The Daughter He Never Knew

by Linda Barrett

  “The other houses we saw don’t compare to this.”

  “The ones we saw on the beach are used only in summer. This one is for year round with full insulation, storm doors and windows, a big fireplace. It’s a house that can be a real home, Jason. Not just a temporary stop for the season.”

  “That’s exactly what I want,” he said. “A real home.”

  “Let’s see the rest of it room by room.”

  He nodded, and then called out for Katie. “I want her to have a stake in it.”

  “Half a vote?” she replied.

  “I’m here.” Katie was indeed with them now. “The upstairs is so cool, Daddy. There’s big, big windowsills to sit on in the bedrooms, and the ceiling’s sorta pointy. It goes down.”

  “It slopes.”

  “Yeah, it slopes. In both rooms. But I know which one I want. The one where you can look out over the bay.”

  “So you like this house, Katie?” asked Jason, putting his arm around her.

  She nodded hard.

  “Jason!” Lila couldn’t help her concern. “Eight-year-olds don’t select houses. This is a lot of money. We’re not finished looking at it yet.”

  Katie darted ahead of them toward the bedrooms. “But Mommy, Papa Bart said it was perfect! And look…it’s got two more bedrooms. And more bathrooms. And besides…I could come here on my bike every day and sleep over whenever I want to, and…”

  At least until Lila and Adam got married. “We’ll figure something out, Katie. No matter which house Daddy buys.”

  They were in the hallway outside the bedrooms when Katie stopped chattering. But she hadn’t stopped thinking. Oh, no. Lila watched her daughter glance toward one bedroom, then the other. Finally, she turned toward them, a smile as wide as a jack-olantern’s.

  “It is perfect. We’re a family like the three bears.” She pointed at the master bedroom. “That one’s for Daddy ’cause he’s the biggest.” She then indicated the second bedroom. “And that one’s for Mommy.” She finally pointed at the ceiling. “And I sleep upstairs ’cause I’m the baby bear.”

  No one spoke for a moment. Lila just shook her head. Jason’s eyes shone with laughter. But when Lila looked at Katie, she realized her daughter was still deep in thought. The child frowned, looked toward the bedrooms again and quietly stared at the floor.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie?” asked Lila, concerned about the troubled expression on her daughter’s face.

  Katie merely shook her head before beckoning Lila closer. “It’s not right,” she whispered. “That’s not how it goes.”

  “Ahh. The story?”

  “No. A family.” Katie took Lila’s hand and looked shyly at Jason. “In Uncle Matt and Aunt Laura’s house, the papa bear and the mama bear are together.”

  Katie looked up at her father. “You got too many bedrooms, Daddy.” Then she shook her head. “Nope. You have too many bedrooms.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  “OF COURSE HE MADE AN OFFER on the house, pending an inspection.” Lila sat across the table from Adam two nights later at the Wayside Inn’s restaurant, the eatery he preferred to patronize when they went out on their own. Katie was with Bart that evening. “Katie is ecstatic,” she continued. “Doesn’t talk about anything else.”

  Adam took a swallow of beer, then put down his glass. “And let me guess. Your grandfather is beaming like a leprechaun with a pot of gold.”

  “That about sums it up.” She gulped her own drink and coughed.

  Adam got up quickly and patted her on the back. “Why are you so out of sorts? You and Katie won’t be living on Bay Road soon, anyway. You’re her only legal parent, and you can dictate her visits.”

  She heard the annoyance in his tone, but couldn’t stop her flow. “It’s not about legal when Katie lights up every time he walks into the house. She loves him, Adam. I’m not going to make her miserable about limiting visits. Pilgrim Cove is not the big city where travel arrangements can be difficult.”

  Adam took his seat again before replying. “And what about Sara?” he asked. “She and Katie have been together only once this week after school, and that was the day of their game.” His eyes blazed. “I won’t have Sara being hurt or ignored because of Jason Parker.”

  A shard of guilt pierced her. “I’m sorry, Adam. I’ll talk to her. I know Jason won’t mind if she goes to Sea View House with Katie sometimes.”

