The Secret Lives of Emma: Distractions

by Walker, Natasha

  TWENTY-NINE

  Emma was wasting water. The oversize shower head released hundreds of individual streams of steaming hot water which fell upon Emma, who stood dreaming with her head back and eyes closed. She had nothing else to do. She had handed in her last essay and the day which stretched out before her was as featureless as the ocean beyond the heads. Emma, therefore, had no pressing need to step from the near scalding warmth of the shower into the cool air of her en suite. The door was ajar and the balcony doors were open wide.

  She was luxuriating in the simple indulgence of hot water. With the essays completed she felt a great relief, and with David happy and excited about her again, showing his love in a million different ways and promising a trip overseas before a baby came, she realised she was happier than she had ever been. Somehow these last few weeks had brought her closer to David. The fear of losing him, or of her wanting to leave him, had made her focus more on the marriage. She could never tell him the truth but she felt she could be honest with him. She could be naked with him. There were just certain outfits she would never wear in his presence. He was a far sexier beast now. He was happy, he was less fearful. He could do anything, anywhere, anyhow. He was the instigator of much of their play. There was more aggression in the expression of his desire, he was more cavalier, off-handish. He was confident – sexually confident, that is. He’d always been confident in other matters.

  The truth was simple. Emma liked him more like this. She was overwhelmed by his attraction for her. And yet she felt he didn’t need her as he once did. He wanted her far more than he needed her. He loved her and showed that he found her the most attractive woman in the world, but he had less fear of her. He was no longer cautious. He ate her with gusto. Since Emma had revealed her concerns about their relationship David had been living well on the assumption there had been a shift in the power balance. She needed him! Emma needed him! How wonderful! He had nothing to fear.

  Emma turned off the shower and began to towel herself down. She then took David’s bathrobe off the hook and put it on. For the next few minutes she busied herself with moisturising and tidying and messing with her hair. As she had no idea what she might do with her day she was undecided as to whether to bother making herself up or doing her hair. Caught between no options she turned and opened the en suite door wide.

  Her eyes were drawn immediately to the figure seated on her bed. She let out an involuntary scream and jumped back. Then, her heart racing, her hands covering her mouth, she ran at the impudent boy.

  ‘Jason!’ she said, hitting him with open palms.

  Jason raised his hands to block her playful swipes.

  ‘You shit! You shit! You shit!’

  He was laughing. He was a very different boy from the one who had landed in her garden. ‘Hello, Mrs Benson.’

  ‘Hello, Mrs Benson? Hello, Mrs Benson!’ she repeated, knocking him onto his back. She stepped away from the bed and stared at him. Her heart was still racing. He had given her such a fright.

  ‘How did you get in?’

  ‘The back door is wide open,’ he said, getting up and leaning on his elbow. He looked very comfortable on her bed.

  ‘Why aren’t you at school?’

  ‘I’m done. Exams are over. I’m a free man.’

  ‘Congratulations.’

  He smiled.

  The breeze blew through the room. Emma stood smiling at him. She felt no need for words at that moment. He was as he should be. He wore his tatty jeans and a plain white t-shirt. No shoes. His hair was a mess, his face, hands and feet tanned and his smile cheeky.

  ‘Why aren’t you with Jess?’ Emma asked. She had just visualised him as she last saw him, smiling at her across the cinema.

  ‘She’s coming around later,’ he said, as easy as can be.

  ‘So what are you doing here?’

  ‘Dunno,’ he said, dropping the word on the floor before her, wrapped in a brown paper bag.

  ‘Dunno, huh?’ she said, unconvinced. She knew what the word had done to her.

  ‘I just wanted to see you.’

  ‘You’ve had plenty of opportunities before now.’

  ‘I’ve been busy.’

  ‘I’m sure you have,’ said Emma.

  Now the silence was uncomfortable, but only momentarily. Jason was having none of that.

