Lick: Devil's Fury Book 2
Page 18
We sit in silence watching the kids play. They’ve joined other kids, and for the first time, I think I see Ryder smile and laugh. He’s not pissed off. He looks like an eleven-year-old should, happy.
“Have you tagged the other two?” my father asks.
“Brass found them.” Even though the two adoptions were closed, I knew those files being sealed wouldn’t stop Brass, and I knew it was important to my father to know that the other kids were fine.
“I didn’t know you were looking for the other kids.” Jenni sounds a little hurt that I didn’t let her know that I was having the guys search for them. Maybe I didn’t think it was important. Maybe I didn’t want her trying to get involved with those kids too. It was before Roxy and Ryder were with us, and I didn’t know how things were going to go, so I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.
I nod. “They’re with two different families. Both are well off, and neither were able to conceive on their own. One has another adopted sibling, while the second is an only child.”
“Do you–”
I know what he’s going to ask, so I cut him off. “No, I don’t know their names, or if they’re male or female. I don’t want to know. It’s not important. Just know that they’re out there, and they’re good. I’ve asked Brass to keep tabs on them and only let me know if they’re situation changes. I don’t want to rock their boat if it’s smooth sailing for them.”
I’ve just lied to my father.
I know they’re two males and I happen to know their names, but that’s info he doesn’t need to hear. The point in finding them was to make sure they’re safe, not to know what their fucking favorite soda is.
When I hear a cry from the blacktop, my head snaps up, and my heart drops. Roxy’s on the ground holding her knee while tears roll down her reddened cheeks. “I’ll go,” Jenni says as she gets up, leaving my father and me alone.
“You’ve done good, son.”
“I don’t know about that. Half the time I don’t know which way’s up. Ryder’s pissed as fuck all the time. Roxy cries if you blow on her wrong. I think I might have taken on too much, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it up. The club isn’t including me in shit because Cut thinks I need to concentrate on home life. What kind of shit is that?”
“He’s a smart man. Life changes, son. The shit you pulled in your teens when you were acting out isn’t the person you are today. Never in my life did I think you’d settle down. Not after all the shit that your mother brought into your life. I know life was hard. I know you endured more than any man should, all while you were a child and all for a woman who should have been protecting you. That knowledge alone has me regretting my actions every second of my life. Had I had known what would have become of you and your sister, I would have left my heart with your mother and taken you two away. But stupid me, I thought I was solving a problem, not creating a bigger one. For that I’m sorry.”
My throat dries with emotion. I try to swallow past the lump in my throat, but it doesn’t work. “It’s okay,” I finally confess, because it is.
“You have a chance with these kids. Ryder will come around. You need to think about how you would want to be treated and treat him the same way. Don’t push him if you wouldn’t want to be pushed. Don’t talk down to him, and don’t treat him as if he’s a child because I think the days of childhood have long since passed with him. That’s sad but true. Now you gotta love him as he is and not how you want him to be.”
“We’re gonna try,” I confess.
“And keep the we in everything. It’s not just you and those kids. Jenni is in this as much as you are. She’s made that clear with her insistence. This sounds corny, but there is no ‘I’ in team, and that’s what the two of you are.”
“Fuck, Pops, that woman frazzles me. She’s had my head fucked up since the day her cowboy boots first stepped foot on Fury ground. She has me wanting shit I never thought I wanted. She has me seeing life in a way I never thought about, and it scares the shit out of me. I know she deserves someone who isn’t fucked up. Someone who respects women and never thinks a nasty thought about ’em. But she’s picked me, and for the life of me, she won’t walk away. It was shitty of me to strap her with these kids, but it was the only way I thought I could keep all the other fuckers away.”
He smiles while shaking his head. “Men do strange things when they’re in love, son. We are selfish by nature, and once we see something or someone we want, we make it our mission to keep it. She wants to be here. If she didn’t, she would’ve walked. She has the strongest backbone I’ve ever seen in a woman. She’s strong enough to carry you when you need it. Don’t think needing her makes you weak. It makes you wise.”
“I’ll never be good enough.”
“No, you won’t,” he deadpans, but I know he speaks the truth.
“It’s been four weeks. I’m about done with this shit.”
My eyes dart towards the hall where I know the kids are in their rooms for the night. Tylan’s voice isn’t loud, but I know these walls aren’t that thick.
“What would you like me to do?”
“Suck my dick,” he deadpans.
He says it like it’s nothing. Like it’s normal for me to drop to my knees whenever he tells me and open my mouth so he can come down my throat. Maybe it is when it comes to him and his past, but it’s not me, and it’s not mine.
I’m walking a tightrope, and I’m not sure what side to step off. I want to be with him just as he wants. It kills me going to bed by myself every night in my room…alone. But I’m not sure how to explain to the kids I share a room with their uncle. I don’t want them to think that’s normal.
Damn my upbringing.
I know that’s what this is. It’s because I was raised to believe that living with a man before marriage was wrong. The only thing that’s saving my sanity is the fact that I have my own room. Like roommates. Who like to have sex. Who like to touch each other, but who haven’t because one of them has been living in her head since the moment those kids stepped in this house.