  “That’s not the point. I don’t want Sara at Sea View House!” His fingers drummed the table. “Why don’t we kill this conversation? Life will be a lot easier after we’re married.”

  At the moment, everything seemed too complicated. “How so?” asked Lila.

  “We’ll be a family, Lila. Nothing is stronger than that. And the novelty of having her father around will wear off. Katie won’t be so excited to see him after a while.”

  He was wrong. She didn’t want to hurt Adam, but sometimes the truth had to be faced. She squeezed his hand before she spoke. “Is Sara tired of seeing you every day, Adam? Are you a novelty to her?”

  The air stilled between them. She saw in his expression that he understood, this man who adored his child. Who’d had to be both her father and mother for the last few years. Not an easy thing as Lila well knew.

  But now, when Lila looked into his face, she realized her heartbeat remained steady—no aerobics—and that it always had. For the first time, she wondered how fast Adam’s heart raced when he looked at her. If it did at all.

  She took a breath. “Tell me about Eileen,” she said softly. “Tell me about Sara’s mom.”

  He startled, looking totally bewildered. Then, at her urging, began to speak. Haltingly at first, but soon with freedom. And now Lila saw and heard what deep love had been like for Adam. What true love looked like in his eyes.

  She couldn’t play games with this man, couldn’t pretend. When he was finished, she said, “Our relationship is not what you had with Eileen. Is it enough for you, Adam?”

  “Yes.” He didn’t hesitate to reply and engulfed her hands with his. “You’re the first woman since Eileen that…” He shrugged. “You know what I mean.”

  She smiled. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

  “You’re a lovely woman, Lila, and a good mom. You deserve happiness. So let me ask you the same question. Is what we have enough for you?”

  A kaleidoscope of Jason images flashed through her mind. A complete history of their young lives. Her Jason. His Lila. Together. Could any relationship eclipse what she and Jason had once shared? Or had she embellished their love in her memory? Then she pictured the mature Jason, the one who’d returned to Pilgrim Cove…and excitement rippled through her. She tingled from head to toe. The attraction between them couldn’t be denied. But as long as she was aware of it, she could bury it.

  She pasted a smile on her face and looked at Adam. “Have you heard me complain?”

  “No,” he said. “I haven’t.” He studied her for a moment, then tilted his head toward an inside exit. “How about adjourning to the lounge after dinner? Dance for a while. Preferably slow ones!”

  “All right,” said Lila, eager to change the focus of the conversation. “I’d love to.”

  A half hour later, Lila and Adam joined the growing crowd out on a Saturday evening who came to socialize and dance to the music of the DJ the Wayside Inn hired every week. They walked in as the hard beat of the Rolling Stones’ “Satisfaction,” surrounded them, and Lila started moving to the music before they found a table. How long had it been since she’d taken time to have some fun? And dancing had always been on the top of her list.

  Adam tried his best, but when the band went into a second fast number, Lila took pity. “Go on, grab a stool and get a drink. I don’t need a partner for this.” He shrugged and disappeared to the bar while Lila simply allowed her tensions to dissolve into the music. She recognized a lot of people—waved and nodded—but never lost the beat. She’d needed this. Some physical release.

  She moved to the music, tur
ning full circle, arms above her head, legs working in rhythm, until she was back where she started. Except, when she looked up, she wasn’t dancing alone.

  JASON WAS NO JOHN TRAVOLTA, but even if he’d had two left feet, he would be standing exactly where he was now—in the middle of the dance floor with Lila Sullivan. He watched her turn, throw her head back and open her eyes. Then open them wider.

  He said nothing. Just worked the music. Small moves. Personal moves. In time and matching hers. His eyes focused on her. Only on her. Did she understand his message?

  She replied with silence, but kept on dancing. Her eyes rested on him. Shone only for him.

  Alone in a crowd. Now he understood that expression! How tunnel vision wipes out the rest of the world—people, noise, furniture, conversations—as though they didn’t exist at all.