  ‘I don’t remember you being very concerned about me,’ he said, and saw her face change. ‘Not that I minded. We had fun. I learnt a lot from you, Emma. I’m different now. Better. So don’t worry. But I’m here now. That’s something, isn’t it?’

  ‘You are different, Jason. You are Jason, aren’t you? Not some gorgeous imposter?’ She was struck by the extent of his bravado.

  ‘You bet. I’m not that different. This was how I was before but I just couldn’t tell anyone. You have shown me how to speak, how to take what I want.’

  ‘I know how you feel,’ she said.

  ‘Do you?’

  ‘It happened to me. I’m sure it happens to lots of people, if they’re lucky.’

  ‘Hmmm.’

  ‘So when is Jess coming around?’

  ‘I don’t know. This afternoon. We have time.’

  ‘For?’

  ‘For …’

  ‘What makes you think you can just jump the fence any time and fuck me?’

  ‘Who said anything about fucking?’

  Emma laughed. She still stood her ground a few metres from the end of the bed. Her greatest challenge was restraining herself from ripping open David’s robe.

  ‘You have much to learn, young man. There are ways to go about things.’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘What about Jess?’ she asked.

  ‘What about her?’

  ‘Is she your girlfriend?’

  ‘Yep,’ he said, proudly.

  ‘But you come over here anyway. Do you feel bad about that?’

  ‘I don’t care, Emma,’ he said.

  ‘You have to care, baby,’ she said, shifting her body so that she faced him. ‘You have to care. You can’t just run roughshod over people’s feelings. It’s just that, at the same time, you can’t let their inhibitions become yours.’

  ‘I just want you, Emma,’ he said. ‘I’ll break it off with Jess, this afternoon, if you will see me.’

  Then he said, before she had time to gather her thoughts, ‘If you let me see you often.’

  ‘And here I was wondering what I was going to do today!’ she said, stepping off the bed. She knew then that she had made her decision, she was having David’s baby, she would be true to him.

  This decision did not prevent her from teasing over-confident neighbours, however. She turned and headed for her wardrobe. Opening both doors wide, each with their full-length mirrors on the inside, she pushed aside the clothes hanging within, bunching them up to the left and went through each item, dragging them quickly across to the right. She stopped a moment, shrugged off David’s bathrobe, and stood naked with her back to the boy.

  The mirrors on either door reflected tantalising but partial alternative views. Jason wondered whether to jump up and grab her, but he wisely chose to stay where he was.

  Emma had always enjoyed the effect jeans had on men. Knowing Jason was watching her every move intently, she bent over to take a pair of old jeans from a shelf below the hanging clothes. Jason groaned. Then she stepped gingerly into the jeans, bending again. She felt herself becoming exposed. Ever so slowly Emma pulled the jeans up her lovely legs. Jason saw that she had trouble getting her butt into them. She held them under the cheeks of her arse for a long time, then gradually eased them up over the gorgeous round peach, jumping as she did so. He heard the zip shut.

  ‘Come here,’ he said, motioning with his hand. ‘Didn’t you forget to put something on when you dressed?’

  ‘No,’ she said.

  ‘I think you did.’ He still hadn’t moved. He was being so casual. She was certainly curious. He had something up his sleeve. ‘There was a piece o
f very important clothing missing. Every decent girl wears them.’

  ‘Oh, then you mistake me for someone else,’ she said. She was becoming excited by this new tack. Who was this Jason? Had he been under all that puppy fat all along?

  ‘Do you want to see what I have?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said.

  ‘Do you really?’

  ‘Yes.’

  She watched as he sunk his hand into his pocket and brought forth something black, which he then held scrunched up in his fist.

  ‘Put out your hand,’ he said. ‘Now close your eyes.’

  Emma obeyed. She found this all so cute. She loved receiving presents … Who doesn’t? She felt something soft fall into her palm.

  ‘Open them,’ he said.

  Emma saw a pair of black undies. Nothing too flash. Much like the ones she wore for comfort.

