The Art of Keeping Secrets

by Rachael Johns

  Why the hell did she say that? She wasn’t about to spill her and Seb’s secrets to Jeremy. He might have been a friend over twenty years ago but he was practically a stranger now.

  He let out a half laugh. ‘You don’t have to tell me about complicated. That describes my whole relationship history.’

  She smiled at him, thankful he wasn’t going to pry. ‘So, what conference are you here for?’

  ‘A global mining summit.’

  ‘You’re in mining?’ She didn’t know why she sounded surprised. He’d had the smarts to do whatever he’d wanted and he’d always been a mad keen rock-collector. Needless to say, his obsession with rocks and minerals and hers with dead animals had not been embraced by their fellow students.

  ‘Is that so hard to believe?’ He grinned as if he’d noticed her shock.

  ‘No. Not at all, actually.’ She shook her head and smiled. ‘Never mind. What is it you do in mining?’

  ‘I’m Chief Growth and Innovation Director of GDM.’

  When she looked blankly at him, he explained. ‘I’m accountable for all major growth projects, life of mine strategy and innovation for the company. In addition to the business in Dubai, we have operations all over the world and we’re constantly looking for ways to innovate. I’m actually a keynote speaker at the conference and tomorrow I’ll be talking about our latest projects.’

  ‘Sounds impressive.’

  ‘It’s a job.’ Jeremy stretched out his long legs. She’d noticed his height before, but now she couldn’t help but see how nicely he filled his expensive trousers. Her throat went dry and she took another sip of her drink.

  ‘Can I get you another?’ Jeremy nodded towards the near-empty glass.

  She glanced over at Neve, who looked bored out of her brain, with Blake and Robbie both vying for her attention. The right answer would be no, but it wasn’t the word that came out of her mouth.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Excellent.’ Jeremy stood, towering above her a moment before he turned and strode towards the bar.

  ‘We off then?’ Neve looked to Flick, interrupting Robbie—or was it Blake?—talking about who knows what.

  But Flick shook her head. ‘Jeremy’s getting more drinks.’

  Neve scowled.

  ‘You can go up if you want,’ Flick said, but Neve sighed and leaned back into her seat.

  Well, if she was determined to play the martyr, so be it. Flick hadn’t seen Jeremy in decades and was enjoying catching up with an old friend. She wasn’t about to feel guilty about it, considering she’d come halfway across the world to support Neve.

  Jeremy returned with two more cosmopolitans.

  ‘What about you?’ Flick asked as he handed one to her and one to Neve.

  ‘And what about us?’ Blake, or Robbie, demanded.

  ‘I only have two hands. You idiots can get your own.’ Jeremy grinned and sat back down. Flick swore his seat felt even closer than it had five minutes ago; so close she felt the warmth emanating off his thigh.

  Or was the warmth coming from inside her?

  ‘Thanks,’ she said, not able to meet his eye as she took a sip.

  ‘I’ve bored you enough about my work; time to talk about you. Did you end up becoming a taxidermist like you always wanted?’

  Strangely, he hadn’t bored her at all. His passion for his industry had made her want to know more. Would she be feeling this attraction to him if he’d told her he was a hairdresser? Or were her alien feelings simply because her life was such a mess?

  ‘Felicity?’ he prompted and she realised she’d been lost in her thoughts.

  ‘Sorry.’ She blinked and held onto her glass like a crutch. ‘Yes, I am a taxidermist.’

  ‘That’s wonderful. Have you got any pictures of your work?’

  Blushing, Flick dug her mobile phone out of her bag and opened the photos app. She kept a photographic record of every piece she completed from receiving the lifeless animal to the final true-to-life mount, with every stage in between. Some of them were quite graphic but Jeremy didn’t squirm like some people did when they saw the process.

  ‘These are awesome,’ he said as he flicked through her photos. ‘Oh I love this one of the otter. When I think of taxidermy, I’ve got to admit I usually think of faded stuffed beasts in museums or weird antique shops, but these are works of art.’

