by Leanne Davis
Cassie shook her head at her sister.
Sarah looked at Cassie, then John, her eyes narrowed. “What does Kelly know that I don’t?”
John’s jaw ached from clenching it.
Cassie let out a sigh. “I was twenty-three, and John was eighteen. I ran into him and Luke one night by chance. And it started then. It was unexpected to me, and wonderful. We dated in secret for six months. No one ever knew.”
“Why all the secrecy?” Luke asked.
Cassie wrapped her arms around herself. “One reason was the age difference, especially because John was in high school, and I was not. And our siblings being the other’s age, made our relationship awkward. But mostly it was because I didn’t know how to be in a normal relationship. I was scared of it and how I felt. And I knew I’d screw it up. That’s just who I was.”
“Did you love him?” Kelly asked.
“Yes,” Cassie said softly, and then added, “We loved each other.”
John winced. He gritted his teeth. How dare she announce his feelings to a room of people who didn’t need to know about this?
“What happened?”
“I got pregnant.”
“My God this just got down right riveting,” Sarah mumbled. “What happened to it?’
“I had—”
John suddenly turned. “That’s enough Cassie. You’re not doing this. It’s no one’s business.”
Chapter Thirteen
She blinked. Then let out a slow breath. “I have to do this.”
“They get the gist of it.”
“I’m tired of all the secrets.” Cassie looked around the room. “I had an abortion, and I didn’t tell John about it.”
“Were you sorry?” Luke asked.
Cassie narrowed her eyes to John’s profile. “I was sorry it hurt him.”
John’s neck straightened as if her words had touched him with electricity.
“You didn’t tell him anything before you did it? ” Luke’s jaw was clenched, as if holding in his anger.
Still, John should be asking these questions.
“No.”
“And still you did it. How could you not even tell him? How did he find out?”
“He was eighteen years old, what was he going to do about it? Marry me? I didn’t want him to know it happened, it was a mistake he ever even found out. He found an insurance statement about the procedure.”
“That’s what you think your mistake was?” John asked quietly. His back was still turned, his gaze pinned outside.
Cassie’s heart turned to cement in her chest. John had finally engaged in the conversation that was ten years overdue.
“No, getting pregnant was.”
“You should have told me. You should have given me a chance, a say so.”
“Maybe. But I didn’t think so. It was the hardest decision I ever made. But I still think it was the right one. I could hardly even be in a functioning relationship, let alone have a baby.”
“How do you know what I would have asked you to do? You didn’t give me that chance.”
Tears filled her eyes. She thought back to that day, the pain and depression that followed it and the years that had gotten worse for her after. But she couldn’t have changed her decision. She blinked at the moisture, and said softly, “I’m sorry for how it hurt you. For how I betrayed you. It’s no excuse but I felt like I had no other choice.”
“You could have at least told me you were pregnant. I had a right to know.”
“And what would you have done? Convinced me to keep it? You were in high school. And I was a mess.”
“You did it without telling me.”
“I never wanted you to know about it. I wanted you to forget me, hate me, and move on from me forever. It was the only way I knew to let you go. I really thought I was doing what was best for you.”
“I was eighteen years old, and I loved you. You aborted a baby I knew nothing about. How could you think that would be better for me? Jesus do you know what you did to me?”
“I imagined it every day for years.”
“I will never forgive you.”
“Maybe it’s not for you to forgive.”
Cassie stopped dead. She turned to look at Sarah. So did everyone else. Sarah’s eyes were locked on John.
“What?” John asked.
“Maybe it wasn’t your call if she had an abortion or not. It really was her decision to make.”
Cassie and Sarah exchanged a look for the first time that had real warmth in it. “Thank you,” Cassie said quietly.
“Sarah?” John asked, obviously surprised to find where she weighed down in all this.
“You didn’t trust me enough to tell me about Cassie when all this took place ten years ago. I’m not irrational. I would have dealt with it and her. You didn’t give me that much credit,” Sarah said, her back rigid.
“My not telling you has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with wanting to avoid just this.”
Sarah looked at him and said simply, “You’re not over her.”
“The hell I’m not. Haven’t you heard a word of this?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about her if you are over her?”
“I never talked about it then, why would I now?”
“I think that’s your problem. You’ve held it in for so long, that you can’t get over it. You got your apology, and you got an explanation, even if you don’t like what that explanation is. Accept it John, it was ten years ago.”
“I don’t get why you’re so okay about all this.”
“All that I can see about Cassie’s story is that you didn’t tell me it. She told me it. And that doesn’t sit well with me.”
John stiffened but remained silent.
“I don’t know what this relationship is between us, but I do know you need to figure all of this other stuff out for yourself. Finish this John.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying don’t call me until you figure out what you want, or more specifically, who you want.”
Sarah got up and John started to follow her as she made her way to the door. Cassie wanted to slither away rather than be a witness to this. Sarah stopped him. “No John, it’s time to decide what this is we have. You can’t seem to find an overwhelming love for me. Call me when you resolve your feelings and get your life back under your control, we all know that’s how it has to be with you.”
