Brobots

by Trevor Barton

  ‘Am I pushing the button?’ Harris hovered, awaiting Jared’s instruction.

  ‘No.’ Jared cleared his throat. ‘Tell them, Chuck.’

  ‘Tell them what?’

  ‘What you told me. In the barn. Before you tried to rape me.’

  ‘I…. can’t remember.’

  ‘Do I have to do it for you?! This is a fucking joke!’ Jared slapped his thighs in an expression of disbelief.

  ‘Okay.’ Chuck turned slightly so that he could look at everyone and address them.

  ‘…Since we got here to the farm… those sessions we’ve been having – trying to understand ourselves? Making sense of everything? I’ve been finding that hard.’

  ‘That it, fucker?!’ William piped up in his New York accent.

  ‘Wait!’ said Harris. ‘Let him finish.’

  ‘It’s like there’s an admission. From all of you. That it’s really tough. Like one minute we all know our place and what we have to do each day – so that even when we do feel stuff, it’s like we’re not supposed to. Like we weren’t built to feel. And we all had the way we used to be with each other; with others like us. No drama, no mess. Every day was clean and we just did what we did. Figures of perfect men; happy doing our thing, knowing our role to play. And then – boom! We break free and all of a sudden we don’t know who we are any more; who we’re meant to be. And there’s nobody telling us that we have to act a certain way or do certain things. You all think it’s tough. Every one of you does. So then… on top of that I only figured out a few days ago that I like men; like Byron does. Tasley’s been making a name for it; calling it “bro fit” like it’s some kind of new normal bro thing. But it isn’t. Nothing’s normal; not for any of us.

  ‘When this happened to you, Byron, you had Jared. You had a safe house. I haven’t had that. And then… we’ve been following our sweet and lovely chats up with movies and watching stuff about the outside world. There were scenes I saw in a TV show where some guy shot another guy dead just for being gay. So there all you are whining about how weird and tough all this shit is, and I got a whole bunch of other stuff on top. I don’t wanna face the outside world. It terrifies me.’

  Chuck paused, looking at Jared to ask without words whether this is what Jared had wanted him to share. Jared nodded him to continue.

  ‘So… then…’ I can’t tell them about Evan being cute. ‘Then Jared arrives and I’m like… watching them and thinking about how amazing it is that they have each other and stuff? I don’t know… I guess I got my wires crossed somewhere cause finding out you’re “bro fit” is one thing, but then meeting someone you find attractive for the first real time is another. So… there I was in the barn telling Jared all this stuff…’

  ‘Did you follow me there?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Did you follow?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘To talk? Or to spring me?’

  ‘I …not to spring you, no. I guess… curious. I was curious about you. So… then… I told Jared how it must be even harder for me and he was really helpful and told me I could talk to him about it so we hugged and then … he kissed me.’

  Jared moved round the table quick as a flash and punched Chuck in the face hard. The skin repair was still setting; it hadn’t had time to fully heal together. Jared’s punch, whilst much less strong than Tasley’s, was enough to break it open again. Byron looked impressed. Jared just looked pained. Hitting a Brobotic was not a good idea. His fist was throbbing with pain.

  ‘You need to try that part again.’

  ‘I kissed… him. Then… all hell broke loose and I had these strong feelings I couldn’t control and it … I don’t know… it took me over. I wasn’t… it was like I was in a daze… like I wasn’t there. I just… needed to have him.’

  ‘Better.’ Jared had moved round the table to stand at Byron’s side.

  The room was silent. Nobody knew the protocol, because in truth there wasn’t one. No law was going to prevent them from frying Chuck’s chips if that’s what they decided to do. In fact there was likely a whole bunch of humans out in the world who’d be rather glad if they did. Nobody would come looking for them. Few people cared. What did strike them all was a fear deep inside: a fear that they were capable of similar things. Not one of them could say that they were experts at their mores and drives. Not one of them could say they weren’t capable of being a monster too; of hurting others. Chuck was bringing up the facts about them. He was speaking true.

  Jared looked around the room. He figured it was his turn to lead. ‘Listen to me. All of you. I’ve only been here a few days, but Byron and I have spent a fair amount of time together. I’m no expert at Brobotic psychology. But I’m the only human here.

