by Lacey Black
My aunt Kate is Mom’s oldest sister. She became a widow about five years ago, and has been on her own since Uncle Frank died. With no kids of their own, my mom has stepped up and helped care for her sister when her health hasn’t been the best. She has periods of weakness and shortness of breath, and I’m sure it’s weighing heavily on Mom’s mind that she fell when she wasn’t around to help.
“I tried to call your phone, but it went to voicemail, so I thought we’d stop by and see if you were busy. When we came in, Cora wasn’t at the desk. Before I could stop little miss anxious, she ran back here and just threw open the door.” Mom gestures with her hand between Payton and me, as if we need a not-so-subtle reminder of the elephant in the room.
“It’s fine. You should go be with Aunt Kate. Are you okay to drive? Do you want me to take you?”
“No, no,” she says, turning and smiling at Payton. “I’ll be fine. I’m sure Kate’s going to be just fine, but I do need to be there.”
“Go, Mom. We’ll be fine.”
“I didn’t get dinner started,” she hedges.
“We’ll grab something on the ride home.” Bri cheers in my arms.
Cora excuses herself back to the front as Mom heads towards the door. Before she vacates my office, she turns back towards Payton, who has yet to say anything. “I take it you must be Payton, dear. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” she says as she retracts her steps and walks over to the woman I’ve only begun to see.
“You too, Mrs. McIntire.”
“Gretchen, please. I was never a McIntire. That was Dean’s father’s name. Anyway, I hope to have the chance to see you again soon.”
“Likewise,” Payton replies with a tentative smile.
“Be sure to let me know how Aunt Kate is doing,” I add before Mom leaves.
It’s just us in the room. Payton, me, and the daughter I have yet to tell her about. I’ve been trying to figure out the right way to tell her, but nothing has magically popped in my head. Not to mention the fact that every time I’ve attempted to tell her, we’ve been interrupted. Throw in the fact that when we’re together, we’re more interested in ripping each other’s clothes off, and you have a recipe for lack-of-info disaster.
“So, this is Brielle, my daughter. Bri, this is my friend Payton. Can you say hi?”
“Hi,” Bri replies, shying away from the other adult in the room, yet curiously keeping her eyes on her.
“H-hi, Brielle. It’s nice to meet you.”
“I like to draw cats. Do you like cats?”
“My sister Jaime has a cat. He’s kinda evil, but looks cute when he’s sleeping,” Payton says, her words laced with nervousness and uncertainty.
“I like real cats. I want my dad to get me one, but he won’t. He don’t like ‘em cause they tear up his trash and poop in the flowers.”
“One time. I complained about the neighbor’s cat one time and she hasn’t forgotten.” The smile I offer Payton seems to help alleviate some of her anxiety. “Honey, why don’t you go draw me a picture at my desk while I talk to Payton. Then we’ll head home and get something to eat.”
“I want French fries! No, peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Oh, what about pizza?”
Payton laughs at Bri’s menu choices for this evening, but I’m used to her hodgepodge of entrees. “We’ll figure it out on the way home. Give me a minute, okay?”
Bri acknowledges me, but she’s more interested in digging out the paper and crayons that I keep in my desk drawer for times like this. It definitely wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had a surprise visitor at the office in the form of my daughter.
Walking over to the corner of my office, away from my daughter’s all-hearing ears, I turn to find Payton following me. “Listen, I’m sorry you found out this way. It was always my intention to tell you, but lately, every time I started, something got in the way.”
“You have a daughter,” she mumbles, as if trying it on for size.
“Yeah. She’s five.”
“And her mother…” she starts, leaving it an open-ended question.
“Not in the picture. Hasn’t been since Bri was a few months old.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, her eyes conveying sadness on our behalf. Her sympathy reaches into my chest and squeezes my heart.
That’s one of the things I love about Payton. Her ability to adapt and roll with whatever situation she’s presented with. Her emotions reflect in the depths of those hypnotic green eyes. She has a hard time masking her feelings, and has a heart that makes it easy to fall for her.
Wait. What?
Slow the horses, bucko.
Love? Did you just say love?
Like. One of the things I like about Payton.
No love. No. Love.
Just like.
“Thank you, but I came to terms with it years ago. It kills me that Brooke will never know how amazing her daughter is, but I can’t dwell on it. I won’t. She made her choice.”
“Daddy, can we go for pizza? She can go too.” Payton and I both glance over at my daughter and she’s smiling up at the woman across from me. Again, with that damn heart squeeze.
“I shouldn’t,” she whispers.
“Come with us.” That statement–three little words–is out of my mouth before I can worry about the implication. I don’t concern myself with how this might confuse my daughter. I realize in the moment that I really want her to go.
“But…”
“I know we have a lot to talk about,” I interrupt. “And we will. I want to tell you everything about her, but not here. And I really want to have dinner with you, even if it’s just pizza and we have an audience. So, come with us. Please.”
Her walls crumble right before my eyes. She wants to fight it, decline the offer, but she can’t. She won’t. Payton and I are in the same boat. No matter how stupid it may be, this thing developing between us is greater than both of us are prepared for. I’ve made my peace and am ready to roll with it. I can tell by the hint of trepidation in her eyes, she’s not quite there. Baby steps, though. Baby steps and patience will get us to where we need to be. I can feel it
And I know she can too.