  She bit her lower lip to stop from grinning at his compliment. ‘Thank you. I actually do more taxi-art than commissions for museums or pet owners, although I still do that as well. But I love the creative side of my work. I love making something beautiful out of something that would otherwise be tossed away or buried and forgotten.’

  ‘I can tell.’ He smiled, looking right into her eyes, making her heart beat so she could almost hear it. ‘I’m guessing people pay quite a hefty price for some of your creations?’

  ‘It’s not a bad living,’ she admitted, dropping her gaze to linger on his lips. Something fluttered in her chest, but she forced the feeling into a metaphorical box. ‘When I began, I had to subsidise it with a part-time job teaching art classes at night, but now my reputation has grown, I’m sought after enough that I more than make ends meet.’

  ‘That’s wonderful. There’s nothing better in life than being successful at a job that you actually love doing. Well, almost nothing.’

  She swallowed at the insinuation in his last three words, whispered as he leant even closer so that she could feel his warm breath against her skin. He smelt delicious and she had a crazy urge to turn her head and find out if he tasted as good as well. Being close to Jeremy made her feel like a woman, rather than simply a mother or someone’s wife. Until this moment, she hadn’t realised how much she’d missed that pleasure. How much she’d let her needs be lost in her efforts to keep everyone else happy.

  ‘Okay.’ Neve’s loud voice broke the moment and Flick puffed out a breath as her friend stood and glared at her. ‘It’s getting late. We have a busy day tomorrow and we should go check on Emma.’

  Disappointment flooded Flick’s body, making her chest cramp, but what had she been expecting? That Neve would let her kiss a near-stranger in public? The last thing she needed to be contemplating when her personal life was such a shambles was kissing some guy and complicating things even more. And Neve was right. They should check on Emma. She nodded across the low table, stood up and turned to Jeremy. ‘It was great catching up. Enjoy the rest of your conference.’

  Ignoring the urge to drop into his lap and give him a proper farewell, she smiled her goodbyes at his friends, then started walking towards the elevators, Neve’s high heels click-clacking on the tiles as she hurried after her.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Emma

  ‘I feel like a princess,’ Flick said, a contented smile on her face as they were drawn around Central Park in a beautiful carriage by two snow white horses. She ran her hand over the luxurious leather seat. ‘This is divine.’

  ‘Says she who mocked the idea when I first suggested it,’ snapped Neve.

  ‘I didn’t mock it, I just laughed.’

  In lieu of a reply, Neve turned her body so she wasn’t looking at Flick and lifted her mobile phone to snap a few photos.

  Emma, who was squished between her friends on the seat which would comfortably fit a couple but wasn’t quite big enough for three, looked from one to the other. Was she imagining Neve’s narkiness? Or had something happened between her and Flick last night?

  Dead to the world, she hadn’t heard them come in, but she got the impression they’d stayed out late and when she’d asked they’d been cagey. Perhaps jet lag had finally hit and tiredness combined with a hangover was making Neve grumpy. Aside from a couple of snide remarks from Neve about Flick’s food choice, neither of them had said much at breakfast. When Emma had asked if anything was wrong, Neve had almost bitten her head off; she’d put it down to nerves building up again for her second attempt at meeting James. And maybe that was all it was.


  Lord help them all if she didn’t make contact tonight!

  Emma leant back in her seat and tried not to worry about her friends, instead focusing on the beautiful surrounds. Although she’d been to Central Park with Max, theirs had only been a brief visit; he’d been far more interested in going to see a Yankees or Mets game and touring Madison Square Garden than spending time exploring. She’d been right that you could spend a day here, strolling through the gorgeous gardens with their tall oaks, elms and maple trees or simply sitting back on a bench, watching the joggers, skaters and cyclists that zoomed by.

  She noticed a young mother trying to wrangle her three children outside one of the many playgrounds and let out a satisfied sigh.

  ‘You sound better today,’ Neve said, lowering her phone into her lap.

  ‘Just thinking how wonderful it is to be away from the family for a few days.’ Realising how awful that sounded, she quickly added, ‘Not that I don’t love the kids with everything I’ve got, it’s just …’

  Neve squeezed her knee. ‘Relax. I know what you mean. Will is my world, but it’s nice to have some adult time once in a while. Good to have more than rowing and computer games dominating the conversation.’