With that Sarah turned and walked out the front door. John leaned into the door jamb, watching her car leave.
“Well, just when I was starting to think I could like her.” Kelly broke the silence.
“Not funny,” John said, and then he turned and strode out of the living room.
Luke scowled at Cassie.
“I’m sorry Luke. You didn’t know any of this about me.”
“What right does he have to judge you? Didn’t you listen to the surprisingly intelligent observations Sarah made?” Kelly interrupted.
Luke ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe it was just a lot to take in. My brother leaving me out of an important chunk of his life, and you, well it’s impossible for me to think of you this way. And Sarah leaving, it’s a lot for one hour.”
John suddenly appeared in the entry of the room. “What’s the rest of your plan?”
She hadn’t expected him to talk to her again for the rest of her life; let alone only minutes after his girlfriend had left because of her. “I want to use your house to lure Marcus to me.”
“No.”
Cassie blinked. “What do you mean no?”
“I mean no. You can’t sit here waiting for that bastard.”
“Better that way where I can control some of it, than sitting ducks somewhere else with Tim around,” she answered back.
Luke sighed. “Maybe she has a point. They have to do something. Either leave, or stay here and try to end it. Leary is going to find them. I think she’s right, much as I hate to have to let her do this. I don’t see any ot
her way. And Tim would be safe with me. And it goes without saying Kelly goes back home.”
“No, I’m going with Tim. Having me around will make him feel safer. He’ll be calmer with his aunt there to reassure him that his mom is going to be fine.”
Cassie hugged her sister. “That would mean the world to me.”
“Fine,” John snapped. “The three of you leave tonight. Pack and get Tim out of here. Go stay with Shelly’s aunt. She’ll be discreet, and there would be no reasonable way you’d be found.”
Cassie’s mouth dropped open.
Luke rose from his chair. “Well it makes sense. Let’s get going.”
“What do you mean we will stay here?” Cassie asked.
“Me. You chose Luke to protect Tim. That leaves me with you.” Then he turned and left the room.
“Hmm I don’t envy you,” Kelly said quietly. “I think Sarah is right, John’s getting his life back under his control.”
****
Marcus peeked around the heavy drapes covering the windows of the neighbor’s empty living room, across the street from the three story house he had tracked Cassie to.
Finally after all these miles, there she was, walking up the front steps and through the front door, directly in front of him. His fists clenched, his breathing came in jagged pants.
Cassie.
In the flesh. After all this time, this long hunt, he was within sight of her. He pushed the drapes back farther, growing reckless as his excitement built. He could see his son and Kelly through the windows. Kelly had probably tipped off Cassie that he was close. Damn her. This wasn’t going to be as easy as he had planned. And it was Kelly’s fault that Cassie originally had enough money to ever get away from him. Kelly would have to pay for that. And pay dearly.
Chapter Fourteen
Cassie sat on Tim’s bed explaining as best she could what was going on, without making it sound like what it was. Tim was shaken. He clung to Cassie, and she felt like she was handing her heart to Luke when he appeared in the doorway, ready to leave. Luke’s gaze softened, and he smiled at Cassie with sincere sympathy.
“It’ll be all right,” Luke said.
Tim reluctantly got to his feet. He clung to Ted. That too tugged at Cassie’s heart. Damn Marcus Leary for bringing this kind of fear and chaos into her little boy’s life.
Kelly waited by the front door. Cassie and Kelly embraced, making promises to keep safe. Tim’s tears fell big and wet over his cheeks. Cassie’s eyes ached from keeping her own tears in. She smiled at Tim, the fakeness of the gesture made her cheeks hurt. She kissed and hugged him. Kelly finally took his hand and led him down the sidewalk. Cassie thought she might get sick as Tim kept looking back, tears streaming into his mouth. Kelly ended up carrying him to Luke’s truck. Cassie hiccupped as tears finally fell free of her eyes. Oh God, could she do this? Send her scared son away from her? What if this was the wrong move? How would he sleep at night? What if he had a nightmare? How could she stand to be away from him? She should stay with him. Only she could really keep him safe. What if—
“It’s the right thing to do.” John’s voice interrupted her escalating panic.
She leaned her head against the closed door. She shook her head. “You can’t know that.”
“I know your first instinct is to protect him, and this was your first instinct.”
“I miss him already.”
John nodded, arms crossed over his chest. “I know.”
“I have never been the best person in the world, but I am a really good mom.”
“I know that too.”
She pushed off the door. She swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “I guess all we can do is wait.”
“We’re not just waiting. We’re moving forward. It’s better Tim isn’t here. You can’t do this if he’s here, and you need to do this if you ever plan to have a life again.”
“’This’ being catch a known felon in the act of trying to do something to me?”
John nodded. “Yeah, unfortunately that’s where we’re at.”
****
Cassie woke up. Someone was watching her. She opened her eyes without so much as twitching a toe. Her heartbeats felt like they were exploding inside of her ears. The dark was suffocating around her. What the hell had woken her?