I can tell by the way she closes her eyes and smiles, and answers, “Okay. I’ll go.”
* * *
I’ll admit the walk out of the office and past Cora was a bit embarrassing. We waited while she shut down her computer and gathered her things to leave, all while refusing to make eye contact. Thankfully, Bri is chatting a mile a minute, filling Payton in on everything about her day. It keeps my mind from wandering back to the scene they walked in on in my office.
Mental note to lock the door.
I lock up and head towards the parking lot, my daughter’s hand firmly in mine. “Meet us at Checker’s?” I ask as we approach my car. Payton’s is parked a few slots over.
“Are you sure? I’m fine to go home. I don’t want to intrude on your family time.”
“No way!” Bri exclaims. “Checker’s has the bestest pizza ever! You gotta go!”
“Bestest isn’t a word; it’s just best. And she’s right. It is the best pizza. You really should join us.” I watch as she seems to mentally weight her odds, and I pray they remain in our favor.
“Okay.” Mental fist pump! “I’ll meet you there.”
When we get situated in my car, Payton follows us to the pizzeria in the heart of Jupiter Bay. You can smell the salty air mixed with the scent of tomato, basil, and garlic. The early night is breezy and the waves can be heard off in the distance crashing on the shore. It’s the perfect winter night as the stars shine brightly above our heads. Together, we all make our way into the restaurant.
Once seated at a booth, Bri already begins begging to play some of the arcade games they have set up in a small room off to the side. The dining room has a few other adults seated at tables while their kids are off playing in the game room. It can get loud in here at times, but the atmosphere is fun and relaxed, not to mention
delicious pizza that’s not overpriced, which is exactly why so many families come to Checker’s for dinner.
“Can I go play?”
“Wait until after we order. You can play for a few minutes until the pizza is ready, but then you have to come back to the table. No arguing. Got it?” I ask, helping take her jacket off.
“Got it!”
After we order a large thick crust pizza with extra cheese and sausage, garlic breadsticks, and a couple of drinks, Bri takes off into the game room with a handful of quarters.
“She’s a huge fan of the pinball game, even though she can barely reach both sides of the flippers at the same time.” I can’t help but picturing how frustrated she gets when she can’t flip both sides, but refuses to let anyone help her by manning one side of the game.
“She’s adorable.” Payton takes a sip of her diet pop and glances over at the little brunette in the other room.
“She’s ornery. But, she’s also sweet and caring and has me completely enamored with her.” I’m rewarded with a small smile that makes her green eyes shine like brilliant emeralds.
“Tell me about her.” Those words are an invitation to let her in, and I completely relent to the idea.
“Well, I was working at an accounting firm in Ridgewood when I met Brooke. She was a client. We dated for a while, about six months, and everything was fine. Brooke found out she was pregnant, and everything changed. I could feel her slipping away and didn’t have the slightest clue what to do to fix it. She became emotional and completely withdrawn. I was working crazy hours as the newest accountant. They gave me all the late shifts and the most difficult clients. Things weren’t good at home, but I didn’t know what to do.
“When Brielle was just a couple of months old, Brooke left. I saw the writing on the wall when she barely wanted to hold her, refused to breastfeed, and hated to change her diaper. It was so stressful that when she walked out, I felt like I was finally able to breathe.”
“She just left? What kind of woman does that?” Payton’s eyes are wide with shock.
“A woman who isn’t fit to be a mother. And that’s okay. At least I was there to pick up where she left off. Bri will always be loved by me, even if I’m the only parent in the picture.”
“That’s very admirable of you. I’m sure it was difficult.”
“It was downright excruciating at times. Lack of sleep and food will do crazy things to a person. But that stage doesn’t last long. A few months more and she was starting to sleep longer through the night. My mom helped a lot with Bri and making sure I ate and didn’t keel over dead from exhaustion.”
She smiles at me again. God, that smile slays me. “That must be where you get your rule from.”
Nodding my head, I grab my drink and take a sip.
“But, you’re breaking it now,” she hedges.
“I am.” No hesitation.
“Why?” Her eyes are filled with question, and I’m pretty sure she’s holding her breath.
“Because I finally found someone worth breaking the rule for,” I say with the slightest shrug of my shoulder, as if it’s no big deal to throw away every statute I set into place after my failed relationship with Brooke.
After a few moments, she finally says, “I’ve never dated anyone with a kid before.” It’s as if she doesn’t know what to do about this development.
“Does that bother you? That I have a kid?”
She contemplates her answer for a few moments before she replies. “No, not really. It’s just different. A little scary considering I’ve never really been around kids. None of my sisters have babies yet so my experience with them is limited.”
“She’s five which is much easier than if she were an infant or toddler. Do you want kids someday?” I ask innocently.
That’s when I see the storm cloud sweep into her eyes. Those bright green orbs turn dark and somewhat dangerous. She sucks in a big breath of air and blinks rapidly. Her reaction to a seemingly innocent question catches my attention and makes me wonder. It happens quickly, the play of emotions across her face, but just as rapidly, Payton pushes it away and offers me a small smile.