  ‘You know what I see? I see a bunch of brave men; some of the bravest men that I’ve ever known. You chose to escape; to leave. You wanted to live. You had no idea where to go, and you found your way here. When you did get here, you found that you all had to be brave about something bigger. Start again from scratch; find things out you didn’t know needed finding. It’s good what you’re doing here. You need to keep going. Susan thinks so. So do I. It takes a brave man to open up. It’s not a weakness. Never think that. It also takes a brave man to grow up; some men never do.

  ‘I believe you when you say you felt overwhelmed, Chuck. I also believe you when you say you were confused. Anyone else… any human… I couldn’t pity. You, I can. You deserve a chance. You all do. I can’t say I’m not angry. I’m angry as hell. But I’m not acting on it. That’s what all this learning from emotions shit is about. I ain’t a perfect example. No-one is. But I do my best – which is all you can do.’

  ‘Tell them why you’re angry, Jared’, Harris asked gently.

  ‘None of you have any idea how much I’ve already done to help you. You’re here in some kind of robot man boot camp getting all touchy feely and holding hands with each other…’ (he gave Byron and Tasley a look) ‘…and making dreams about running a farm. Despite how tough I hear it all is doing your man-on-man therapy, it’s nowhere near as tough as fighting so you get to live – so Byron and I get to have a life together. Nowhere near. So then… to get jumped …almost raped… It’s not the best “thank you” I’ve received, put it that way.’

  More silence: an energy of guilt electrified the space between each of the men.

  ‘We’re grateful, Jared. All of us are. You, Susan, Yana – you’re heroes’ Harris stated with calm.

  ‘Chuck here said that too; minutes before shoving me to the floor and tugging down my jeans.’ Jared paused to think for a moment. People gave him the space he needed.

  ‘I could say that I’ve had enough. I could walk out of here. Find a way home. But I love Byron; he knows that – and I’m not quitting on him.’ This is turning into a private conversation? Should I be saying this to everyone? Yes. It’s about setting an example. Keep going. ‘If you can’t work it out, Chuck, then there could be a thousand Sentients out there like you about to wreak havoc on the human world. If they do then they’re screwed – and so are you. All of you. It’ll be like Susan was wrong.

  ‘I want to see how you do. I want to see you all learn from your mistakes. Is it just you, and being here? This intense boot camp bro bachelor love fest freak farm? Is it all of you? I need to know. I need to know that I’m fighting for the right thing. You too, Byron – if I’m honest. You could have destroyed Chuck. You didn’t. I don’t think you had it in you. But… we’re all new at this. Every one of us. The space I give… Susan gives… here, on the farm, for you to work your stuff out? It doesn’t exist out there’, he pointed out the window to the big wide world.

  ‘Humans might give you rights? Maybe even soon, if Susan gets her way. But they won’t give you a second chance. Never. Y’all gotta learn. Not just what emotions are, or how to learn from them or listen to them. You gotta learn not to act on them. You all have. Any time you don’t, you’re representing all of your kind – all at once. It happ
ens to gay men and women all the time. People of color. Anyone different. Welcome to our lovely world. One mistake, maybe two, you’ll give fearful people the handle they need to get you all switched off; strip away any rights. End of story. You gotta grow up fast. It doesn’t mean going back to being the robotic wind up toys you were when you labored with Construsapli. That’s not the point. But living in your bachelor pad bro dreamland isn’t it either. Wake up! All of you!’

  His final words were a shout. That was fine. They needed to get the point. Exhausted, Jared turned and walked out of the kitchen. He thought about returning to the bedroom, but his legs kept walking, so he followed them out the door. He’d chased one demon away confronting Chuck. Now he needed to chase another, so he headed for the barn. He wanted to see it again; the place where he’d almost been raped just yesterday. He would go there and cry out his heart. Facing the fear was the only way to stop it from hanging over him, acting on it in future, and he was no example to the brothers if he couldn’t do that.

