Big Bad Marine

by Jackie Ashenden

  “Why can’t we eat it in bed?” she grumbled, pulling on his T-shirt and shaking out her golden curls before coming over to the table and sitting down. “That way I don’t have to get up.”

  “Because I don’t want pizza sauce in the sheets.” He put a piece of pizza on a paper napkin and handed it to her. “Some of us don’t like smelling of tomato.”

  She took it from him and bit into it with small white teeth, then gave a happy sigh and leaned back in the chair. “Whoa, this is great. Is pizza always this delicious after sex or is it just a particularly delicious pizza?”

  He grinned, liking how she was sitting there, all sex-rumpled and gorgeous, wearing nothing but his T-shirt.

  Don’t get used to it.

  Ignoring the thought, he grabbed his own piece. “Have you thought it might be the particularly delicious sex?”

  She blushed, which made her even more gorgeous. “It could be that, it’s true.” Leaning forward, she picked up one of the beers that he’d gotten before they’d stopped at the motel for the night, and popped the tab. “Beer, pizza and sex. I’m a fan.” She paused and took a long sip. “Hmmm. I think I just turned into a guy.”

  He laughed. “Better not. No judgment, but I’m strictly into chicks.”

  “Wait.” Rose held up a hand then quickly glanced down the neckline of the T-shirt. “No, it’s okay. You can relax. They’re still there.”

  West sat back in his chair and gave her a pointed look. “Are you sure? Maybe I should check.”

  Her blush deepened and he found it adorable that though she could plainly dish out innuendo, she couldn’t take it.

  “I’m sure,” she said, rather primly. “Besides, I’m going to need sustenance before we do anything else.” Finishing up her slice of pizza, she reached for another, leaning her elbows on the table. “So, what’s the plan for when we get to Vegas?”

  A small jolt went through him at the mention of the reason they were even in this crappy motel in the first place. Vegas. Fucking Ian Jenkins, the skip they were supposed to be tracking down and dragging back to Texas.

  Christ, he’d barely thought of the guy this entire trip. And that was weird, because he’d been waiting for the chance to take that prick down for years. An unsettled feeling twisted in West’s gut. He didn’t usually get derailed when he was on a mission, especially not one this important.

  Relax. You’re not derailed, you’re simply not thinking about it.

  True. Then again, he should be thinking about it. Because he didn’t have a plan, for Christ’s sake. And that could turn out to be potentially dangerous, especially considering he was dragging a newbie agent along with him.

  “Still sorting it out in my head,” he said, not wanting Rose to know he actually didn’t have one, especially when he was supposed to be showing her the ropes. And it wasn’t a lie, not technically. He was sorting it out in his head. Right now. “But don’t worry. When I’ve firmed up the details I’ll tell you what we’re going to do.”

  “Can I help? Working out how to approach someone is probably something I could use some tips on.”

  “Not yet.”

  “Oh, but I could—”

  “No, Rose.”

  She scowled. Then put her pizza down and stared at him. “This is supposed to be a learning experience for me, West. So there better not be some protective bullshit going on. I’m going to be an agent whether you and Lily want me to or not, so the quicker I start picking up the basics, the safer I’m going to be.”

  Fuck. She wasn’t wrong and he was being a territorial dick.

  “There’s no protective bullshit,” he said. “I just prefer going over the strategy myself. You’ll help with the takedown, I promise.”

  Rose balled up her napkin then chucked it onto the table, shifting around in her seat the way she always did. “This job is really important to me. I need to do it right. For Lily.”

  There was something painfully honest in her expression, something vulnerable that made his chest tighten though he wasn’t sure why. Because he knew how Rose looked up to her sister, how she wanted to do Duchess proud. It wasn’t something she let anyone often see, but it was there all the same.

  “And you will do it right.” He gave her a steady look back, wanting to acknowledge it. “You’ll do her proud, darlin’, make no mistake.”

  She looked down at the table again and there was a long pause. “Sometimes, I wonder.” Her finger began to trace little circles on the tabletop. “Sometimes, I wonder if I really do.”