Before I can ask her more, my daughter comes running up to the booth. “I almost beated the game, Daddy!”
“Beat the game, and I’m glad, pumpkin. The breadsticks should be here soon. Why don’t you sit down and have a drink of milk while we wait.”
She climbs up onto my bench of the booth and instantly starts grabbing her fork and plate and pushing them across the table. When she picks up her paper placemat and jumps down off the bench, I make a grab for her before she can take off across the restaurant. But she doesn’t run away. She walks over to the bench across from me–the one where Payton sits–and climbs up.
“Do you want me to draw you a picture of a cat? I’m really good. You can take it home and hang it on your fridge. Do you have a fridge?”
“I do have one,” Payton replies with a smile. “I would love to take it home and hang it there.”
“My cat is a good cat, though. Not a crazy one like your sister’s.” She doesn’t even look up, just gets to work outlining her cat with one of the black crayons in the bin on our table. Her tongue sticks out just the slightest bit as she concentrates on coloring in her masterpiece.
Payton and I both watch, me for the hundredth time and her for the first. Bri could sit around and color or draw for hours upon hours a day if you’d let her. During the weekends, we come up with lots of little craft and coloring projects to do. It sure beats the hell out of video games.
“I’m dunna take swimming lessons this summer,” Bri adds while drawing whiskers onto the feline.
“You are? Are you going to the public pool?” Payton asks, watching every stroke Bri makes on the paper.
“Yep! I’m dunna swim like a fishy!”
My heart starts to race as Payton smiles affectionately down at my daughter. I never thought I’d be introducing my child to a woman I’m seeing, at least not until after a very significant amount of time dating, but here we are, right smack dab in the middle of another situation where I had to make a choice. But this one felt right. If it were any other woman, she wouldn’t be sitting at the table with us. I wouldn’t have introduced them to each other yet, if ever. Not until it got serious.
But this feels serious to me.
“They offer swim lessons at the public pool during the summer, and I want to sign her up. She’s too young for the public lessons, but the head lifeguard was a classmate of mine and she’s agreed to do some private lessons.”
“That’s good. You’re never too young to learn. Especially since we live along the water.”
“My thoughts exactly,” I say, relieved that she gets it. I want to give my child every opportunity I can to protect and better herself, and if signing her up for swimming lessons so that she’s comfortable in the water and I’m comfortable for her to be around it will help that, then I’m all for it.
Our breadsticks arrive a few minutes later. Breaking one in half, I set it on Bri’s plate with a glob of warm marinara. She digs in, shoveling it into her mouth, which has me telling her to slow down and take smaller bites. I’m pretty sure she mumbles an apology, but I can’t hear it because her mouth is full.
When the pizza arrives, steam rolls off the top and the cheese strings from the pan to our plates as I dish it up. I don’t even have a chance to cut Bri’s pizza into small bites. While I’m dishing out a slice on everyone’s place, Payton instantly starts to cut up her piece into manageable chunks and blows on it to help it cool. I’m struck by the sheer ease and how natural it is for her to do that.
Dinner is enjoyable. Bri keeps us entertained with stories from school and some from our time at home. She’s so comfortable with Payton that it makes my heart lurch in my chest and slam against my ribs. This crazy reaction to exchanges between my daughter and the woman I’m seeing is odd, but not scary. It just feels right.
I clean up the plates and stack them
in the middle of the empty pizza pan. Bri is anxious to get back over and spend her last two quarters on a game of Pinball. “Payton, will you come play with me?” Bri asks, making my air lodge in my throat and my heart stop beating.
Payton glances up at me before answering, “I’d love to.”
Before they can slip out of the booth, a shadow falls over our table. “Payters, I thought that was you.”
“Grandma,” Payton stutters, clearly surprised to see the older woman at our table.
“I ran inside to grab a pizza for supper when I glance over and saw you at the table. Who are your dinner companions?” the old woman asks, almost mischievously.
“This is my friend, Dean, and his daughter, Brielle.” I’m pretty sure she choked on air when she stammered out that sentence.
“Brielle. What a beautiful name for such a gorgeous little girl.”
“Tank you. I’m five.”
“What a fun age. Are you going over to play some games?” the woman asks, nodding towards the remaining quarters on the table.
“Yep! Payton is gonna come help me win! Come on, Payton!” she exclaims as she jumps out of the booth and heads towards the game room.
“I’ll be right behind you,” she hollers before turning back to her grandmother. “Where’s Grandpa?” she asks, looking over the visitor’s shoulder.
“Oh, he stayed in the car. He figured out how to search for inspirational photographs on the Tumblr so he’s busy saving things to his phone thingy.”
“Inspirational photographs?” she asks, glancing my way with a look of question in her eyes.
“You know, porn. I don’t like to use the dirty words before I’ve had my dinner.” I almost spit out my mouthful of Coke.
“What? You use dirty words all the time!” The cutest blush creeps up her neck and spreads across her cheeks.
“That’s neither here nor there, Payters.”