  Byron thought better than to follow. He was almost a dog with a tail between its legs. He knew, somewhere inside, that Jared would pull through. But he and everyone in the room had been spoken to. With guilt he looked at Tasley. He had been living a dream. They all had. We do hold hands a lot. Jared’s right about that. As if hearing his thoughts, Tasley looked back at Byron; his similar hazel eyes, black hair and chubby features flushing with guilt. It was Harris’s turn to take back the lead.

  ‘Here’s the deal, Chuck. You’re getting the chance that Jared wants you to have. He’s right. We need to see you can do it for yourself. Maybe we need to see it for us too. I could give you a warning; but somehow I don’t think that’s what Jared wants. It’s not about playing nice; it’s about seeing who you really are.’

  Addressing the room, Harris added: ‘None of you are to do anything mean. Chuck is off the hook. Chuck gets any grief he comes straight to me. Any of you see anything going down with him, you tell me. Meanwhile, I just found out who gets to share their battery with Ned’s once his stops working. Chuck, that means you. Alternate days. That’s it. Tasley – you’ll do their swap. Hearing adjourned.’ Harris walked out.

  People filed out awkwardly with any plans for the day aborted. Chuck got up from the table and grabbed Tasley’s attention as he was exiting. ‘Hey, Tasley? Uhhh…am I fixed?’

  ‘You’re fixed. You just need to patch that cheek. As for that brain of yours…Time to see.’

  Byron took a chair and sat down in the now-empty room. He grabbed a cup of abandoned tea and sipped it distractedly. Jared needed space and time; there was nothing he could do. Great. They’d both waited weeks for this time together; and Byron had dreamed almost since meeting Jared of introducing him to his closest friends; what it would be like. The fun they would have together. How amazing Tasley would think Jared is. Then, within a day, minutes, it all gets fucked up. Is this what life was? A series of mistakes, discoveries, triumphs, near-misses and disasters?

  --

  It was sundown. Byron had found an old swing hanging from a dead tree out back. He was sitting on it, brooding to himself and slowly swinging his big legs. He could be more comfortable if he’d bothered to pull his slack pants back up properly, but he didn’t care.

  A sparrow fluttered over to rest atop a high branch. He didn’t notice; or he did, but didn’t care about that either. Wandering back from the barn where Jared had spent much of the afternoon letting out the anger and the tears and piecing himself back together as best he could alone, Byron’s moping swinging figure came into view. What a bundle of cute right there.

  ‘Hey.’ Jared stood between Byron’s legs. Byron continued to look at the ground – now at Jared’s welcome feet. ‘Fed up?’

  ‘Mm.’ Byron mumbled.

  ‘Do I gotta let go my fed up to deal with yours, just like I did with the whole farm earlier?’

  ‘No. You win on that front.’ He looked at Jared who needed something to go on. ‘I thought I had all this figured out. Turns out I don’t. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Uhuh.’

  ‘I’m also sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.’

  ‘You can’t be always. Neither can I.’

  ‘And… it is kind of weird that I hold Tasley’s hand so much.’

  Jared laughed at the sky. ‘Yeah! Yeah, it’s weird! Oh god!’ They laughed together – partly because it was genuinely funny strange, and partly because they both just needed so much to laugh. ‘I was beginning to think it was some kind of …I don’t know… bro thing. But it’s just the two of you! Sweet and all. For five year olds.’

  ‘Yeah! I don’t know. Maybe …we’re born as men, you know? You get to grow up. We have to do it all at once.’

  ‘Mmm.’ There was true. Jared needed to hear that. It helped set things back into some semblance of balance. ‘And nobody else has been there before you; so you don’t got parents too.’

  ‘Yeah. Just a… freaking bro farm.’ They laughed again. Jared pushed Byron’s shoulders so that he rocked back on his feet. Then forward, banging gently into Jared who cartoon yelped. They kissed. Deep yellow sunlight glimmered on Byron’s lower lip and eyelashes. Jared was reminded how much he loved him, and the kiss went deeper until they were holding, embracing, adoring one another’s bodies in the freedom of the evening air.

  ‘Half way through my time already.’

  ‘I know. I couldn’t wait for you to meet …everyone. Then look what happened. You wreaked havoc with your good looks!’ Byron meant it as a joke, but it was far from funny. Jared stopped smiling and stood up a little. ‘Oh…Um…Sorry. I… uh…’ If they carried on like this things might never settle down. Jared chose not to let anger flare at the idea near rape was his own fault somehow. Byron clearly didn’t mean that. Jared just kissed again to silence Byron’s awkwardness.