  ‘Thank you, Jason. You’re very kind.’

  ‘They’re yours,’ he said, bemused to find her so unimpressed. ‘The ones you gave me in the supermarket.’

  ‘You are a sexy, sexy bastard,’ she said. ‘You can keep the undies, baby. You earned them.’

  He tried to grab her but she pushed him back with a firm hand and said, ‘I’ve caused you so much trouble.’

  ‘You can cause more if you like,’ he said.

  ‘If I cause trouble shouldn’t I offer you something in return?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said, hopefully.

  ‘Wait there.’ She walked around the big bed and hunted through a pile of books there. She found the one she was hunting.

  ‘Ah-ha!’ she said, standing up on her side of the bed.

  Jason turned around.

  ‘If I tear something down, it is my responsibility to rebuild. Come out on the balcony with me.’

  Jason followed her out.

  Emma opened an umbrella and sat beneath it. Jason settled in the chair to her left. He threw his feet up onto the banister. He was under her spell again.

  ‘Life is dull without literature, it is limited and monotonous. The more you know the funnier general life can seem, but also, and this will interest you, my young stud, life is made more erotic by knowledge. Personal experience just isn’t a large enough scope for learning. Books are the essential ingredient to an erotic life. Without them the imagination wilts and dies. We shall have a lot of fun if you make an effort to read. I will help you. I will lend you good books.’

  Emma had been facing the teenager. She had held his eyes with her own. She wanted him to understand. She would teach him to love books, to love life with open eyes, to tread carefully and with intent rather than to be a blunderer. But she had a long, long way to go. She stroked his leg. But unlike other teachers she had a way to keep his attention, and to keep him coming willingly back to class.

  ‘Zorba, the Greek by Nikos Kazantzakis. Have you heard of it?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Good.’

  Jason sat waiting. Surely she wasn’t going to read to him.

  Surely she was going to let him …

  ‘Chapter One. I first met him in Piraeus …’

  THIRTY

  ‘No, babe, don’t worry. You come as soon as you can. Don’t rush. I’ve done the shopping. I’d planned on having dinner ready by seven. Sally and Mark said they’d be over around then. They won’t mind. I’ll entertain them until you arrive. No, I don’t want to cancel. It isn’t a big deal. I love you too. Just get home when you can. I’ll serve up as soon as you walk through the door. OK, babe. See you soon. Bye.’

  Emma put the phone back in her handbag. She had been walking to her car after doing some shopping in the mini-market when the call had come through. She picked up the two hessian bags she had been carrying and began walking again. They were growing heavier with each step. She momentarily forgot where she had parked and glanced around the car park.

  Paul was leaning against the side of her BMW.

  He came forward and kissed her on the cheek, taking both of the bags from her.

  ‘How long have you been here?’ she asked, pressing the button to unlock the boot. She raised the lid and Paul lifted the bags in.

  ‘I was coming to see you but as I was driving down Awaba Street you passed me going up. By the time I turned my old girl around you were gone. I took a punt and came here. And now I have found you.’

  ‘You know, you could just call me,’ she said, and closed the boot. They had not spoken for weeks now.

  ‘I know, but I didn’t want to keep you from doing what you were doing. I was happy to wait.’

  ‘If you’d called I would have told you I was busy. Sally and Mark are coming to dinner tonight.’

  ‘Sally and Mark, huh?’

  Emma stared at him.

  ‘You have a problem with that?’

  ‘I need to talk to you, Emma.’

  ‘Can it wait? I have to get going.’

  ‘You’re not still mad at me, are you?’

  ‘Things have changed, Paul.’

  ‘What things?’

  ‘I don’t want to discuss it with you.’

  ‘Are you shutting me out?’

  ‘We’ve had our fun, Paul.’

  ‘You can’t be serious!’

  ‘I’m not playing any more. I’m going to … I am David’s wife. And that is that. It’s over.’

  ‘What has he done to you? This is madness! You don’t even sound like you.’