  West frowned, the uncertain note in her voice sliding under his skin and catching painfully. He put his beer down and sat forward, studying her face. “What do you mean?”

  Rose let out a breath, her attention on the circles she was drawing. “She gave up a lot for me. Lily did, I mean. When Dad went to prison, she was kind of lumped with me. I know she had all these plans for college, stuff like that and then…” Her finger made another circle. “Then she couldn’t do any of it because she had to look after me.”

  He wasn’t sure where she was going with this and he didn’t like the doubt threading through the words, not one bit. “Well, of course, she couldn’t. But she wouldn’t ever have regretted it, darlin’. You know that. You’re important to her.”

  Rose was, after all, why West had been hired by Duchess in the first place. Because Duchess had been afraid for Rose as well as for herself.

  Rose didn’t say anything, her finger moving around and around. “I do know that. Sometimes, I just…” She stopped all of a sudden, her finger stilling.

  West found he was sitting almost motionless, his attention focused on her, the tightness in his chest aching. He had no idea why she was telling him this, but he realized he wanted her to go on, to hear what it was that she just. Because he had a feeling that it was important, that she was revealing a hidden part of herself, a vulnerable part.

  That he wasn’t worthy of such trust, he knew already. But if she wanted to tell him, then he wasn’t going to stop her. Who else did she have, after all? There were always going to be some things she couldn’t tell her sister.

  He slid a hand out and let it cover hers, wrapping his fingers around it, holding its small shape in his. “You just what?” he prompted.

  She looked up at him, her eyes widening, as if she hadn’t expected him to touch her like that. But she didn’t pull her hand from his and she didn’t look away. Instead, she lifted a shoulder. “You don’t want to hear it. I’m just being stupid. And pathetic.”

  He firmed his grip, feeling the softness of her skin beneath his fingers. “Tell me anyway.”

  Her gaze returned to the table and she stared at it for a long, silent minute. “I want to make it worth it,” she said suddenly, fiercely. “I want to make Lily having to give up her future to look after me worth it. I want to help her. I want to make it so she doesn’t have to worry so much, or work so hard.” She glanced at him again, a glow in her eyes. “Because if she’d been at college, if she’d been a lawyer like she’d wanted, she’d never have met Mason.”

  Ah, so that’s what all this was about. That fuck.

  Anger threaded through him, making him tighten his grip on her hand. “That asshole has got nothing to do with you, darlin’. You’re not to blame for what went down with him and neither is Duchess.”

  “But if I hadn’t been so young, she wouldn’t—”

  “But nothing.” He stared hard into those big, beautiful blue eyes. “The world is full of ‘what ifs’ and ‘should haves’, and you’ll drive yourself fucking crazy going over and over that shit. So, don’t do it. The past is set and you can’t do anything to change it.”

  “I know, but I—”

  “The only thing you can do is figure out how to deal with it. How you deal with it.” Gently, he turned her hand in his, rubbing his thumb over her palm. “And that’s not by trying to prove yourself to anyone.”

  She blinked rapidly. “I wasn’t.” But her voice was husky and no doubt s
he could hear the lie as well as he did.

  “Sure, you weren’t. Duchess looked after you because you were her sister. Because you were her family and she loved you, nothing more and nothing less.” And she’d looked after Rose a damn sight better than he had his own sister, that was for sure, though he wasn’t going to tell Rose that. “It wasn’t your fault your father was in prison, just like it wasn’t your fault that Mason was a fucking asshole who couldn’t control himself.” He studied her delicate face, trying to read her expression. “But you don’t believe that, do you?”

  She lifted her shoulder, noncommittal, and he didn’t know why it was important to him that she tell him what all of this was about, but he wanted to understand all the same.

  “What is it, Rosie girl?” he asked quietly. “What is it you’re trying to prove?”

  West’s hand was very warm and Rose wanted to hold onto it like a kid with a comfort blanket. Which was ridiculous and a bit pathetic.