  The horses clopped along past one of the lakes and Emma marvelled at the beauty. ‘It blows my mind to think this place is essentially man-made.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Flick asked.

  ‘Well, the gardens are so established, the lakes so natural looking—they make me feel close to nature, even though we’re in one of the busiest cities in the world. I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time.’

  Flick chuckled and wrapped an arm around Emma, leaning against her shoulder. ‘How’s your head today?’

  Emma was puzzled. She’d taken painkillers upon waking up in the morning but it was almost lunchtime now and she hadn’t felt that familiar stab of pain in hours. ‘Good, actually. Oh, look over there.’

  Flick followed her finger to a nearby grassed area where a group of young men were playing some kind of ball game with their shirts off. ‘Ooh yeah, look Neve, there’s something worth taking photos of.’

  ‘What would Seb think of the way you ogle strange men in public?’ Neve’s caustic tone matched her expression.

  ‘Seb wouldn’t give two hoots.’

  Neve snorted her disgust.

  Emma looked from one friend to the other. ‘What’s going on between you two?’

  ‘Beats me.’ Flick crossed her arms over her chest. ‘I think someone got out of bed on the wrong side.’

  ‘I’m hungry,’ Neve announced, ignoring Flick’s comment. ‘Where shall we go for lunch?’

  So much for being kid-free. Neve and Flick were acting like a pair of adolescents and if they didn’t snap out of it soon, Emma would tell them so. ‘I was thinking the Boathouse. There’s also the Tavern on the Green, but I reckon you guys will love the Boathouse and it’s not far from here.’

  All agreed with her choice, so once they took the obligatory selfie with their horses and driver in the background, they walked the short distance to the restaurant. They were seated at a table outside overlooking the lake, which sparkled with the warm sun shining down on it. New York in winter might be magical but New York in summer made Emma happy in her heart. If the merry chatter and smiling faces at the tables around them were anything to go by, she wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

  A waiter brought them sparkling water and the menus and Emma’s mouth watered as she read through the options. For someone who normally made do with cheap biscuits or a banana for lunch, the choice overwhelmed her but in the end she chose a starter of roasted beets with dandelion greens, sunflower seeds and poblano vinaigrette and for mains she went with the Scottish salmon. Neve ordered some kind of nectarine dish and the roasted Cornish game hen and Flick asked for the black sea bass, followed by celery root ravioli. Emma smirked as she imagined what the twins would make of this eclectic menu. There were definite perks to being child-free.

  As their waiter retreated, Emma took a sip of her sparkling water and Flick’s phone beeped. She glanced down at where it sat beside them on the table, then sucked in a breath. Her cheeks flared red.

  ‘What it is?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Nothing. Just an old friend I met last night requesting friendship on Facebook.’

  ‘Jeremy?’ Neve exclaimed. ‘You’re not going to accept, are you?’

  Emma had no idea who they were talking about.

  Flick shrugged. ‘Why wouldn’t I? It was nice to see him again.’

  ‘Nice? The way you two were behaving it looked a lot more than nice.’

  ‘Could someone fill me in?’ Emma asked, wondering what exactly she’d missed by going to bed early.

  ‘Flick met an old boyfriend in the bar last night and things got pretty damn cosy.’

  ‘What?’ Flick spluttered, her eyes wide. ‘For one, he was never my boyfriend and for two, things weren’t cosy. We were just catching up.’

  Neve raised her eyebrows. ‘And would your catching up have been any different if your husband had been there?’

  Neve had to be overreacting—she’d had an emotional night and drank a fair bit. There was no way Flick would do anything to jeopardise her relationship with Seb. Emma scrutinised her friend’s face as they waited for her answer.

  ‘That’s none of your business,’ Flick said finally.

  Worry lodged itself in Emma’s throat. Where was Flick’s defence that of course she’d act the same if Seb had been there?