  Emma turned from him and opened the driver’s side door and got into her car.

  Paul dashed forward and stopped her from closing the door.

  ‘Emma!’

  ‘Let me go, Paul.’

  ‘I can’t let you do this to yourself!’

  ‘Do what?’ Emma turned angrily. Her beautiful face showing her exasperation.

  Paul was about to speak. The words had almost left his lips, but at the last second he faltered.

  Emma yanked at the door.

  He saw that she was determined to go, that if he let her leave she may never speak to him again. He must tell her what he had come to tell her. He held the door firmly.

  ‘Paul!’

  ‘Emma, he’s not what he appears to be.’

  ‘Who? David?’

  ‘Yes, David. He’s cheating on you.’

  ‘Bullshit!’

  ‘It’s true.’

  Emma gripped the steering wheel. She was trying to grasp what he was telling her. She found it difficult to believe. She took a deep breath.

  ‘So?’

  ‘You can’t “so?” this, Em. This isn’t something you can absorb. It is big. It is too big for even you to accept or forgive.’

  ‘Don’t tell me how to react.’

  She yanked at the door again and this time Paul let her close it. She put the keys in the ignition. Her hand was shaking. She was running through the last few weeks. The time she and David had spent together. All of the plans they had been making, his excitement about their having a child together, his tenderness and his unimpeded and ever increasing appetite for her. What Paul had said was impossible. Yet her hands shook and she felt as though she might be sick.

  It was impossible.

  She put the car in reverse and eased her way back. She could feel the tears coming and took deep breaths. She had to get away from Paul.

  She put the car in drive and pressed the accelerator. The car revved but didn’t move. She realised she had put it in neutral. She looked down and tears filled her eyes. Finally she drove off, leaving Paul standing in the empty parking spot.

  She only made it a few streets before she had to pull over. The tears fell uninterrupted. She convulsed and collapsed against the steering wheel. She cried as she hadn’t cried before. Her heart hurt. She wasn’t angry, she was in pain. She felt her whole being unravel. She loved him so much. She had given herself to him. It had taken some time, but she had finally decided that all she wanted was him. He was the one. The central figure in her life.

  An hour passed by. She had been unable to move or to thi
nk. The tears had come and gone and come again.

  She reached down to her handbag and lifted it up, searching for her phone.

  His number was on speed dial. She pressed it.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Just tell me. Who is it?’

  ‘Sally. He bought an apartment for her in Kirribilli. He sees her every day.’

  She hung up.

  She breathed in deeply and wiped her eyes. The phone said it was a quarter to seven. She tilted the rear-view mirror and saw that her face was a mess.

  Her phone rang. It was him.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m worried about you. Where are you? I’m out in front of your house.’

  ‘Go home.’

  ‘No, I won’t. Not without you. Come and stay with me.’

  ‘You think I am going to go off with you after what you’ve done?’

  ‘What have I done?’

  ‘Don’t fuck with me, Paul. You just told me my husband is having an affair with my best friend. I hate you. There was no need for you to tell me. What is your motto? When in doubt lie?’

  ‘But you’re not someone I can lie to.’

  ‘You didn’t need to lie, you just needed to stay away. You came to destroy my life.’

  ‘I want you, Emma.’

  ‘Well, you can’t have me.’

  ‘You’re not going to stay with him.’

  ‘I’d be a hypocrite to judge him. I’ve done worse.’

  ‘You’re going to stay with him?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I won’t let you. I’m going to tell him I told you. I’m going to tell Mark that Sally is cheating on him. I’ll bring it all down.’

  ‘Paul, go home.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You can’t undo this. I am David’s wife for better or for worse.’

  ‘You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re in shock.’

  ‘Paul, I know what I’m saying. I love David and I am going to stay with him.’

  ‘This is crazy. Come home with me. We’ll talk to David tomorrow.’

  ‘I’m staying, Paul. I’m going to have his baby.’