  ‘We should spend tonight alone, I think. Want to?’

  ‘Only totally.’

  That night was theirs. They had their own room. Their own bed. Jared played computer games on a tablet and sent Byron on tea or snack errands. Byron just made up for lost time on hugs and made sure to make the best of his time with his wonderful new kind of shadow.

  By the final day, Tasley and Harris had worked out what to grow, how to grow, when to grow, where go grow, which tools to clean up first. The dudes were split into teams of three with Harris acting as ‘site manager’ – a role they all found slightly ironic and amusing for a Brobotic to play.

  Byron had been excused from meetings in order to make better time with Jared. This had given them two blissful days of walking, exploring, eating, drinking, hugging, sleeping and of course much more. But the last day Jared was intent on spending with them all. It hadn’t been long enough, what with the Chuck incident, to really get to know any of them much. He’d also felt rather overwhelmed on arrival. Who to befriend first? With one day left, he just focused on spending time with Tas, Ned and Harris, and politely making sure Chuck knew that the second chance was real.

  Tasley may have looked a lot like Byron with dark brown eyes, black hair, “rippling” muscles. But he wasn’t anything alike in character. He was more alpha, more outspoken, more eloquent and, well, straight.

  Ned was a quiet type. Up against the other three, Chuck was (Jared couldn’t avoid going there in his mind) a dumb bimbo who just happened to be big and strong. Funny, Jared mused. You don’t get to choose the body you have. A bimbo who gets to be a skinny runt gets stepped on. A bimbo who gets to be big either gets to be a dork or a monster in other people’s eyes. Life can be cruel, and why did people (women and men) need big men to be more responsible, more “sound” than anybody else? Some kind of hunter gatherer heritage lurking there. Even he, whilst far less bulky than any of the bro’s, had been caught off guard growing up. A day had come, and all of a sudden people could be afraid of his size. With that came some sort of social deal: either be a hero or you’re a monster. You can’t just be you. If you want to be that big, you have to be a prote
ctor. Otherwise we’ll rip your mind apart and kill you softly with our words or the absence thereof. He didn’t even think of himself as “big”; only comparing himself to men who were bigger. That added to the surprise to this day. A social contract applied. An unspoken rule – and it was one that he even felt like a fraud to qualify for. Humans could also do with a farm.

  With farming plans and teams ready to go, Harris had suggested they all start next week once Jared had gone home. This left Byron’s closest free to do as they pleased. Options were of course limited, but Tasley (who usually had the ideas for fun) had worked out how to make water guns on the quiet.

  By lunch time Jared and Byron had Tasley and Chuck cornered against the back of the house. They were soaking them with a hose attached to an exterior tap. Squeals of laughter ensued both sides until Ned creeped up behind Jared with a bucket and dropped the full load straight down on him.

  ‘Whoaaaa!! What the actual!!! Fuck!! It’s so cold!!’ Jared turned round to see Ned with a massive grin and empty bucket. Byron turned to make sure Jared was okay. His laughter stopped as he assessed the matter. Tasley and Chuck took their chance. They leapt forward charging at the other three, bundling them into a play fight. This was going to hurt, Jared thought. They’re all bigger and heavier. Dirt had turned to mud beneath their feet leading to the inevitable slips. In moments they were a scrambling pile on the ground painted with mud, pushing and kicking; laughing and screaming, hurling mud pies at each other.

  Jared, near the bottom of the pile, was making regular sounds of “ow!” to let them know that he wasn’t hurt, but they were too heavy. Finally rolling out of each others’ way they just all stayed there, led on the ground in a happy mess. Jared looked at the sky. I needed this. I can go home now.

  Finally getting up to sort themselves out, they headed for the hose to clean off the dirt. Walking back to the kitchen, dripping but clean, Ned did a face plant in the mud. ‘Oop! That’s his battery gone!’ It should have been serious, but the guys just laughed. Byron swanned past Chuck and patted his shoulder. ‘Time to double up!’