  ‘I beg to differ.’ Neve leaned across the table into Flick’s personal space. ‘You’re a good friend, Flick, but so is Seb. He dotes on you and the kids, he’s a great father and the best darn husband I’ve ever known. Not many men would stay up so they could pick up their wife from a drunken night out with her friends you know. I don’t like to think of you—’

  Flick slammed her hand against the tabletop, rattling the silver cutlery. ‘Can you just stop going on and on about how bloody wonderful Seb is? Sometimes I think the two of you are more in love with him than I am, but things on the inside aren’t always as they look on the outside. You don’t have the monopoly on secrets, Neve.’

  Neve blinked and asked the question Emma desperately wanted to. ‘What exactly do you mean by that?’

  A pregnant pause followed, the noise around them ceasing as they both stared at Flick. Her eyes glistened and Emma realised she was close to tears. She couldn’t remember ever seeing her strong friend cry. Flick was the one who always held her and Neve together through their dramas, all their ups and downs and highs and lows. Emma’s heart stilled as she waited for her to speak, hoping the truth wasn’t as bad as she imagined.

  Had Seb cheated on Flick like Max had on her?

  Or worse, had he … abused her? The mere possibility left her cold.

  ‘I don’t know where to start.’ Flick sniffed. Then she buried her face in her hands and burst into tears.

  Emma and Neve looked at each other in horror, the dynamics of their friendship totally out of whack now that Flick had fallen apart. Emma had never felt so helpless in her life.

  What shall we do? She mouthed at Neve.

  Neve shrugged and then both at once they shuffled their chairs close to Flick and hugged her. She sobbed in their arms until finally their entrees arrived. The waiter looked at their huddle—a cocktail of confusion and distress on his face—and then left in a hurry when Emma told him to leave the meals on the table. Like drivers passing a car accident, other guests at the restaurant stared at the scene with bleak curiosity.

  Emma didn’t care. Nothing but Flick mattered. Both she and Neve’s clothes were soaked by the time Flick finally pulled away. ‘Do you want to go back to the hotel?’

  Flick shook her head and drank some water. ‘You must be wondering what the hell is going on.’

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Felicity

  Flick could only imagine what a mess she looked like. Thank God no one i
n this Central Park restaurant knew her, so her confession wouldn’t be heard and turned into idle gossip. That’s if she could even work out how and what to tell them. What if telling her friends changed things between them? Could she risk the fact that they might tell their sons? She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before she finally managed to speak. Risk or not, she needed to get this off her chest before she suffocated under the pressure.

  ‘Seb told me he wants to become a woman.’

  Her blow was so startling that Emma and Neve gasped, their hands rushing up to cover their mouths in unified shock, confusion and horror.

  For a few long moments her friends sat still as statues, only their eyes giving any indication of anything happening inside their heads. Empty of tears, Flick heaved out a long breath as she waited for them to digest this crazy morsel of information.

  Neve was first to speak. ‘What … I … Um … What do you mean exactly?’

  Emma simply stared at her with wide-open eyes.

  Flick had lived with Seb’s cross-dressing for over twenty years and yet his latest announcement still felt like it had come out of nowhere. How could she explain it to her closest friends? How could she expect them to even begin to comprehend it?

  ‘I’m going to go back a few years,’ she said eventually, her voice not much more than a whisper.

  Her friends nodded and she continued. ‘About eight months after Seb and I met—when we were engaged and living together—I came home early from classes one day and Seb seemed on edge. Later that night, when I was getting ready for bed, I found a pair of panties and a lacy bra that weren’t mine.’ She swallowed, finding it almost impossible to speak past the ball of sandpaper in her throat. The terror sparked by that discovery was etched so deeply in her mind she would never forget it.

  ‘I jumped to the obvious conclusion that he had another woman on the side, but when I confronted him about it, he … What he said stunned me almost more than that would have.’ She took another breath.

  ‘He told me he liked wearing women’s clothes and that when I wasn’t there, he’d try on my stuff and use my make-up. I must admit, I had noticed some of my clothes were stretched a little but I just put it down to me losing weight or something. This bra and panties were his though. He’d bought them specially.’