Forever Blessed (Women of Prayer)

by Shortridge, Darlene

  Laney only nodded her head. That seemed sincere.

  Sheila was next. “Hi, I’m Sheila Richardson. We spoke last week.”

  Jessi smiled. “Sheila, it’s so good to meet you. I’m glad you were finally able to make it. The sanctuary is just through those doors and please, if you have time after service, I’d like to introduce you to my husband.”

  Laney and Sheila made their way into the sanctuary and found a pew to sit in.

  There was a lot of commotion toward the front. From the sounds drifting her way Laney expected things to get started soon, and before she knew it she was tapping her foot to a steady drumbeat. Where did that come from? She had no intention of enjoying this. This visit was a one-time thing. Sheila seemed to be enjoying herself as well. She was clapping and singing along, like she knew the songs. Laney studied her friend. How could a person smile and sing at the same time?

  Laney grasped the pew in front of her, trying to stop the contagion that seemed to be spreading. She didn’t remember liking the music this much at her parents’ church. The words were displayed on a large screen and no matter how much she tried, Laney couldn’t keep her feet from moving with the beat. After a few songs and a few announcements, everyone was seated.

  The man she assumed to be Pastor Mark stepped to the podium and asked a single question. “Who does God love?

  “No, I’m serious…who does God love? Those of you who have been Christians for a while will automatically say, ‘everyone.’ You are correct, but have you really thought about what that means?”

  Laney wasn’t sure where this was going, nor did she like the idea of God loving Paul. She waited for him to go on.

  “In the book of Genesis God loved liars when he loved Adam and Eve. He loved a murderer when he loved Cain. He loved a drunk when he loved Noah. He loved Jacob, who was a cheat and a liar. He loved Joseph, who was prideful. He loved Moses, who murdered a man. God loved David and called him a man after his own heart after David committed adultery and had the woman’s husband murdered. God loved a harlot when he loved Rahab. Do you get the idea?”

  Laney looked around the room to see if anyone else was surprised at what they were hearing. She continued to listen.

  “I see most of you are nodding your heads in agreement. It’s easy to see how God could love someone who lived hundreds of years ago. It’s easy to see how God could love someone who hasn’t directly hurt you. What about those people all around us who have hurt us, who continue to hurt us? What about them?

  "Last year one of our members had a horrible injustice brought upon her family. Her world was torn apart. Some of you already know her story. For the rest of you, she has given me permission to share. Her husband and son were outside in their front yard. Her son had just gotten his first two-wheeler and her husband was trying to teach him to ride it. It was a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. Nothing should have gone wrong. Little did they know, but one street over an argument was going on. Things were starting to get heated. It wasn’t long before one of the guys in the argument pulled a gun and fired off several rounds. One of the bullets traveled the distance between their houses and hit their 6-year-old son, killing him instantly. If this happened to you, would you love the man that shot your child?”

  Every eye in the building was glued to the pastor as he spoke. Laney didn’t know what to think. Was he really suggesting that the shooter was worth loving? She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

  The pastor continued. “There’s more. Her pain didn’t stop there. Her husband was in so much pain that he bottled everything up and blamed himself. They grew apart in their pain and he ended up leaving her. He just walked out. One day while she was at work he left. She came home to a half empty closet. She lost her son, and then she lost her husband. How do you love through something like that? How do you still function? Yet that is exactly what she did. She kept putting one foot in front of the other. She kept getting up each day. She kept kneeling next to her bed each night. Instead of blaming God, she poured her heart out to him. Instead of lashing out at him, she crawled into his lap and clung to him. Instead of being bitter, for the first time she understood her own sin and truly understood forgiveness and God’s love. It wasn’t easy. There were days she wanted to quit. Days she wanted to crawl under the covers and never get up. But, she didn’t. And God has blessed her for it. Her husband is sitting next to her today because she didn’t give up. She stayed on her knees reminding God to give her back everything the devil stole and more. He is restoring this couple, renewing their relationship and binding them together with chords that cannot easily be broken.

  Who do you think Christ died on the cross for? Romans 3:10 tells us, “There is none righteous, no not one.” That means that every single one of us is a sinner. Every single one of us has committed a crime against God and without Christ dying for us, without his blood being shed, we would have no hope of spending eternity with our Lord and Savior in heaven.

  When we look at a murderer, we see a useless excuse for a man. When God sees a murderer, he sees someone that he loved enough that he died for him. That is how God loves. That is how he wants us to love.”

  The message continued but Laney couldn’t find her way past her own thoughts. God loved Paul? And worse yet, he expected her to love Paul? This is what Christianity was all about? First she had to endure the hypocrites at her mother’s church, now this? She felt Sheila squeeze her hand and her attention was captured as the preacher continued. She must have missed most of what he had been saying but, she listened to the rest anyway.

  “If not for the love and grace of a merciful God, Jessi and I would not be here with you today. I did not deserve, and still don’t deserve, the love my wife has for me. That I am standing before you today is proof that real love, the kind of love God requires of us, works miracles in the everyday lives of sinners like me. I challenge each of you to go out and love someone. Love someone who you think is unlovable. Show them the love of Christ and change their lives forever.”

