”
“And Estelle? Making her watch my child? Your grandson?”
Harry nodded. “She offered. How could I explain to her she shouldn’t do that? I told her you were a friend of John’s so she was glad to help out with your son. And later, I really believed you would be better off with Luke and John around you, than an elderly couple. So I thought it would be okay. I’m sorry. There was no way I could have kept my wife if I acknowledged you. A better man would have found a way to fix it all. I let it go on and on and on, until at some point I couldn’t tell either of you, because if I did, I knew I’d lose both of you.”
Cassie stood and swallowed over lump in her throat. Her eyes on her father. “You made a decision about me thirty-three years ago and stuck to it. You chose your wife over your daughter. I always wanted to know who my father was. I now know. So that’s it. Your decision was never in doubt, and it’s Estelle. I see no reason to ruin her life, she’s done nothing to me or my son, so rest assured, your secret is safe, only now you don’t have to pay for it. Goodbye dad.”
Cassie turned and walked out, her shoulders erect, and her strides firm. Her sarcastic “dad” seemed to echo through the elegant room.
****
John got up and looked at Harry with disappointment. “I would never dream you’d have such a secret.”
“I’ve disappointed you. We all do wrong things. We’re human. I’m sorry for it, I am. But I can’t be her father.”
“Maybe you don’t deserve to be. You’ve done enough by hiding this from her. You’ve let her ex-husband find her. And what about Tim? You’ll miss out on him. He’s great; I don’t know how you could turn your back on that.”
Harry regarded John intently. “Do you love her?”
“No. What the hell made you ask that?”
“You seem overly involved and concerned for her. You care for Tim. I may not have the right, but I’d be pleased if she had you in her life.”
John shook his head. “You know nothing about her or me.”
“I know what I see. And you have taken an avid interest in Cassie, without her or you knowing it. Will I be expecting you at work still?”
John hesitated. “Yeah, but not until this situation is taken care of; since Cassie has no family to help her, mine is.”
Harry nodded. “You’re a hell of a doctor. Take off as long as this takes. Keep her safe, please. I sound like I don’t care, but I do. She’s my daughter, and I’m asking you to keep her safe because I can’t.”
“You won’t.”
“Okay I won’t. Take care of her.”
“I will. I always do,” he said simply and walked out.
Chapter Twelve
John hurried to the car. Cassie sat there looking out the window, dry-eyed and frowning. John slid into the driver’s seat and started the car. He glanced at her and felt it again. That damn jab that seemed to pulse through him from being in proximity of her. And the more he tried to disengage himself from her, the more he was drawn in, and contrary to what he’d told her, John knew it was far more than because of the circumstances they were in.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes. I am.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. I don’t.” She let out a sigh. “I need to go out. Alone.”
“What do you mean out?”
“I need a few hours to think about all this, you know, put it into context. I need to think about what’s next and what to do about Marcus, and my life.”
“Cassie he’s going to find you.”
“I know.”
“We need to figure out what to do.”
“I know. I just need a few hours. Alone.”
He waited a moment then nodded. “Okay a few hours, but you’ll be back home by four. Keep your cell on, and pay attention to what’s going on around you. If anything seems off, drive to the police station, and call me.”
Cassie agreed and looked out the window without another word until they reached the house. She walked around to the driver’s side, got in, and left without a backwards glance at him.
****
John was met by an earful of questions by the strange assembly of house mates that were all worried about Cassie. John picked Tim up and hugg
ed his small body to him. He looked confused and wanted Cassie. He clung longer than usual to John. And John felt that tug again of fierce protectiveness. Tim was so small and innocent, with an unabashed joy over every word and hug of affection John or Luke bestowed on him. Tim couldn’t seem to get enough. And what bothered him was he was starting to feel the same way.
And something was different today with Cassie. She was talking different; her demeanor had completely changed in the last few tumultuous days. What was going on in her head just now, John wasn’t sure. She had seemed shaken by this today, but stronger, surer than he’d ever seen her before.