  The tempo changed. Slower. Much slower. He opened his arms. She stepped into them.

  And he held her. Finally. He inhaled her sweet fragrance and his senses burst alive. Soft skin, silky hair. Lila. “A thousand and one nights of dreams,” he whispered. “Just like this.”

  “Shh.”

  This dream lasted for eighteen bars of music before he felt a pair of eyes watching him. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Fielding standing next to a small table at the edge of the dance floor chatting with Laura, but studying him and Lila. Jason nodded, but the vet made no move toward the floor. No move to cut in. A real gentleman and very trusting. Or very shrewd.

  Jason led Lila toward the man when the song ended. “Here she is, Doc. Safe and sound.”

  “I never had a doubt.”

  “So you two have met?” asked Laura.

  “Sure,” said Jason, pulling over another chair. “Kids’ baseball games bring folks together.”

  “So do half-frozen kittens,” Laura said, telling the story of finding a skinny kitten shivering against the front steps of Sea View House last year in the middle of an ice storm. Of how she wound up spending the night at Adam’s house.

  “Skinny kitten?” mocked Jason. “Do you mean that don’t-mess-with-me black panther who rules your house?”

  A waitress approached amid the chuckles, depositing bowls of pretzels and chips, ready to take their beverage order. In his turn, Jason named his usual. “With lime, please. Not lemon.”

  “Gotcha,” she said with a wink. “Club soda and lime.”

  He nodded but noticed his brother’s raised eyebrow. And Lila’s.

  And that was another chapter of his life that would have to be revealed to his family sooner rather than later if he was to settle down in Pilgrim Cove with them. If he was to be a responsible father.

  He glanced around the group and allowed his eyes to rest on Rachel Goodman-Levine, the new assistant principal of Pilgrim Cove Regional High. A native of the town, a few years older than Jason, she’d returned after thirteen years to take the position at the school. He’d run into her on a Mississippi gambling boat a long time ago after they’d both left town “for good.” He liked her. Trusted her. She’d kept her mouth shut about seeing him.

  “I can see married life agrees with you, Rachel,” said Jason with a grin toward Jack. “But how’s the job? My dad told me about some tests the kids have to take?”

  “I’m a wreck about that,” she replied. “They’re scheduled for next week, and then of course,” she said, slowing her words, a frown settling on her forehead as she looked from Jason to Matt and back again, before taking a deep breath. “We have to deal with the prom.”

  A hot iron on flesh. Jason winced, then stared at her. “Deal, in what way?”

  “Well, hell,” she said. “I can’t tiptoe around it. Drinking and driving, guys. I’ve got a crashed up car scheduled to sit on the front lawn in warning. I’ve got someone from MADD coming down to talk and show a video. I’ve got chaperones for the actual event, including Lila’s parents.” She looked at Lila then. “Thank God your dad is so well respected by the kids. He’s been a great athletic director since he took over last fall.” She looked around the group again. “I’ve got things in place…”

  “But you won’t rest easy till it’s over,” said Matt.

  Rachel nodded.

  “What can I do?” Jason heard himself ask the question. Speaking in front of groups was not a problem for him. He’d been singing or playing in front of people all his life.

  Rachel’s eyes twinkled. “I knew you’d volunteer! Let’s think up something special.” She looked up at her new husband. “Didn’t I tell you the best people come from Pilgrim Cove?”

  “Or live there now?” Jack replied, and kissed her when she nodded.

  Jason chuckled with the rest of the group, then looked at Lila. “Your mom chaperones the prom?”

  “Yeah,” said Lila softly. “She and my dad have been going every year since…since the accident.”

  Jason whistled in admiration and surprise.

  “She’s not an ogre, you know,” said Lila, slapping her hand against the table and glaring at him. Then she sighed, her eyes softening. “Maybe she’s just a bit too overprotective.”

  “Maybe?” howled Jason, wanting to kiss her square on the mouth. “There’s no maybe about it. Every time I see her, she wants to shoot me. I haven’t even gotten a meal at the Lobster Pot yet, and I love that place!”