  Laney kept her distance as Sheila spoke with Pastor Mark and Jessi after service. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself or the fact that she was having major issues with the content of his message. She could not understand why God would want her to love someone who didn’t deserve to be loved. It made no sense. What did these people do to deserve love? What did Paul do to deserve love? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What right did this guy have to tell her to love anybody? Being careful not to make eye contact, she patiently waited for Sheila.

  Once they were outside, she was unable to keep quiet any longer. “Do you really believe all that nonsense? About God wanting us to love everyone, even people who don’t deserve our love? I mean, really? God expects me to love Paul? After everything he has done?”

  Sheila chose her words wisely. “Laney, God doesn’t measure a person’s worth the way we do. He doesn’t look down and see an 'unlovable' person. When he looks at us, he looks at our hearts. He sees where we have been and the hurts that have plagued us all our lives. He sees past our sin and sees what we can be if only we will let him help change us.”

  She closed her eyes and continued. “Do you remember me telling you what my childhood was like? How I would hide in the closet until it got quiet, until I knew it was safe to come out? I had to get past feeling afraid. I had to learn to trust my heavenly father even though I had no idea how to trust my earthly father. It wasn’t easy for me. When I was a child, it was easy to trust…to have faith. But as I grew older, I also grew bitter and angry. My heart hardened and I walked away from my faith. It was right after my mother died. My father had been drinking and was especially angry with her. It was over something stupid, like usual. He came in mad and just let her have it. I never told you about what happened.

  We had just graduated from college and I was home visiting before I headed out to make my fortune. He must have forgotten I was home because he had learned to restrain himself when I was there.
I didn’t hear them right away. I was listening to my iPod with earphones and physically felt a shaking before I knew anything was happening. I pulled my earphones out and ran downstairs and found him standing over her, just staring. He looked at me, and then looked back down at her bleeding, broken body. I screamed and he took off. The neighbors called the police and they found me covered in her blood, just holding her and crying. It took two paramedics to pry her out of my hands.

  "If he hadn’t hit a telephone pole and died in the accident, I swear I would have killed him myself. It took everything I had in me to allow them to be buried next to one another. I hated my father. There are times I still think I do. I hated myself. If I had been more attentive, if I had been paying attention, maybe my mother would still be alive. For the longest time I blamed myself. I had been listening to music, absorbed in my own world. I didn’t know where to turn. I had no idea what to do.

  “I lived in a daze for weeks, wondering how it all was going to end. I questioned God at every turn. For as much as I blamed myself, I blamed God more. He did this. He let this happen. He didn’t care about my mother. He didn’t care about me. All these thoughts kept pouring into my head, invading every thinking moment. They wouldn’t let me alone. My anger grew. I didn’t care about anyone or anything. I started drinking. I trashed my parents’ house. I smashed every picture he was in and I cried over every picture she was in. I wandered around our town, drunk. Did you know I was arrested for public intoxication?”

  By now both women were seated on the stone bench outside the house in the garden. Sheila wiped away the tears, determined to finish what she had started. “Most of our small town, including the police, knew about our family problems so they were pretty patient with me. One night as I walked and drank, I ended up in our little church, sitting in a pew. I was so angry I threw the bottle at the crucifix that stood at the back of the altar. The noise was deafening. The glass shards flew through the air, catching glimpses of light as they scattered. All of a sudden, I realized what I had done. I slowly made my way to the altar, oblivious to the broken pieces of glass beneath my feet. As I looked down at the altar that was before me, I saw a piece of broken glass that was in the exact same shape as the cross that stood before me.

  "I started to cry. Before long I felt a hand resting on my shoulder and the deep voice of the church’s pastor praying with me. I sobbed. Everything I had been holding on to, every hurt and every bit of anger flowed out of me as I was filled with the peace of Christ. It was at that moment I realized how much I needed forgiving, how much I had hurt those who loved me, those who relied upon me. Most of all, I realized how much I had hurt the one who gave his life for mine. I neglected him. I failed to trust him. I turned away from him when I needed him the most. I renewed my vow to forever trust him that night. Yes, I still had some healing to go through, but I am no longer angry and bitter. I have given every aspect of my life to him to do with what he wants. My life is no longer my own. It is his.

  "So to answer your question, my fear is this. If God can’t forgive the people who hurt us the most, then how can he forgive me?”

  Laney took her friend's hand. “You never told me any of this. I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

  “It wasn't meant for you to know this until now. Now is the time for you to consider the truth and what it means for your life. It won’t be easy. God never said we’d walk through this life with no troubles. He did say he would walk through everything with us. He would be our strength. It is up to us to trust him to do what he says he will do. Are you ready to trust him, Laney?”

  Laney paused. At every turn in her life, if the church had been involved, there had been pain. She wasn’t ready to trust the church. But that wasn’t what Sheila was asking. She was asking her to trust God. “I want to trust God, Sheila. I’m just not sure I’m ready to trust the church.”

  Sheila took her friend’s hand. “Let's pray. God will take you just the way you are and he will strengthen you and grow you, as long as you allow him to.”