John wanted this all to be over with. His reasons had changed. He wanted to know for sure Cassie and Tim would be fine. He wanted them out of his life, but only if he could guarantee they’d be safe. Kelly was now along for the ride John guessed, by her stance in front of the window. Kelly was here until the end, and Cassie had seemed to have found resolve and courage from her sister’s presence.
And everything in his life, all relationships even, seemed to go back to Cassie. Why that was, John wasn’t ready to answer.
****
John glanced at the clock. Where was Cassie? Tim went up to his room to play before dinner. Since it was going on five o’clock and getting dark out, John stared out the windows, willing Cassie’s car to come into view and berating himself for letting her go out alone.
Finally her car came down the road and stopped in the driveway that now looked like the parking lot to a mini-mart. He sat down unobtrusively so no one would know he’d been waiting for her like an expectant, worried parent. Cassie’s clipped footsteps echoed on the porch, and then she pushed open the door and walked in.
No one moved.
Ten years had dropped off of Cassie. Cassie Reeves was back. She had chopped her hair off; it was now above her ears, the ends flipped out in wild layers. Thick bangs covered her forehead and softened her face, emphasizing her big brown eyes. And she was blonde again, with thick platinum and gold streaks. Her clothes too were different. Stylish, form fitting without being inappropriate. That quick, Cassie looked like the girl he’d been in love with most of his life.
John finally took his eyes away from the clinging sweater and glanced around the room. Luke’s eyes were big. Kelly’s mouth was open. Sarah’s face was scrunched up. Kelly rose and walked over to Cassie who finally smiled.
“So sis, you’re back huh?”
“Yeah, I’m back.” Cassie nodded, her mouth turned up on one side.
“About damn time.”
“I don’t get it,” Sarah said from behind them, still staring open-mouthed at Cassie.
“You wouldn’t.” Kelly rolled her eyes. “My sister thought everything with Marcus was her fault. She thought going unnoticed was a way to protect herself from everything and everyone.”
“What? So the sweats were to ward off all men? Why? I mean so one man screwed you over, why would that make you look as you did. I had no idea you were even pretty.”
“Was there a compliment in there?”
Kelly continued, “She needed time to come to terms with the fact that how she looked never made her who she was.”
“What?” Sarah grimaced.
John sighed. “She was making sure she didn’t attract another Marcus Leary.” He spoke to Sarah but his eyes were firmly planted on Cassie.
Cassie blinked, then nodded at him.
“You’re not to blame for what Marcus has done to you. You did the best you could. You’re past that. I just couldn’t stand how long it was taking for you to see that.”
“What were you like?” Sarah asked, her lips pressed together in a tight line, and her eye brows turned down.
“Bad,” Cassie said simply. She glanced at John. “Maybe you can fill your girlfriend in sometime.”
Sarah frowned as she bobbed her head from Cassie to him.
Luke smiled and winked at Cassie. “Well whatever the reason, you look great.”
What did Luke feel about Cassie? Especially now that Cassie looked like this. What if that platonic friendship Cassie claimed they had escalated?
“Anyway enough about this. I just needed to do something that reminded me that this is my life, and I’m sick of letting my past control it. I’ve hidden from all of it for long enough.” She took in a breath. “I have a plan. I know that Marcus will find me here. It doesn’t take a genius for him to figure out what town Harry is in, where he works, and from there it won’t be long before he finds me. At first I was going to run again. I was going to take Tim and high tail it out of here. But I can’t keep doing this to myself or Tim. I’m the one Marcus hates and wants revenge on, not Tim. So I want to let Marcus find me.”
“No way,” Luke said with finality in his voice. “That’s stupid and reckless.”
She smiled at Luke and shook her head. “No it’s not. I want you to take Tim and go somewhere safe. There is no reason Marcus would figure out where you are. Please Luke, I need to know Tim is taken care of, that’s all that matters. If we keep running, we’ll be alone again, and how safe is that? How long before Marcus picks up our trail again? How long can I drag a little boy around? I have no one else to go to for help. You know I’m right. I can’t keep doing this.”