“Gah, you’re so crass. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but right now, you’re bugging the crap out of me. I’m trying to do right by those kids and live by example.”
“And what are you teaching them? Didn’t your parents sleep in the same room? Touch each other? Fuck, Jenni, I can’t keep living like this. I need a fucking release, and you’ve got me so worked up that I can’t even jack off. You’re not doing your job.”
My back stiffens at his words. “My job?”
He drops his head before looking back up. “Fuck me, that didn’t come out right.”
“You think?”
“Fuck, I can’t fucking win.” He shakes his head. “I’ve done a lot of shit because it’s what you wanted, and I’m the last one to dish out relationship advice because I don’t know jack shit about ’em, but I do think that it’s a give and take kind of thing, and I’m not sure what you’re givin.’” He turns on his heel, leaving the house and slamming the front door in the process.
Emotions take over, and the tears break free. I’m sobbing into a pillow, hoping like hell I don’t wake the kids. Bringing kids into a relationship is hard. Tylan and I barely existed when the kids arrived, and for the last month it’s been nothing but the kids. Making sure they’re settled, making sure they’re fed and happy. And Tylan hasn’t really pushed me for anything more. He’s put his own needs aside and concentrates on the kids. For someone who sees himself as a selfish man, he’s been doing everything for everyone, but him.
“Jenni?”
Ryder’s voice breaks me from my pity party. With a major case of bed head, he’s standing in a pair of lounge pants and an old T-shirt that’s almost threadbare. I notice he wears this particular shirt almost every night. I want to ask him why he keeps it so close, but I don’t feel like we’re there yet.
Wiping my eyes, I give him a small smile before patting the cushion next to me. “What’s up, kiddo?”
My heart sinks knowing that he must have heard us. “We’re good.”
“Why don’t you guys sleep in the same room?”
To me, this is the equivalent of having the birds and the bees talk, and I’m way too unprepared to tackle that demon tonight. “Do you really think you should be asking those questions?”
“Why not?” He shrugs as he stares ahead of him. “I’m not a kid.”
“But you are.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” He turns to face me.
He has a point. He sure acts as if he’s well into his teen years with all the attitude he gives us. Grabbing his hand, I bring it to my lap. He usually doesn’t allow us to touch him, but I know he needs the kindness. Human touch is so important, and I’m afraid he’s lived his life with little affection.
“You’re worrying about things you don’t need to worry about. I get that your life hasn’t been easy, and it’s hard to go from one extreme to the other, but I have to tell you, Ryder, hold on to whatever childhood you have left. There’s going to be a time when you’ll be an adult dealing with adult problems and wishing you could go back to a time when the only worry you had is if the girl in your history class thought you were cute.”
“Ugh, gross,” he groans as he sticks out his tongue in a gagging motion.
The whole motion makes me laugh. “Don’t let how you’ve grown up jade you in any way, sweetie. Let me and your uncle do the work while you have fun being a kid.”
He goes to stand, and I let him. He takes a step to leave, but stops and turns instead. “For what it’s worth, Rox and I like it here. I get that you’re doing what you think is right for us, but if you want to be with my uncle as more than his roommate, it’s cool. Roxy doesn’t know any better, and I’m cool with whatever.” He shrugs. “This is paradise compared to the life my mom made for us, but ease up on the fighting. Sometimes it’s not worth it.”
A soft knock on the front door wakes me from my sleep. I’m still on the couch, clutching the same pillow I was crying in hours before. The knock lands on the front door again, and my eyes find the bat that I keep behind the door. Cautiously I pad over and grab the handle before slightly moving the curtains to peer through the blinds, to the porch. I see Hawk, with a slumped and swaying Tylan slouched over his shoulder.
Opening the door, Hawk greats me with a strained smile. “This fucker is heavy, you know that?” he grits out. “Oh wait, you must since you’ve been under him bumping uglies.” He gives me a wink before stepping through the front door, barely allowing me to move out of the way.
“What happened to him?”
“Do you want me to tell you what he told me, or do you want me to tell you what I think happened?”
Possibilities flash through my mind, and all of them end with him in a backroom of the clubhouse with some faceless woman as she writhes beneath him. “Actually, I’m not sure I want to know.”
Tylan lifts his head, his eyes so unfocused I’m not sure he even sees me. “Sugar Tits, I’ve been looking all over for you.” His head drops.
“All night. It’s been like this all fucking night. I wish you would just fucking give in and sleep in the same room with this fucker. I’m not used to seeing him like this.” Hawk struggles with Tylan. “Where do you want him?”
“I’ll take him.” So many scenarios cross my mind. One that included shoving his drunken body to the bottom of the tub and blast him with freezing water. He was good to me when I drank too much with the girls, sweet even, so it’s only right to return the favor, especially since I’m the cause.
“You sure? He’s heavy as fuck and kinda like dead weight.”