  Then again, this whole conversation was pathetic and she couldn’t think why she’d started it in the first place. Especially when the last thing she wanted to do was unburden herself to West, reveal all the painful little insecurities she kept locked down inside her.

  Too late, idiot.

  She should never have said anything. Maybe it was the beer, or maybe the deliciousness of the pizza, or that she’d felt so relaxed after all the pleasure he’d given her. Whatever, she’d opened her mouth and all that shit about how much Lily had given up for her had come out. She’d only meant to tell West that this job was important to her and why, not to open up the entire contents of her soul.

  And she really did not want to tell him where all the doubt stemmed from. At least where she was pretty sure it all stemmed from. Mason and how he’d manipulated her, how he’d hurt her. Making her feel powerless and weak.

  “Rose,” West prompted softly, as if he’d read her mind. “Want to tell me what’s going on with you?”

  “No,” she replied honestly. Because she didn’t.

  “Why not?”

  Because no one needed to hear about her own naivety. Her belief that she could protect her sister from the man hurting her all by herself. That she could save Lily and make everything better simply by telling Mason to fuck off.

  No, no one needed to hear that stupidity. Certainly not the strong, hard man sitting opposite her. The man who was finally seeing her as a woman. She didn’t want to remind him just what a child she’d once been.

  So, instead, she said, “Because I’ve finished my pizza and I’ve got some time to make up, if you know what I mean.” She followed it up with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle, but judging by the expression on his face he was not fooled by her bullshit. He only looked at her, his gaze steady, direct.

  This was dumb. She’d wanted to know more about him, not end up talking about herself.

  “Why should I tell you anything?” She dropped the flirtatiousness since he wasn’t looking like he wanted to be distracted. “You never tell me anything about you.”

  His gaze didn’t flicker, his thumb stroking her palm in a way that was both soothing and distracting at the same time. “What do you want to know?”

  The casualness of the response took her off guard. She was expecting him to protest or ignore her, since he’d never been exactly open about his life before. “What does that mean?” She gave him an uncertain look. “You want to talk about yourself or something?”

  “Sure.” He lifted a shoulder like it wasn’t a big deal. “Why not?”

  Rose narrowed her gaze. “So… I can ask you a question and you’ll answer it?”

  Silver glinted in West’s eyes. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure that’s what I said.”

  The obvious catch here was that if she asked him about himself, she was obviously going to have to reciprocate. Then again, maybe it would be worth it?

  “Okay,” she said slowly, because she might as well. “Why do you think you’re not a good man?”

  He let out a sharp breath and glanced away unexpectedly. “Fuck, you don’t start easy, do you?”

  She could have left it, she supposed. Stuck to something innocuous. But she had the feeling this chance wouldn’t come again, so there was no way she was backing down. Instead, she used his own trick of silence, merely waiting.

  His grip on her hand tightened and he glanced at her again. “I have a little sister, though she’s not so little anymore. Had it rough over the past decade. Got into meth pretty hardcore and been through a number of rehab programs. Nothing worked. She came to me a year or so ago, wanting money. I told her no, because I knew where she was going to spend it.” He let out a breath. “She was very angry. Told me her addiction was my fault.”

  Rose frowned. “But how was it your fault?”

  “I was…wild when I was a teenager. Drinking, stealing cars, getting into fights, the works. And then my dad took me in hand and told me if I wanted to be part of the family still, I needed to join the Marines. I never wanted a military career. Dad was a rigid old bastard who only got more so after Mom died and he never fucking shut up about how great it was to be a Marine. So, it was the last thing I wanted to do. But he told me I was getting out of hand, that I needed to set an example for Carly, and so I signed up.” West shook his head. “It was better than I expected, to be honest, but I fell in with the wrong crowd there as well. Became friends with someone who was interested in the same stuff I was, which was basically girls and booze, and who I thought was a good guy. So, I brought him home for the weekend.” West paused, a hard light in his eyes. “Carly liked him and he took a shine to her. Asked her out to a bar. She was under age but she wanted to go, and I told her she wasn’t allowed. She argued with me and I was kind of drunk and lost my temper with her. Told her to go, see if I cared if she got picked up by the cops.”