  Genuine laughter erupted from everyone else except one.

  “Maybe,” said Adam Fielding, looking from Lila to Jason, “being an overprotective parent is not necessarily a good thing, whether the child is small or grown.”

  No laughter now. Jason’s breath caught at the possibilities behind the vet’s remark, and he stared at Fielding. But Adam’s eyes were on Lila. Only on Lila.

  Jason reached for his glass and stood up. “Think I’ll get some air.”

  ALTHOUGH HE WAS ATTENTIVE, Adam was quieter than normal for the rest of the evening. They danced, they chatted. Lila checked the door periodically for Jason’s reappearance.

  But when he did show up again, he spent his time making the rounds of the room, catching up with old friends, being introduced to their friends. He returned to their group briefly to speak with his brother and finally to say good-night.

  “I have to book a flight to the coast,” he said. “Just got a call.”

  Would he wind up leaving Pilgrim Cove after all? How many times a month would he be taking the red-eye flight? To Lila’s surprise, disappointment filled her. Distress. Then anger. Anger at herself for letting him affect her this way.

  “One-way ticket?” she asked, injecting a hopeful note into her question.

  He laughed, not rising to her bait at all. “No such luck, sweetheart. I’ll see you in the morning. Have to explain to Katie.” He waved and was gone.

  Ten minutes later, when Adam suggested they leave, too, she had no objection. He remained quiet on the ride to her house, and Lila was only a little surprised when he pulled onto a side street and shut the engine.

  “What’s wrong, Adam? If it’s Jason…he’s just making himself seen and heard. He’s not a serious person….”

  He shifted in his seat and took her hand. “Shh. Just listen to me. And then listen to yourself. That’s the best advice I can give you.”

  She shut up.

  “We both have ghosts in our background. And we both thought we could handle them. I know you’re always comparing me to Jason….”

  “I’m not… Oh, my dear…” He put a gentle finger over her lips.

  “We have to be honest now…this is too important for games. And I’ll readily admit that I’m guilty too…of pretending, I guess. Eileen’s in the back of my mind, even when I look at you. And you don’t resemble each other at all!”

  She tried to smile.

  “More than Eileen, however, is Sara. She comes first. You and I thought we could make it work because my wife can never come back, and less than a month ago, we didn’t think Jason would, either. We thought we were on our own and that our love would grow as we built a new life for ou
rselves and the children.”

  Now he took a shaky breath—Lila heard it—but he still didn’t allow her to speak. “Competing with a memory—” he began, then coughed and cleared his throat. “Competing with memories,” he said again, “is tough enough, but competing with flesh and blood will destroy us after marriage. And Sara most of all. She loves you already.”

  “I’d never do—”

  “Please…just a moment more or I won’t be able to go on.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve had a great marriage. The best. And you haven’t, so you don’t know.” He shook his head, and finally his composure totally deserted him. His voice trembled.

  “When I see Jason Parker look at you, I know how he feels.”

  He stared into a distance that she couldn’t share. “I know how he feels,” he repeated, “because I see myself looking at Eileen. That was me…before.”

  Lila felt tears run down her face. Tears of compassion. Tears of sorrow for him. Admiration for his honesty.

  “You are quite a man,” she said, grabbing a tissue from her purse.

  “But am I the right man for you?” he asked, rubbing his own face. “I won’t compete with him, Lila. I have too much at stake for false pride. But I’m leaving the decision to you. I’m trusting you to think hard, be honest with yourself and with me and for the children’s sakes. I’m trusting you to be sure.” He paused and reached for her hand. “Love does grow, Lila. That I do know. So set a date, and I’m there!”

  He turned in his seat, leaned toward her and kissed her gently, then more deeply. “This part will improve, too.”

  JASON WOKE UP EARLY the next morning with a sense of anticipation. He’d see his “girls” in a little while, spend some extra time with Katie while Lila went to the office, and then fly to California where he’d take care of some urgent business. Both personal and professional.