Slowly her muscles started to unclench as she laid there, unmoving and listening. Nothing. No unfamiliar sounds came from the house. But it was creepy, knowing that Marcus could at any moment find her whereabouts. Cassie tried to relax and close her eyes. But her eyelids kept popping open. She was more scared than usual. Fear was a heavy object that was sitting on her lungs making her breathing heavy and tight.
And now that Luke wasn’t downstairs, how did she know someone wouldn’t get in? She was the first one they’d come to in the house. And for her it wasn’t the unknown, but an actual man looking for her.
That did it.
She flipped off the covers and slid off the bed. She tip-toed across the room and opened her door. It was dark in the hallway. She usually kept the hall light on for Tim. John must have flipped it off. The house was completely dark. She ran down the hall and to the stairs leading to the third floor, the whole time feeling like an imaginary hand was about to grab her from behind.
She hit the top of the stairs, glad the door was open and a light was shining under the closed bathroom door. Only then when she was safely in John’s room did she pause and consider what to do next. He was sound asleep in the center of the bed. She steeled herself for his inevitable wrath tomorrow when he discovered her there. But she simply was not staying in this monstrous house, downstairs, by herself. It was as cut and dried as that.
Cassie gingerly walked across the carpet and stood at the edge of the bed. As unobtrusively as possible she lifted the sheet and comforter in one hand and slid under, being sure to shift her weight around so as not to alert John. She stayed as close to the edge as possible. She then lay there for a moment. John didn’t move. He seemed oblivious to her presence. She then tucked the covers around her so she wouldn’t accidently touch or lay against him. Satisfied, and infinitely more at ease, she slowly started to relax. It was a while before she shut her eyes, but finally she fell asleep.
****
John woke up when a hand slapped against his cheek, landing on his pillow. His left side was exposed to air. He turned his head and found himself sharing a bed with, not his girlfriend, but Cassie. From the slim light in the bathroom he could see she was sprawled out in middle of the bed. He was pushed all the way to the edge of the mattress and covered only partially with one blanket. Cassie had the sheets and comforter wrapped all around her, tangled and twisted. Her short hair was messed up, and a chunk of it covered her face. The hand that had slapped him lay horizontal from her body, stretched out as far as her arm could reach.
He turned toward the clock and made out it was 3:46. When he’d come to bed he’d been so sick of Cassie, and all she brought along with her, he’d flicked off the lights in the house, glad she’d gone to bed and he’d been left to eat dinner in peace. He’d checked on her and found her in a solid sleep. He’d been pissed. Sarah had essentially broken up with him, and he didn’t know yet how he felt about that. And his emotions, which he tried at all times to avoid tapping too deeply into, had been overloaded to the point that he would have been happy to wash his hands of all the women in his life.
Discovering Cassie in bed next to him, John felt a burst of anger flash through him. What was she doing? Picking up on old habits? And according to her that included frequent bed hopping.
When had she gotten into bed with him? She hadn’t tried to wake him, and by the state of the covers he’d say she’d been asleep for a while to cause that much havoc. Then he looked at what she had on. She was in a full sweat suit, white sweats and pink sweatshirt, definitely not something a woman wears if she’s trying to seduce a man. She must have gotten scared, being now just the two of them, and knowing what she did of Leary.
And now here she slept with him. He hated her, and let her know it. He’d been shocked to learn the facts of her life over the last few weeks, especially her bluntness about what had happened between them. But he’d also seen parts of her personality trickle out that reminded him so much of whom he’d thought he’d been in love with all those years ago. And new things about her that he grudgingly admitted he liked.
Cassie and Tim were something together. She was good with him, and good to him. All her energy went into Tim and Tim’s well-being. And damn her, there was something he liked about being around her, something he had always liked. He couldn’t seem to shake this morbid fascination he had with her. He hated what she’d done to him and nothing she said had changed that. There was no gray area in his eyes on that. Cassie had betrayed him unlike any other person in his life. And yet here he’d let her into his house, and into his life in a way he’d not even come close to letting Sarah. And now she’d even invaded his bed.
And to his surprise, instead of waking her and demanding she leave, he left her there. He didn’t see any reason to explain any of this to her. He gently put his hands on her lower back and scooted her over some so he didn’t end up falling out of bed. Then he went about untangling the knot of covers and snapping them full of air so they landed softly and equally over both of them. She wiggled about some under his ministrations but stayed asleep. Then she suddenly flopped over, taking the blankets with her. He sighed, Cassie couldn’t even sleep unobtrusively.
****
John glanced at the clock, it was already past eight. He sat up. Cassie had snuck out sometime, he’d bet in the daylight hours. She probably thought he’d had no idea she’d been up here, as if he didn’t know the moment the woman came into a room.
John entered the kitchen. Cassie sat at the table drinking coffee wearing just what she’d slept in. He poured coffee into a cup.
It was weirder than usual. The house was silent except for the little bits of movements they made. There was no Tim bouncing around or his voice echoing off from somewhere in the house. Now, however it was Cassie and John sharing coffee in the morning.