I stand next to Tylan, bringing his arm over my shoulders for support. “Yeah, thanks, Hawk,” I grunt.
He shakes his head. “I don’t know whether to leave you or stand back and watch what you plan to do with him.”
“Love sucks,” Tylan grumbles under his breath.
Oh, don’t I know it. “Just go. This is all mine.”
Hawk chuckles to himself and walks out the front door. “I’ll lock up,” he tells me before he slips through the front door.
I turn slightly, trying to steady Lick’s swaying body before I make my move. He wants to sleep in the same bed, so I’ll give him what he needs. If Roxy questions it, then we’ll answer any questions that she has. There’s no reason why he should continue to sacrifice when his happiness is as important as anyone else’s. He chose me, and I need to show him that I choose him too.
Leaning away from his body, I try to have him put more of his weight on me so I have more control, but it’s not working. He’s too heavy, and my knees begin to buckle. Before I realize what’s happening, I fall to my knees with Tylan’s weight falling on top of me. His boot catches my foot causing me to twist my ankle. Pain radiates up my leg while tears spring to my eyes as the rest of my body hits the floor, slamming my chin into the hard, wooden surface.
“Son of a biscuit eater,” I say to no one as coppery fluid saturates my mouth when my teeth break the skin of my lower lip. Tylan groans above me, the weight of his body covering mine. I can feel his fingers dig into the flesh of my hips, no doubt leaving bruises to mar my skin. The weight of his body leaves me as he rolls over onto his back, completely passing out.
The feel of ice water hitting my face both wakes me and takes my breath away. The water enters my mouth and nose, causing me to choke.
“What the fuck!” I yell, scrambling to get up as another round of cold as fuck water hits my body. My back is sore as fuck, and my legs feel numb. Opening my eyes, I see my little spit fire standing above me. The fluorescent lights flood the bathroom, causing my eyes to squint as a sledgehammer hits my brain.
“Fuck.” I groan. “How the fuck did I end up in the tub?”
“Who knows. The last time I saw you, you were passed out on the living room floor.” She drops the metal bucket, banging it on the tile and triggering another blow of the hammer to my head. I notice she’s limping as she turns and walks out. I push the heels of my palms into my eyes, trying to alleviate the pressure that’s building in my head while I figure out what the fuck happened last night.
“Another.”
I slam the empty shot glass on the top of the bar. I don’t bother looking up at Heather because I don’t feel like seeing the disapproval that’s been dancing in her eyes since she poured me my sixth shot of cinnamon amber liquid. I really don’t need to listen to her shit. I’m fucking pissed, tired and frustrated with my life, and this doesn’t sit well with me. I wasn’t made for this compromising shit, and I have a feeling that I’m not cut out for domestic home life. It’s not what people say it is. It doesn’t make me happy, and it sure as hell isn’t a fool proof way to get laid every night. I don’t know why people say they envy those with a family. Fuck, I’m more envious of those fuckers who can do who they what when they want without having to think of anyone else. This shit ain’t worth it. That’s for fucking sure.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Hawk takes a seat next to me. Rolling my eyes, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jenni has already been on the phone with Savannah, and I wouldn’t put it past that bitch to run to Sin. I’m sure the whole fucking club knows that I’m not getting my dick wet.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you the same question?” I throw back another shot, slamming the glass down again.
“Why I’m here isn’t the issue. I don’t have a family at home waiting for me.” He takes the shot glass and slides it down the empty bar.
Tilting my head towards him, I calm myself down. “I don’t have a family, man. Just some kids whose drugged-out mommy offed herself, and whose daddy is so fucked up he probably doesn’t even know his jizz hit the jackpot, not once, but twice. That house ain’t a home. It’s a fucking pit stop to where they need to be, and that’s far as fuck away from me.”
“Don’t even fucking think about it,” I warn her.
She shrugs and gets me my fucking drink.
The dartboard seems to be swaying from side to side, and because that bitch ain’t staying still, I can’t get my darts to line up right. My score is shit, and listening to Hawk snicker like a fucking punk bitch ain’t helping.
“Did you ever think you’d be where you are right now?” Hawk asks. I don’t do feelings. I don’t talk. But for some reason, I open my mouth and let my thoughts out.
“Fuck no.” I shake my head, eyeing the bullseye, trying to get the dart to land where I want it. “Having kids, especially my fucked-up sister’s kids, is not how I saw my life going.”
“You never wanted it?”
“Never saw the need for it.” The dart leaves my hand, flying through the air and sticking to the fucking wall. Damn, I almost hit Bubba.
“And now?”
“It fucking sucks. This whole situation is fucked.” Knowing Jenni is right down the hall fucks with my head and my heart because I feel this pull. This need to go to her, crawl into that bed with her and wrap my arms around her. I want to bury my nose into the soft scent of her hair before I bury my cock into the soft center of her pussy and I fucking can’t.
“You don’t think it’s worth it. Knowing that you’re making sure those kids have a chance at a better life?”
“I don’t see how having me as an option makes them have a better chance at life. Have you met me?”