John didn’t like where this plan of hers was going; or that she’d chosen Luke to take care of her son. He nodded toward her. “What about you?”
“I want to stay here and let Marcus find me. I want to use myself as bait and catch him.”
“Cassie you can’t!” Sarah exclaimed. John raised his eyebrows in surprise. He wouldn’t have guessed Sarah cared about Cassie’s safety so adamantly. She looked around the room. “You can’t let her do that.”
“For once, I agree with Sarah,” Kelly said.
Cassie put a hand up. “I’m not going to sit here all alone. I’ve talked to the police and told them everything. Before the haircut, that’s where I was. That was my goal today, to get a plan in place. A detective got in contact with Marcus’s parole officer, and Harry. They helped me figure out how to set a trap for him. They’ve agreed to stake out the house. They figure John will be the connection from Harry to me. Since Marcus never knew what John looked like, he’ll never know that the officer staying here isn’t John.”
“John? Why would Marcus Leary know anything about John?” Luke asked.
Cassie’s eyes widened. “I guess he wouldn’t. I just meant because John works with Harry maybe Marcus will make that connection.”
“You said never knew, like there is a history with John that Marcus would know about.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“You guys act weird together. I’ve noticed it from the first night you were here. Why is that?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“No there is something. What is it? Haven’t there been enough secrets?” Luke persisted.
Silence fell over the room. John closed his eyes. Shit. Luke had guessed something wasn’t right.
John sighed. “You told Leary about me?” His gaze now rested on Cassie.
Cassie’s head jerked up, her eyes stricken with regret.
“Well?” John asked.
“Sort of.”
“What is sort of?”
“He knew I was once involved with someone named John.”
“Why in the hell didn’t you mention this earlier?”
“Because all I told Marcus is that my only serious relationship before him was with someone named John. I didn’t see any way he’d find out your last name or be able to trace me through you. But now that Harry Everhart has come into the picture as my father, there is now a possibility Marcus will connect your name to me.”
No one said anything.
“I don’t even know what to say,” Sarah said finally. “Cassie and you?”
John got up and walked over to a window. “Yes. Cassie and me.”
“Have you been sleeping with her this entire time? I gather Cassie isn’t exactl
y who I thought she is.”
“No.”
“When? When were you two together?”
“A long time ago,” Cassie said.
“Did you know about this?” Luke asked Kelly.
Kelly shook her head, glaring at Cassie. “No. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you? I’ve been through everything with you, and you don’t tell me this? I always believed to this day you have never been in love, and now you’re telling me it was John? My school friend John Tyler?”
Cassie nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” Luke asked. Then to John. “I don’t get it, why wouldn’t you have told me? When Shelly died I talked to you over and over again about being in a relationship and you acted like you never had been in one. Why would you let me go on like that?”
There was pressure over his eye. John pushed at it with his thumb. “It had nothing to do with what you were going through.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?” Sarah asked, her tone quiet.
“No I was never going to talk about it.”
Cassie cleared her throat. “It was my fault. All of it. Why we kept it secret and why we never talked about it. It ended badly, and it was all my doing.”
“So that’s the reason John has been so adamant against you living here?” Luke asked.
Cassie nodded. “Yes.”
“When was it?” Kelly repeated Luke’s question.
“Ten years ago.”
“Why doesn’t anyone know?”
“It’s been no one’s business, until now.”
“It’s been mine,” Sarah suddenly spoke up. “You’re a real piece of work, Cassie. Here you are living with my boyfriend, and you fail to let me know you’re his ex?”
“Take that up with your boyfriend,” Cassie said, her sarcasm thick on the word boyfriend. “I told John to tell you everything. But as usual, John didn’t want to talk about it. Or me. Like always, I’m his dirty little secret.”
“That’s enough,” John interrupted them. All three women glared at him.
Kelly stopped for a moment. “Oh my God it was his?”