  Both ladies bowed their heads and Sheila prayed for her friend, asking God to open Laney’s eyes to exactly how much he loved her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sheila tentatively approached the church. Ella had invited her to the women’s prayer group that Pastor Jessi’s aunt started up. She loved the Lord with all of her heart, but praying with other women was not something she’d ever done. She mumbled to herself as she climbed the steps to the front door “a little late to fret over that now.”

  She walked down the hall toward the sound of voices. All around the room ladies were praying. Some were kneeling. Some were pacing. Some, like Ella, were quietly sitting with their heads bowed. Well this is a bit different. Perhaps she got the time wrong.

  Just as she was headed to an open chair, Merry, the lady leading the prayer group spoke up.

  “Ladies, I hate to interrupt some good prayer time but it’s actually time for us to start. Course, most of us already started but we have some new women with us and we ought to spend a bit of time getting to know them. Why don’t you make yourself a cup of tea or coffee…by the way, thanks, Ella, for making the coffee. I hear it’s much better than the mud I usually make. Grab a cookie or two and introduce yourselves. We want everyone to feel welcome and at home as we petition the Lord for the souls of our loved ones.”

  Ella caught Sheila’s eye and went to greet her with a hug. “Come on, let’s get some tea. You know how chilled I get this time of year.”

  Several women approached them as they stood side by side sipping their tea. It wasn’t long before Merry called the prayer group to order.

  “I trust you introduced yourself to someone new. God has given us the privilege of being sisters in Christ. A blood-bond stronger than any family tie unites us. We are daughters of the King. Whether we know one another in the natural or whether we meet on the other side, we are sisters. We are here to lift one another up and to bear one another’s burdens. As some of you already know, long before I moved here, I started a prayer group in Oklahoma. Then life happened. I grew older and my family worried about me, so I moved here where they could keep an eye on me. For a while I was bitter. I was angry because everything I worked so hard for was gone. My way of life, my friends, the home that my husband built for me, my church family, all of it was gone. But, what I didn’t understand was, God has something more planned for me. My life wasn’t over. I had a whole new set of directions, and how glad I am that I got over my temper tantrum, because I get to meet with you ladies and pray with you. What an honor that is for me. I get to spend time with my beautiful niece and nephew and watch their children grow in the Lord.

  “When our lives change we must stop and ask the Lord what his plans for us are. As women, we are creatures of habit. We like our security. But, we must remember that God’s plans are higher than our own. He knows what is best for us and we must trust him to lead us where we can best serve him.

  “Enough of me preaching. Let’s pray, shall we? Each week we meet here to fellowship and most importantly to pray over our loved ones. We all have loved ones that do not yet have a relationship with our Lord Jesus.

  “Every time we meet you have the opportunity to write your loved ones’ names in this book.” Merry held the book up for everyone to see. “This is where we keep track of those we are praying for. When one of our loved ones comes to know the Lord we write the date down as a reminder that God always answers our prayers. As we begin praying, feel free to make your way to the book and write down the names of those you are praying for. God is faithful, ladies, and his promises to us are true. We’ve got an appointment. Let's not be late.”

  Sheila watched as the women went to the Lord in prayer. Some talked out loud, their voices demanding. Some whispered, keeping their petitions between them and God. Sheila made her way to the book. She looked at the different handwriting, each one pleading with God to remember their loved ones. She thought about the ladies in her life, the ladies back at the hous
e. Some of them knew her God. Some did not. She began writing and as she did, she felt the tears begin to gather. Her heart broke for these women. They were her family. She returned to her seat and sank to her knees. Only God heard the pleas as they tumbled from her heart. Only God could help them.

  * * * *

  Sheila heard the screams, she felt their pain, but she couldn’t get to them. God, help me. No matter how hard she tried, she was helpless. Keisha, Laney, the other ladies from the shelter, she heard every one of them. It was so dark. She made a fist and swung into the darkness, making contact with something, someone. A grunt of pain erupted from an unidentified male. She swung again, making contact with bone. She heard a crack, similar to a stick breaking into two pieces. Suddenly she felt hands tighten around her throat. She tried to scream, but nothing would come. She gasped for breath. She felt her life draining from her body and opened her eyes one last time in an effort to see her tormentor. With one swift movement she jerked her knee upward, making contact exactly where she needed. As the oxygen filled her lungs she let out a blood-curling scream…and sat straight up.

  Shaking she looked around the room and realized she’d had a nightmare. She stumbled to the bathroom and wiped the perspiration from her face. She made her way back to her bed, sunk to her knees and ended her day the same way she started it, in prayer.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Keisha rang the doorbell, sure that Laney-girl wouldn’t be happy with her. She knew what she had done was wrong. But, she couldn’t help herself. She thought about not telling her, but friends didn’t do that sort of thing. Friends were honest.

  * * * *

  Laney took the box of donated Christmas decorations and set them before the tree. The kids sure picked an ugly one. Maybe with the help of ornaments it would be redeemable. Laney jumped at the sound of the doorbell. Who could that be? She hadn’t heard one peep from Paul, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still looking. Pulling the curtain back slightly, she saw the person standing on her front porch and a huge grin broke out on her face. “Keisha!”