  Rose found she was sitting very still, a cold feeling inside her.

  “So, Carly went. And she wasn’t picked up by the cops.” West’s expression was like stone. “She was raped by my so-called buddy.

  Rose’s gut lurched. “Oh no, West.”

  He looked away. “Carly didn’t tell me for a couple of weeks and by then my buddy was long gone and she was a mess. She went downhill pretty quickly after that. Dad blamed me. He said that the Marines would have straightened me out, but apparently I hadn’t learned anything. He thought I should have known my friend was an asshole and that I should have done more to protect her.” West’s expression twisted. “He wasn’t wrong. I should have. She blamed me, too, for bringing Ian home. For not telling her what kind of guy he was. For all kinds of things.”

  Rose’s throat tightened. She’d had no idea about any of this. No idea he’d even had a sister, let alone the rest of it. That poor girl. And she could certainly imagine what kind of impact that had had on him. He was such a protective man and for this to have happened, to have had the blame laid at his feet like that… Of course, he would have picked it up and shouldered it.

  No wonder he’d ended up in first the protection industry and then in fugitive recovery.

  “That’s awful.” She shifted her fingers so this time it was her hand around his. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

  For a second, he just looked at her and she couldn’t interpret the expression on his face. Then he said, “Why are you sorry? It didn’t happen to me. It happened to my sister. Because both she and Dad were right. It was my fault.”

  “But how? How were you to know your friend would do something like that?”

  “Because he was a fucking asshole. And I knew it.” That edge glittered in his eyes, the sharp edge of a knife. “Deep down I did. But I was angry at Dad for shaming me into the military. For making me join up when I didn’t want to. And I was determined that the Marines wouldn’t change me, so I was trying to make a point.” His voice became cold. “And I did. And Carly ended up getting hurt because of me.”

  Her chest felt tight; beneath that hard, glittering edge in his eyes, she could
feel his anguish and it hurt her, too. She wanted to make it better for him somehow, but she didn’t know what to say.

  “You can’t blame yourself—” she began.

  “But I do,” he cut her off, before she could finish. “Now it’s your turn.”

  Rose opened her mouth, then closed it, the change of subject so abrupt it took her a second to register. “I didn’t really want to turn this into a tit for tat.”

  “Yeah, well, you wanted to know something about me, so I told you.” West’s gaze was unrelenting. “And now turnabout is fair play.”

  She swallowed and looked down at the table top, conscious that she was still holding his hand and that he hadn’t pulled away. It felt wrong to change the subject after what he’d told her, to talk about her own stuff, but what else could she do? “So, what do you want to know?”

  “I want to know what you’re trying to prove. And why?”

  Telling him about Mason – telling anyone about Mason – was always going to be tough, because of what it revealed about her. And given what had happened to his sister, it was only going to be even more difficult, because he would not be happy about it. Not one bit.

  It would be good to tell someone, though, wouldn’t it?

  A part of her agreed. Yet another part of her didn’t want anyone to know, not about how weak and vulnerable she truly was deep down inside. Especially not West. But he wouldn’t let her get away with not saying something.

  “You can’t tell Lily.” She looked at him, feeling suddenly fierce, because the last thing in the world she wanted was for her sister to find out. It would gut Lily and she knew it. “Promise me, West. You’ll never tell her. It would hurt her really badly and I couldn’t stand that.”

  He studied her a long second then nodded. “Okay. I promise I won’t.”

  Rose took a little breath, something tight relaxing inside her, while at the same time something else coiled even tighter. “It’s about Mason. He was trying to get Lily to move in with him – this was before she hired you – and he kept hassling her about it. She refused but he wouldn’t leave her alone.” Her heart was beating faster no matter how hard she tried to slow it down, remembering. “So, I decided that he needed to stop. I went around to his place and I told him that if he kept hassling Lily, I’d call the police.” She concentrated on West’s warm hand around hers, the strength in his fingers. “He laughed then invited me inside to ‘have a chat’.”